


Red Hand Days

by Kojont



Category: Full Metal Panic
Genre: Almost every warning ever invented, M/M, Wordcount: Over 50.000, Work In Progress, You Have Been Warned, never ending fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-24
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2017-11-26 17:48:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 24
Words: 98,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/652848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kojont/pseuds/Kojont
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kashim as a child soldier in Afghanistan and Gauron being himself. And a bunch of other stuff. And porn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Medic

**Author's Note:**

> This is an ongoing fic, which I don't intend to finish any time soon (ever). I'll keep updating it every now and then. My inspiration was to write a fic including every warning aff.net has listed, but when I remembered mpreg I just kinda dropped the whole idea *shudder*. And yes, I think I could've squeezed in beastiality and necrofilia. Still might. Live in fear! Mwahahaha!

Kashim gasped for air as he was lifted up by his throat, his feet barely touching the ground. It was the rough and gloved hand of Gauron, Kashim knew this even though he was blindfolded and bound. No one else was allowed to touch him - not like that anyway. Gauron led them briskly onwards and Kashim did his best to keep up as not to strangle. The six hours in a burning hot truck had left him weak from thirst and sleep deprivation.

Kashim stumbled as his feet hit a threshold. The hand left his throat and Kashim fell down, taking the hit to his right shoulder. He could smell a sharp stench of alcohol, the kind that was usually associated with hospitals. Near the floor he could however feel a thick cloud of dust, which had been stirred by his tumble. The place was far from clinical and the signs suggested to some sort of field medic's outpost at best.

“There's something wrong with him”, Gauron grunted to someone in English. It was strange enough since lately most of the talking had been done either in Russian, Pashto or Dari.

Kashim heard lighter steps approaching his whereabouts. The walker wasn't a soldier, nor did he wear combat boots. It was definitely male and his steps were calm, even lazy.

“Would you like to be more specific?” the man asked. He spoke without detectable accents, keeping the pace of his speech slow and even. The shift in the man's voice told Kashim that he crouched down closer to him. Kashim could've easily attacked the man even with tied hands, but Gauron was still in the room.

There was a flick of a lighter and the smell of cigarette smoke flowed from Gauron's direction. “I don't think he eats or sleeps enough, at least I haven't seen him do either in ages”, Gauron explained. “Doesn't talk much anymore either.” He laughed out loud. “Well, even less than usual, that is. I thought he might be coming down with something.”

“May I...?” the other man asked vaguely. There were no sounds from Gauron's direction, but the smothering beanie was taken off anyway.

Kashim blinked at the bright lights for a moment, before glancing around. He was in a rather small room, clearly not meant as a medic's office originally. All the equipment in it now however stated that it was what the room was being used for. The man crouched next to Kashim didn't wear a white jacket, just a khaki green T-shirt and black trousers like most of the soldiers they had come across. Kashim hadn't seen the man before. If it hadn't been for the duct tape wrapped around his head and over his mouth, Kashim might have asked, where they were. Then again, what did it matter? If Gauron didn't want him to know, he wouldn't find it out by asking.

“Hmm...” the medic mumbled and turned Kashim's face from his jaw. He placed his hand on the side of Kashim's face and pulled his lower eyelid down, while pointing a small light into his eye. “Well he is rather young for this, don't you think? Might not be able to handle it.”

Gauron let out a heartfelt laughter. “Young? For fighting? I've seen veterans younger than him! Besides,” he mused and inhaled the smoke. “He can take pretty much from what I've learned.”

“Well, everyone has their limits”, the medic mumbled and seemed to be inspecting the bruise on Kashim's temple. “Is there a specific reason why he's tied up? The last I heard you two were getting along just fine.”

Gauron puffed smoke from his mouth. “It's our little game. I get too close with him and he tries to leave. He tried that again three days ago while I was taking a shit. Killed five of my men, before anyone even realised anything.”

“So... you're not getting along anymore”, the medic concluded, standing up. “He does seem a bit dehydrated, so I would suggest that he stays here for now so I can hook him to an IV. When are you leaving?”

Gauron shrugged. “Tomorrow evening, most likely. There's a delivery coming from Ashtiway we want to intercept. After that we're heading across the border for some time.”

“Would it be possible to leave him behind?” the man asked.

“Here?” Gauron laughed again. “You can't handle him”, he snorted. “No, Kashim comes with me.”

“Well then, I do what I can in such a short time.” There was plastic rustling behind Kashim. “Help him to the bed, will you.”

Gauron stood up and Kashim sprang up to his feet so he wouldn't be dragged around again. He backed up on his own as Gauron approached and ended up sitting on the hospital bed. Gauron still reached his hand out to brush it against Kashim's cheek. Kashim pulled his head away from the touch, the only result being Gauron's hand gripping him tightly from the back of his neck.

“Play nice now”, Gauron muttered in Russian. It was the language he spoke to Kashim the most. “I was nice enough to bring you here, wasn't I?” His gloved thumb caressed the back of Kashim's neck. “I always look after you and keep you safe and all I get as a reward is some shit like this. Really. It's like you don't like me anymore.”

Kashim's eyes darted to the floor. Gauron knew all too well, that Kashim had never liked him. He had respected the man when he had been younger, when Gauron had taken him into his group. Gauron had saved his life. No kid of that age could have survived alone in a war zone. Kashim had been grateful, but he hadn't liked the man. And now there was only fear. There was no respect nor gratitude. It was fear and fear alone that kept Kashim in the group and there were times when even the fear wasn't enough.

It had lasted about half a year now, the touching. It had started abruptly, without a warning. Gauron had been touchy from the beginning, but Kashim had never thought anything about it. And then one night he had woken up with Gauron on top of him. It had been in the middle of the camp too, with several of the men watching in the light of the camp fire. Gauron called it "the night Kashim became a man", which Kashim had never understood. No one else had ever been treated like that. Sure there were beatings when someone fucked up, but never anything like that. And Kashim hadn't even done anything wrong. Gauron spoke about it like it had been a reward and not a punishment.

He still did. For some reason the man seemed to think that Kashim liked it even though he had corrected Gauron several times. It had happened a lot more often lately, several times a week, which had made Kashim think about leaving and joining some other group. He didn't mind the politics so he had nothing against fighting for the other side.

After Kashim had started the escape attempts, Gauron had been tying him up more often. Whenever they weren't fighting and Gauron was somewhere else, Kashim was kept tied. His gun had been taken away too.

“I need his hands to be free, so I can get the IV on”, the medic stated, walking closer with the equipment.

Gauron flipped his combat knife from the sheath and cut open the cable tie that was holding Kashim's hands. There was a small crack from Kashim's shoulders as he rolled them few times, while rubbing his sore and red wrists, trying to get the blood flow normally again.

The medic opened a plastic package holding a needle and a tube. “Take your coat off.”

Kashim obeyed under Gauron's intense stare. They both knew Kashim was too weak at the moment to survive in the desert, even if he did get away.

There was only a wife-beater under Kashim's jacket. It had been white long ago, but now it was stained with dirt, blood and sweat, making it brownish grey. All of his clothes were from the Soviet army. They had ambushed a small group of soldiers few weeks back. Two months ago they had fought side by side with the Soviets. The situation changed every time Gauron got a better offer from the other side. Sometimes Kashim didn't even know who he was fighting against when he killed them.

While the medic was inserting the needle, Kashim lifted his eyes to Gauron and started to peel the duct tape off. Gauron didn't protest, so Kashim went with it and inhaled deeply as the tape came off. It felt like it ripped away the skin from his dry lips and some of his hair as Kashim yanked the tape completely off. There hadn't been any apparent reason for silencing him. Kashim had never yelled and in the desert it wouldn't have mattered anyway. This was one of those things that Kashim didn't understand about Gauron.

“Sorry about that”, Gauron mumbled and brushed his thumb across Kashim's lower lip. Kashim knew the man was smearing the blood from his lips over his mouth. “I'll use the gag next time.” His hand stayed on Kashim's face for too long, so Kashim wasn't that shocked when the man leaned in. The hot tongue licked blood from Kashim's still lips. Gauron's breath smelled like cigarettes and vodka. “Maybe”, he sighed and kissed Kashim shortly again before pulling away.

The medic taped the IV needle to it's place, acting like there wasn't anything else happening in the room. “Anything else you want checked up?” The question was pointed to Gauron, even if the subject of it was Kashim.

“Well actually”, Gauron started and leaned back from Kashim. “If you could just make sure he's okay in the rear, that would be great. He's so fucking whiny about it sometimes.”

Kashim's glare fixed on Gauron as his face turned slightly red. It was never enough that Gauron humiliated him, there always had to be an audience, no matter how small.

“Right”, the medic stated tersely and pulled a pair of rubber gloves from the box on his table. He walked back to the bed, pulling the gloves on. There was few seconds of awkward silence as Kashim lifted his glare to the medic. “Take off your pants.”

There was short combat inside Kashim's head. One side was telling him to do anything else, run, shout, curse or fight, to break away from the situation. The other side said one word; Gauron. The more he resisted, the more it would hurt when Gauron made him obey. Still, he couldn't just go with it. He didn't want Gauron to win. “Go fuck yourself”, Kashim murmured under his breath. He didn't usually curse, since he wasn't actually sure why people cursed. He wasn't even sure, if he cursed right. But being in Gauron's team had taught Kashim a lot about cursing.

Gauron let out a chuckle and stepped back to Kashim. With one move of his hand he seized the boy by the throat. Kashim's hands snapped up too, trying to pry the large hands away or at least make sure he wouldn't be strangled to death.

“Careful with the IV!” the medic growled, clearly not happy with the situation. “Gauron, Jesus, he punctures his veins like that!” He grabbed Kashim's hand and straightened it with both of his hands. He wasn't very strong, but strong enough for the situation.

“Do as your told”, Gauron spoke softly to Kashim's gacking face. His eyes darted to Kashim's groin. “Before this gets ugly.”

With his hand shaking Kashim let go of Gauron's grip and started to unbuckle his belt in haste. Gauron's “ugly” was nothing to aim for.

“That's my boy”, Gauron stated softly and kept his eyes in Kashim's hand. “The good doctor's just going to take a look. Nothing more than that.”

Kashim gritted his teeth and as he pulled his zipper down Gauron lifted him to his feet by the throat. Kashim felt the medic pulling both his pants and the boxers to his ankles. Gauron's hand forced Kashim's face roughly against the bed, bending him over.

There was a gentle touch on Kashim's inner thigh. “Spread your legs a bit.”

Kashim's face was burning red, the gritting of his teeth hurting his jaws. Forcing his muscles to move, Kashim shifted his other leg as far as the pants let him. The cold smoothness of the rubber glove tensed Kashim. He gripped the edge of the bed with his free hand as the other man pulled Kashim's buttocks apart. There was a light touch on his anal hole and then a more inspecting brush against it. Kashim's breathing was strained. The grip on the back of his neck and Gauron's presence was more than little unnerving. These things never ended well.

“Relax”, the medic said calmly, but Kashim didn't have any reasons to comply. The memory of the stabbing pain made every muscle in his body tense up. “He's like this during sex?” The medic's voice was void of emotions.

“More or less”, Gauron shrugged. “I guess that's the way he likes it.” Kashim heard the wide grin in his voice.

The medic stood up and walked to get something. Kashim took the opportunity to breath heavily. He was shaking all over. “May I...?”

“Sure”, Gauron answered nonchalantly to something Kashim couldn't see. “But if you get a hard-on, I'll shoot you.”

Kashim heard a spurt, before something really cold pushed against his hole again. “Just relax”, the medic said. Kashim's breath whistled as he felt something slick being pushed in. He tensed immediately to the maximum of his capabilities, bracing himself for the pain. “Does this hurt?” the medic asked. Kashim didn't answer, because it was the first time it didn't. He didn't want to say it in front of Gauron.

Gauron's hand let go of Kashim and smacked him to the back of his head. “Answer the man”, he growled.

“No, sir”, Kashim stated truthfully. He expected Gauron to change the situation as soon as possible. Gauron didn't have any problems with hurting people. Quite the opposite.

The thing inside Kashim moved and he realised it must have been a finger. Even though it didn't feel anything like Gauron's fingers. “How about this? Any sore spots?” The finger moved against the walls of his insides.

Kashim was about to answer negatively as the finger came across something extremely painful. Kashim tensed again and let out a muffled hiss.

“There?” the man asked and moved his finger along the spot. Kashim nodded silently and bit his teeth together. “Right. Does the penetration hurt every time?”

“Yes, sir”, Kashim answered quietly. He had no idea if he was being disrespectful to Gauron with his answers. He would probably find out later.

“Does the pain go away at some point? Maybe after the beginning?”

“No, sir”, Kashim stated.

“The whole intercourse hurts?” The man asked and pulled his finger out. Kashim nodded again. “Right.” The man stood up. “Quite a lot of dried blood, so I'd say the rectum is torn. Do you use condoms or lubrication?”

Gauron shifted his weight and pulled his hand back, allowing Kashim to pull his pants back up. “Where do you think we are? Moscow fag district?” he growled. “This is a fucking Muslim country.”

Kashim had difficulties keeping up with the conversation since so many of the terms were unfamiliar to him, so he decided to just ignore most of it. Anyway, from what he could gather, it seemed like the medic was criticizing Gauron for this, so it wasn't anything important. Gauron did what he wanted, no matter what.

“You _do_ know, you can get diseases like that?” the medic asked. “And infections in these conditions.”

“We all die at some point”, Gauron snorted. “What do I do with him?” he gestured towards Kashim.

“Well if you gave a shit, you would go easy on him”, the medic shrugged and tossed the gloves to a bin. Kashim had never heard anyone talk to Gauron like that and survive. But the larger man didn't seem to be bothered. “At least use this.” He tossed Gauron a white tube. “The other medics have something similar too, when it runs out. Believe me, it makes things a lot easier for you too.”

Gauron studied the tube for few seconds before stuffing it to his coat pocket. “I need to go make sure we're ready for tomorrow”, he stated to the medic and walked to the bed. Without a word to Kashim, he pushed him on his back and took two cable ties from his thigh pocket. He fastened Kashim's wrists to the railings along the bed. “Don't let him loose”, Gauron reminded while walking towards the door. “He'll kill you in a heart beat.”

There was silence for about five minutes after Gauron left. The medic went about the office for awhile, before returning to Kashim. He seemed to have a whole lot of equipment with him.

“What an asshole”, the man mumbled and handled some small and white device. “You know, I'd let you leave, if it wasn't Gauron. But you know...”, he stated and stuck the device into Kashim's ear. “Now let's see, if there's something actually wrong with you instead of giving him a show...”

Kashim didn't answer. He didn't expect anyone to go against Gauron just for him. That would be insane. Kashim was on his own like always and that was just fine. At least he didn't have to hold on to any false hope. There were just him and the opportunities he himself could create. Everything else was just apologetic words in the wind, as useful as dog shit.

The device let out a small beep and the medic pulled it away, examining it quickly. “You have a slight fever.” He tossed the device next to Kashim's leg and reached for the next item. “So did you just decide not to eat or have you lost your appetite?”

Kashim shrugged a bit. He had been careful about his health for a long time. He had learned to demand his share of the food and water and to inform whenever he felt sick or wounded. It was the way he had been trained. But lately it didn't seem as important. Nothing felt really important anymore. “Both, I guess.” Kashim couldn't really tell when was the last time he had been hungry.

“And sleeping?” the man asked and started to take Kashim's blood pressure.

“I sleep”, Kashim stated.

“How many hours per night?”

“Two to three.” That was the maximum he could stay asleep. All the noises around him kept him awake. Every little shift that Gauron made in his sleep made Kashim's heart race. He could sleep only when he heard Gauron snore and he didn't do that often. Kashim turned his head to the side when he saw the man take out another needle. He drew a small amount of blood, before going to his desk.

“Would you say that you're depressed?”

Kashim was silent. “I do not understand the term”, he stated automatically as he had been trained to do. Asking didn't make him stupid, it gave him a chance to be smarter.

The medic was silent for few seconds too. “You don't understand 'depressed'?”

“No, sir.”

“Right...” the medic drawled. “Well, you don't actually like what Gauron's doing, right?”

Kashim tensed a little. He didn't know how to answer. Would there be consequences, if he said the truth?

“I mean, it's okay, if you.. have liked it. I just thought that you didn't”, the medic stated hastily. “Have you thought of hurting yourself because of it?”

Kashim needed another moment to process the question. But no, he just didn't get it. Again he did what he had been told to do. Ask, if you don't understand and the matter will be cleared to you. “I don't understand, why I would do such a thing.” Who would hurt themselves intentionally? That was a really strange thing to say. Kashim was hurt often enough and it wasn't something he did intentionally.

“I guess you don't”, the medic said with a quiet sigh. “If you can, feel free to take a nap.”

Kashim laid silently, staring at the ceiling, but he didn't sleep.

**

Gauron came back the same evening. He was striding briskly towards the medic and the table, but stopped abruptly next to Kashim. “What's that?” Gauron demanded with an icy tone.

A chair creaked against the concrete floor as the medic walked to the bed. The medic glanced at Kashim. “What's what?”

“That!” Gauron snapped and pointed at the small cotton pad taped to Kashim's bend of the arm.

“Oh.” The medic sounded slightly relieved. “I took some blood to run some more tests. To make sure he's okay.”

Gauron's shoulder's relaxed a bit. “And?” His voice had a softer tone.

The medic shrugged. “A slight fever, but otherwise healthy as far as I can tell. A small dose of sedatives would probably help him get sleep. That and a good meal and he should be back on his feet.”

Gauron seemed to be evaluating the statement with his eyes, before suddenly turning with a bright grin towards the medic. “I need to ask you something. Come.” Gauron walked towards the table, out of Kashim's line of sight. “You know these?” Kashim tried to crane his head to see what he was talking about, but the men were too far off.

“Umm... Yes, aren't those the things--”

“Yeah yeah,” Gauron rushed. “Would it be possible to, you know...” The sentence was left hanging in the air. “It would be handy as hell.” Gauron sounded extremely excited.

“Well I can always try.” The medic didn't sound very sure. “You want it done now?”

“Yeah. We're leaving tomorrow.”

The medic walked around the room again, rustling the packages. “I have to put him under.”

“Of course”, Gauron stated and walked to sit on Kashim's bed. His eyes were fixed on the medic. “This is so fucking great. It solves everything.”

Kashim watched as the medic approached and inserted a needle to the valve of the IV. He injected something in and Gauron turned his grin to Kashim.

“You just take a nap, kid”, Gauron said with his grin and patted his cheek. That was the last thing Kashim was able to see or hear before everything went black.


	2. On the Road

Kashim let out a quiet groan and tried to find a more comfortable position. Everything was shaking and rattling and it made sleeping very difficult. He was sitting on the floor, leaning his back against something. The air was thick with dust. A large arm wrapped around Kashim's chest and he opened his eyes.

“Well, look who's up.”

Kashim's back resonated with the rumbling of Gauron's voice as the man spoke. It didn't take too many guesses to find out who Kashim was leaning against. Taking in a bit more of his surroundings Kashim saw that he was practically in the man's lap. Gauron's legs were on either side of him and a strong arm had pulled him tightly against the man's chest.

They were in the back of a truck with four other men. The others were geared up and sitting on the opposite benches. Kashim and Gauron sat on the floor, their backs towards the inner wall which separated the cargo compartment from the cock-pit. Kashim could catch glimpses of the outside world through the crack in the heavy canvas covering the trucks rear door. It was evening, the sun dropping towards the horizon and coloring everything with tints of orange.

“How are you feeling?”

Gauron's question brought attention to Kashim's condition. In fact there were several things calling for his attention. First of them was the pain in his back, sharp and constant, like he had a wound right between his shoulder blades. The second pain was the aching lower, which told Kashim that Gauron had taken him while he had been unconscious. That wasn't anything new, but it wasn't something to get used to either. The third set of pain was just overall ache from sleeping in an uncomfortable posture like that.

“My back hurts”, Kashim answered since it was the only reportable thing.

“I know. There were some problems that the medic sorted out. It's all good now. I made everything okay”, Gauron stated too softly for comfort. His large hand smoothed Kashim's tangled hair and every muscle in Kashim's body tensed again. Being that close to Gauron was never good.

Three of the soldiers were staring either their hands or at the opposite walls of the truck, knowing well enough not to pay too much attention to Gauron and his doings. One of them must have been freshly recruited, since he kept staring at Kashim.

“Did you sleep well?” Gauron asked with a grinning tone. His hand slipped underneath Kashim's shirt to his bare stomach.

“Yes, sir.” It really didn't matter what he answered, it was already too late. Gauron's hand travelled upwards and his fingers brushed against one of Kashim's nipples.

“Good. Then turn around. I've got something for you.”

Kashim had never quite gotten it, the expression. Gauron never actually _had_ anything for him, it was just his way to tell him to give him a blowjob. Another term Kashim had learned in this group. He didn't turn, instead he just tensed. He hated the things Gauron did every time, but he hated it even more, when he insisted doing them in front of other people. “I would like to get up, sir. I'm not feeling well.”

The caress in Kashim's hair took a more painful turn, as Gauron gripped the hair in the back of Kashim's neck. “Turn around or I will kick your fucking teeth in and fuck you right here”, he growled.

Swallowing slightly Kashim turned. His eyes went to the man's crotch. The bulge made him feel sick in his throat.

“Take it out”, Gauron coaxed and let his hand rest on the side of Kashim's face. He let out a laughter when Kashim hesitated and glanced to his side. “Don't care about them, they don't give a shit.”

Kashim braced himself and took a deep inhale, like diving into icy water. If he didn't think about it too much, it would be over soon. His hand reached to open Gauron's zipper. The man wasn't even fully hard yet, his cock reacting to Kashim's touch. He jerked it few times, before the hand in the back of his neck forced him either to lower himself or to be strangled.

Gauron let out a hiss when Kashim's tongue touched the tip. “Take your time”, he sighed and leaned more back. Kashim shifted too, sitting on his legs and leaning lower to get a good angle. If he just did it, it would be over and Gauron would be happy. If he started to fight now, it would hurt and it would take forever for Gauron to finish. Kashim took the man in his mouth and kept jerking him at the same time. His mind was already somewhere else, revising the AS commands and tactics. The truck was filled by Gauron's loud groans, his hand gripped Kashim's hair.

“That's really not fair, you know.”

Kashim gagged a little when he heard someone talk. It must have been the new guy, no one else was that stupid. The man was laughing for some reason too. Gauron's abs tightened near Kashim's face. He hated it when people disturbed him like this.

“Not sharing and all”, the other guy went on. The other soldiers let out a sympathetic laugh. It was most likely because they didn't want to shoot their own people right now.

Gauron's hand coaxed Kashim to continue. “I'm sorry”, Gauron stated to the man. He actually sounded apologetic, which was scary as hell. “I didn't know you wanted to blow me too. Do you want to wait until Kashim here is finished or just join right in?”

It was the other guy's turn to gag. “You... I... You know what I mean”, he said with a trembling laughter.

“Shut the fuck up”, Gauron snapped. “You're making Kashim nervous”, he mumbled then, smoothing Kashim's hair. The new guy was silent again and Gauron's hand nudged Kashim's jaw. “Little more”, he urged and pushed himself deeper. Kashim gagged. “Yeah, I know it's a little big for you.”

Kashim fastened the pace of his hand. Gauron felt enormous and rock hard in his hand, the tip of the cock jabbing the back of his throat. Luckily Gauron started to pant slightly louder and thrusting his hips upwards as a sign that it would be over soon. He gripped Kashim's hair with both of his hands, making it feel like he would rip the hair clean off. Kashim closed his mouth a bit and let his teeth rake at Gauron's flesh. It was one of the things he liked.

Gauron let out a growling shout and pushed Kashim's face all the way down. Cum hit his throat and increased the feeling of being suffocated. Kashim ordered himself to calm down and soon enough Gauron pushed him roughly away. “Jesus fucking Christ you suck cock like an angel”, the man panted and leaned against the metal wall of the truck. Kashim wiped his face to his sleeve and would have moved away, if he had had the time. Gauron seized his arm and pulled him back. “There's some cleaning to be done here too”, he mumbled.

Pushing his nausea to the side, Kashim lowered himself once more to lick the cum residues from the limp cock and tucked it back to Gauron's pants. Before Kashim had the time to go sit on the bench with the rest of the men, Gauron yanked him back against him. The man's hand caressed Kashim's chest lazily.

“Are you thirsty?” Gauron asked, almost whispering his question to Kashim's ear. Kashim shook his head a little. “Vostrikov, a bottle”, he called to one of the soldiers, who was the closest to Gauron's right hand man as anyone could be. Vostrikov took a water bottle from the crate next to him and tossed it to Gauron. The bottle was opened in front of Kashim and held out to him. “Drink. The doctor said you were dehydrated.”

Kashim didn't have the will or the energy to debate the issue, so he took the bottle and drank half of it. At least he got the taste off his mouth. Gauron held Kashim against himself like he was wounded or a child.

**

They reached their spot of ambush during that night. Kashim got off the truck with Gauron and stepped into the silent and quickly chilling desert. The wind was picking up.

“Listen up!” Gauron bellowed and got everyone's attention. They were a small group at the moment, only twelve men. Two teams of five plus Kashim and Gauron with the AS'. “They are going to come through that pass in five hours. Make sure your gear is ready, sleep if you need to. No tents, no fire, no shooting.” He waited until everyone seemed to be doing something, before turning to Kashim. “I could use you right about now.”

Kashim felt like... What had Kasabian said that one night? He was feeling like... shit, that was it. He was tired as hell and his back hurt and now Gauron wanted to fuck. Kashim glanced at the truck with a defeated expression and tried to come up with good enough excuses.

Gauron let out a laughter and slammed his hand against Kashim's shoulder. “I meant during the fight! Jesus! You can never get enough, can you?”

Kashim decided to ignore the last part. “You want me to fight?” It was a surprise after he had tried to escape.

“I've done some moderations with the other AS. It's safe even for you. Can't target friendly fire or leave the perimeter. Do you want to take part or wait in the truck?”

It was an easy decision. “I want to fight.” That was what he did. And Kashim was a hell of a fighter when he was given the chance.

Gauron smiled and slammed him again. “That's my boy. Let's get geared up.”

The fight itself was pathetic and short. Kashim had the chance to shoot twice before the whole thing was over. Some crates were transferred from the other trucks to theirs and few soldiers went around executing the prisoners. Gauron, in his own AS, stated the mission completed after 37 minutes. The soldiers started to prepare leaving.

Kashim moved his AS and pointed the giant rifle to one of their trucks. Few of the nearby soldiers ducked with a shout. Kashim pulled the trigger. There was red error message on the control panel, telling him the command could not be executed because of clashing configurations. Gauron had been right. He had idiot-proofed the AS, making it impossible to use during an escape.

“Out.” The command came from Gauron's AS. He was pointing Kashim with his rifle. Kashim grunted and shut the machine down before opening the hatch. It was clear that the same restrictions didn't concern Gauron's AS. Kashim pulled himself out and got down with agile movements. The sun was coming up and the heat was picking up again. Kashim pulled his helmet off and waited until Gauron got out from his own AS. The man dropped to the ground, but instead of hitting Kashim, he just patted the boy to his shoulder and started yelling out orders to the others.

The drive to Pakistan was slow and boring as they drove to sell onwards the weapons and gear they didn't need themselves. Some of the men played cards in the truck, some tried to sleep regardless of the bumps on the road. Kashim sat alone in one corner and rested his head against the hard metal.

Gauron wasn't in the same truck. He had taken the AS to do some recon in the surrounding area. No one knew exactly where he was or when he would be back. Kashim hoped it would take days like it did sometimes, but it was unlikely. Gauron had kept a really close eye on him after he started to plan deserting.

They crossed the border without any problems. No one checked their papers or asked any questions. The truck turned and started heading towards north, which meant they wouldn't be going to any bigger towns. It didn't bother Kashim - he didn't need anything special from the town - but the others weren't as pleased about the decision.

“He said we'd go to Mingora!” one of the soldiers exclaimed and kicked the wall of the truck. “That fucking lying piece of shit! I was supposed to meet a girl there!”

Vostrikov shrugged, holding his playing cards. “He probably got another gig or something. That's how it goes here. Gauron doesn't give a shit about your girls.”

“Easy for him to say”, the other man muttered. “Like he needs girls or anything”, he snorted and cast a glare towards Kashim.

Vostrikov glanced at Kashim too, before turning towards the other soldier. “Keep your fucking voice down. Gauron will shoot you, if he catches you talking shit like that.”

“What? He's a closet faggot or something? Doesn't seem like it when he fucks that thing in front of everyone”, he nodded towards Kashim.

Kashim turned his eyes away from the men. He hated this so much. The way he was pushed aside. Like he was property of Gauron and nothing else. Like he wasn't a soldier like the rest of them. Like he hadn't fought by their side for years. Like he hadn't saved their lives several times. Like he wasn't the best fighter this team had ever seen.

“And you!” the man called to Kashim. “What the fuck are you still doing alive? You like it or something? Jesus, if it was me, I'd put a bullet to my brain already.”

Kashim turned his eyes to the man. A bullet to a brain? Was he talking about... shooting himself? It didn't make sense at all. Why would anyone shoot themselves? Kashim had never heard of anything like it. All the people Kashim had ever met loved living. They did anything to survive and when they were dying, they begged for their lives as long as they breathed. When Kashim had fought all of his life to survive, why would he suddenly stop? He suspected that the other soldier was going crazy. It happened sometimes when a person wasn't prepared well enough for fighting.

“You thirsty, Kashim?” Vostrikov asked and took out a water bottle. Without waiting for an answer he tossed the bottle to Kashim and turned back to the other soldier. “Don't talk to him like that.” He nodded to Kashim again. “Just ignore him, he's an idiot. No need to tell Gauron about it.”

Kashim nodded slightly. He didn't talk to Gauron much anyway, so it wouldn't be a problem.

They camped in the wasteland, near the foot of a snow capped mountain. Kashim got out of the truck and glanced around. Gauron's AS was nowhere to be seen. Someone yelled his name from the truck and tossed a heavy bag to him. It was Gauron's tent. Since Kashim slept in Gauron's tent nowadays, it had become his responsibility to set it up. Kashim walked to the camping area and started to unpack the tent.

He was almost ready before Kashim realised it. He wasn't tied up and Gauron wasn't there. The sun was setting fast and it would be pitch black in an hour. Kashim's heart raced as he glanced around. Everyone was preoccupied with their tasks to set the camp up. At the moment no one was even looking at Kashim's direction. Surely he didn't have a weapon or any equipment, but... He could try. Now, before Gauron got back. He could make it.

Kashim paced himself, walking towards the trucks like he had forgotten something. Once beside the truck he glanced behind him. No one was looking. He slipped around the truck and fastened his steps, making his way towards the mountain side. 20 meters and he would be out of their sight. 10 meters. 5. Kashim's boots hit the ground as he started running.

There were no shouts from the camp. Kashim kept himself out of the line of sight. The images of Gauron finding out he was gone only making him run faster. If he got caught now, there would be so much pain. He had to get away.

The mountain was ideal for escaping. It was easy to climb and there were endless possibilities to hide. The trucks couldn't follow him and soon it would be too dark to try and find his tracks. Kashim estimated he had one to three hours before Gauron got the message of his escape and would come after him with the AS. In that time Kashim could disappear almost completely.

It took longer for Kashim to spot the AS than he had expected. First he only heard it but after few moments he spotted it's silhouette in the distance. Kashim kept himself low and watched Gauron proceed. The AS was going to a completely different direction from the spot Kashim was. It moved through an area Kashim hadn't even crossed. Kashim felt a rush of relief. Gauron wasn't even tracking him, just searching aimlessly, probably using heat detection. Kashim couldn't believe it. He had actually gotten away. This time for sure.

Of course he couldn't be sure how long Gauron would pursue him, but the terrain was in Kashim's favour. During the day it was too hot to use the heat detection and even during the nights Kashim could hear the AS from afar. He could just continue over the mountain and head back to Afghanistan. He could go to Kabul and find some other group to fight with. A group that would consider him the soldier he was. Maybe he could even make his way to Kandahar. Gauron would never find him again.


	3. Lost & Found

Without a weapon, climbing gear, food or water the progression was slow. Kashim's fingers were bleeding from the rough edges of rocks. At nights his sweat dampened clothes were too cold to sleep in, at days he was fearing that he would hear the rumble of an AS from somewhere close. He had to keep close to the small streams of water, even though those were the places Gauron would search first.

He had seen Gauron few times during the first days and nights, but after awhile the man had seemed to give up. Maybe he had had some other business to attend to and Kashim just wasn't that important.

Kashim had made his way down the mountain and proceeded from one village to the next, getting food, water and directions towards the Afghan border. It felt unlikely that Gauron would find him anymore. Even if he knew that Kashim would head back to Afghanistan, he didn't know exactly where Kashim would cross the border and when. It was also unlikely that Gauron would be ready to go through that much trouble just for him.

Those were few of the reasons Kashim's heart skipped few beats when he woke up one night to the trembling of the ground. He had been sleeping out on the open near a river bank, since he had been sure nobody was following him. He glanced around, seeing nothing, making him realize that the AS was in stealth mode and invisible. Within a second Kashim was in the river, keeping himself calm and reminding himself that the thermal camera couldn't see under water. He would be safe if he hadn't been spotted yet.

Through the water he could see the rippling image of Gauron's AS, now completely visible. It wasn't directly above him, but still too close for a mere consequence. Kashim held his breath and counted seconds. If Gauron knew Kashim was underwater, he would wait long enough.

But he didn't. The thuds were quelled by the water, but it was clear that Gauron left. Kashim didn't understand it. Clearly the man had some reason to suspect Kashim to be there. He had come straight at him and then just... turned around? If he knew Kashim to be somewhere there, where else could he have gone but to the water? It was so strange that Kashim swam a good way down the stream before surfacing. The AS was already just a small spot in the horizon. Kashim didn't really believe in luck, but this had been nothing else. Pure luck.

He crossed the border during a night without a problem. He had decided to find the Soviets and offer himself as a recruit. They would be just as good to him as anyone else and way better than Gauron. The thought of teaming with the Soviets against Gauron didn't make Kashim lose his sleep.

But the Soviets had moved on from the border villages and Kashim lost their tracks too many times. He had ran out of food and water few days ago. He was somewhere near Sar Sang, but he couldn't find the village that was supposed to be there. There were some animals around, but nothing Kashim could catch them with. For days he ate roots and insects for survival.

So when he came across a dead rabbit, Kashim ate it without hesitation, picking the maggots and spoiled parts off. It had kept him going for another day, but during the next evening, Kashim had started to feel sick. He had to stop completely, since he could do nothing but vomit. He was shaking and sweating and he couldn't get himself up to find a decent shelter for the night. Kashim lied on the rocky ground, curled into a ball. His thoughts weren't coherent and he admitted to himself that his survival wasn't likely. He kept waking up without the recollection of falling asleep. Sometimes it was dark and sometimes the sun was blinding. There were flies in the corner of his eyes.

“Pathetic.”

Kashim opened his weary eyes and saw a dark figure towering over him. He couldn't utter a word and when the person crouched lower, Kashim knew it wouldn't matter anyway.

Gauron.

“Missed me?” the man grinned. “You were pretty good. Almost lost you few times. Well would've lost if you weren't hooked up with satellite tracking chip.”

Kashim squinted his eyes, not understanding anything. The situation was humbling, but regardless of it, Kashim found himself acting according to his training. “I feel sick, sir”, he croaked his announcement.

“No shit?”, Gauron snorted and pulled Kashim up from his arm and flung him to his broad shoulder like he was nothing more than a sack of flour. “What the fuck did you think? Eating shit like that. You could have died.” Did that mean that Gauron wouldn't kill him? Kashim didn't have a clue what the man was thinking about. He didn't dare to feel grateful, but if he would survive, he would be relieved. “It's a good thing you have someone like me keeping you safe.” The rocking motion of Gauron walking down the mountain side made Kashim sick, but he passed out before the nausea hit him again.

**

He woke up from a bed. The room was small and clean, clearly someone's private home. There were floral curtains on the window and paintings on the wall. The bed had sheets on it. Kashim sat up and took a moment to steady himself. He was still feeling a little feverish, but good enough to stand up.

Kashim walked through an open door into a larger space, apparently the living room with two sofas and a table. There were Gauron, Vostrikov and two locals; a man and a woman. Gauron had his back turned to Kashim, but Vostrikov noticed him and nodded slightly. Gauron stopped talking something about the present politics and turned his head. Kashim had expected Gauron to beat him up, maybe even kill him. Gauron smiled.

“Feeling better?”

Kashim nodded as he was supposed to. The local man looked terrified, holding the hand of his wife. The woman was clad in a black burqa, so it was difficult to read her expression. She seemed tense too. Gauron had his rifle on the table in front of him. They had been drinking vodka.

“I knew it”, Gauron mused. “You can handle more than a fucking food poisoning. Come here”, he patted the spot on the sofa next to him. Kashim moved with weak steps and sat down. Gauron's hand was on his shoulder immediately. “You feel like eating something proper, hmm? Maybe something to eat for the boy?” he suggested towards the locals in Afghan and the woman went away. “Well?” Gauron grinned to Vostrikov. “What did I say? Tough one, this runt, but it worked.”

The other man smiled a little and lifted his glass. “You were right. Again.”

“Damn sure I was”, Gauron snorted and emptied his glass. “And now that that's been tested, there's nothing to worry about.” Gauron turned to Kashim and wiped some of Kashim's hair out of his eyes. “He will go nowhere from now on.”

The statement made Kashim feel uncomfortable. He swallowed slightly and turned his head a little, not looking Gauron in the eye, but to his direction generally. “You said... In the mountains that... Something about... a satellite?” he asked. If Gauron wasn't going to kill him from running away, he might tolerate one question.

“Yup”, Gauron nodded and sounded quite proud. “I had a tracking chip planted in you. You remember, when we met that one medic in Asdabad.” Gauron's hand moved down Kashim's now sweating back. The touch stopped right in the middle, where the mysterious pain had been. Kashim had ripped the bandage off after few days of running. It hadn't hurt in days, so Kashim had already forgotten the whole thing. “Right there. Next to your spine, mind you, so don't go picking on it. You would only cut your spinal cord.”

Kashim felt like something broke inside him. If what Gauron said was true, he could track Kashim's whereabouts anytime. He would always know where Kashim was. It felt like an invisible hand squeezed around his throat.

“I just wanted to see, how far you could get. I had you in my sight all the time”, Gauron said in an apologetic tone. “I got worried when you were still for so long, so I came to check on you. Good thing I did, you would've died.” He sounded like he was scolding Kashim.

Kashim stared blankly ahead. “You were... just playing.” Kashim remembered the incident on the river bank. Gauron had known he was there, but had decided to let him run further. He felt so... fucking stupid. What kind of an idiot thought that Gauron would just let someone go? He was a retard to think Gauron wouldn't be able to track a fucking grain of sand through those mountains.

Gauron inhaled in pondering way and shrugged then. “Yes. But I liked it”, he said then grinning. “I wish you would've kept going. It was fun to watch you being in survival mode and everything. Very sexy.”

Kashim shrugged the man's hand away, but Gauron only laughed and poured himself another drink. “Don't be mad at me! I only did it for you. Now you don't have to waste your time planning on your escape. You can just concentrate on fighting and the more important stuff.”

The woman returned and placed a plate full of Yakhni Palao and a large glass of water on the table. Kashim didn't feel like eating. “Where are we?”

“Near Ghowrayd Gharami. Our good friend Ihab lent his house for us”, Gauron said with chilling grin and leaned over Kashim's plate then, scooping some of the food to his fingers and eating it. “Ihab owes us some money”, Gauron stated with his mouth full. He had been talking in Russian, but changed it into Pashto when he mentioned the money.

“I told you, I will get the money. Next month, when the crop is ready to be harvested”, the man pleaded, holding his hands together like in prayer. “Please, next month!”

Gauron licked his fingers, purposefully ignoring the other man. “It's good. You should eat it”, Gauron told Kashim back in Russian. Kashim took the plate and started to eat the food slowly. He was kind of hungry and if he wouldn't eat it, Gauron would. And when Gauron wasn't hungry, there wouldn't be any food served. “Next month is not good enough, but I tell you what; Since you've been so kind as to host our visit and help my Kashim here get better, we'll work something out.”

The man seemed extremely relieved. He knelt before Gauron. “Thank you! Thank you!” he kept repeating.

“Yeah yeah. Now, I remember you have a tub in this shithole, right? I need to wash this sand off my balls.”

The woman disappeared again. This time Gauron's eyes followed her leave and then turned his gaze to Vostrikov. The other man leaned his back against the other sofa and grinned. He was older than Gauron, maybe in his forties, but still a cold blooded killer. Kashim had learned that the man had been with the KGB at some point. He probably had a warrant on his head in Russia. Most of the soldiers here did. No one was here because they chose so. Well, no one except Gauron.

Gauron turned his eyes back to Kashim. “Good, huh?” he mumbled and brushed his hand through Kashim's matted hair. “We need to get your strength back, so you can come with me to Singapore.”

Kashim coughed as the palao went down the wrong pipe. “What?” Kashim asked with strained voice. His eyes had watered from the coughing. Singapore. Wasn't that like... a whole another country? Somewhere really far away? Kashim wasn't really good at geography outside the Middle-East. The farthest he had gone in his life was Iraq three years ago. He had been in India and China too, but those were lot closer so they didn't actually count. But Singapore was ever further away. It was one of those places Gauron had mentioned sometimes. He traveled a lot alone, disappearing sometimes for months. One time when Kashim had been a lot younger Gauron had left somewhere and had been gone for nineteen months before returning. When he came back he spoke of places like Japan, USA and Korea. To Kashim they were just names. He didn't know where those were and he didn't really care.

“Our first vacation together, Kashim, isn't that great”, the man laughed and pulled Kashim closer. “Well, not a vacation per se, since I have to go there to kill few people, but all the same, just you and me.” Kashim didn't have a chance to say anything, because the woman came back to the room and informed them that she had prepared the bath. Gauron stood up and pulled Kashim with him, hardly giving him enough time to set the plate back on the table.

The worn out cast-iron tub was really small. Kashim didn't believe for a second that Gauron would even fit in comfortably. Still the man pulled off his clothes, revealing his scarred and tanned skin.

“So, what do you make of this new situation of ours?”

Kashim turned his eyes away, but hadn't been quite quick enough. Gauron caught his movement and grinned widely. He had an odd belief that Kashim actually liked him in some way. Usually when Kashim corrected the man about the facts, he received such a nasty beating that the matter wasn't discussed very often.

“No matter where you go, I will find you”, Gauron went on and stepped in the bath. “How do you feel about it?”

Most of the times Gauron asked about his feelings it was more like a scientific experience. He didn't actually act on Kashim's feelings, he just seemed to want to know what they were.

“I don't like it”, Kashim stated truthfully.

Gauron let out a chuckle and tried to take a more comfortable position in his constricted space. “It will be much easier for both of us now. I don't have to tie you up and you don't have to plan your escape. We can just concentrate to the job at hand.” Gauron turned his head slightly. “And don't kill any more of my men. They're on our side and if you harm them, it will danger the whole team, including you. It will only bite your own ass. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir.” Gauron was of course right about it. Kashim had killed five of their own soldiers just awhile ago and even though it hadn't affected their fighting yet, it probably would. And because of that they would have to hire new people which was always bad. Even Kashim hated rookies.

“Good boy”, Gauron said with a lighter tone, leaning back in the tub. “Now come and join me.”

Kashim didn't like the thought. The tub was small and Gauron was naked. Kashim didn't want to get any closer to the man, there was only pain in that direction. “The free space is insufficient”, Kashim stated and hoped that it was just something Gauron hadn't noticed.

Gauron snorted and held out his large hand. “Don't make me get up.”

Kashim took the few steps closer and Gauron's hand seized his arm.

“Why do you have to make every fucking thing so fucking difficult?” the man grunted and pulled him next to the tub. “Don't you ever get tired of it? Always fucking whining like some civilian bitch.” Gauron's hand was opening the buttons in Kashim's pants. Once done, he jerked the pants down and pulled Kashim in one swift movement to the tub. The water splashed to the floor as Kashim tried to either get out or get as little body contact with Gauron as possible. It wasn't easy since the man took almost all of the space. Gauron wrapped his arm around Kashim's throat and held him tightly against himself. Every muscle in Kashim's body was tensed to the fullest, but he stopped squirming. Gauron wouldn't hesitate to strangle him unconscious. “That's nice”, the man sighed and relaxed a bit. His other hand was absentmindedly caressing Kashim's chest.

Only a part of Kashim's body was in contact with the water. Gauron had draped his arms and legs over the edges of the tub and Kashim laid on top of him. It was awkward and very uncomfortable way to be. It didn't make the situation any easier that Gauron's growing hard-on was pressing against Kashim.

It didn't take long for Gauron's hand to slip lower. His fingers took a hold of Kashim's limp member and started to jerk it. Kashim had never understood the purpose of the action, since he never became hard like Gauron did, but it didn't last very long anyway. Gauron moved his hand under Kashim and his fingers found their way to the hole. Kashim made another vain attempt to get out, but Gauron's grip around his throat tightened. “Shh...” he whispered in calming manner and felt the brim of his hole with his fingers. “It's going to be good... Just a little...”

Kashim felt two rough fingers push in, not caring about the tension of Kashim's muscles. There was intense pain already and Kashim knew it was only going to get worse. The fingers drove deeper and Kashim flinched. He knew that pleading or fighting would get him nowhere, but still he had to do something.

“It hurts”, he said quietly.

“Hmm..” Gauron hummed to his ear. “It does?”

“Yes”, Kashim answered and felt Gauron's cock poking his lower back.

“I'll do something about it the next time”, the man said and pulled his fingers out.

Kashim struggled in the water when Gauron lifted his right leg and started to align himself. The tip of the man's cock was pressing against Kashim's hole. When it started to push in Kashim's struggling increased and forced Gauron to stop. There was a short fight during which Kashim received a nasty blow to his face from Gauron's elbow. Blood dripped to Kashim's chest and in to the water as Gauron lifted his leg back up and turned him slightly sideways. With one stabbing movement he was inside. Kashim let out a strained shout and clamped his hands to the side of the tub. His eyes were tightly shut.

Gauron let out a pleased groan and pulled Kashim closer. He didn't pull out but instead kept slowly moving against Kashim, rubbing them together.

“You're so fucking tight”, the man murmured in Kashim's ear. “You're ass is squeezing my cock so hard.” Gauron lifted his hand to Kashim's face and pushed his two fingers in Kashim's mouth. They were the same he had used before. Gauron rolled his hips and the water splashed around the tub and over the edges to the floor. “Hold still now”, Gauron ordered and Kashim took a better hold of the side.

Gauron placed his hands on Kashim's hips and pulled his cock halfway out. Kashim braced himself for the pain and was able to keep quiet as the man rammed himself back in, the force pressing Kashim tightly against the side of the tub. The sound of water splashing around was loud and so were the groans and moans Gauron was making. His cock was stabbing Kashim's insides with a merciless pace.

When two arms wrapped around Kashim's torso he knew that Gauron would stop soon. There were few more thrusts before the man tensed and let out a loud growling shout. His tight embrace almost crushing Kashim's ribcage.

Kashim's insides were throbbing when Gauron leaned back in the tub and pulled Kashim against him once more. His cock was still inside of him. “Oh Kashim, my little Kashim.” His large hand was caressing Kashim's chest. “You make me so happy”, he murmured and licked Kashim's neck with one long stroke of his tongue.

They were like that for some time, just laying there. That's why Kashim startled when Gauron suddenly pushed him off, his cock finally leaving Kashim. “Get that man here”, he ordered.

Kashim scrambled out of the tub and started swiftly to put on his clothes. Gauron watched him with a lazy grin on his face. Kashim bent slightly over to pull up his pants.

“Stop!” Gauron's stern voice startled the boy. The tone left no room for argument. Kashim thought about the pants for a second, but left them at the floor. Gauron beckoned him with his hand to come closer. When Kashim did, Gauron turned him around and wiped his hand against Kashim's aching hole. “You're bleeding.” He didn't sound pleased.

It didn't surprise Kashim. He had bled with a lot less pain too. He didn't say anything.

“Jesus...” Gauron mumbled and took a towel from the chair next to the tub. He wiped some of the blood off from Kashim's inner thighs. “I'm sorry. We'll go easier next time, okay? I don't want you hurt.”

That was a lie, but Kashim nodded anyway. It wasn't unusual for Gauron to beat him without any reason and the sex always hurt and the man knew it. But when ever Gauron wanted sex or was drunk the amount of pain he inflicted didn't matter. And most of the times Gauron was one or both of those things.

“Go get him for me. And bring my rifle too”, Gauron ordered then and smacked Kashim's ass a little.

Kashim pulled on his pants and walked out of the room without his shirt. “Gauron wants to see you”, he told the local man in fluent Pashto. “He told me to bring him his rifle”, he then said to Vostrikov in Russian. The man raised his eyebrows to Kashim's words. The Afghan man shuffled to his feet and went into the room Gauron was in.

“Gauron?” Vostrikov called to the room.

“It's okay”, came the answer.

Kashim took the M16. Of course he wouldn't shoot Vostrikov. He was Kashim's ranking officer and one of the few who still treated Kashim like any other soldier. Besides, running away wasn't an option anymore. It actually _did_ make things a whole lot simpler, even if Kashim didn't like to admit it. He walked into the backroom and held the rifle to pass it to Gauron. The man just dismissed him with a wave of his hand. They had been talking. Gauron had gotten a fat cigar from somewhere and was smoking it, still sprawled in the tub. 

“...and since it really seems you're not able to pay your debts--” Gauron continued.

“You can't do it! She's my wife!” the man pleaded. “The love of my life and the soul of my home! She's all I have!”

Gauron let out a barking laugh. “Well aren't you a poet. She's also the only thing in this shit hole worth of anything. Or am I wrong?”

The man stammered. “Well... I... I do not own anything. I'm a poor man.”

Gauron smoked in silence. “Liar is what you are and a thief. You have your fields.”

“Fields? The fields are my life. Gauron, sir, please. I have nothing but my fields!”

“Two seconds ago it was your wife that was the only thing you had!” Gauron barked. “So choose one!”

The lower lip trembled, as the man tried to speak. “I-- I--”

“Well? What is it that I can have; your wife or the fields?” Gauron asked and leaned back in his tub.

The man wiped his forehead with a shaky hand. “My... wife.”

Gauron snorted. “You're an asshole, you know that Ihab? What kind of a man gives his wife to the likes of us? Weren't you supposed to love her? You make me fucking sick. Kashim, shoot him.”

There was panic in the man's face when he turned around to face Kashim. He didn't have the time to say anything when Kashim had already lifted the barrel to the man's face. One shot spread most of his brains to the walls with a bright red splash. The corpse fell over. Kashim felt nothing. Killing wasn't anything to him anymore, it was just about following the orders he was given. Kashim didn't know how many people he had killed in his life. He had lost count in the early stages when there had been the first bomb attacks involving several people. But it must have been somewhere above hundred by now. The woman was screaming in the living room and Kashim glanced that way.

“Vostrikov can handle her”, Gauron said and beckoned Kashim to bring the rifle to him. Kashim did. Gauron smoked few seconds in silence and stared at the body and the growing pool of blood. “Nice shot”, Gauron stated and lowered the rifle to the floor next to the tub. “Now leave me alone. Go finish that palao.”

Kashim left the room.


	4. Flying

Sleeping wasn't easy that night. Even though Gauron was snoring on the other side of the double bed, there were other sounds that kept Kashim awake. In the living room Vostrikov was having sex with the wife of the house. She was screaming and crying a lot. It wouldn't have bothered Kashim so much if he hadn't known what was going on. He had seen crying women before, and even saw few of them in the hands of other men of the group. But now that he had experienced himself what it felt like to be in that position, he felt like going there and shooting Vostrikov. Kashim shifted in the bed and faced the wall. Gauron's hand came weary and heavy on his side. He smoothed Kashim's skin for awhile.

“You're awake”, he said in hoarse voice. Kashim didn't answer him. Vostrikov was hitting the woman in the living room. “Do you want me to tell him to keep it down?” The hand moved to pet Kashim's hair.

“No”, Kashim mumbled. It wouldn't make any difference. It would only make Vostrikov pissed.

Gauron chuckled in low tone. “Do you like listening to them?” His hand moved to Kashim's stomach.

“No”, Kashim said, little disturbed that the man could even think like that. Kashim didn't have anything against hurting people, if it was necessary, but he never enjoyed it.

Gauron snorted quietly and let his arm rest on top of Kashim. “She's not really hurting. Women can't hurt during sex, they're built that way. She's just upset about his man being an asshole. Go to sleep.”

Kashim stared at the wall, not really sure if he should believe Gauron or not. He knew nothing about women and sex, so he couldn't really tell. But at least the hitting would hurt. Hitting would hurt anyone.

Kashim woke up, which meant he had slept too. He didn't know for how long, but it was dark and he wasn't tired anymore. Kashim didn't like sleeping in beds because they were always too soft and hot and they made him feel utterly vulnerable. Like someone could attack him at any moment and he would be just lying there like on a plate. Gauron seemed to be still asleep. The house was silent. As Kashim got up a hand grapped him by the wrist. He turned to Gauron.

“Stay inside the house.”

“Yes sir”, he affirmed and Gauron let go of his hand, closing his eyes again.

Vostrikov was sleeping naked on the sofa. There were empty vodka bottles on the table. The woman, who was tied and gagged in the corner lifted her eyes to Kashim. She had bruises on her face and she had been crying. Her long dark hair was in tangles and she was naked too. Kashim walked past her to the kitchen and got himself some of the palao.

He stayed in the kitchen, since it was the only room in which he could be alone. There was a small window there and Kashim watched as the village started to wake up one person at a time. It was maybe two hours later when Gauron called his name.

Kashim walked into the room. Gauron was lying on the bed, arms folded behind his head. He patted the bed next to him. “Come here.”

Kashim's eyes fixed on the bulge on the sheet. He wouldn't go near the man now. There was deep silence in the room. “The woman's hurt”, Kashim decided to say, to distract Gauron as much as possible.

Gauron's eyebrow rose slightly. “So?”

Kashim opened his mouth. “She has bruises on her face. Won't that drop her price?” He had heard things like that. This wasn't the first woman they had sold to cover someone's debt.

Gauron stared at him for a moment. “Well then, you should go tell Vostrikov that it will be taken out of his money.”

Kashim's eyes widened. Why he? Vostrikov was the only one still treating Kashim fair, but that would change as soon as he found out that Kashim was butting in on his business.

“You don't want to?” Gauron asked with a smile. Kashim shook his head. “Then shut the fuck up about things that don't concern you and come here. This is the only thing that you need to take care of.” Gauron pointed his finger towards his crotch. When Kashim didn't move, the man groaned a little. “Come on. Don't make me come over there and beat you. I thought we could have a nice morning.”

Kashim's hands tightened into fists. “It's not nice.” His voice wasn't more than a whisper. Gauron stared at him. “I don't like it. I have never liked it.”

There was a cold silence in the room. Gauron kept staring at him for a moment, before sighing and sitting up. Kashim backed away few steps immediately and tensed to prepare himself for the fight. “So you'd rather be hit?”

Kashim was silent for awhile. He was thinking about it. “Yes.”

Gauron's eyebrows rose. “Really? Why?”

“It hurts less and for a shorter time”, Kashim stated.

Gauron snorted and sat still for awhile. “Come on then. I won't hurt you.” Kashim didn't move a muscle. “Ok...” Gauron mumbled. “If you come here _now_ , I won't hurt you.”

Kashim didn't know what to do. What ever he would do, it would hurt one way or another. Usually Kashim didn't care about pain when someone hit him or when he was fighting with an enemy. That he could handle. But it was different with Gauron. The wounds were inside and no one gave a crap about them. If he had a broken arm, he was excused from setting up the camp or fighting, but if he was hurt after Gauron, he was just made to do even more than usual. And there wasn't anything to heal the wounds Gauron inflicted him.

“Come here”, Gauron said and held out his hand. “I won't do anything that will hurt you. Here,” he grunted and took his pants from the floor. He took something out of his pocket and Kashim could see the tube the medic had given him earlier. Gauron held out the item in his palm. “When I use this, you're not going to feel a thing.”

Kashim stared at the tube and didn't quite believe it. The pain was so unbearable that unless the tube contained something to knock him unconscious, Gauron was most definitely lying.

“The westerners use stuff like this all the time”, Gauron said with lighter tone. “I didn't know they had it here, so I haven't used it. But now that we have it, you don't have to hurt anymore.”

It just sounded too good to be true. Little by little Kashim had learned that whenever something sounded too good to be true, it probably was. Like when you thought you could run away from Gauron.

“Besides I don't even want to fuck right now, we're on a schedule”, Gauron stated and tossed the tube away. “You can just jerk it off.”

 _'Jerking'_ meant that Kashim could use just his hand. It wasn't that bad. There wasn't even no one watching them right now. The only negative thing was that sometimes Gauron changed his mind in the middle of jerking and decided that he wanted a blow or a fuck.

“Nothing else”, Kashim mumbled and took few uncertain steps forward. Gauron smiled and placed his hands on Kashim's hips, pulling him closer. Kashim's abs tensed when Gauron leaned in and kissed his bare stomach, his hands finding their way to Kashim's clothed ass.

“Mmm... You feel so good”, the man mumbled and rubbed Kashim's tensed behind with his hands. “Such a tight ass... What I wouldn't give to just fuck you forever”, Gauron hummed and pressed his cheek against Kashim's stomach. The man's stubble had grown and was extremely coarse against his skin. “I'm sorry about yesterday. I just lose it when you're so beautiful, Kashim, all sprawled out and taking me inside you.” The man sighed deeply. “Come on, just a quick blow. Your lips are so amazing.” Gauron's large hand rose to Kashim's cheek and his thumb rubbed against Kashim's lower lip.

“No”, Kashim said quietly. He wouldn't do it again. Not when Gauron had just yesterday gone all the way.

Gauron chuckled a little and took a hold of Kashim's hips. The boy let out a yelp when he was picked up and thrown on to the bed. “Did you just say 'no' to me?” Gauron smiled, and held himself over Kashim, his hands on either side of the boy's head.

“You said you wanted just a jerk”, Kashim reminded the man. He felt more than just a little nervous with Gauron naked and leaning over him.

Gauron brushed Kashim's cheek with his hand. It was unnerving to stare back at Gauron, but Kashim kept his face stern. There wasn't all that much that Gauron could do to him that he hadn't done already. Or at least Kashim thought so. It wasn't likely that the man would torture him. There was nothing to gain by that.

“So let's have one.” Gauron leaned lower and would have kissed Kashim, if the boy hadn't turned his head away. Gauron's grip on his chin was painfully firm as he forced Kashim to face him. The kiss was slow and intimate. Gauron pulled Kashim's mouth open and his wet tongue intruded Kashim's mouth. The man tasted quite foul after the night and previously drank vodka. Gauron's other hand found it's way on to Kashim's crotch.

“Stop it”, Kashim ordered in rising panic and tried to wrestle the larger man off him. This would end up with Gauron fucking him, if Kashim couldn't get to a better position.

“You would like it”, the man grunted, massaging Kashim through his pants. “I could make you cum, if you'd just let me.”

“No...” Kashim protested through gritted teeth and tried to knee the man.

Gauron lifted himself higher and backhanded Kashim hard across his face. “I'm trying to be nice here!” he barked. “What the fuck is your problem?!”

Kashim could taste blood in his mouth. But for some reason it felt good. This kind of pain he could handle, this was safe.

Gauron stared at him furiously and would have probably hit him again if Vostrikov hadn't come to the doorway. The other man was already fully clothed in his uniform and even his greyish hair was neatly combed. “Sir, it's already seven o'clock.”

Gauron kept staring at Kashim. “Get the car ready and call the pilot”, he grunted to Vostrikov and got up to put on his clothes.

Vostrikov glanced at Kashim, before turning his face to Gauron. “Are the plans still the same?”

“Yes. But you don't have the time to haul the cunt around. I need you here to supervise these idiots. There's a fortune on those poppy fields and that money is ours”, Gauron answered and turned his eyes to Kashim. “Go finish her off.” Kashim took off immediately, relieved to have some orders to follow instead of lying on the bed. “And don't waste bullets on her!”

Kashim walked to the living room. The woman lifted her eyes to him. She was crying but not pleading or begging, like most of the people Kashim had finished. He didn't waste time by looking at her any more than that. Kashim stepped behind her, wrapped his arm around her delicate neck and prepared himself for a fight that didn't come. Kashim twisted. There was a loud crack.

“Don't you just love how efficient he is?” Gauron asked Vostrikov in the bedroom. “It's like a dog you can fuck.”

**

They drove to a small airstrip with one plane on it. Gauron stepped out from the truck and pulled Kashim out with him. Few men beside the plane saluted them but Gauron ignored it completely. There was stiffness in Kashim's legs as Gauron kept pushing him towards the plane. When they reached the steps that would take them inside Kashim stopped all together.

“Now what?” Gauron groaned and shoved Kashim to step forward. “It's just a fucking...” he trailed off and laughed then, probably at the horror stricken expression on Kashim's face. “You've never flown before.” He laughed a little louder before taking Kashim's wrist and forcing it to a painful angle. Kashim rushed the stairs up to keep his wrist from breaking. “It won't fall, I promise.”

Kashim had never been on a plane. He didn't understand how a giant piece of metal was supposed to stay in the sky. It didn't make any sense at all. If you jumped into the air with an AS it always came down, hard. Planes weren't any different, right? They were hell of a lot bigger than AS' too.

“Come on”, Gauron said and walked past Kashim. The plane looked nothing like Kashim had expected. It was like a large room, nothing like the insides of a confined AS or the dirty vans and trucks. There were several big chairs along the walls and small tables between them. The floor was covered with a thick mat and the walls were painted with neutral shade of grey. There was a young western woman standing next to one of the chairs. Pretty, as far as Kashim could tell. He hadn't seen many women during his life and even less western ones. She had long blonde hair and very red lips, neither very common in Afghanistan where most of the women wore burqas.

“Welcome on board, sir”, the woman said in English. “We are ready for the take-off whenever you are.”

Gauron smiled. “Very good. Do you have everything I requested?”

The woman gestured towards two large plastic bags which were draped over one of the chair. “Two sets of black suits. The weaponry is located at the cargo hold and will be handed to you as we land. You can find the list of refreshments and foods we have on board from this list”, she said and took a paper from one of the tables.

“And your name is?” Gauron asked with such a sugary voice that Kashim had to glance at the man. 

“My name is Susan, sir. It's a pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise, Susan, likewise. Tell you what,” Gauron said and pushed Kashim to take a seat on one of the chairs. “If you would be so kind and bring Kashim here something to drink before we start the engines that would be great. He's a bit nervous about his first flight.”

Susan cast a radiant smile to Kashim. “Certainly, sir.” the woman went to the back of the plane.

“Kashim.”

Kashim turned his wide-open eyes to Gauron, who sat down next to him. The man secured a ridiculously insufficient seat belt around Kashim's waste. He felt his heart race and his breathing getting faster. Where were the helmets? And the armor? Where were the controls of this thing?!

“Here's everything you need to know”, the man said and handed some small leaflet to Kashim. The boy took the paper and studied the pictures in it. It had some writing on it too, but since it was in English, Kashim had trouble reading it. The whole thing didn't make very much sense. There were pictures of a woman breathing through something that looked like a gas mask. In another set a man was putting on some yellow vest. An armor maybe.

It didn't take long for the woman to come back and place a glass in front of Kashim. “Drink that”, Gauron ordered and placed the glass in front of Kashim.

Kashim glanced at the glass. He never drank alcohol. He had seen what it did to people and Kashim didn't want to become careless like them. He wanted to keep his head clear in this new situation. “No, thank you”, he said quietly.

“Drink it.” Gauron's voice was stern.

Kashim took the glass and stared at it for a moment, before tossing the liquid in his throat. It burned and made Kashim cough, tasted horrible and changed absolutely nothing in his thoughts or behavior. He took the leaflet back into his hands and started to stare at it again. The engines started and Gauron turned his glance out of the window.

“What is this shit?” Kashim asked, getting slightly more nervous.

“It's the safety instructions”, Gauron stated. Kashim stared at the pictures a while longer, his guts settling into a tight knot.

The instructions weren't good for anything. They didn't tell anything about how the plane worked or how to operate it. “How is this supposed to save me if something happens?” Kashim pointed at the picture where a man was crouching on his seat, covering his head. “They don't even tell what things could happen!” Kashim exclaimed louder. “What kind of instructions are these?!”

Gauron turned his eyes calmly to the leaflet. “That's what you do if something goes wrong”, Gauron stated and tapped the picture of the crouching man with his large index finger. “And I take care of the rest.”

Kashim stared at the man for a moment. The plane started to move and as Kashim gripped the arm rests, Gauron placed his larger hand on top of his. The machine gained speed and the whole thing rattled. Just when Kashim started to wonder how much faster could they go, the ground behind the small windows started to lower and then disappeared. Kashim leaned quickly forward to look out of the window and watched as the airstrip below them shrank and then the whole town and the fields around it and soon they were above the mountains. His ears hurt and Kashim grimaced.

“It's the air pressure. Just like diving”, Gauron stated calmly. “Just do the Valsalva maneuver.”

Kashim glanced at him before pinching his nose close with his right hand and breathing out with his mouth closed. A small pop in his ears reduced the pain immediately. Kashim stared out of the window. They were climbing through clouds. It looked amazing. Kashim had never even dreamed he could see clouds from the inside. There was always something new around the corner. New things to see and learn.

Just like diving.

He hadn't even known how to swim when he had joined Gauron's group. Back then he hadn't talked much either so when they had been crossing the Sistan Lake to get out of Iran and the boat was shot full of holes Kashim had almost drowned. After that Gauron had taught him to swim. Basically by taking him to a small lake near Kandahar and pushing him in every time he tried to come out so that in the end Kashim had had to swam to the other side to get out. He had almost drowned then too, but he _had_ learned how to swim.

Kashim didn't think about if often, but Gauron had taught him a lot of things. Things you had to know if you wanted to survive in that kind of world. Kashim knew how to fight using anything he could find or just with his bare hands, he spoke three different languages and was learning to speak two more, he mastered more than a hundred different types of weapons, AS' included and had the stamina to outrun most of the people he had ever met.

He didn't know much about the politics. He could only read and write Pashto and Dari, not Russian or English. Even though he had thought he knew Afghanistan like the back of his hand, he had gotten lost just a few days ago. He had thought he knew how to survive, but still he would've died again without Gauron's help. There were still lot to learn.

It was easy to say that Kashim was happiest, when he was learning something new. It made him feel stronger and better and it took his thoughts off about other things. And for some reason it felt good when Gauron seemed to be proud of him.

“How does it stay in the air?” Kashim asked quietly, staring out of the window. They were now above the clouds. The whole flying bothered Kashim a lot. It shouldn't have been possible. It was against everything that Kashim knew about the laws of nature.

“It's complicated”, Gauron mumbled. He opened his seat belt and lowered the seat so he could rest better. “But it won't come down so you can just relax. Take a nap, have a wank.”

Kashim glanced at the man, but didn't bother saying anything. Gauron knew fully well that Kashim didn't “wank”. Gauron stared back at him with slightly lifted brows. “What?” Kashim had to ask after a moment.

“Have a wank”, Gauron beckoned.

Kashim let out a dismissive snort and turned his head towards the window again. “No, thank you.”

“I haven't seen you jerk off lately”, Gauron said with a pondering tone. “You still do that, right?”

Kashim was silent a while longer, going over his life in high-speed. No, he was quite sure about this. “I've never done it.”

“Don't bullshit me!” Gauron snorted and for some reason he sounded a bit angry. “Everyone does it. Jesus, you're 16 or something, right?”

Kashim shrugged. The truth was, he didn't know how old he was. Few years after he had joined the group one doctor had estimated him to be somewhere around twelve. Yeah, that was about four years ago. But that was only based on his height and teeth.

Gauron sat up and stared at Kashim. “You're 16 and you tell me you've never jerked off?” He seemed to be thinking about something. “Well... you've cummed, right?”

Kashim's face turned slightly pink. He really didn't want to talk about this.

“When we're together, you've cummed, right?” Gauron pressed and started to sound like there was something seriously wrong.

Kashim knew that there were two answers here; the correct answer and the truth. It was always difficult to choose the truth, but Kashim had learned that Gauron found out the truth anyway. Lying would always be the worse option. “No.” His voice got strangled in his throat. Would saying that make Gauron pissed? It might have been offensive or something.

Gauron kept staring at him. Kashim knew it even if he didn't saw the man. The silence was brooding.

Kashim glanced at Gauron and tried to shrug it off. “It's just...” What was he doing?! Was he trying to make Gauron feel better about this?! “It hurts really bad.” He didn't know much, but cumming was related to the enjoyment, right? Gauron should have been well aware that Kashim didn't actually enjoy any part of fucking.

Gauron stared at him silently and his lips contorted in annoyed way. He reached his hand up to press some button on the ceiling. Almost instantly the western woman, Susan, walked to them.

“Yes, sir?” the woman asked Gauron.

“How does our flight time look like?”

“Well sir, at the moment we are right on schedule. The normal flight time is about 6 hours 20 minutes and we should arrive Singapore at two pm.”

“What's the local time there then?”

“5.30 pm, sir.”

“Perfect. We'll eat lunch at about eleven. Before that we are perfectly fine.”

The woman nodded. “If you need anything, just call me.” The woman bowed slightly and went again to the front of the plane. The door between the areas closed.

Gauron turned to Kashim and the smile on his face didn't promise anything good. “Now, have a wank.”

Kashim's jaws tensed immediately. “But... I...”

“Open your pants and take your cock out. Either you will do this on your own or I'll do it for you. The decision is yours.”

Kashim's hands were trembling slightly. This was already the second time today that Gauron was like this and it was only eight in the morning. “No sex, then?” he asked quietly.

Gauron chuckled and took a more relaxed posture on his seat. “Well I can't promise anything, you're so fucking hot. But I'll show you how to do stuff without it hurting.”

Again it sounded too good to be true. Kashim stared at his hands, trying to come up with a solution. Only when Gauron shifted his hand towards him, Kashim snapped out of his thoughts. “No! I'll.. do it myself.”

“That's a good boy”, Gauron mused and pulled his hand back. “Take it out.”

Kashim kept his eyes on his hands because Gauron's stare was too unnerving. It took some time before Kashim opened the trousers and pulled his member out, trying to block most of the view with his hand.

“Don't worry about it. It will keep growing, most likely”, Gauron said and propped his head against his palm. “Wrap your fingers around it and pull back. Just like you do to me only slower.”

Kashim gritted his teeth and started to move his hand. He had never even thought that there might be something wrong with him size-wise. Of course he wasn't anywhere near Gauron's size, but the man was bigger in every other way too so Kashim had never really compared them. He hadn't realised it was something to worry about.

“Close your eyes.”

Kashim kept his eyes on his hand. He so wouldn't close his eyes now that Gauron was right next to him. Kashim didn't want any surprises. “It's fine...” he mumbled.

“Close your eyes”, Gauron repeated. “Concentrate on how it feels.”

With hesitation Kashim closed his eyes. It didn't make much difference, since he could hear Gauron breath next to him. Kashim kept his hand moving and he was about to tell Gauron how he didn't feel anything when he suddenly jolted. His hand stopped immediately and his eyes shot open.

“Keep going”, Gauron said with a chuckle.

Kashim really didn't feel like continuing. He wasn't sure what he had felt, but he was pretty sure he hadn't liked it. Or at least he hadn't liked the fact that he had maybe liked it a little. Maybe. When Gauron's hand approached him again, Kashim hit it away and started to zip his pants up with haste.

“Oh come on, it's nothing to be ashamed of”, Gauron groaned. “It feels good, so fucking what? We're men, Kashim. It's what the whole shit is about.”

Kashim didn't answer. He sat still and stared at the opposite seat in silent horror. There was something seriously wrong with him. Doing stuff like that and enjoying it. No sane person did that. Kashim had always been above the rest of them. Now he was turning into Gauron. The thought made him sick.

Gauron snorted. “Listen; you're bound to have hard-ons at your age. Every single man does. Every fucking one. You just jerk yourself off and get it over with.” He smiled and petted Kashim's hair. “Or you can just let me do it for you.”

Kashim pulled his head away. “Don't touch me”, he snapped. “I don't like it.”

“Oh little angel, you just showed me that you do.” Gauron pulled his hand away and returned to his relaxed position. “There's a crapper right there in the back. You can just go there, lock the door and get to know your body a little better.”

Kashim tried to calm himself down. Yelling at Gauron never resulted in anything good. “Why the hell would I want to do that?” he asked annoyed. “I'm not like you.”

Gauron's eyebrows lifted. “Well first of all; yes you are and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. And secondly; if you don't know how your body's going to react to something like your own fucking touch, how the hell are you supposed to prepare yourself for something more, hmm? Makes you a pretty shitty soldier not to know what makes you tick.”

Kashim turned his eyes fully to Gauron's. “Sex and fighting have nothing to do with each other.”

“Sure they do”, Gauron said calmly. “But more importantly it's about learning to control yourself. It's a skill like any other and you'd better learn it as soon as possible.”

Kashim had to take a moment to think about what they were talking about. “Learn what?”

“Learn how to enjoy sex, of course. It's clearly a weakness for you”, Gauron chuckled.

Kashim felt a burst of anger. He did not have weaknesses. He was the best soldier Gauron had in his group and he would be even better than Gauron himself someday. “That's not true”, he growled.

“It isn't?” Gauron asked with a smile. “You mean you don't fear sex? You don't panic every time I touch you? You didn't think of changing the team because of it?” Gauron watched him silently for a moment. “Sex can be used as a threat against you. You don't think that's a weakness?”

Kashim fell silent and thought about it. Part of what Gauron said was true. Well, all of it. Kashim gritted his teeth. He had a weakness that could be used – that _had_ been used against him. Shit. He hadn't even thought about it like that.

“It's just like any other skill I've taught you; swimming, reading, fighting with AS”, Gauron went on. “And since I very much like fucking you, you'd better get used to it and make yourself that much stronger. And the key to that lies in your own pants.” He grinned at Kashim. “Go have a wank and start making yourself a better soldier.”

Kashim glared at Gauron for a moment before standing up and walking to the toilet.


	5. Singapore

It didn't work out very well. The toilet shook and rattled and it smelled of sharp cleaning solutions. Kashim sat on the toilet seat, not able to touch himself again. Gauron's words haunted his mind, telling him over and over again that he was handicapped as a soldier until he learned to like sex. It was a weakness just waiting to be used against him. Like Gauron had done so many times.

With an angry snort Kashim reached to open his trousers again. He leaned back and tried to take a more relaxed position, the way he had seen Gauron do. Kashim closed his eyes and fumbled his member out again. It felt warm and flaccid in his hand and Kashim gave it few experimental tugs. For few short seconds Kashim thought he felt something, but that was all. He didn't get hard like Gauron nor did he feel like continuing after awhile. It was frustrating to think he wasn't as good as everyone else because of something he had no control over. So instead he just sat there, enjoying the short moment of peace without Gauron's presence.

After about twenty minutes Kashim finally stood up and walked back. Gauron kept eyeing him with a lazy sneer.

“Well?” the man asked as Kashim sat down on his seat.

“I don't think it works the same way with me”, he stated and turned his glance out of the window again, trying to hide the fact that the matter bothered him so much.

Gauron huffed and closed his eyes. “Well, we'll do something about it later.” The man crossed his arms on his broad chest and started to nap. Kashim sat in his seat and kept watching the clouds beneath them.

**

When there was an hour left before landing, Gauron tossed one of the plastic bags to Kashim. “Change into that”, he commanded and started to take off his own clothes.

Kashim glanced at his Soviet uniform and stood up, tossing the jacket off. It seemed they were going to meet some people who were against the Soviets. “Are we changing sides again?” It happened every once in awhile, when the other side was winning or Gauron just got bored. Once they had came about a battle of both sides and Gauron had decided to kill the other group and change sides, because the others had fresh beef for dinner.

“What?” Gauron glanced at him. “No. We just... need to look a little different.” Gauron stated and seemed to adjust his balls in his briefs, before taking out black trousers from his own bag.

Kashim took off his clothes and opened his own bag. “I...” Kashim stammered. “This?” He pulled out what seemed like a black business suit.

“Yeah. Put it on”, Gauron urged. “You can't walk around in a fucking uniform. They won't even let you into the country.”

Kashim's lower lip protruded into a pout as he pulled the black pants on. The fabric was thin and it made him itch. Glancing at Gauron for guidance, Kashim pulled the white collar shirt on and buttoned it up. Copying the older man he pushed the hem into the pants and took a hold of the long black piece of cloth. Kashim kept staring at it, but couldn't tell what it was. Gauron had draped the thing around his neck and seemed to be tying it into some kind of a knot. It reminded Kashim of a noose.

“I don't want to wear this”, he stated quietly. It really didn't feel like a good idea to be wearing something like that around the neck when they were about to meet someone who wasn't necessarily on their side. It would be too easy to take a hold of.

“It comes with the suit”, Gauron said and beckoned Kashim towards him.

“It's dangerous”, Kashim informed as he walked in front of Gauron. The man wrapped the cloth around his neck and kept turning and folding it to make the knot.

“No one's going to strangle you with it. These people don't think like that. They don't even know how to kill without a gun.”

Kashim frowned. “Are they retarded?”

“Something like that,” Gauron said with a chuckle. “But they can be dangerous too, so keep close to me.” He tightened the knot around Kashim's throat.

“It feels bad”, Kashim said and tried to pry some room between the cloth and his throat.

“Don't touch it”, Gauron muttered and smacked Kashim's hand off. “You'll fuck it up. Put the jacket on.” Kashim pulled the final piece on and Gauron adjusted it to his shoulders. “Damn you look good. Almost like a civilized man.” His hand pushed Kashim's hair out of his eyes. “We'll have to keep this afterwards.” Gauron patted Kashim on the shoulder. “Now take a seat and I'll tell you what we are doing here.”

Kashim sat down and stretched his neck to make the suit feel more comfortable, but it only felt more suffocating. Gauron had taken an envelope and pulled few photographs from it.

“Our targets”, Gauron stated and placed the pictures on the table in front of them. There were three Asian men in the pictures. “Mainly I'm doing the killing, but there's few things I need your help with. It might be necessary for you to handle this guy.” Gauron tapped one of the photos with his finger. “I think he knows me too well to trust me, but you could get close to him easily.”

“Who is he?” Kashim asked, staring at the photo and memorizing as many physical traits as he could. The length of the nose, the width of the mouth, the shape of the head...

“Yeong Lee, originally from North-Korea. He has a gang of some sort, handles drug-smuggling and underground nightclubs.”

“Does he have something to do with us?”

“It's a paid job”, Gauron said. “With that money we'll get some nice upgrades for the AS'.”

Kashim's head turned quickly towards the man. “We can finally get the gas turbine engine for the Duster2?” he exclaimed.

“That _and_ the BK-540's for both of us”, Gauron said with a wide grin.

Kashim's jaw dropped open. “That's--! That will enhance our battling for at least 40 percent! The fire power alone--! The speed--!”

“I know”, Gauron smiled. “We'll be unstoppable.”

**

Singapore was very different from Kabul. They were both huge cities, but Singapore wasn't dusty and dirty in the same way. All around them were bright, colorful lights and buildings so tall they disappeared into the clouds.

“Don't say anything, just follow me”, Gauron said as they got out in front of a hotel. Kashim lifted his eyes to the sky to see if the hotel was as tall as the other buildings. He stumbled in his step as Gauron pushed him forward towards the doors.

From inside the hotel looked more like a palace of some sort. It was quiet and so clean Kashim felt bad walking on the carpets. Gauron walked to the counter and Kashim followed him in a haze. Most of the men in the hotel were wearing black suits and Kashim was grateful Gauron had made him change his clothes.

“Cheng Wu and son”, Gauron stated to the young girl behind the counter.

Kashim glanced at Gauron. Cheng Wu wasn't his real name any more than Kashim was his son. Gauron had tens, maybe hundreds of names and all of them were just as real as “Gauron”. More than once Gauron had given a false Chinese name, even though Kashim had never seen a Chinese man who looked like Gauron. Well, he hadn't seen anyone from any country who would have resembled Gauron even the slightest, but still.

The girl didn't seem to mind though. She asked Gauron few questions about the paying method and then passed them the key-cards. Gauron took both of them.

It wasn't just a room they were given, it was five. Two bedrooms, both with a full bathroom and a large room in the middle which Gauron called a sitting room.

“I will be gone most of today. You will wait here.” Gauron stated as he placed one of the weapon cases to the sitting room table.

“Yes, sir.”

He walked to the television and flipped it on, tossing the remote to Kashim. “Learn to use that and you might survive the boredom. I will get you something to eat while you wait. They will knock on the door and call themselves the room service. They will only come once and after that whoever comes through that door, except for me, you can kill without any questions. Roger?”

“Roger”, Kashim affirmed. He glanced out of the window as Gauron opened the weapon case to check that everything was in order. The city skyline stretched as far as eye could see. It was a huge city. There must have been millions of people there.

“You wouldn't last a day”, Gauron said.

Kashim turned his eyes to the man, who was looking at him while assembling a handgun. Once he was ready, he stood up and patted Kashim's shoulder. “Just stay here. You have the tracking chip still on anyway.”

Kashim's nose twitched as the chip was mentioned. It felt like he was in an invisible leash all the time. Gauron left the room and Kashim was left alone with only the sound of television. It was an English program and Kashim only recognized few words here and there.

**

Kashim didn't cope well with boredom. He had been constantly doing something for all of his life. Even when the others were just waiting for something to happen and complaining, Kashim had been training either physically or mentally. That was what he had done this time too. He had trained his English with the television and doing some light training with push-ups and stomach crunches.

The food Gauron had promised was brought in and Kashim ate some of the fish and fruits. He didn't touch anything he didn't recognize which was most of it. At eleven pm Kashim took one of the blankets and made himself comfortable under one of the beds. His sleep was light and he kept waking up every time someone walked in the nearby hallway. But no one knocked or entered the room.

When the door opened few hours later, Kashim was already awake. He didn't have the time to even shift to a better fighting position, when Gauron already growled something at the doorway, making sure Kashim knew it was just him. For a moment Kashim thought whether he should still get out or just continue sleeping, but Gauron would never buy it if he faked to be asleep. He knew Kashim was awake the moment the door opened. So Kashim got out and dusted his clothes a little. He had taken the jacket and the shirt off, because they were too nice to mess up.

Gauron walked into the dim room just when Kashim straightened himself. All the lights shining outside made it impossible for it to be totally dark.

“I got you something”, the man informed and tossed a small carton, the size of his palm to Kashim.

Kashim stared at the package, it was medicine of some sort. “I'm not sick anymore”, he informed. Kashim didn't take a lot of medicines anyway. Only when he had seriously injured himself, he took the pain killers when offered. But of course it was always a different thing, if Gauron ordered him to take something. You couldn't really argue with someone like him.

“Take one anyway”, Gauron grunted and ripped the black string of cloth from his neck.

Kashim opened the small box and popped one blue pill to his palm. “What is it?”

Gauron stopped undoing his clothing and kept staring at Kashim until the pill disappeared into his mouth. Gauron glanced at the clock on the wall and then resumed the undressing, until he had only his pants on too. There wasn't blood anywhere.

“Did you get them?” Kashim asked out of curiosity.

“The first one”, the man answered and walked into the bathroom to take a shower. Kashim decided to just sit on the bed and wait. He couldn't sleep any more anyway.

It took quite a long for Gauron to finish his shower; almost half an hour or so. He walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and his dark hair dripping with water. He glanced at the corner of the blanket protruding from underneath the bed. “I really don't get you sometimes. It's a nice bed. Much better than anything you've ever slept in and there you are, sleeping on a god damned floor.” He shook his head. “Sometimes I wonder if you might be few bullets short of a clip, you know?”

Kashim lifted his eyes to Gauron and frowned. “No, you didn't even give me a gun”, Kashim reminded him with a puzzled look on his face.

Gauron stared at him for awhile, before bursting into a laughter and pulling Kashim up and into an uncomfortably tight hug. “What would I do without you?”

Kashim didn't know if it was an actual question. “I don't know, sir”, Kashim replied, his face pressed against the wet and hot chest.

Gauron's chuckle rocked Kashim's whole body. The man lowered his hand to Kashim's bare back and smoothed his skin. “You know, you're about to experience something amazing, Kashim”, he murmured into Kashim's ear and lowered his mouth to kiss his neck. “It's going to be so good I almost envy you...”

There were chills running down Kashim's spine. Just as he was about to pull away from the man, Gauron took a firm hold of Kashim's thighs and lifted him up. Kashim ended up on his back on the bed, Gauron's massive body hovering over him. “Don't...” Kashim grunted and placed his palms against Gauron's chest to push the man off.

Gauron seized his wrists and moved his hands above Kashim's head. With a ridiculous ease he held Kashim's both hands with only one of his and used the other one to trail the ridges of his ribs. “It's not going to hurt one bit today”, Gauron said with a smile. “It's all going to be so good.” Kashim yelped as the hand started to open his belt. At this point any promises about this being painless were meaningless. Gauron hadn't kept his word too many times.

Only this time he did do something very different. He stuck his hand inside Kashim's briefs and started to stroke Kashim's member.

Kashim's jaw dropped open and he kept his breath absolutely silent. There was something horrible in Gauron's relaxed smile. Kashim could only stare at the hand in the dim light. A blue light shone on Gauron's skin from the window, making him look like he was carved from stone. A thumb was wiped over the tip of Kashim's dick.

There was a twitch.

Kashim jumped and was immediately pressed tighter against the bed. The smile on Gauron's face got wider as he fastened the pace of his hand. “It's ok”, the man assured. “Relax.”

Kashim did the exact opposite as he felt his body react. Every muscle in his body was tensed to the fullest as he felt the odd pressure take over his groin. It felt almost painful. But the worst thing was, that it didn't feel completely unpleasant. Kashim was gasping for air as he watched himself get hard in Gauron's large hand. The corners of his eyes were getting wet for some reason.

“Does it feel good?” Gauron asked with a low voice and pulled his hand away for a second to lick his palm with one long stroke. As he continued, the only answer from Kashim was a loud gasp. “ _This_ is what it's all about.”

Without a warning Gauron let go of Kashim's hands and member and stood up. Kashim sat up and backed up on the bed until his back was pressed against the headboard. He glanced downwards. It was still there, all hard and throbbing and looking extremely alien to Kashim.

“Go on. Touch it”, Gauron chuckled. “It's about time for you to get to know these things.”

With a shaky hand Kashim touched himself. The dick was rock hard, but more sensitive than ever. It was a little bigger too. For some reason it made Kashim feel good. Gauron came back to the bed with the mystery tube he had gotten from the medic. Kashim pressed himself tighter against the headboard. It would have been an understatement to say he was feeling a little vulnerable.

“Give me your hand”, Gauron ordered as he opened the tube. It didn't seem like too bad of a request and Kashim held out his palm. Gauron squeezed out a small amount of something clear and cold. “Rub it on.”

Kashim stared at his hand and felt the gel with his thumb. He had no idea, what he was doing. Gauron shifted slightly towards him, probably to do it himself and Kashim snapped out of his thoughts. He wrapped his fingers around himself once more and inhaled sharply.

“It'll warm up. Keep jerking. Slowly. I don't want you to cum yet.”

It was annoying how little Kashim needed Gauron's orders or how little fear he felt. He was eager to do it and there was something seriously wrong with that. It was just that... he had never thought he could feel things like these. It had always been a part of everyone else's life but not his. It wasn't everyday that you learned something this big about yourself. When Gauron pulled Kashim's pants off, Kashim just kicked more speed to it even though his heart was racing.

“Come here and lie down.”

Kashim glanced at Gauron and licked his lower lip quickly. “I want to do this alone”, he said, his voice quivering slightly. “Like in the plane.”

Gauron laughed a little. “No, there's more things I need to teach you. Just do as I tell you and this will feel even better.” He patted the space next to him. “Come here. I want to show you how this will never hurt you again.”

When Kashim still hesitated, Gauron took a grip of his ankle and yanked him across the bed. Kashim ended up on his right side, next to Gauron, with the man's arm wrapped around his chest.

“Now, don't fight back, ok? You need to be still”, he whispered against Kashim's hair and lifted Kashim's leg up a bit.

Kashim tensed when he felt something cold against his entrance. He pressed his eyes closed and tried to prepare himself for the pain when Gauron would ram his fingers inside of him.

The finger slid slowly in. Kashim breathed out and opened his eyes. Gauron's hand guided Kashim back to jerking himself. “Keep going. Slowly...” he reminded. “Just enjoy the feeling.” The finger was pulled out and pushed back in with long, slow movements. Even when Gauron moved his finger inside Kashim, it didn't hurt almost at all. If he had been completely healed from the last time, it might have not hurt at all. “Give me your hand.”

Kashim let his member go and reached back. Gauron squeezed more of the gel to his fingers. “Start with one finger. Push it in. Spread the lube around.”

Kashim was glad he didn't have to look Gauron in the eyes. It made the whole thing a lot easier. Gauron's hand wrapped around Kashim's rock hard member as Kashim pushed his index finger in. It glided right in to the last knuckle.

“Move it around. Do you feel how tight you are?”, Gauron sighed against his ear. Kashim could feel the man's hard-on against his leg. “Now, slowly, push another finger in.”

At that point Kashim would have gladly stopped the whole thing. It had been new and not so bad, but from now on there wasn't anything nice left.

“Go on. You can go as slow as you want”, Gauron murmured and placed his hand on Kashim's side. “God you look good.”

Kashim pulled his finger out and pressed his middle finger against his pointer. The tip of the fingers went in without a problem, but then Kashim stopped.

“Let your body adjust a while. Just wait and the pain will go away”, Gauron said and brushed his thumb over Kashim's tip again.

It didn't actually hurt, uncomfortable sure, but Kashim decided to take a moment anyway. Gauron shifted slightly and soon another dose of the gel dropped to Kashim's fingers. Gauron's hand lifted his cheek. “That's good. Pull out a little and push them in.” Kashim did that, because there still wasn't pain. It was getting difficult to reach back enough.

“One more finger”, Gauron said and started to jerk Kashim again, this time a little faster. Kashim's breathing got faster too as he felt the throbbing pressure again. Adding another finger ached, but it was nothing compared to the pain Gauron had caused him and would cause him if Kashim tried to stop in the middle of this.

“This is how you prepare yourself. I leave the lube to you and you can do this yourself in advance. That way it won't hurt anymore.” Gauron stopped his hand and pushed Kashim on to his stomach. The big hands lifted his hips up as the man pressed closer. “Keep jerking yourself. Keep yourself hard.”

Gauron spread Kashim's cheeks and pushed the tip of his cock against the entrance. For few times he just glided the cock in the cleft, before guiding more pressure into his push. Kashim clenched his jaws and fisted the sheets as Gauron pushed in with one slow movement. The man let out low growl.

“You should see how your ass twitches”, Gauron chuckled and slapped Kashim's ass. Kashim didn't need to see it, he felt it. He felt how his body tried to push Gauron out and how his muscles clenched against the intrusion. He felt Gauron's cock brush against his older wounds and send sharp flashes of pain all over his lower body.

Kashim let out a shout as Gauron pulled completely out and pushed then in with a faster move. “It hurts”, Kashim whined.

“Yeah”, Gauron sighed. “You should prepare yourself a bit longer the next time.” He smoothed one of his hands against Kashim's back. There was another dose of the cold gel against Kashim's hole. It eased the pain and burning a little and Kashim let out a small sigh. Gauron chuckled. “You like that stuff, huh?”

“Yes”, Kashim replied honestly.

Gauron leaned over him and placed a kiss on Kashim's neck. “Good. Now let's get you cumming.” He reached under Kashim and replaced the boy's hand with his own. The pace was fast and made Kashim gasp.

For a minute or two it actually felt good. Until Gauron let go of him and started to pound Kashim with full force, making the bed squeak and the headboard bang against the wall. Gauron's hand gripped Kashim's neck and pressed his face against the pillows so his cries were muffled. Gauron finished with a loud growl and pulled Kashim against his chest. He shot his semen inside Kashim and collapsed to the bed, not letting the boy go.

Kashim's hard on was still there and Gauron placed Kashim's hand on it. With Gauron still inside of him, Kashim started to jerk himself. It took awhile, before the urge and the pressure came back, but this time Gauron didn't do anything to stop him. Ignoring the chuckle which rocked Kashim's back and the pain he felt all around, he increased the pace of his hand. It felt suffocating, like he couldn't breath enough and breathed too much at the same time. He was shaking and making a small whimpering sound.

Just as Kashim felt he couldn't take any more, Gauron's hand smoothed his chest. It felt like something had snapped under a huge pressure. A flash of pleasure that made him shout out and made his muscles convulse. The cum hit his stomach and the bed sheets.

For a few seconds Kashim lied there paralysed, staring blankly ahead before bursting into tears for an unknown reason. He was shaking all over, from his lips to his toes. Gauron reached out to pull him next to the man and after a short and pathetic fight Kashim was there again, against Gauron's body. Only this time he was crying his eyes out, while Gauron smoothed his back with his hand and repeated over and over again that everything would be okay.

**

Kashim woke up with a startle when something was tossed on to his face. He sprang up and glanced around. It had been a pillow. Gauron was standing in front of the bed and getting dressed. He smirked at Kashim.

“You were still asleep? Man, I must've worn you out last night.”

Kashim glanced at the clock on the wall. Quarter past eleven. Eleven. Eleven like... almost noon? It was such a strange time of the day to wake up that Kashim just stared at the pointers for few moments. He had never slept past six if he hadn't stayed up all night.

“Eat, take a shower and get dressed. I need your help today.” Gauron nodded towards the table, which had all sorts of foods on it. It made Kashim uneasy to think he had been sleeping too deeply not to wake up when someone entered the room with the food. In other circumstances it could have been fatal.

Last night came back with a small wave of shame and a bigger one for confusion. Kashim didn't cry often but it had happened before. As an experience the crying paled in comparison with the cumming. Kashim glanced down. The hard on was gone, just as mysteriously as it had appeared in the first place.


	6. The Hitman

Kashim had always had a keen sense of direction. He didn't get lost easily and could always navigate his way back to the starting point if nothing else. But in Singapore Kashim had to just step outside the hotel and he was already puzzled. There were so many people, heavy traffic, advertisements, voices and colours that it almost made him sick. Gauron had driven them across the city while Kashim had assembled the handguns and a rifle in the back seat.

Their target would be in a private apartment today. Gauron would go in and do the killing. Kashim would be positioned by the car further back with the rifle and provide cover fire once Gauron would exit the building.

Kashim twisted the silencers to the handguns and went over the conversation he had had with Gauron back at the hotel room.

“And the reason you won't shoot me with that is...?” Gauron had asked while Kashim had handled the rifle at the hotel.

Kashim had lifted his eyes to Gauron and given the subject a quick thought. He could shoot Gauron easily, but then he would be alone in the city. He probably could survive, but getting back to Afghanistan would be difficult. “My passports are with you and I can't speak English or Chinese well enough to cross the border. They would probably arrest me and at some point Vostrikov would come and kill me”, Kashim had answered. “Are the local prisons as bad as back home?”

“Worse”, Gauron had said.

Kashim wasn't sure how that was even possible, but he wasn't eager to find out either. He had seen people who got out of prisons and if they still had all of their limbs with them, they were at least half crazy.

“I'm ready”, Kashim informed from the back seat and Gauron nodded. They drove on for another half an hour, before Gauron started to circle one block. He kept eyeing the alleys, balconies and the parked cars.

“I'll leave you there”, Gauron stated and pointed the nearby parking lot. “I will be going in through that entrance and I will come out from there.” He pointed the fire escape on the side of the building. “Shoot anyone coming after me or around that corner.”

“Roger”, Kashim stated, noting the points he had to keep an eye on. “Are there time limits?”

“I should be in and out in ten minutes. If something goes wrong, leave the gun and return to the hotel, contact Vostrikov from there and he will take over.” He parked the car, it's tail towards the building and climbed out.

Kashim tossed a blanket over himself and laid down. One of the backseats had been taken out to make enough room for Kashim to lie down in the trunk comfortably. He set the rifle up and pushed the tip of the barrel out through a small drilled hole. Above it was another hole for Kashim's scope. Kashim took a relaxed position, his legs on the back seat and his upper torso inside the trunk. Through the scope he could see Gauron make his way towards the building and disappearing inside. Kashim started to count the seconds and moved his sight to the side exit.

Kashim had counted four minutes and thirty seven seconds when he heard the first shot. It wasn't a good sign, since Gauron was supposed to use the silencers. The man had blown his cover. It still didn't mean everything was lost, because it wasn't anything new that Gauron just went ahead and shot everything in sight instead of sneaking around.

The side exit stayed closed. More rounds were shot and Kashim started to count out loud to keep track of the time. At seven minutes eleven seconds it became silent. Kashim could make out police sirens further away. At 9.22 the front door was opened and few men rushed out. As one of them closed the corner in Kashim's sight, he fired. The man fell down and the others pulled their guns out. Since the fire exit was still closed, Kashim took the others out too. Better to be safe than sorry.

Few rounds were shot towards the car and Kashim cursed. Ten minutes had passed and Gauron was still inside. From the look of it, they had failed. Kashim still kept his eyes on the fire exit. He didn't want to make the grave error and leave too early only to leave Gauron in trouble.

The car door was opened and Kashim startled. He was about to make sure it was Gauron, when someone yanked him by the ankles and pulled him out from the trunk. Kashim kicked and fought but as soon as he saw his attackers, he stopped. There were four rifle barrels pointing towards him and Kashim's rifle was still in the trunk. The men were shouting at him maybe in Chinese. Kashim lifted his hands slowly as he tried to think of ways to kill four armed men with his bare hands. It would've been possible in some other place. The police sirens were coming closer and one of the men hit Kashim to the head with the handle of the gun. Kashim let out a grunt as his legs gave out. The hit wasn't enough to make him pass out, but it made him dizzy enough for the men to haul him across the street and inside without a problem.

Two men were supporting Kashim from his armpits as they made their way over some corpses. Kashim tried to see if any of them was Gauron, but they were all too small for that. There were shouts from all around and car engines howling. Kashim was pushed through a door and to stairs leading down just as the police cars drove to the front door.

Kashim walked down the stairs and pressed his palm against his head. There was some blood, but it wasn't a big wound. Nothing to worry about. He glanced around. In the hot and dusty basement was about twenty heavily armed men. Each one of them was eye-balling Kashim to their best effort. Some of them were bleeding. Gauron wasn't there; dead nor alive.

Getting caught was an event Kashim didn't like. He wasn't looking forward of being questioned or tortured. He knew he could handle much, but he had limits like everyone else. And with Gauron gone, there wouldn't be anyone coming to the rescue. Whatever the condition Gauron was in, it was clear he wasn't in alive and in this building any more. No, Gauron was either dead or far gone and Kashim had failed like a rookie.

He was seated on a chair. No one came close enough to tie him up, but the rifles were pointed at him. The leader of the group stepped forward. He was an Asian man, in his mid forties with a neatly shaved mustaches and a long scar running from his left ear to his chin. The man asked something and lit a cigarette, returning his eyes to Kashim. When Kashim didn't answer, he changed the language to Chinese and then maybe Japanese.

Kashim straightened his back a little, which caused the men around him take a better hold of their rifles. “I speak Pashto, Dari and Russian”, Kashim stated them in Russian, which had become the most comfortable language to him. Gauron spoke Russian to him and Gauron was one of the few people who spoke to him. “Too little English”, he added in English with such a thick accent, he wasn't sure they even understood.

The leader asked something from his men. There were general murmur around and someone left the crowd. The basement was larger than Kashim had expected, expanding underneath the whole block. There must have been several ways out. The leader smoke his cigarette, while Kashim took in his surroundings and noted that there weren't any torturing devices to be seen. That made him a bit more relaxed.

A thin man rushed to them with a rifle and made a small bow to the leader. They spoke few sentences before the newcomer turned to Kashim.

“Who are you?” he spoke Russian with a funny accent, which made him sound like a small child.

Kashim didn't reply. He had no aliases and he wouldn't give out his only name to these people.

“You were with that assassin, Nine Dragons. Are you in his team?”

“Is he dead?” Kashim decided to ask, careful to mask all of his emotions.

The man confirmed the answer from the leader. “Yes.”

Kashim didn't fully buy it, but still he felt a sinking feeling in his chest. He had never liked the man, but nevertheless Gauron had always taken care of him. Because of Gauron he had always had a team to provide him food and shelter. Without Gauron, Kashim had his freedom, but not much else. It might be that he wouldn't even have his life in a few minutes. If Gauron had been alive, wouldn't he had come back to get Kashim? He would never just run off and leave him here.

“You are sad”, the man translated as the leader spoke.

Kashim didn't answer. If Gauron was dead, there was nothing to protect anymore. It all came down to Kashim and him alone. Now it was all about his survival. He had to get out, to the hotel, contact Vostrikov and get back to Afghanistan. Once there he could ask Vostrikov, what the team would do. With a little luck he would be welcomed back there. If not, he would have to find another team. “He was my commanding officer”, Kashim replied.

“You don't look old enough to be a soldier.”

“I'm not. I'm a guerilla fighter. I'm part of no army”, Kashim answered.

That seemed to raise some discussion among the men. The leader gave out orders and most of the men left. “If you don't try to run, we will not kill you”, the translator said.

Kashim stayed still as two rifles were kept pointed at his head while a third man walked behind him to tie his hands. Kashim's wrists twisted automatically to the correct position and when the man did absolutely nothing to correct them, Gauron's words about the stupidity of these people came back to Kashim. Either they didn't know anything about tying people up properly or no one had escaped them before. That was about to change.

The two guards stayed. Kashim took a good 45 minutes to familiarize himself with the basement. Where the lights were, where were the exits, how many men had went into each exit and how many voices he could hear. What kind of weapons there were, what kind of shooters were they, what did they think they knew about Kashim.

Once Kashim was ready and the guards were already at ease, he stood up, holding the rope that had been used to tie his hands. He choked the first guard and used his rifle to shoot the second one. Before the second guard had time to fall down, Kashim was already shooting out the lights. When the basement door opened, he was already gone. It was almost too easy.

Kashim had chosen an exit in the north-west corner of the basement. One man had come out of there, but no one else had used it. He didn't meet anyone in the tunnel and surfaced after a short run from a manhole in an alley. The only guard had been sitting on a wooden box, smoking a cigarette. Kashim bashed his face in with the end of the rifle and after tossing the rifle away, jogged into the crowd on the street.

He was located on the other side of the building he had just been in. For awhile Kashim kept eyeing the building, trying to make up his mind about getting the rifle or maybe search for Gauron. Just as he was about to leave the scene, a black car drove past him and froze Kashim's movements. On the back seat, sitting calmly, was Yeong Lee, their third target, Kashim's primary target. The last name on Gauron's list.

It was more about stubbornness and being a perfectionist than it was about being smart. Gauron would have kicked his teeth in, if he had known what Kashim was about to do. But still, as Kashim watched Yeong Lee being driven to the same building he had just escaped from, Kashim turned around and jogged back to the alley.

The guard was still there, unconscious. Kashim rolled his eyes to the sight, walked next to the brick wall and scratched his forehead against the rough surface, just enough to make his head bleed slightly. Then he laid down next to the guard, closed his eyes and waited.

It took several boring minutes for someone to climb up from the manhole and start to shout. Kashim was kicked to his side, but he kept still. He was carried back into the building, the men sounding very pleased to themselves. Idiots.

Kashim spent hours in the basement with four armed men, now staring at him more concentrated. This time his hands were cuffed. It was probably supposed to be more difficult to get out from, but Kashim played nice and sat still.

The leader of the group came down with few other men. Among them; Yeong Lee. Kashim was careful not to make eye contact to the man.

“You tried to escape”, the translator stated and tried to mimic the accusing tone of the leader. “We said we would kill you.”

It actually made Kashim offended. That they thought him to be so new to this, he wouldn't know how these things went. If they wanted him dead, they would've killed him already. They had some reason to keep him alive and until they got that, Kashim could try to finish off Yeong Lee. Kashim glanced at the leader. Everyone was silent.

“Do you know who I am?” Lee asked and stepped forward. He spoke in fluent Russian too.

Kashim stared at the man. “You all look the same to me”, he muttered.

Lee laughed and squatted down in front of Kashim. “Is it true you are Gauron's son?”

Kashim felt his heart skip a beat. Was that the reason he was still alive? They had contacted the hotel and now they thought...

“You are, aren't you?” Lee continued with a smirk. “No wonder he took you in.” Lee took out a slim cigarette. “Well he's dead. You knew that, right?”

Kashim nodded slightly.

“Doesn't seem to bother you that much.”

Kashim didn't reply.

“I know what kind of a man he was”, Lee stated with a shrug. “A lot of boys your age hate his guts.”

Kashim couldn't help the horrified expression crawling on to his face. How the hell could Lee know things like that about Gauron? Did the whole fucking world know?!

Lee only smiled dryly. “I know I'm right. I know the man. Son or no son.” He breathed out a thick cloud of smoke. “So, what are your plans now? Back to Afghanistan?” he continued when Kashim still didn't answer. “You look like you could be from around here. Who was your mother?” With still no answer from Kashim, Lee walked around a bit and turned back towards him. “This could be your way out, you know. Start a new life. I could use a fast killer like you, trained by the best.”

It sounded way too good to be true, but Kashim took the bait anyway and shrugged. The more he kept Lee talking, the more he would learn about the man and the easier it would be to kill him. “I have nothing to go back to.”

“You didn't have a team in Afghanistan?”

Kashim shrugged. “They all hate me. Because of Gauron.”

Lee nodded slowly and smoked silently for awhile. “Then why did you try to run?”

“I don't want to be tortured for nothing. Gauron didn't share any information with me.”

Lee let out a short laughter. “That I believe. He has – had – several trust issues. Let him loose”, the man gestured to the guards. There was a moment of nervous silence. “Go on. Let him loose.”

The cuffs were opened and Kashim stood slowly up, rubbing his wrists. He stared at Lee, measuring the man and the ways to finish him.

“So? Do you want to work for me then? The pay's good and you don't have to do anything... difficult. We'll get you a nice room and some food. New clothes. How does that sound?”

Kashim nodded slowly. “Good, I guess. I could eat.”

Lee laughed and rested his arm on Kashim's shoulders, leading them to the stairs. Kashim could have killed the man right there and then, twist his neck or kick him head first down the stairs, but Kashim _was_ a bit hungry.


	7. Marked and Branded

Something was horribly wrong. Kashim didn't even know when that something had happened and how, but there it was. He was disorientated, had troubles with his vision and coordination. He couldn't think straight or even speak properly. It was like ten bad fevers but together and it all had happened in what? Ten or fifteen minutes?

Kashim tried to recollect the events and find his balance at the same time. He had walked upstairs with Lee and he had been escorted to this room. He had changed his outfit to these civilian clothes and had... Fuck.

He had eaten.

He had eaten food, which was not offered by his own team member. Food he had not prepared himself nor seen to be prepared. It had to be it. Had he been poisoned or drugged? Kashim turned to see the empty plate, but instead of one there were three of them, spinning on the table. And then there was the wall and then the ceiling and then the darkness.

Kashim dreamt rarely. That's what you got with such a limited imagination, Gauron had always said. But then again, it was more like a memory than an actual dream. The only thing similar was the dreamlike state in which they were perceived. And of course Gauron. He was always there, in dreams, in memories, in the present.

**

_2 years ago_

Gauron had been watching him so often Kashim knew something was going on. When Gauron started to watch someone like that, it was usually because he suspected something and the interrogations would soon begin. Kashim had no idea what he was being suspected of. He had fought like he always did; to his best capabilities. His AS was in top condition, he hadn't spent an unnecessary amount of bullets nor had he ignored any orders given. He hadn't put anyone's life at risk or spoken to anyone outside the team. Gauron didn't usually stare at him like that. And like any sane person, Kashim got nervous of it.

It continued few days. Around the camp fire when they ate supper, during the driving, if Gauron was travelling in the back of a truck with the rest of them, he stared after the fighting when Kashim was doing his part of the looting. On the third day Kashim got tired of waiting for the accusations.

“What?” Kashim snapped.

Gauron seemed to have been deep in his thoughts. He blinked few times and kept staring at Kashim over the camp fire. “What?” he asked back in his rough voice.

The other men around the fire glanced at them and made Kashim feel even more uneasy. It wasn't anywhere near sane to start to snap at Gauron. But he couldn't back down anymore, everyone's attention was already at them. Kashim cleared his throat a bit and turned his eyes to his dish. “You're staring”, he informed with a softer tone. It wasn't a stupid reason to comment. He had seen and heard others get angry when someone stared at them for too long. It didn't seem to be a polite thing to do anyway. He lifted his eyes back to Gauron, who still kept staring at him.

“So?” Gauron asked gruffly. “You're going to break from a stare? Some soldier you are.”

The rest of the men laughed. Kashim gritted his teeth. He was always being mocked, even when he was one of the best soldiers they had. Most of the time it was because of his age, other times for something else, but it seemed like Kashim would never be their equal, no matter what he did. So maybe he should just start to act like all the others; start to defend himself more often and with more aggression.

“I don't like it.” The laughing died slowly and silence took it's place. “So stop it”, Kashim continued and went back to his food. He was extremely aware of the fact that everyone was now staring at him and glancing at Gauron. No one told Gauron what to do. Absolutely no one.

“Fu~ck you”, Gauron drawled slowly and cocked his head slightly. “I give you food and shelter. I fucking saved your sorry ass from the guerrillas. I taught you to fight and survive. I'll stare at you as much as I please.”

Kashim lifted his eyes to Gauron's. He was digging his own grave, he knew that, but it was too late now. Kashim had to speak his mind. “I knew how to fight and survive, and the guerrillas have nothing on me. You've given me nothing I couldn't get on my own.”

There were few short laughters again. Now because the men knew Kashim would get his ass kicked and it seemed to be their favourite thing to watch.

And sure enough Gauron leaped up and over the camp fire like some horrible beast. Kashim had been prepared for it and lifted his foot up, catching Gauron's momentum on his boot and flinging the man over him. They both rolled to the dusty ground. The men were standing up cheering and yelling. Kashim got up as quickly as he could but still didn't have enough time to react to the boot. Gauron placed a hard roundhouse kick to his side and sent him to the ground.

“You ungrateful piece of shit”, Gauron growled as he walked to Kashim. “I should fucking twist your little faggot neck!”

Kashim was staggering to get to his feet when Gauron's knee was already in his gut, sending the air out of his lungs. Someone was cheering Gauron to kill him. Kashim was lying on the ground, coughing and trying to breath in the dusty air. His mind was racing , thinking of all the things he never got to do or see before dying. Gauron rolled him over with his foot and placed his boot on top of Kashim's throat. They stared at each other.

“I could kill you any day I want”, he growled. “I fucking _own_ you, you little piece of shit.” Kashim lifted his hand to get the boot off him and Gauron used the foot to kick him to the side. The boot was placed back on his throat. “You don't believe me? Dmitri!”

“Sir!”

“Give me the skewer from the fire.”

“Sir... there's still food--”

“Give it to me!”

Kashim watched as Gauron was passed the skewer which had a second ago held few pieces of lamb meat. The charred metal was glowing red from the spot that had rested in the flames.

“Turn him around and hold him down”, Gauron growled. Kashim tried to fight his way out, but several pairs of hands were already on him, turning him face down to the dirt. “Let's brand this whiny bitch, so it knows whom he belongs to”, Gauron sneered. Kashim felt his pants being wrenched off.

There was a second of cold night air on his skin. Kashim screamed to the sand as the red hot metal was pressed against his right buttock. Someone stepped on his hand, trying to see everything. Several pairs of hands were pressing him down. They were all laughing.

There were four marks, before Gauron stopped, smacked Kashim's throbbing ass and stood up. Kashim was panting heavily and gritting his teeth not to cry. Few of the men stood up too, but the rest were still holding Kashim down. They were shifting away from Kashim's head to make room for something. Kashim turned his head towards Gauron to see what was going on and a hot splash hit his face. The howling laughter erupted yet again. Kashim pressed his eyes and mouth closed and turned his face away, but he could still taste and smell the urine. The stream hit the back of his head and spread to his neck, ear and hair.

“That should do it. Properly marked and branded”, Gauron stated in satisfied voice and shook the last drops on Kashim.

The men let him go and Kashim scrabbled to his feet and away from the crowd. He pulled up his pants and kept wiping his face to his sleeve, trying to hold in his tears. His whole back throbbed from the pain. The urine was dripping from his hair and along his face as he glanced at the man.

Gauron was swinging the skewer in the air, smiling. “Disrespect me again and I will burn your fucking eyes, you impudent piece of wad”, Gauron said and tossed the skewer back to the fire.

“I'm not eating off that anymore...” someone mumbled.

Later Kashim learned that Gauron had burned four lines which formed a capital G on his skin. Healing from the wound physically took weeks. Gauron continued the staring without further interruptions.

**

Kashim tried to focus his eyes. He knew where he was. He knew that he had walked in here on his own. He had sat down here on this couch and felt the warm hand caressing his thigh. There were mostly pink and blue lights in his vision. The constant thumping was either music or his heartbeat. Both were quite loud.

Someone spoke. Kashim didn't care about the language anymore, no one spoke Russian anyway. He was so tired. It felt like he had been tired for ages. Someone snapped their fingers in front of his eyes and Kashim grunted, trying to push the hand away. His face was slapped, but he barely even felt it. He tried to focus his eyes to the slapper, but the only thing he saw was another Asian man. He had no idea who it was. The man was in a business suit, Kashim didn't even have a shirt on.

The place around Kashim was in constant nauseating swirl. All the colours and sounds kept blending together in massive waves. Kashim felt like an AS, being controlled by someone else. He was being guided onward without his consent.

He was on his feet again, walking forward with short, jagged steps. He leaned on to the wall and to someone walking next to him. Something hit his shoulder and sent him to his knees. The next moment he was on someone's shoulder, being carried away. Kashim tried to call out for Gauron again, because it was the only thing he thought to be of any help. Gauron always knew what was going on and what should be done next. Gauron would always help.

He was put down. Shoved around. Bent over. After that he couldn't move his hands anymore. Vaguely he gathered that someone was fucking him. It was relieving. It meant that Gauron was here. Kashim smiled a little. Now he didn't have to worry about anything anymore.

**

Kashim didn't drink alcohol, so he didn't have hangovers. But as the pain woke him up, he knew immediately what a hangover was and how it felt like. The men in his team had hangovers quite often and now he began to understand why they were so grumpy. He understood Gauron a little better.

Before even opening his eyes, Kashim grasped that his hands were tied behind his back and he was still in Singapore. Someone was yelling at him in Chinese and kicking him. It was weird to notice that kind of a thing so late. Like it didn't even mean anything anymore. Kashim lifted his weary eyes to the unknown man.

“What?” he grunted in Russian and was immediately washed over by nausea. He felt sick and tired and from the pain all over his body he gathered that he had been beaten and most likely fucked several times. His hands were cuffed to a warm water pipe running behind his back. He was in some basement with wooden crates and at least three other boys his age. Two of them seemed to be unconscious, one was pretending to be. There was blood on the floor.

The man crouched in front of Kashim and held out a pill. Kashim's jaws remained shut. He didn't remember what had happened after he had come back to the building. He remembered Lee and his promise of hiring him. After that; nothing. Obviously he had fucked up bad this time. It felt like he had woken up from this basement for hundreds of times. The man kicked him in the stomach and offered the pill again. Kashim waited for the air to return to his lungs and as soon as it did, he kicked in the man's left kneecap.

The shouting seemed to wake up the other boys. They were gazing at Kashim with horrified looks. Kashim took a look at his hands and tried to get the cuffs off, but the metal had been adjusted too tightly, cutting away his skin as he moved. There was nothing on the floor to pick the lock with. With a tired sigh Kashim sat down as he heard running steps approaching. He had probably done this before too. It felt familiar, the disappointment.

Three more men came down, took away the injured one and then returned. After the beating Kashim was barely conscious as the pill was shoved down his throat and washed down with water. Everything tasted like blood and the world went hazy again.

**

It was hard to keep track of time. There were no signs of night or day, Kashim didn't know where he was or what anyone was saying. Every once in a while he felt like his head was clearing up and soon after that he was given more pills. The things which remained the same were the loud thumping music, the fucking and the pills.

Gun shots were new.

They startled Kashim from his muddy thoughts and he spilled something on himself. He had been holding a glass. As he was sitting on a couch. Without any shirt. Someone knelt in front of him.

“Kashim?” Fingers snapped in front of his face. “Can you hear me? It's me, Grigori.”

The man took a hold of his face and lifted his chin a bit. Grigori. Who the fuck was Grigori? And who was shooting? There was no shooting inside! Everyone knew that. Such amateurs...

“Jesus fucking Christ... Come on, let's get you out of here.”

Kashim was helped up and over some dead bodies. The music had died too. Something in close range smelled familiar and soothing, like gun oil and petrol.

“Gauron's going to have a fit when he finds out. You stupid son of a bitch...”

Kashim turned his face towards the man speaking only inches away and something in his brain clicked. “Vostrikov!” he yelled out in clear and extremely surprised voice. Grigori Vostrikov.

“Yeah, me”, the man grunted. “All the way from fucking Kabul to save your sorry ass before Gauron finds out and nukes the whole fucking hemisphere... How are you feeling, kid?”

Kashim stared at the man and then a wide smile crept on his face. “You smell really nice.”

Vostrikov rolled his eyes. “Right...”, the man mumbled as they made their way to a car waiting outside. Kashim was helped to the back seat where he took a horizontal position as soon as he was left alone. The purr of the engine lulled him into some sleep-like state.


	8. Kabul

“Kashim.” Pause. “Kashim!”

Kashim let out a grunt, but didn't have the courage to open his eyes. He felt like shit again. Like... _totally_ shit.

“We've landed. Can you walk on your own?”

Kashim processed the request for few moments and opened his eyes slowly. “I'd rather not, if that's an option.”

Vostrikov sighed and leaned over Kashim to lift him up from the makeshift bed he had been sleeping on during the flight. “Just tell me if you feel like throwing up.”

“I feel like throwing up”, Kashim said immediately, before Vostrikov had even touched him.

“Then stick your fingers in your throat and get it over with”, Vostrikov growled and helped him to sit up.

Kashim shut his eyes quickly as the world began to sway again. He had never felt this horrible. “I feel really, _really_ sick, sir”, he informed in weak voice.

“I know. You'll get better by tomorrow. We have to go now, come on.” Vostrikov wrapped his arm around Kashim's torso and supported him as they walked out of the plane. There was a familiar truck waiting for them with few men were gathered around it for a smoke.

Kashim stared at the men for few seconds, before turning to Vostrikov. He had forgotten to ask about the thing that had been bothering him for quite some time now. And he didn't want to talk about the subject in front of the others. “Is Gauron dead?”

“Of course not”, Vostrikov snorted. “Why the hell do you think he would be?”

“They told me so”, Kashim answered. He didn't say that he had expected Gauron to be the one getting him back home. He didn't know if he had been hoping for it to be Gauron. Somehow he felt disappointed. Like Gauron had just... abandoned him. “And I haven't seen him.”

“He ran into some trouble and had to flee to Malaysia. He called me and told me to get you back home. Come on”, Vostrikov grunted and helped Kashim to the back of the truck. The other men were silent, just glaring at Kashim like they always did. “Make sure he drinks a lot of water. And he's feeling sick so let him sit near the door, right?” Vostrikov glanced at the others and got a lazy murmur as an answer. Vostrikov was Gauron's right hand man, but that didn't mean a lot when Gauron himself was absent.

The men got on and the engine started to roar. Soon the air inside the truck was as hot and dusty as always. Kashim sat on the bench, leaning forward and feeling like he would die at any minute.

“So... What the fuck happened to you?”

Kashim glanced at the man. It was Fjodr Kaminski, their sharpshooter. He had never liked Kashim, so he most likely would have nothing positive to say now either. Kashim didn't answer to him, just turned his eyes to the tarp covering the truck's doorway.

“You got deaf or something? I asked you a fucking question! What was so fucking special that Vostrikov had to go all the way.. where ever he went? We were in the middle of a fucking break! First real break in a year!”

Kashim didn't reply, because he didn't know what he would have said. He had been there to give back-up. He had failed and got caught, drugged out for who knew how long. He didn't remember even a quarter of the things that had happened.

“I'm so fucking sick of you”, the man grunted and tossed his empty cigarette pack at Kashim's head. “I hope Gauron will never come back and we can finally kick you the fuck out.”

Kashim snorted quietly and kept staring the small strip of land behind the covers. “And then who will control the AS?” he asked and turned his eyes to the man. “You?”

The man gritted his teeth and few others grinned.

Kashim wiped the sweat from his upper lip to the back of his hand. “You're the one who's here on charity. Most of us are better sharpshooters than you anyway. Gauron just feels guilty for getting your brother shot, let's you tag along so you can feed your family."

There was a shout and the man rushed to Kashim. Everyone else just got out of the way and started to shout cheers. Kashim tried to get up, but didn't have enough time. As the man crashed into him, they both lost their balance and were thrown out of the truck. They weren't driving very fast, but the hit was still hard. Kashim hit the ground and rolled himself further away in the rocky terrain. The truck stopped after a moment and the men hopped off to see how the fight would go. Some of them were shouting bets and amounts of money.

Kashim rarely fought with anyone, Gauron had made sure of that. It might have been one of the reasons why the others often thought he was a lousy fighter. It wasn't exactly the case.

Kaminski was striding towards him. Kashim got up, pushing his nausea away and glaring at the man. He heard Vostrikov call out his name, but ignored it. Gauron wasn't here, so Kashim might as well act like he wanted too. Kaminski tried to hit him, but Kashim ducked it with a side step and countered the attack with a hard mix of hits to the head and kicks to Kaminski's legs and groin. The larger man was on the ground in seconds, cursing quietly and cupping his genitals. Kashim took few steps away and doubled over to hurl.

“Kashim! Kaminski! On the fucking truck now or I'll leave you behind!” Vostrikov bellowed from the truck. “Someone starts to fight again and I'll fucking shoot!” The doors banged close and both Kashim and Kaminski hurried back to the truck before it started moving again.

“Nice one”, Wahidi said to Kashim with a grin and kept counting his newly earned money. Kashim didn't reply.

“You fucker. You almost broke my nose”, Kaminski murmured and held his bleeding nose.

“Attack me again and I'll break your neck”, Kashim growled and got a laughed at by the others. Still, no one made any more remarks on their way to Kabul.

**

As they reached the capital city the men went their separate ways. Kashim did what he always did when Gauron was away and stayed with Vostrikov. The man was staying in a small house, owned by some civilian friend of his. Kashim was welcomed to stay as always.

“How long was I gone”, Kashim asked as they were sitting down in the evening. Both of them were cleaning their weapons, there were pistols and rifles all over the living-room table. Vostrikov had a bottle of vodka and a glass on his side of the table and he was smoking.

“About two weeks”, Vostrikov said after a short calculative pause. He glanced at Kashim. “You don't remember much, huh?” Kashim answered with a shook of his head. “No wonder, you were drugged out pretty badly.”

“It felt like a year”, Kashim said and started to assemble his rifle again. “When do you suppose Gauron will come back?” he asked and tried to sound nonchalant.

“Who knows”, Vostrikov snorted. “Might be tomorrow, might be next year.”

“Yeah”, Kashim agreed. There really was no way to predict how Gauron would act. Kashim placed the rifle in front of him and kept eyeing it. “I could leave”, he decided to speak it out loud.

Vostrikov glanced at him again before returning his eyes to his weapon. “Sure”, he said slowly. “You could.” He took the cigarette from between his lips and tapped a piece of ash off it. “But he would find you. He always does.”

“You could help me”, Kashim said and stared at Vostrikov. “I could have the chip removed now, take the AS and just go.” Vostrikov let out a laughter, but didn't say anything. “I could do that”, Kashim repeated with a frown. He was getting tired of people always laughing at him.

“Where would you go?” Vostrikov asked calmly.

“Somewhere!”

“And what would you do there?”

Kashim was silent then, trying to come up with anything. “I could... I could pilot the AS.”

“For who?”

“For...”

“For someone new who treats you exactly like Gauron does? For some guerrilla leader who likes you even less than Kaminski?” Vostrikov asked and kept glancing at him. He smiled as Kashim got quiet. “I'm not saying you couldn't leave. For fuck's sake, if you feel like going; go. But you should know first where you're going, how, and what comes after that.” Vostrikov took the cigarette out of his mouth to take a sip of his vodka. “You couldn't stay in Afghanistan, that's for sure. Gauron knows everyone here. And you couldn't go to Russia either, they'd just send you right back with a different uniform. You could maybe make it in Iran, even though you don't speak the language or somewhere around the Caspian Sea, maybe in Georgia or Armenia. But that's if you can support yourself.”

Kashim's eyes went back to the table. Who was he kidding? This was the only life for him. He could dream about leaving and doing something else, but how was he supposed to survive alone in a country he knew nothing about?

“I'm not trying to depress you”, Vostrikov stated and leaned forward to catch Kashim in an eye contact. “I'm making you think things beforehand, so you won't do anything stupid and hasty. You should plan things out, that's the only way. Gauron is smart, he's violent and he's pretty obsessed about you. You'll only end up hurting yourself if you start to fuck around without any plans.”

Kashim stared at the man for a while. “You could help me", he repeated.

Vostrikov leaned back and lifted his eyebrows. “I could. But I won't. Gauron would have my balls.”

Without really thinking about it, Kashim took one of the rifles from the table and pointed it at Vostrikov. “What if I make you?”

Vostrikov only smiled and crushed the cigarette butt to the ash tray. “For that to work, I really should believe you're ready to kill me. Otherwise it doesn't work.”

Kashim stared at the man and tried to justify his own actions. But no matter how hard he tried to picture himself shooting at Vostrikov, he knew it just wouldn't happen. Vostrikov was one of the very few people who had always treated Kashim good and fair. In a way Vostrikov was the nicest man in his world.

Vostrikov took a hold of the rifle and placed it back on the table. “Carry on, we don't know when we'll have to be on the road again”, he said and gestured towards the guns. Kashim took a pistol and started to take it apart.

**

“Kashim.”

Kashim startled awake and sat up, breathing heavily and trying to see his surroundings.

“It was a nightmare”, Vostrikov's calm voice informed him from the couch. He waited for a moment, before continuing. “Kashim, confirm.”

Kashim turned his wide eyes to the man and nodded. “Roger, sir”, he said weakly and wiped some of the sweat from him forehead. The nightmare was still fresh on his mind. The cellar and the men from Singapore, mixing with Gauron, drugs, beatings... All of it.

“Are you alright?” Vostrikov asked and when he didn't get an answer, he sighed. “I mean... Do you want to talk about the dream? Sometimes it helps so you can go back to sleep.”

Kashim shook his head slightly. “I don't remember much.”

“Was it about Singapore?”

“Yes.”

Vostrikov let out a wordless mumble and lied back down, folding his arms behind his neck. Kashim lied down too and stared at the ceiling.

“It must've been tough for you.” Vostrikov said. A lighter gave a short flash of flickering light and soon the smell of cigarette smoke flowed in the air. “Did they touch you?”

Kashim kept staring at the ceiling. He was pretty sure he was getting better at understanding people. “Do you mean something else by touching?”

“I mean did they force you to have sex with them?” Vostrikov cleared, but didn't sound as irritated as most of the people when they had to explain something to Kashim.

“Yes.” He didn't remember everything, but he remembered enough. There had been sex. And at some point he had thought it to be Gauron. Vostrikov let out another mumble. “Do you think Gauron will be angry?”

“I'm pretty sure he will be pissed. But I don't think he will be mad at you. It wasn't your fault”, Vostrikov stated.

“I got caught”, Kashim said. His stomach turned at the thought of Gauron being mad at him.

“I'm sure it wasn't your fault. You're an excellent soldier. Besides, Gauron fucked up too.”

Kashim grinned a little. “You tell him that.” Vostrikov laughed too. It was funny, because you couldn't actually say things like that to Gauron. He would beat you to death. Kashim felt mighty proud about his joke. He didn't come up with them often.

Kashim kept staring at the ceiling and thinking about his nightmare. For once he wished they had been on the road. Kashim could have slept near the fire and all the talking and arguing would have kept him aware of his surroundings and that everything was ok. Or he could have even slept in Gauron's tent and listen to the man snore and turn in his sleep and it would have been unnerving but familiar. Kashim hated new places. He didn't like it when he couldn't identify the smell of his surroundings. At least it smelled a little more familiar here than in Singapore.

“Would you mind if I slept next to the couch?” Kashim asked and sat up to watch Vostrikov. The man glanced at him and might have waited for some sort of explanation. “I... it would be...” Kashim had troubles forming his thoughts into sentences. For some reason he just didn't feel like sleeping alone. He needed to know someone was there to react too if something happened.

“Sure. Come on”, Vostrikov said then and patted the floor next to the couch.

Kashim dragged his blankets between the couch and the table and lied down. Immediately he felt calmer.

“I don't like sleeping alone either”, Vostrikov said and reached over Kashim to put out his cigarette. He didn't return his hand to the couch however, but let it drape over the edge, his fingers touching Kashim's left arm. “It makes me paranoid to think I'm the only one keeping guard.”

“Yes”, Kashim mumbled and stared at Vostrikov's hand. It was still touching. Kashim thought about what to do for several minutes. Before he could reach a conclusion, Vostrikov started to snore and Kashim felt more sure about moving away.

The morning was loud and hot. Kashim woke up after six, well before Vostrikov and spent a good amount of time just lying and doing absolutely nothing. Only when his stomach started to growl, he nudged Vostrikov's shoulder.

“Mhrm?”

“I don't have any money for food”, Kashim informed.

Vostrikov lied still for a moment before letting out a grunt and reaching for his pants on the floor. He took out some bills from his pocket and pushed them into Kashim's hands. “Get something for me too, but don't wake me up.”

“Roger.” Kashim was already out of the house and on the streets of Kabul. The morning rush was at it's peak and the air was thick with dust and noises. Kashim had never felt more like home. Even though he still felt a little nauseated from Singapore, he couldn't help but jog lightly through the streets into the bazaar district.

Vostrikov had been generous with his money. And no Afghani notes either, but real American dollars, whole twenty of them. Although Kashim knew he had to take most of it back, he felt childishly happy about the amount. He could buy anything he wanted, even the stuff Gauron hated, because he wasn't here.

Kashim walked around the stalls for a while before he gave in to his hunger. At first he just bought some baklava and ate it. And then he saw the freshly made Khoujoors and ate half a dozen of them. All the sweet stuff called for something savoury and few Dolmas did just the trick. After that Kashim took a little break, bought a bottle of juice and sat down by the river bank to watch the people and the traffic.

Kabul was a huge place with loads of stuff happening all the time. The fighting inside the city had quieted down for now and everyone was getting back to their normal lives. For a while Kashim sat there, thinking himself living in the city, working there like some civilian. He could've been a merchant, baking Khoujoors all day at a bazaar stall. Or a shoemaker. Or a taxi driver. He would just do his job and get paid, buy food with his money and never touch a gun in his life.

Never fighting, never shooting.

Kashim emptied his bottle, tossed it into the river and decided it would have been a dull life anyway. He would've gotten bored just like Gauron always said. He would've done something stupid and ended up in jail or in the army. It was no use thinking about things like that.

With a bag full of food Kashim returned to Vostrikov. The man was still sleeping, after nine o'clock. Kashim placed the bag on the table and moved his bed to the other side of the room. He searched the house for something to read and ended up on his bed with the refrigerator manual. It was a good text to learn from, since it had several languages in it.

Vostrikov woke up about half past eleven, quiet and groggy. He smoked a cigarette before taking a look at the foods and the leftover money. “I'd let you keep the money, but I don't know what you would buy with it”, the man said. “I mean you don't drink or buy girls, you don't need to buy your weapons or your clothes...”

Kashim was silent on his bed and thought about the money. “I like Khoujoors”, he said quietly, almost a little offended. Like he didn't have anything to buy in the world. Every other man in the team got paid except him. Gauron had never paid him anything, but it was true that he was given the food, clothes and weapons for free. By Gauron.

Vostrikov laughed. He placed the cigarette between his lips, took the rest of the money and tossed them to Kashim. “Well then, that gets you about a hundred of them. Don't eat all at once.” Vostrikov watched him put the money safely away to one of the zipper pockets of his jacket. “And don't tell the others you have money. They'd just cheat it away. And don't play cards either, that's not good for you.”


	9. Hazing

Kashim stayed with Vostrikov, went out at days, bought some food and an old English book about some guy called Huckleberry. Few times they went together to the outskirts of the city to the warehouses where they had left the arm slaves and Kashim made sure everything was still working properly. Vostrikov drank a lot and was often away for the night. During those nights Kashim spent most of his time reading. He couldn't sleep alone for more than 15 minutes at a time before some noise from outside woke him up.

He was reading about Huckleberry, not understanding very much about the text, but enjoying it all the same. Laughter and shouting drew his attention towards the front door and Kashim glanced at the pistol beside his bed.

The door opened and from the voices Kashim identified it to be his own team, or at least some of them. Kashim remained on his bed and waited for the men to enter. They were clearly heavily drunk.

“...so I said to the bitch that she could just suck my dick and be grateful I want to save bullets and--”

“Vostrikov's not here”, Kashim decided to interrupt the conversation. That way the men could leave now and he could just keep reading.

The men went silent and turned their heads to Kashim.

“Well if isn't the fucking nip-fag”, Kaminski scoffed and stared at Kashim like he had just seen a fly infested carcass. “What're you doing, fag? Oiling up your ass and waiting for Gauron to come back?”

It was mockery, not a real question, so he didn't answer.

“No man, he's fucking reading”, Gorlovich laughed with a cigarette between his lips. “Whatcha reading there, jap? Some Fag-Sutra?”

Kashim wasn't sure he was even supposed to understand their slurring anymore. Without moving his eyes from the men he kept making sure his gun was still reachable. He would not take a beating now. He was seriously getting tired of all this shit.

“You know, I'm really feeling like kicking your face in right now”, Kaminski stated with a distant tone.

“Go for it!” Gorlovich cheered. “I can hold him down!”

Kaminski snorted. “Nah. This little bitch will bawl it out to Gauron the minute he comes back.” He stared at Kashim. “Won't you?”

“I guess I have to report him if I kill one of our team members”, Kashim said without a blink.

The men roared with laughter. Gorlovich spilled something from his bottle on Kashim's bed. “Oh man, let's just beat the shit out of him. We can say he tried to run or something. Besides it might be months before Gauron comes back!”

There was a silence for few seconds, before Kaminski and Gorlovich stepped forward. Kashim's hand reached for his gun and when he lifted it up, the barrel nudged against Kaminski's crotch. Everyone froze again.

“The fuck you are doing?” Kaminski snarled, but was clearly nervous. They could all see the gun was cocked, the safety was off and it would take only a tiny squeeze from Kashim's finger to fire.

“Get out”, Kashim ordered quietly. No one moved or said anything. “NOW!” Kashim shouted and his voice worked like a whip to a pack of horses. With curses and poor jokes the house was empty in three seconds. Kashim stared at the closed door for a while, waiting for the men to come back. They didn't. With a sigh, Kashim pushed the safety back on and placed the gun back to its place, next to his pillow. He didn't sleep at all that night.

When Kashim returned from his light seven km morning jog, Vostrikov had returned. He was eating some left over Qorma at the living room sofa.

“Heard you had a little fight with the guys last night.”

Kashim walked to the bathroom to wash some of the sweat from his upper body. The house didn't have running water so they had to make do with jerry cans and basins. It didn't make any difference to Kashim, it was the same on the field too.

“I didn't”, Kashim called out to the living room. “They were about to start a fight and I ended it.”

“With a threat to shoot them?”

“Negative”, Kashim answered and poured some of the water to his head. He closed his eyes and washed his face, spitting the water from his mouth to the floor. “I only threatened to shoot Kaminski and the shot wouldn't have been fatal.”

“They disagree.”

“Then they are lying”, Kashim stated and took a towel with him to the living room. He ruffled his hair with the towel to stop the dripping. “I've had it with them”, he spat and stared at Vostrikov. “Always making fun of me and treating me like... like shit when they have no reason to. I'm part of the same team. I've been one longer than half of them!”

“I know”, Vostrikov said softly. “But you can't start shooting them.”

Kashim was silent for a moment. “Yes, actually I can.” He had a gun and sure Gauron would be pissed, but he would probably understand in the end and make some weird comments about Kashim being the angel of death or something like that. And Kashim most certainly didn't have any personal problems on the matter of killing an asshole like Kaminski. The man held no strategic value to the team.

Vostrikov stopped chewing for a moment and glanced at Kashim. “Now, Kashim, don't make me take away your gun.”

Kashim frowned. “Why would you do that?”

“I don't want you to start killing our own men again, do you understand?” Vostrikov's voice was strict.

“Yes, sir”, Kashim said automatically. Vostrikov continued eating. “What about non-lethal shooting?”

“Not that either.”

“Warning shots?”

“Kashim!”

“Yes?”

Vostrikov stared at him clearly pissed. Kashim wasn't sure what he had said to do that. He had just asked. “Hand me your gun.”

Kashim took a step backwards. “I would like to keep it, sir”, Kashim stated, bit horrified. How could he protect himself without a gun? What if they came back?

“I won't have you shooting people when you're overreacting to some stupid joke!” Vostrikov barked. “You're fucking unstable enough as it is with the Singapore and all that shit! Hand over the gun, that's an order!”

With a stony expression and stiff movements Kashim fetched the gun from his bed and handed it to Vostrikov.

“And keep away from the other weapons. You don't need them here.”

“And what if they come back? They will beat me up and there’s nothing I can do”, Kashim said.

“They have no reason to. They are busy drinking and fucking and smoking O. Just stay out of their way and you'll be fine.”

“I--” Kashim started. The matter wasn't anywhere near solved. He had stayed out of their way before.

“Shut up. I don't want to hear it”, Vostrikov growled and continued his eating. “When you've calmed down, you can have your gun back.”

“I am ca--!”

“Quiet! I'll decide when that is.”

Kashim didn't talk to Vostrikov for few days. The man had been unfair and stupid. Kashim had never wounded anyone he hadn't intended and Singapore had absolutely nothing to do with anything. Sure, Kashim had some nightmares, but that would never make him shoot or kill anyone. Vostrikov didn't say much either. He didn't inform Kashim when he went out or how long he would be gone.

Kashim woke up in an empty house and felt alerted. He didn't know what had woken him up, but he knew everything wasn't right. It was a gut feeling and on a battlefield you always trusted those. Kashim was up from his bed when the window broke and a metallic clink sounded from the opposite wall. He darted to the kitchen without looking the type of the grenade. Luckily it wasn't explosive. Kashim smelled the tear gas and pressed his sleeve in front of his face. He couldn't just run out of the front door, someone was definitely waiting for him there. The window was out of the question too as an obvious escape route and there were no firearms in the house anymore. Quickly and keeping his head down Kashim made his way to the bathroom and closed the door behind him. It wasn't airtight in any standard and there was already gas in the room too. But if Kashim could wait long enough the attackers would have to come in and that was the moment he could take one of them out and get a gun. All the thinking had gone through his head like an automatic script. Kashim dipped his sleeve in the water basin and breathing was a little easier for a moment.

There was one more broken window. The door was kicked in, but instead of steps Kashim heard another clink. That made it three canisters of the gas. Kashim cursed silently and tried to airproof the cracks around the door with whatever he found. The air was getting thick and it was hard to keep eyes open. Kashim was tearing up and starting to cough and gag.

It was a humbling experience to realise he couldn't win this one. He would fail again in something extremely simple. Stupid Vostrikov and his stupid judgement error with the guns. This would have never happened with Gauron. Kashim felt like kicking the wall and shouting out in frustration, but that would have been stupid and futile. But god damned he wouldn't walk out himself! He wouldn't make this easy to them.

Maybe ten minutes after the first canister Kashim had his head in one of the basins, trying to wash out some of the irritation from his eyes and face. That was when they finally decided to come in. Kashim could only see shapes and movements but to his own judgement he put up quite a fight. He was dragged outside and the beating and kicking commenced immediately. He could make out Kaminski's cheerful yells in the background.

“Hey, hey!” Someone yelled. It might have been Wahidi, but Kashim wasn't sure. He wasn't surprised to realise it was his own fucking team. Vostrikov could go fuck himself with his reasonings. “Let's move this somewhere else. We're starting to catch a crowd.”

Kashim was hauled to his feet and to the back of their truck. There was too much blood in his swelling eyes and ears to make anything out of his surroundings or where the truck was driven. It wasn't far anyway, not even outside the city borders. Kashim was dragged out and dropped to the concrete floor.

“This is the day you’ll die, nip”, Gorlovich snarled near Kashim's ear. There was a stench of alcohol and opium smoke around him. “You’re going to the ground. How does that feel, fag?”

Kashim gathered some of the blood in his mouth and spat. Judging from the boot hitting his gut, he had hit a target too.

“You know,” Wahidi stated with a thin voice. He was holding his breath, probably smoking opium even at that moment. “He's got that tracking chip on him. Gauron will find his body.”

Kashim heard the quiet rustle of Kaminski's battle knife coming out of the holster. “Well, we'll just have to carve it out, won't we.”

**

By now Kashim knew that he would never get used to pain. No matter what anyone said, that just didn't happen. He had learned to ignore some of the pain, when he had more important things to do, fighting, escaping... But to say that after a while a battle knife in your shoulder blades didn't feel like anything was just bullshit. Kashim did scream and he did try to fight and he wasn't the least bit ashamed that he cried while he was doing it.

“Fuck, I can't find it”, Kaminski said and started to sound worried. “There's too much blood! Fuck!”

“You cut his whole back open, stupid. What did you expect?” Wahidi snorted and let out a wasted giggle. “You're so screwed, man. You know what Gauron's going to do to you after that?”

“Shut the fuck up!” Kaminski spat and the knife finally left Kashim's body. “I'll just burn the body then.”

“Come on. Don't you think that's enough?”

There was a silence which Kashim used to catch his breath. The voice was vaguely familiar.

“What the fuck has that runt ever done to you?” the man continued. “Jesus Christ, you're a bunch of whiny-ass bitches. It's like he took your place under Gauron or something.”

There was general laughter, except from Kaminski’s direction. “He's a fucking spoiled asshole, that's what he did.”

“Spoiled?” the man laughed. “Fuck, if being spoiled equals being ass-raped by Gauron, I sure as hell don't want to be spoiled. Nor am I ever going to spoil my own kids, if I ever happen to get any.”

“Get the fuck out of here”, Kaminski growled to the man. “This has nothing to do with you.”

“It does now. I'm not going to lie to Gauron if he asks about the kid. And just to let you know, you can't either. He smells your bullshit from miles away.” Steps walked closer to them and Kaminski stood up. “Now, if I were you, which luckily I’m not, I would get on a car or a plane or a fucking donkey cart and get my ass as far as fucking possible. Because let me tell you man, when Gauron gets back – and he will get back – he's not going to stop searching for you for months, maybe years. And if he ever finds you, even after few decades, he's still going to torture you to death. That's the kind of man he is.”

There was a moment of silence before some of the men further started to walk away. Kaminski wasn't in any haste.

“What? You want to fuck with me now?” the other man snorted. “Stop staring at me and follow your smacked out pals out of here, before I'll start wasting my bullets on you.”

Kashim was lying still on the concrete floor of a building he knew nothing about. He felt the dizziness of blood loss and the pounding ache all over his wounds. The sand gave out a rattle underneath Kaminski's boots as he left. For a moment the whole hall was silent.

“You OK there, little pal?”

Kashim let out a noise, just to let the man know he was still alive.

“Great”, the man grunted and knelt down. “Now, let's get this tracking bullshit out of the way first.”

**

With his legs trembling and his vision blurred Kashim was escorted to a car. He sat in without any questions, the back seat sending flashes of pain throughout his body.

“We’ll patch you up better soon. Just hang in there”, the man said with a calm tone.

Kashim glanced at the man and tried to remember where they had met. The man had ash blonde hair and light blue eyes, something you saw rarely in Afghanistan. A drop of sweat got into his eyes and made him squeeze his eyes shut. “We’ve met”, Kashim said weakly.

“Yeah. Back in Asdabad. I was the one who got that chip in you”, the man answered. “You remember?”

Kashim was silent for a short while. “The medic.”

“That’s right.”

The man drove on, through some small streets. Kashim leaned forward to get his back away from the seat. “You took it off?”

“Better to keep that just between you and me”, the man said and cast a grin at Kashim. “It’s in your jacket pocket, if Gauron wants to check up on you. But once you toss it, he has no idea where you are.”

Kashim felt like he should’ve been more happy about the subject. He should’ve been thrilled about it. To get finally away. But at the moment he just felt sick and sore and wished more than anything that Gauron would be there to make everything normal again and to shoot everyone who wasn’t obeying.

“You do want to get away, right?” the man sounded worried. “I didn’t just risk my whole life for nothing, right?”

“I want to get away”, Kashim confirmed. “I just…” He sighed.

“Yeah, you’re not in any condition to run now. But later. Whenever you feel like it.” The man kept glancing at him. “You want me to take you to Vostrikov’s?”

Kashim would have wanted to say no, but he didn’t have any other place to go. He had nothing in the whole world. Nothing but Gauron and a team that had just tried to kill him. Suddenly his face distorted in a way it had done never before. Like Kashim wasn’t in control of the muscles underneath his cheeks and around his mouth. For a second he felt like suffocating under his breath, but then the first sobs came and quickly pushed him into a wholehearted cry. Kashim covered his face with his hands and wept for the first time in years for something else than physical pain. The medic kept driving, not saying a word, like he didn’t even notice Kashim bawling.

“I…” Kashim hiccupped and swallowed, staring at his hands. “I would’ve fought them, but… He took my gun!” he shouted like it was the most unreasonable thing in the world.

“Vostrikov?”

“He said I was unstable!” Kashim barked. He felt like yelling now, and hitting. He felt like beating the crap out of Vostrikov if he had any more strength left. “I fucking hate him. I hate every one of them.”

“You’ll get away”, the man stated calmly. “And once you do, you’re never going to see them again”, he said and turned the car around. “Let’s go to my place. You’ll at least get a good night sleep and painkillers.”

It was a nice apartment close to the city centre. On the fifth floor with air conditioning and everything. Much like in the hotel in Singapore. Kashim didn’t have the energy to awe the place more than that. He sat on a chair the medic, Alex, had set out for him and tried his best to stay put as the man cleaned his wounds and wrapped bandages around his midriff. He took the pills he was offered without a second thought even though Gauron would have smacked him few feet off the ground for taking medication from anyone else beside himself.

Kashim slept the whole night without waking up and once he did in the morning, he just stared at the wall next to him awhile, before closing his eyes again.

**

He woke up to a loud knock. It was sunny in the bedroom where he had been sleeping. Kashim felt groggy as he sat up and tried to remember what had happened. He heard voices from another room and soon enough Vostrikov walked briskly into the bedroom. Alex stayed at the doorway leaning his shoulder against the frame.

“You ok?” Vostrikov asked surprisingly angry.

Kashim stared at the man and felt the remains of yesterday’s rage build up again. “You brought me my gun back?” Kashim just asked. He knew he looked like shit after getting his ass thoroughly kicked by the others. He was probably covered in bruises from head to toe.

Vostrikov stared back at him and seemed to be gritting his teeth. “Who was it?”

“What do you care?!” Kashim barked and narrowed his eyes. “Don’t worry, I won’t say anything about you to Gauron.” He had rarely felt this angry. He rarely felt anything at all to be honest. But at the moment he would’ve given anything not to be around Vostrikov or any other team member.

Vostrikov took a pistol from his belt and tossed it to the bed, next to Kashim. Without saying anything more to him, Vostrikov turned to Alex. “Keep an eye on him, ok? I’m sure Gauron will pay you for the trouble once he comes back.”

Alex just jerked his head in slight resemblance to a nod, his arms folded in front of him. Vostrikov glanced at Kashim one more time and left.


	10. Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really starting to wish I had the energy to completely re-write this..

Alex had the best laughter in the world. It was full and catchy and it made Kashim smile every time he heard it. And Alex laughed a lot. Not only to the weird and not really funny things like Gauron, but to the normal stuff like the jokes he made or the stories he told. Kashim liked listening to Alex's stories, since there rarely was any gruesome deaths or severed limbs in them. They were stories about unavailable girls, bad food and farts in the wrong places. Alex spoke a lot, but never made Kashim feel stupid for being quiet.

Alex had a hard time with the local food. He seemed to spend most of his time searching for something he could eat and then complaining the rest of the day about the taste, the smell and the cost of his findings. He talked non-stop about pork and something called pizza. One evening he tried to make pizza himself and almost ended up burning his apartment down.

Alex had been very careful never to touch Kashim without his permission. Kashim didn't have the balls to say it would've been okay to touch him more often the way Alex did it. Every night they sat on the bed, Alex behind Kashim's back to check and clean the wounds and then wrapping new bandages on. Kashim just sat there with his eyes closed, secretly enjoying the ghost of a touch on his skin. Even the sharp pain from the rubbing alcohol wasn't bad when it was caused by Alex. He always apologized. Sincerely.

“Can I umm... ask you something?” Alex started one morning. They were drinking morning coffee in the small kitchen and eating the Khoujoors Alex had bought. Kashim lifted his eyes and nodded, his mouth full. “You don't... like Gauron, right?”

There had been a notable stress on the word “like” and it made Kashim nervous. These types of questions always did. If it was Gauron asking, Kashim would have most likely lied, even though he knew it was wrong and punishable too. Getting caught from lying was still easier than answering truthfully. But this wasn't Gauron asking. This was Alex.

Alex smiled slightly. “You have that look on your face again.”

Kashim frowned. “What look?”

“Panicked. Like the truth is going to get you shot.” They were both silent until Kashim turned his eyes away from the man. “Would it?” Kashim was silent still. “He doesn't like it when you tell him the truth?”

“Yeah”, Kashim said, avoiding Alex's eyes. “But he doesn't like to be lied to either.”

“Ah”, Alex said with a nod. “That's a great excuse. He can just beat you when ever he feels like it. No matter what you say.”

“I can take care of myself”, Kashim said with a bit of annoyance. He didn't need anyone feeling sorry for him. He was a soldier, for God's sake. A mercenary.

“I know”, Alex said calmly. “But it's okay to say if you can't.”

Kashim's eyes narrowed. Had Alex just said he was weak? It was an insult like no other. Not to be able to take care of himself. Like a cripple or a child.

“Do a favour for me”, Alex stated and set down his coffee mug.

“What?” Kashim spat, still angered by him. It wasn't usual that someone called him weak. Some civilian medic none the less.

“Tell me that you don't like having sex with Gauron.”

For some reason Kashim's heart was racing. “What?” he snorted and tried to hide the nervousness in his voice.

“Say it”, Alex ushered.

“Why?” The palms of Kashim's hands were sweating. The defy in his voice wasn't fooling anyone.

“Just say it. For me. Say you don't like having sex with Gauron.” Alex was as calm as ever.

“I don't!” Kashim barked and wasn't even sure why he was raising his voice.

“Say it.” Alex was staring at him, no, examining him with his eyes.

“I...” the rest of the words didn't come out for some reason.

“Say that you don't like Gauron.”

There was only silence. Kashim was still trying to figure out where his voice had gone. Those things were true. Why couldn't he say them out loud? He didn't like to have sex with Gauron and he didn't like the man. But it didn't change the fact that Gauron was necessary in some ways.

“Say that you don't need him.”

Kashim moved his eyes to meet Alex's. It wasn't actually true. Gauron was his leader. Gauron made the decisions and got their gigs and money. Without Gauron Kashim and the rest of the team had barely a place to go. None of them could just go and join an army, they weren't on anybody's side and only few of them even had nationalities.

“You can take care of yourself”, Alex reminded.

“I can take care of myself”, Kashim repeated immediately. That was true. Even without Gauron Kashim would survive, that much was certain. But what kind of a life would it be without a job or a team?

“You don't need Gauron.”

“I... But I do”, Kashim said with a frown. “He's our team leader. He gets the jobs and the money and he makes the plans and--”

“But you don't like him.”

For some reason Kashim felt panicked again. “It's not about liking. It's our job. Gauron's...”

“Yeah?”

“Well, he's not... nice like you, but he's a good fighter. His strategic plans are flawless. He's a good leader.”

“Have you had any other leaders?”

Kashim blushed, he could feel it. “What's that have to do with anything?”

“If you've only had one leader, how do you know he's good? There might be other leaders out there, who are just as good with planning and fighting, but who wouldn't force you to do the things Gauron does.”

Kashim was silent. Gauron had told him about the army officers. “They do other things”, Kashim said quietly, because at this point it seemed like Alex knew a lot more about things than Kashim.

“What kind of things?” Alex asked calmly. “Have you had a leader before Gauron.”

“No. But I've heard stuff. That they kill you if you call them by the wrong title. Or don't stand in straight line. Or if your clothes are dirty.”

Alex nodded slowly. “And who told you that?”

Kashim was dead silent. Of course it had been Gauron. But why would Gauron lie about things like that? Gauron had been in armies and Vostrikov had too. They knew the facts.

“Has it ever occurred to you that Gauron might lie to you about the world outside his group so that you wouldn't leave?”

Kashim gritted his teeth again. “I'm not stupid.”

“I never said you were”, Alex said immediately, keeping his voice calm. “I believe you are a very smart person. You just haven't been allowed to think. Gauron always makes the decisions for you and you go with it, because it's easy.”

“So you're saying I'm lazy?” Kashim asked, getting more and more annoyed.

Alex was silent for so long Kashim felt like hitting the man. Just when he was about to stand up and leave, Alex opened his mouth again.

“It's called a Stockholm syndrome.”

Kashim frowned. “What is?” he spat.

“The feelings you have for Gauron”, Alex said and when Kashim didn't show any sign of understanding, he continued. “It happens sometimes when a person is kidnapped. It's a coping skill, to survive the trauma. You fool yourself into thinking that you like the person who is actually treating you badly.”

Kashim wasn't sure if Alex was just making things up. Kashim hadn't been kidnapped nor did he have any traumas. And he didn't really even like Gauron. He had just said that the man wasn't all that bad. “Gauron isn't--”

“You start to defend them, making up excuses for their behaviour. Blaming yourself when they treat you badly. Believe me, you're not the first one to experience it.” Alex took another sip of his coffee.

“Of course I defend him, he's my team leader. And we have rules, so of course he has to--”

“Screw his made-up rules”, Alex snorted.

“It doesn't work like that!” Kashim barked. “You're a civilian, you don't understand any of it! Gauron saved my life!”

“And you should be grateful for that , I understand. He has helped you a lot, but he has hurt you a lot too and that's something _you_ have to understand. That's not liking someone. If you like someone, you don't hurt them, period. Gauron doesn't like you. He likes hurting you. There's a big difference.”

Kashim kept his stare at Alex. He was so confused about everything he thought his brains were going to explode.

“Why I'm saying this is that when you get away from him, you don't start to doubt yourself. Your mind might play tricks on you and tell you that you miss him even when you don't. You might be missing something familiar, the feeling of being part of a team, knowing what's going to happen next, but that's not the same as missing Gauron.”

Kashim shook his head immediately. Vostrikov's words came back to him, reminding him about all the faults in his plans. “I don't know where I would go. I don't have any plans or--”

“You're going to Japan. Next week”, Alex stated.

Kashim blinked at the words. “I am?”

“Yes. And I'm coming with you, so you don't have anything to worry about.”

**

The sleeping arrangements in Alex's apartment were odd to say at least. Alex had a wide double bed in which no one slept. Kashim had moved to sleep on the floor as soon as his back had stopped bleeding. Alex didn't like it and insisted every night that Kashim slept on the bed. Alex himself slept on the small couch, with his legs dangling over one of the arm rests, so Kashim could sleep on the bed alone. Which he didn't. Alex laughed at the situation and said that maybe they were both a little crazy. Kashim had smiled too.

Kashim dreamed about Gauron returning several times. Not even real dreams where stuff happened, just Gauron's face and the man saying something or Kashim walking on the street and suddenly bumping into Gauron. There wasn't time to get panicked or explaining that he wasn't running away, Kashim always woke up before that.

The dream about Alex had been totally different. Kashim hadn't even realized it had been a dream before he woke up. It had felt so real.

In the dream Kashim had been in the apartment, reading his book when Alex had walked in, telling him to get up to change the bandages. Just like any normal day. The man had sat behind Kashim and started to pull away the strip of cloth, his fingers lightly touching Kashim's skin.

“You're completely healed.”

Kashim turned his head a little in surprise. “Really?”

Alex's hand smoothed carefully over Kashim's upper back where the wounds had been. “Not a scratch left”, he said. “Remarkable.”

“You're a good medic”, Kashim said with a smile.

Alex's hands were warm on Kashim's back. The fingers traced the lines of Kashim's muscles and the spine. The weight on the bed shifted as Alex leaned forward and he placed his mouth on Kashim's shoulder. The hands dropped to explore the ridges of his ribs. Kashim closed his eyes and sighed in pleasure.

“Gauron will kill us”, Kashim said quietly.

“Gauron's dead, quit worrying about him.”

Kashim opened his eyes and thought about it. He hadn't known that, but it sounded good. Gauron dead. He could stay with Alex forever.

“I shouldn't have shot him”, Kashim mumbled, feeling Alex's lips on his shoulder.

“It's okay”, Alex replied softly. “It's for the best.” His hands moved to Kashim's chest to hold him, the fingers grazing against the nipples. “You like me better anyway, right?” Alex asked with a smug grin.

“I do”, Kashim answered, his voice somewhat grim but determined. It bothered him that he couldn't remember the shooting at all. He thought he should remember killing Gauron. It must've been difficult and dangerous. What had caused him to do a thing like that?

Alex's hand sneaked down to Kashim's crotch and started to massage him. Kashim leaned back against the man sighed in pleasure. It was amazing how good it could feel when you didn't have to be afraid. Like... really, _really_ good. Kashim dropped his gaze down to see Alex stroking him hard, the tip of his cock oozing with clear liquid. Alex's tongue licked the back of his ear and the man whispered him to spread his legs wider.

Kashim was breathing through his mouth and watching Alex's hand. The other hand was wrapped tightly around his chest, Alex's chin on his shoulder. Kashim's toes were curling from the pleasure.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” Alex whispered.

Kashim shook his head, keeping his eyes down. It felt like looking at himself only made him harder. “No. Just this”, he breathed out.

“Just this?” Alex's thumb wiped over the tip of the cock and smeared the liquid down the shaft. Kashim had to shout out loud and grip a hold of Alex's hair. The hand fastened it's pace and Kashim felt the pleasure packing inside him. Just when he thought he would lose his mind he felt the rush of pleasure, which almost knocked him unconscious.

Kashim blinked and stared at the ceiling. It took a moment for him to realize it had been a dream.

“You ok?” Alex's voice startled Kashim and he sat up, gathering some of the sheets to cover him. Alex was standing in the doorway with worried look. “You had a nightmare?”

Kashim just stared at the man wide eyed. He could still feel his cock throbbing and the sheets felt wet. Fuck, had he pissed himself?! In the bed?!

“Oh.” Alex lifted his eyebrows. “Sorry.” The man left the doorway and even closed the door behind him.

Only after few moments of peace Kashim finally had the courage to take a peek under the covers. He sighed with relief. At least he hadn't wet himself. He pushed his hand into the briefs and pulled his hand back out. Cum on his fingers.

Somehow it made him feel even worse than the idea of pissing himself. The idea of cumming was just... It was too _Gauron_. Kashim didn't do that kind of things. He wasn't like Gauron or the rest of them and he had always felt good about it.

And what the hell had he dreamt about Alex for?! He didn't even want to do those things with Alex! And dreaming about killing Gauron and..! His mind was seriously fucked up.

Kashim threw the covers away and got up. The briefs felt dirty so he just kicked them under the bed and put on his pants. He could wash them later. Now he seriously needed some fresh air.

Alex was frying eggs again. He did that every fucking morning. Like eggs were the best thing in the world.

“Hey sorry man, I didn't mean to interrupt or any...” the man begun as he walked out of the kitchen. For a few seconds he watched Kashim put on his combat boots. “Where are you going?”

“For a jog”, Kashim grunted. He couldn't even look at Alex's face right now. He was blushing from just talking to him.

“Really?” the man sounded surprised. “I'm not so sure you're up to that yet. You had a massive blood loss and--”

“I don't give a fuck!” Kashim shouted and cast a glare at the man.

Alex just raised an eyebrow. “Jesus, no need to bite my face off. Just don't overdo it, okay?”

“I'm fine”, Kashim spat and left the apartment with a good bang of the door.

Kashim started his jog with his normal pace. Usually if he had the time, he did 5-10 km round in the morning. It was his alone time that even Gauron didn't deny. Few times Gauron had joined him, but that had been years ago. He was still physically extremely fit and could probably keep up with Kashim easily, but during mornings he was usually too hung over to run.

Kashim pushed Gauron out of his mind again. He was really starting to lose it, wasn't he? Thinking about leaving the country, dreaming about killing Gauron and being with another man... Now he was shouting at Alex, the only one on his side, for no reason. Even his feet felt heavier than usual. The morning traffic made the air almost too thick to breath.

Kashim gritted his teeth and fastened his pace. The last time he had cummed, the first time, it had been with Gauron in Singapore. He had cried afterwards. He still didn't know why. Or maybe he did. He felt like crying again. This wasn't the direction he wanted his life to go. Slowly turning into Gauron without being able to do anything about it. He didn't want to be like Gauron. He wanted to be like Alex.

Like Alex. Not with Alex. There was a difference. Kashim leaped down a set of stone stairs to get to another part of town. At the bottom his vision was blurred for few seconds and he felt like falling down. Leaning his palms against his knees Kashim took a second to catch his breath, but it only made him feel worse. With shaking movements he sat down to the stairs.

This wasn't what he wanted from life. Always being told what to do, when to do it, how to do it. Everyone mocking him, beating him, calling him names. Always being on his guard, even with his team mates and getting the shit kicked out of him the second he wasn't. Always relying on Gauron for every single thing. There had to be more out there. Kashim didn't know where or how he would get there or what he would do if not this, but he would find out.

**

Alex had made everything ready. He had gotten the passports and the plane tickets. They even had an apartment waiting in Japan. Alex talked about the possibilities of schools or some local military career. Kashim was worried about the officers, but Alex said none of them were even half the asshole Gauron was.

Alex had known how terrified Kashim was about leaving everything. But at the same time he convinced Kashim that this was what he really wanted. A life without Gauron. This was what he had tried to achieve with all the running and escaping.

Alex had been really calm about his death. He hadn't fought back. All the furnitures were on their right places. He had probably stared straight into the barrel of the gun and smiled a little. Maybe told a little joke about farting just before someone, most likely Gauron, pulled the trigger. His life had ended quietly and without a hassle. His body was still lying on the kitchen floor when Kashim came back from his jog.


	11. Back on Track

“Kashim!”

The sight of Gauron sitting at the kitchen table, smiling widely and spreading his arms made Kashim's skin crawl. There was an empty plate in front of Gauron, Alex's breakfast eggs. A rifle rested on the man's lap and the pool of blood under Alex had already stopped growing. There were three other men in the kitchen, all new.

“What?” Gauron asked confused and dropped his arms. “No hug?”

Kashim just stared at him. He couldn't look at Alex. He didn't want to admit that the man was dead. “Why did you kill him?” his voice was merely a whisper. There was something stuck in his throat again, which Kashim now recognized as a cry.

Gauron was still for a moment and then pretended to remember Alex. “Oh him?”

“DO YOU SEE ANYONE ELSE DEAD HERE?!” Kashim shouted at the top of his lungs, startling one of the new men. The rage inside Kashim's chest was nothing he had ever felt before. His breathing was hitched and his vision was getting blurry again.

Alex had promised to get him away. Alex had tended his wounds and... And now he was lying there. Alex hadn't done anything wrong compared to all the others. If something, Gauron should have been grateful for Alex.

Gauron cocked his head and stared at Kashim. “Are you crying? For him?” Gauron sounded disgusted.

“Fuck you”, Kashim spat and turned his head to wipe one of his eyes.

Gauron's head jerked back. “Well look who grew balls the minute I was gone.” He took some papers from the table without looking at them. “What are these?”

Kashim glanced at the plane tickets and his new passport. He didn't answer. That's why. That's the reason Alex was dead.

Gauron flipped the passport open. “I don't know who the fuck... Sagara Sousuke is,” he pronounced the name with care. “Or why he would go to Japan and frankly I don't give a fuck, but it seems you share a face.” He turned the passport to Kashim. Alex had made fun of his face in the picture. He had said Kashim looked constipated.

Kashim turned his eyes to Gauron. “I don't know what those are”, he said coldly.

Gauron stood up with such a speed, the chair he had been sitting on flew several meters backwards. “BULLSHIT!” Instantly he was standing right in front of Kashim, glaring down at him. Kashim stared back calmly. For some reason he didn't fear Gauron. Not after all he had been through lately. There was a deep silence in the whole apartment. Gauron's eyes narrowed and he tilted his head again. “Did he fuck you?”

Kashim had a severe urge to say yes, just to piss Gauron off. But the truth was, that Alex had already been killed and in a fit of rage Kashim could be too. “No.”

“Did you want him to?”

Kashim cursed himself when he felt his cheeks get hotter. Gauron wouldn't miss a signal like that. “I had a dream about it, but not really”, Kashim admitted with a shrug. He would have liked to have this talk private, but knowing Gauron asking something like that wouldn't have any effect.

It seemed to take Gauron by surprise. “ _You_ had a _sex dream?_ About _him_?!” The same disgusted tone was there again.

“Would it have been better if it was about Kaminski?” Kashim asked calmly and knew that this at least would change the subject.

Gauron relaxed a little. He was about to say something, but glanced at the new men instead. “Wait at the cars”, he said and the men left. Gauron placed his hand on Kashim's shoulder and led him to the bedroom. Kashim didn't object, since anywhere was better than the kitchen with Alex. “I heard you've had a little rough time.”

“If Vostrikov hadn't taken my gun, everything would have been okay”, Kashim said and decided to put at least some of the blame and Gauron's anger on Vostrikov. The rest Gauron could kill anyway, but Vostrikov was most likely to get out with just blaming the others. “He said I was unstable.”

“You? Nooo!” Gauron gasped, but the tone was mocking. He sat on the bed. “But he did make a shitty call, I'll talk with him about it.”

“What about the others?” Were they already dead or had Gauron wanted Kashim to witness the killing.

“We'll talk about it later. I will make them pay”, Gauron promised with a sigh and started to open his pants. “Now how about that welcome back gift?”

Kashim stared at the man for a second, before turning around. “I don't do that anymore”, he said and walked to the living room to get his jacket.

It took awhile for Gauron to follow him. “What?” It sounded like Gauron had never heard those words before and didn't quite know what they meant.

“What?” Kashim asked and was proud of his fake confusion.

“You don't _do_ that anymore?”

“Yes”, Kashim confirmed with straight face. “I don't like it.”

Gauron was clearly out of words. It was actually quite a funny sight. Alex would've loved it. “Let me guess,” he said finally. “Geary told you to say that?”

Now Kashim was genuinely confused. “Who's Geary?”

“That fucking dead limp dick in the kitchen!”

Kashim frowned. “He didn't tell me to say anything. I just don't do it anymore.”

Gauron's hand grasped Kashim's throat in a tight squeeze. “I don't remember giving you options.”

It took a lot of self-control, but Kashim didn't lift his hands to his throat or try to pry the fingers off and sure enough Gauron's grip loosened. He pushed Kashim away and frowned. “What the fuck's wrong with you?”

“I'm fucking done with this”, Kashim said, holding his sore throat and walked past Gauron. “Leave me be or kill me too, I don't give a fuck either way.”

**

The whole convoy was outside, the trucks with the arm slaves and everything. It seemed Gauron had hired at least ten new men too, so they would probably go do something big. Kashim walked past his usual truck and climbed in when he saw a truck with only some new guys in it. Most of them looked like Russians.

Gauron didn't come to the same truck. The engines started to roar and the trucks took off swaying and rumbling. All Kashim could think for several hours was Alex and how he had yelled at the man the last time they had seen each other.

“Are you the other AS pilot?”

Kashim lifted his eyes to a blond haired soldier maybe only few years older than him. He nodded to the man sitting on the opposite side of the truck. The blonde reached his gloved hand across the truck to Kashim. “Good to meet you. Kurz Weber.”

Kashim took the hand and shook it. “Kashim”, he mumbled.

“I'm a sharpshooter”, the man went on, now with a wide smile. “I have a whole load of kick-ass rifles with me”, he said and patted a large case under the bench. When Kashim didn't reply, the man continued to talk. “I'm not a Russian or anything, you probably notice from the accent, but hell Gauron pays well for an easy job, so...” No response. “I'm actually from Germany.” Nothing from Kashim. “You know where that is?”

Kashim shook his head a little.

It seemed to be all the man needed for a whole lecture about geography, Europe, Germany and how the man had ended up here. Few other guys joined his blabber so Kashim just toned out.

“So, Kashim. Tell us about Gauron.”

Kashim's head snapped up. All the others were staring at him.

“I mean, we all know he's a bad-ass and not to be fucked with, but anything else?” Weber asked, still smiling for some reason.

“He'll probably shoot half of you, the useless ones, at the end of the mission, so he doesn't have to pay you”, Kashim said quietly and was grateful for the deep silence, which let him get back to his own thoughts.

The trucks stopped few hours before sundown. Kashim got out with the rest of the men and started to unload the tents and supplies. He didn't get much done before Gauron walked to him.

“Kashim.”

Kashim put the box he had been carrying to the ground and turned to the man. Gauron walked next to him and put his arm on his shoulders. “We're going to get us some Mujahids for the Ruskies, clean up few of the caves for a good amount of cash. Now, this is a big operation and I need every man I have, okay? I can't kill any of them right now and neither can you, you got that?”

So the assholes that had jumped Kashim and almost killed him wouldn't be harmed. Yet. Kashim didn't answer.

Gauron's hand grabbed his shoulder. “No killing until the job's done, okay?”

“Roger”, Kashim said, even though he imagined gunning Kaminski and the others down with the smallest excuse.

“Good.” Gauron patted his shoulder. “Do you want to set up my tent?”

Kashim glanced at the man. “I can set it up, but I'm not sleeping in it. The new guys said they have room in their tent.” He gestured towards the men from his truck. Weber was setting up a fire and the others were unpacking food and the large tent they would sleep in.

“Oh. Well isn't that nice”, Gauron said with a smile. “You're finally making friends. That's good. But come sleep in my tent anyway”, the man said, patted Kashim's back again and left towards the AS trucks.

Kashim picked up the crate he had been carrying and walked to Weber. The man opened the crate, took food cans from it and started to set up the cooking gear.

“What was that about?” Weber asked, only quickly glancing at Kashim.

Kashim sat down and kept staring at the flames, feeding few branches to the fire. He didn't feel like talking about his stuff with Weber. They weren't friends or anything, no matter what Gauron said.

“Not much of a talker, huh?” Weber went on, grinning. Kashim glanced at the man, but remained silent. “So, are the things I heard about Gauron and you true?”

For a while Kashim had hoped he wouldn't have to go through this again with the new guys. He had hoped that maybe all that would be over now and he could be just a soldier like everyone else. Gauron would get bored with him and go on with his life and Kashim could do the same.

“Depends on what you've heard, I guess”, Kashim said tiredly. Maybe Weber didn't have the balls to start repeating all the things he had heard about Gauron fucking him in the public.

“You know, that you're his son.”

A piece of wood cracked in the fire and sent sparkles to the air. Kashim stared at the flames and tried to assess if he had heard the man right. Son? What. The. Fuck?

“Where did you hear that?” From the millions of questions it was the first to come out.

“Just something I picked up along the way. Is it true?”

Kashim was about to say no, because that was the truth, but he was hit with some doubt. He didn't actually know who his parents were. Had been. He had been told they were dead. Died in a plane crash or something and that's how he had ended up in Afghanistan in the first place. Scavenging the streets of Kabul, until Gauron had caught him stealing their food and brought him in.

“No”, Kashim said, but couldn't hide the horrible doubt in his mind. “My parents are dead.”

“Oh. Sorry”, Weber said with a frown. “Well, you know rumours. I just thought, you know, you being taken into the group as a kid and trained to be the other pilot and Gauron pretty much never leaving your side...” Weber shrugged and turned his eyes back to the food. “It all seemed to fit to me.” Weber stirred the food and moved it further away from the flames. “Do you remember your parents?”

“No”, Kashim answered. He didn't remember a lot before Gauron. Just that he had been hungry all the time and the bombings had scared him.

When the tents were up and the guard duties settled, the men gathered for supper. There was clearly two groups forming; the new guys and the old ones. Kashim stayed with the new ones, Gauron was mostly with the old.

As the night went on the talking got dirtier and the stories longer. Kashim stood up at one point, just wanting to be alone for a second. He walked past the trucks to the edge of the dirt road and then just stared into the wasteland. Gauron had came back. Everything was back to normal. More or less. The thought was dulling.

As the sun went down the desert got cold quickly. Not feeling like joining the others at the camp, Kashim climbed into the cockpit of one of the trucks. It was slightly warmer there and he could be alone. Maybe Gauron would even forget his order about the sleeping arrangements and just left him be. Kashim lifted his legs to the edge of the bench and tucked his hands in his armpits to keep them warmer. He sat there for hours, just staring at the night outside the wind-shield. Occasionally a burst of laughter or a bang of a truck door pulled him from his thoughts, but other than that he was not disturbed. Not until several hours later, when he had already drifted to sleep.

The truck door opened and startled Kashim awake. Gauron climbed in and sat behind the wheel, turning towards Kashim.

“Why are you sleeping here? The others giving you a hard time again?”

“No...” Kashim mumbled and felt a shiver pass through him. The truck had gotten cold during the night and the tips of Kashim's fingers were getting numb. He rubbed his sleepy eyes. “Just felt like being alone.”

Gauron reached his hand behind the benches and pulled out a blanket. He tossed it to Kashim and watched him wrap it around himself. “You had something to eat?”

“Yeah.”

There was a long silence. Kashim stared out of the windscreen and Gauron stared at him. “Come here for a second”, Gauron said and lifted his arm a little to invite Kashim closer. They shared a look and Gauron rolled his eyes. “For fuck's sake, I missed you, just come here for a second. I've barely been able to talk to you since I came back.”

For some reason Weber's words kept haunting Kashim. He stared at Gauron with a whole new way, searching for any similarities in the two of them. He could find none. Gauron was large in every way, Kashim was not. Kashim had only looked at himself from a mirror few times in his life, but he knew Gauron had a completely different nose than him. Their eyes were different too, even the shade of their skin.

“What?” Gauron snapped, getting tired of being stared at.

“Weber told me there's a rumour going on that you're my father”, Kashim said bluntly.

Gauron only frowned. “Who the fuck's Weber?”

“The blond sharpshooter. German.”

“Oh. Right. The kraut.” Gauron fell silent.

Kashim waited, but Gauron didn't say anything more. “Well?”

“What?” Gauron asked and smiled then. “Am I?” He lifted his arm to rest on top of the steering-wheel. “What difference does it make to you? You don't know fuck about parents or family. They are just words for you.” 

Kashim clenched his teeth. Why couldn't he just give him a straight answer. It would have been a lot easier. Gauron's hand reached to ruffle Kashim's hair, but the boy pulled his head back avoiding the touch.

“Parents provide their children food and safety. Family keeps together and defends one another. Now tell me, what are the differences between a team and a family?”

Kashim was silent. He didn't know anything about families, so he didn't know if there were any differences. He had seen a lot of kids and some the men he had met during his life had kids, but... It didn't really mean anything. They were just the same as everyone else. Although the kids with parents usually had a place to sleep and food tot eat. Unlike Kashim during his early years.

“Does it bother you if people think we're related? It will keep you safer from now on.”

“I don't want to be like you”, Kashim said truthfully and turned his eyes to meet Gauron's. That was one of the few things he knew about parents and kids. They usually resembled one another.

The man just scoffed. “Now you're just trying to hurt my feelings. What else could you possibly want.”

“So it's just a rumour then?” Kashim decided to make sure. He was pretty sure he hadn't gotten a real answers yet.

“Just tell them to come and ask me, if anyone's interested. That you don't give a fuck either way. That's the truth in the end.”

Kashim turned his head back to face the windscreen.

“You don't need complicated shit like that to stress about, believe me. You're a simple person and that's absolutely nothing to be ashamed about.” Gauron moved closer and lifted his hand to place it to the back of Kashim's neck. The thumb caressed the tender skin. “It makes you my best soldier, Kashim, no matter what those jealous assholes say. And related or not I have never cared for anyone like I care for you. And that will never change, you can count on it. No matter what happens, the two of us will always remain together.”

Kashim knew Gauron was – for some reason – trying to make him feel better, but the words he spoke just sounded like a threat.

“What happened with Kaminski?” Gauron asked suddenly.

“They haven't told you?” Kashim doubted that. He was sure Kaminski and the others had told Gauron some bullshit the second he returned.

“They told me their side of it, Vostrikov did too. I haven't heard yours yet, so let's have it. It's probably closest to the truth anyway.” Gauron pulled his hand away and went back on resting his arm on the steering wheel, his torso turned towards Kashim.

Kashim shrugged, like the whole ordeal wasn't anything to talk about. “They came asking Vostrikov one night, drunk, and started to talk about beating me. I had my gun then, so I got them to leave by threatening to shoot Kaminski's balls off.” It got a laughter out of Gauron, of course. “But after that Vostrikov took my gun away and they came back. They gassed the house and beat me. They were talking about killing me and tried to...” Kashim stopped talking, when he remembered the tracking chip. Alex had taken it out and it was still in Kashim's pocket.

“They tried to what?” Gauron's face was an unreadable and unnerving mask.

Did Gauron know the chip was gone? He knew about Alex taking care of Kashim. And that Alex had planned their escape. Now, if--

“Kashim!” Gauron barked and interrupted Kashim's thoughts. “Keep talking.”

They both knew Kashim wasn't a quick thinker. He needed enough time to reach conclusions and make decisions about lying and how he should lie and about what exact things. The only thing Gauron had to do to keep Kashim from lying, was to keep him talking.

“Quick, quick!” Gauron snapped and clapped his hands loudly.

“They tried to carve the chip from my back,” Kashim said even though he knew it was the wrong thing to do. He just didn't have enough time to come up with anything else. He knew it was the best if Gauron didn't know about the chip being gone. It would give Kashim advantage, when he did decide to escape.

“Did they get it?”

“No.”

“And Geary stitched you back up.”

Kashim was about to say that Alex hadn't taken the chip out either. He already had his mouth open and now his brains were trying to catch up with him. “Yes”, he managed finally.

Gauron was silent for awhile. “Let's see it then.” When Kashim remained still, with a questioning look on his face, Gauron rolled his eyes. “Your back. Let's see how much they fucked you up.”

Kashim turned sideways on the bench and took off his jacket and then the wife-beater. Gauron reached towards the ceiling and flipped on the light before moving closer. “Motherfuckers...” the man mumbled and placed his hand between Kashim's shoulder blades. The scars were still fresh and the edges of the wounds had barely healed close. But it wasn't like Gauron had never inflicted any scars himself. Hell, Kashim had probably tens of them. “I'm going to rip their heads off and piss into their windpipes.” The heavy hand caressed over the scars. “Does it hurt still?”

Kashim shook his head. He couldn't deny it didn't feel good to have someone acknowledge the wrongness he had endured. It felt good to have someone say he had the right to feel betrayed.

“We're going to make them pay, make no mistake about it. You will get to kill them.”

Kashim was about to say he didn't want that. He wanted to say he was above things like that. That he wasn't bitter or angry. He found himself staring into the wasteland and then turning towards Gauron. They stared at each other for a short while. “I just want to kill Kaminski”, Kashim said quietly, admitting to himself he wanted revenge. “Now.”

Gauron smiled lazily. “I need everyone right now.”

Kashim gritted his teeth. He remembered the feeling of being suffocated by the gas, even after sticking his head into the water basin and almost forcing him to drown himself. The feeling of the knife on his back, cutting his flesh. “I want to shoot him now”, Kashim stated in determined and cold voice.

Gauron placed his palm against Kashim's cheek and leaned in to kiss him. Kashim let him, even opened his mouth slightly to let Gauron's tongue into his mouth. The kiss deepened and Gauron's hand sneaked around Kashim's head to rest on the back of his neck. Their tongues pushed against each other, Kashim could taste the familiar mixture of tobacco and vodka. After awhile Gauron pulled an inch back, keeping his face in front of Kashim's. “I fucking love it when you lose your shit and start your killing rampages, but I need two sharpshooters right now.”

Kashim stared at the man coldly and noted Gauron's pistol on his belt. Hesitating only momentarily Kashim leaned back in to kiss Gauron. He reached towards Gauron's pistol and bit the man's lower lip at the same time his fingers touched the gun. Gauron only chuckled and sighed as Kashim deepened the kiss. The gun was already halfway out of the holster.

“Turn off the light”, Kashim pleaded in a whisper.

Gauron turned his eyes and reached towards the light switch. In a second Kashim had yanked the gun to himself and opened his side of the door. Gauron's hand tried to grasp him, but the man was too slow, Kashim was out of the truck and running towards the camp. Only thing he could think of was Kaminski laughing at him, kicking him, mocking him, making him feel like an idiot.

“Kashim! KASHIM!”

Kashim ignored Gauron's shouts and kept running. There was a shuffle around the camp fire as the men tried to make out what was happening in the dark. Kashim ran straight towards Kaminski, jumping over few crates on the ground.

He saw the man getting pale as he saw the gun in Kashim's hand. Kaminski had the time to stand up and then Kashim was there, pointing the pistol at his skull.

“The fuck are you doing?” the man shouted, holding up his hands. His voice was shaking badly.

“Kashim! Don't do it!” Gauron bellowed behind him, but not bothering to run.

“Gauron! Jesus!” There was panic in Kaminski's voice as he turned his watering eyes towards Gauron. Kashim stared at the man, swearing to himself that no one, fucking no one, would ever attack him like that again.

“Kashim!” Gauron shouted again. “Don't--!”

Kashim pulled the trigger. The bullet hit Kaminski's forehead and the sand behind him was plastered with blood and brain pieces. The man toppled down as the echo of the shot bounced around the rocky terrain around them. There was no other sound. The others were sitting as still as possible. Kashim lowered his gun and felt a rush of relief.

Gauron stepped to him and backhanded Kashim across his face. Kashim didn't even flinch even though the blood started to flow from his nose and dripped to his bare chest. “Fucking lunatic”, Gauron huffed and picked up his gun, shoving it back to the holster. He grabbed Kashim by his shoulder and pushed him to walk towards his tent. “Get rid of the body!” he shouted at the remaining men.

It was chilly and dark in Gauron's tent since he had banned the use of stoves for their weight. When the winter came they would be stuck in towns and villages for months. Kashim wrapped his arms around himself and sat down on top of the sleeping mats and bags.

“You fucking asshole!” Gauron shouted and kicked one of the backpacks over as he entered. “Where the fuck am I supposed to get another sharpshooter now, huh?!” he shouted, bending closer to Kashim's face. “Answer me?!”

Kashim opened his mouth, knowing fully well there were no correct answers at the moment. “We can recruit another one”, Kashim said quietly. It didn't matter to him. The only thing that mattered was that Kaminski was dead and now none of the others would ever have the guts to mock him.

“The fuck we can!” Gauron shouted. “I told you, you could kill him later! When the fucking job was done!”

“He was a shitty sharpshooter anyway, what do you--”

Gauron attacked him with amazing speed, straddling over him and his hands seizing Kashim by the throat. He leaned closer and had a crazed look on his face. “I fucking told you 'no'”, he said calmly, his voice dripping with venom. “I should just snap your little disobeying neck right now and be done with you.”

Kashim waited calmly if the man would carry out his threat, but nothing happened.

Slowly Gauron unclasped his hands and sighed, straightening himself up but not getting off Kashim. “I have neglected you for too long, I know. It's my fault.” Gauron placed his hand against Kashim's cheek and lifted the corner of his mouth unhappily. “I should've been here, like I should've been with you in Singapore. Shit, Kashim, I'm sorry. You've had to go through so much shit because of me.”

Kashim lifted an eyebrow. Gauron was so unbelievably unpredictable it could've easily been terrifying. It probably was to the most of the team. Kashim had already learned Gauron's boundaries, at least when it came to Kashim. Gauron could hit him, he could make him suffer, but he wouldn't kill him. Gauron could say he was sorry and that everything would be okay and not meaning a word he said. He could be yelling at one moment and...

Gauron leaned down and started to lick the blood off from Kashim's chest. The hot tongue started between Kashim's pecs, working it's way up towards the collarbones. Kashim stared at the dark canopy ceiling of the tent and remained perfectly still. He couldn't help but jump a little as Gauron's tongue found it's way to one of his nipples. The man chuckled against his skin, smoothing the side of Kashim's torso with his hand. “Don't worry. I'm here now and we'll go through once again why you are going to do everything exactly like I tell you to.”

Gauron moved up to face Kashim and started to lick the blood from the boy's nose.

“Stop it”, Kashim mumbled and turned his head away. He lifted his hand to wipe the remaining blood away, but Gauron grasped his wrist and hit it against the ground.

“Are you giving me orders, you little pissant? You? A fucking homicidal wackjob?”

“I'm sorry”, Kashim sighed, his head still turned to aside.

Gauron took a hold of his face and turned Kashim to face him. “Do it properly, like you mean it.”

Kashim stared at the man. He had never gotten the difference, but it had something to do with tones of voice and eye contact. “I'm sorry”, he said again, sounding exactly the same to himself.

Gauron seemed pleased. “Good. Now take off your pants.” The man moved away to give Kashim some space. They both sat up and Gauron started to go through one of the backpacks. He pulled out a bottle of vodka and turned his eyes to Kashim. “Well go on.”

Kashim hesitated. “I'm not going to have sex with you”, he reminded. “I told you, I don't do it anymore.”

“I asked you to take off your fucking pants. Are you going to do it or are we going to have a fight about it? Those are your choices”, Gauron informed calmly and opened his bottle. “Choose.”

For a moment Kashim wondered if Gauron would beat him up just after he had apologised about the others doing that. There was no doubt about it. Gauron and logic didn't fit in to the same frame if there was already sex there.

“We're going to start from the basics, since you seem to have forgotten them. I tell you what to do and you do it, without any bullshit. You don't start to negotiate, you don't start killing people, you don't run away and you don't talk back.” Gauron sipped the vodka straight from the bottle. “Take off your pants or I'll drag you out and whip you in front of everyone.”

Kashim eyes grew wider and he tensed up. Gauron had whipped him only once and only with three strikes, but at the time it had been more than enough to quell his rebellious thoughts for almost three years. He stood up.

Gauron smiled and took a more relaxed posture, leaning his back against the backpacks. “Come closer.” He patted the ground just next to him. “I want you right in front of me.”

Kashim stepped forward and Gauron yanked him closer by his belt. Kashim ended up standing in front of Gauron, his feet on both sides of the man and his crotch just inches away from Gauron's face.

“That's better”, Gauron mused and inhaled deeply. He lifted his hand to cup Kashim's clothed genitals and massaged them lightly. “You're doing very good. Now, open your pants.” Kashim dropped his hands to his belt, but Gauron placed his own hands on top of his. “Very slowly. Like you were... disarming a mine.”

The metaphor made Kashim stop. It was one of the few cases when he understood exactly what Gauron wanted. He still didn't understand exactly _why_ Gauron would want him to act like that, but at least he knew what to do. He placed his hands on his belt buckle and started to loosen the end of the belt. With a gentle flick of his finger he undid the prong and worked the belt through the frame. Gauron's hand had moved to massage his left thigh.

Kashim let the belt droop open as he moved his fingers to unbutton his pants. He pulled his zipper down one tooth at a time. His palms were sweating and Kashim had to remind himself that he wasn't actually undoing a mine here. His pants were open and hanging loosely around his hips. Gauron moved his hand inside his pants to feel his genitals again and at that moment Kashim remembered that he wasn't wearing his briefs. They were still cum-stained on the floor of Alex's bedroom. Gauron didn't seem to mind.

“You have no idea how fucking sexy you are”, Gauron whispered. Kashim could only agree since he had no idea of anything concerning Gauron and sex and that was just fine by him. “Turn around.”

Kashim obeyed without saying a word and felt Gauron's hands on his buttocks. The man reached his fingertips inside Kashim's trousers and pulled them down. It was dim in the tent, but it didn't seem to bother Gauron. He pressed his hand against Kashim's skin, going through every inch of his ass with his hands, grabbing and feeling it. His thumb pressed against Kashim's tail bone and went downwards from there, ending up on his hole.

Kashim kept staring at the door of the tent, fearing that some idiotic rookie would walk in any moment. He didn't know what he had been expecting Gauron to do, but when he felt the soft kiss against his ass cheek, Kashim knew he hadn't expected that. Gauron's rough stubble was scratching against his skin and the thumb kept massaging the muscles on his opening.

“On your hands and knees”, Gauron muttered, his mouth hovering hotly over the wet skin. Kashim lowered himself down and bit his teeth together. He reminded himself that this would be far less painful and humiliating than being whipped and fucked in front of the others.

But Gauron didn't start to fuck him. There was an unnerving silence and then Gauron shifted behind Kashim. A quick and painful slap caused Kashim to startle and shout out. Gauron's hand grabbed his hair and yanked Kashim's head up. “You've been a bad boy, Kashim. A very bad boy. You don't kill people without permission. You do not decide who lives or dies, that's my job.” He yanked Kashim's hair and slapped his ass again. The hit was far from gentle and Kashim knew he would have a hard time sitting, if the man would go on. “Is this clear?”

“Y-yes, sir”, Kashim breathed out, trying his best to block what he could from the pain.

“Say it!” Gauron barked and hit him again.

“I don't.. decide.. who dies!” Kashim managed between the next several slaps. Gauron's wrist was loose and the hit came with the full power of his palm, covering the whole cheek. Kashim kept pressing his eyes and mouth close so he wouldn't cry out, but jesus did it hurt.

“Apologise to me.” Another hit that caused Kashim to bite the inside of his cheek.

“I'm sorry”, he begged, tasting the blood in his mouth. “Please stop.”

“Does it hurt?” Gauron's voice was softer now, the man leaning over Kashim's body.

“Yes.” Kashim took no shame about admitting it. Gauron knew how to hit hard and painfully.

“You have to promise me you will behave from now on”, Gauron said smiling, smoothing the raw skin of Kashim's ass with his hand. “Daddy's home and in this family we have rules to follow.”


	12. Training

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been awhile, so.. here's smut! Lots of it!

Kashim's skin was burning and aching from the spots that had met Gauron's hand. He was still on his hands and knees in Gauron's tent, knowing all too well not to move without a permission. It was humiliating to say at least to understand how easy it was to fall back into the same state he had been before Gauron left. It felt like all the rebelling and convincing himself being out of Gauron's reach had been just a dream. As soon as Gauron wanted, Kashim was kneeling in front of him, reciting their unspoken rules in his head. You didn't move without a permission, you didn't speak a word if not asked anything.

“Discipline.” Gauron spoke the word like it alone gave him a hard-on. His hand kept smoothing Kashim's skin as he spoke slowly and quietly. “All the men need it every once in awhile. It's how teams work. There's the leader and there are the soldiers. And it's the soldiers duty to point out when there has been a lack of discipline and it's the duty of the leader to administer it accordingly.” A soft kiss was placed on Kashim's buttock. “Some men only need words to act, the weak ones, but people like you and me Kashim, we need pain. It's how our brains are wired. They react best to pain, it makes us sharp. It makes us one hell of a soldiers too. When other people get wounded, they are useless immediately. People like us only begin to shine then.”

The calloused hand ran over the burning skin once more. “But people like us, we need to know, with 100 percent certainty, that our leaders are capable. Otherwise there's no trust, no loyalty. You need to challenge me every now and then and I need to be challenged, that is true.” The hand moved up slowly, along Kashim's spine, the fingertips ghosting over old scars. The vodka sloshed inside the bottle as Gauron sipped more of the liquid. “That is why I don't want you to think of tonight as a punishment. Tonight is more like... training. I have let you forget how to follow orders and tonight we will fix that.”

Gauron's hands moved to Kashim's sides as the man leaned over his back and pressed his chest against Kashim. His clothed erection brushed against Kashim's thigh. “Now, I'm feeling fair tonight, or maybe a little sentimental because of our reunion, so I'm not going to make this public. But that crazy-ass, berserk head-shooting will be addressed tomorrow morning and you will assure everyone that you are not a threat to them and that they can still trust you. Do you understand?” The man asked, his chin leaning against Kashim's upper back.

“Yes, sir.”

“Explain to me, why it is important.”

Kashim had to gather his thoughts. He had been toning out for awhile, not really caring about Gauron's lectures he understood nothing about. “Otherwise the teamwork will suffer. They can't be thinking about me when we're on a job.”

“Very good”, Gauron mumbled and placed another kiss on Kashim's back. “Let's continue then.” Gauron stood up and started doing something behind Kashim. From the sounds Kashim deducted he was setting up a folding chair. It was a relief in itself, since it probably didn't mean fucking. At least not yet. “Turn around and crawl over here.”

Kashim turned and saw Gauron sitting relaxed on the metal chair. The bottle of vodka was still in his hands and he had taken off his jacket, wearing now a black sleeveless shirt, his uniform pants and combat boots. Kashim placed his hand on the floor in front of him and moved himself forward on all fours. Gauron gulped down more of the booze and chuckled. “I wonder if you missed this as much as I did”, he mused and leaned back against the chair as Kashim sat on his knees to the ground. Gauron lifted his right boot to rest on Kashim's left shoulder. The stench of the boot was horrible and the weight of it caused Kashim to slump slightly.

“Lick it.”

Kashim glanced at Gauron with a slight shock. He didn't need to look at the boot to know how unbelievably dirty it was. Covered in mud and sand, animal and human shit, blood, bits of road kill... Kashim couldn't keep his mouth from distorting from the thought. The boot nudged against his cheek, dry bits of mud dropping to his shoulder and causing Kashim to shut his eyes and shudder. “I... can't”, Kashim said quietly. “It's... I will get sick from it.”

“Bullshit, you're tougher than that”, Gauron snorted and moved his foot to press the sole of his boot against Kashim's face. He put pressure on his foot and massaged the grimy rubber against Kashim. “Push out your tongue and lick the fucking boot”, Gauron growled.

Kashim turned his head towards the boot and swallowed hard. He should just do it and get it over with, without thinking about it. He inhaled deeply, the smell of the boot and Gauron's feet only getting stronger. He opened his mouth to push out his tongue, but started retching at the thought.

“For fuck's sake! Pull yourself together!” Gauron barked and kicked Kashim to his shoulder, sending him on his back. Kashim was gasping for air as Gauron stepped into his vision and placed the boot on top of his face, half an inch away. The dried mud and sand fell to his face. Kashim tried his best to turn his head away. The boot left, only to be stomped hard on Kashim's stomach. He hacked and coughed, covering the spot with his hands. “Ready yet?” The boot returned.

With shaking movements Kashim pushed out his tongue and pressed it against the sole. He felt the sand in his mouth and forced himself to think that was the worst of it. He pushed out the memory of Gauron kicking the truck tires with the boot, rolling over the corpses of people. He tried his best not to think of the way piss sprinkled to his own boots when he took a leak on a rocky ground.

“Again.”

Kashim complied, placing his tongue against the boot and letting it drag along the sole. Gauron moved the boot slightly to one side for a better view.

“Again.”

The taste wasn't so horrible, Kashim had gotten his share of the dirt in fistfights, riding in the trucks and sleeping on the ground. And yes he had eaten insects to survive and drunk stale water. But something in Gauron's boots was just far worse than any of those. When Gauron finally lifted his foot off, there were tears in the corner of Kashim's eyes and his breath was hitched.

“That's a good boy”, Gauron said and squatted down in front of Kashim. “Don't you feel better already, knowing where your place is?”

Kashim was too busy catching his breath to answer. His hands were shaking as he sat up and tried to wipe away at least some of the dirt from his mouth.

“Do you need a minute?” Gauron's stare was intense as he studied Kashim with his eyes. When there still was no answer, he lifted his eyebrows to repeat the question.

“I'm fine”, Kashim muttered. What he would have liked was to get out of the tent, but since that wasn't happening any time soon, it was best just to get this over with as quickly as possible.

“That's my boy”, Gauron said with a smile and leaned closer to place open-mouthed and possessive kiss on Kashim's lips.

Kashim tilted his head back as Gauron kept pressing forward, crawling more on top of him. Gauron's tongue felt like it was searching for all the dirt and crap Kashim had licked from the boot. A firm hand took hold of Kashim's back as Gauron toppled him with his larger body. Gauron's other hand massaged Kashim right thigh for a moment before Gauron ended the kiss and sat up. His eyes examined Kashim's body, his hand trailing after his gaze on the chest, stomach and finally Kashim's inner thighs.

Gauron took a hold of Kashim's hips and tugged his ass into his lap. The rock hard erection in Gauron's pants pressed against Kashim's tail bone as Gauron once more locked eyes with Kashim. “Do you remember the last time we fucked?” Gauron asked as he slowly took a hold of Kashim's cock and started to move his hand along the shaft.

“Yes”, Kashim answered with a bit of hesitation. He kept glancing at Gauron's hand, being fully aware of the growing feeling of... nervousness?

“Tell me how it felt. To cum for the first time.”

Kashim tried to grasp the memory of the feeling. Lying on the bed in Singapore after Gauron was already finished. The feeling of his heart racing and the air escaping his lungs. “It felt like I would die.”

Gauron's hand stopped. Kashim glanced at the man, who was now gawking at him. “But in a good way?” he suggested.

“It only felt good for a second or two”, Kashim said quietly. He clenched his jaw before continuing. “I didn't like it.”

The hand around Kashim's cock left and slapped his face hard. Gauron's expression was practically screaming how wrong the answer had been. “You're such a miserable fuck, you know that?” he grunted. “Is there anything in the whole fucking world that you actually _did_ like?”

Kashim knew his answer would bring him another hit or even something worse. Still, he felt like he had to say it out loud. “I liked Alex.”

It was like lying in the eye of a storm. They stared at each other and Kashim was bracing himself for the attack. But like so many times before, when you actually expected Gauron to go berserk, he didn't. The silence dragged on until Kashim could hear the blood flow in his ears. “Why?” When Gauron spoke, his voice was raspy and quiet. He had a distant look in his eyes.

Alex had never hurt him. It was one of the main reasons. Being around Alex had been easy. You never had to be afraid of him or his reactions. With Alex even breathing had felt easier, like the whole world had felt lighter and brighter. “I don't know.” It was easier to say than trying to explain things like that to Gauron.

Gauron inhaled deeply and let his hands drag along Kashim's stomach. He kept staring at his hands and Kashim couldn't help but wonder, if it was some kind of mental hurt he saw on Gauron's face. His voice was soft and quiet when he spoke. “You speak out his name ever again and I will take my knife and ram it in right here.” His hand stopped just above Kashim's naval. “And I will shove my hand in through that wound and you can feel me ripping out your windpipe from the inside.” He let out a sigh and lifted his eyes to Kashim. There was a faint smile on his lips. “Am I being perfectly clear about this?”

“Yes, sir.”

Gauron pushed him forcefully from his lap. “What a fucking mood killer”, he mumbled and got on his feet. Kashim took his chance to sit up and back away. Gauron walked back to his bottle and took a swig of vodka. “I see you're in much worse state than I feared.” He let out a desperate laughter. “Talking about other men... Jesus! You don't do shit like that, Kashim. That's fucking offensive towards me, okay?”

“Yes, sir”, Kashim answered quietly. The only thing Kashim was hoping was that he hadn't crossed the line into public flogging.

“Unless you were trying to offend me on purpose?”

Kashim shook his head immediately. “No, sir.”

Gauron kept staring at him. “No. You were just being the honest prick that you are.” He stepped forward and offered the bottle to Kashim. “Drink up.”

They both knew that Kashim didn't drink. But at the moment Kashim wasn't going to do anything that could even possibly offend Gauron more. He took the bottle and drank. The smell and taste were the same; awful and stinging. The liquid burned in his mouth and throat and left a terrible taste on his tongue. Kashim offered the bottle back, but Gauron just nudged his head backwards. Kashim took two generous swigs more and was grateful when Gauron accepted to take the bottle back.

“You're starting to be a man in every way. Might as well catch up with the remaining details”, Gauron mumbled and sat back on his chair. “Now, there's a backpack somewhere there, a black one, smaller than the rest. Bring it to me.”

Kashim went through the bags and crates with his eyes until he found the one Gauron was talking about. He lifted it up and noticed it was light too, five pounds or so, almost empty. He handed it to Gauron, who placed it on to his lap for opening.

“You will take care of these from now on. Keep them with your own gear, don't leave them anywhere, keep them clean and away from sand.”

At first Kashim thought they were talking about weapons or something, but as Gauron tossed few of the objects to him, it became clear how wrong he had been. He recognized the tube, even if it had different markings on it than the one before. The rest of the stuff he had never seen before, but their purpose was pretty clear anyway. Kashim could have maybe passed the slim, black rod and the small beads attached together with a string and tell himself he didn't know what they were for, but the third object which seriously looked like a chopped off cock with the right colour and the veins and everything just didn't left anything for the imagination. Kashim resisted the urge to ask where the hell Gauron had found something like that.

“They're not going to bite you.”

Kashim glanced at Gauron, who was staring at him with a smile. It might have been an invitation for Kashim to touch the stuff, so he picked up the least scary one, the string with different sized balls on it and turned it in his hands. It didn't make him smile one bit.

“Let's start with the black one. Lube it up and lie down your back.”

With slowness as his only protest Kashim reached to take the lube and the black rod, about the size of his thumb in diameter.

“Why are we starting with that one?”

Kashim jerked his head up, surprised of a question. He glanced at the other objects and then the rod. “It's the smallest?”

“Thinnest”, Gauron corrected. “Always start with the thinnest and work your way up.” He waited for Kashim to open the tube and coat the rod with the cold liquid. “Do you want to do this yourself or would you like me to help?”

Kashim grit his teeth. “I just don't like it when you stare.”

Gauron smiled and continued to drink. “I know you inside and out, there's nothing for you to get embarrassed about at this point. Lie on your back, your feet towards me and lift your legs up.”

Kashim obeyed, pressing his back against the blanket laid on the ground. At least this way he didn't have to see Gauron. He lifted his feet off the ground and got an accepting murmur from Gauron.

“Take a good hold of it and push it in, slowly.”

Kashim aligned his wrist and felt his entrance with the tip of the rod. The lube made it alarmingly easy to push the tip in. It didn't feel much different from a finger, except that it went further easier.

“Moan.”

Kashim processed the thought for a second. He would sound ridiculous, there was no doubt about it. But it was probably either that or getting the shit kicked out of him again, so Kashim opened his mouth and tried his best to remember the sound he had heard from the paid woman Vostrikov had fucked in Kabul last year. The sound left his throat dry and shy, barely audible, like a quiet sigh. He waited Gauron to comment his effort, but in stead of saying anything it sounded like the man was opening his pants. 

“Good”, he finally said, voice slightly hitched. “Now, tilt your head back and do it again.”

Kashim arched his neck and let out another sigh, this time it came out louder and more confident. Immediately Gauron let out a satisfied grunt. Kashim started to pull the rod slowly out, since he didn't feel like pushing it any deeper in. This too seemed to please Gauron.

“Curl your toes.”

If it hadn't been Gauron telling him what to do, Kashim might have found it funny how detailed his orders were. And weird at that. But as it was Gauron, Kashim just kept his mouth shut and curled his fucking toes.

“Move it faster. Arch your back some more.”

For some reason the situation reminded Kashim of the first time Gauron had taught him to shoot with a rifle. It was one of the first memories he had from the time he had joined Gauron's team.

Gauron had pulled him from the others, to a bank of a river and handed him his AK. He had placed the rifle in Kashim's hands, adjusted every joint in his body to it's correct position, taught him how to aim, when to pull the trigger. His arms had been around Kashim, the stubble scratching his temple as he leaned as close to Kashim as he could. If he hadn't, the recoil of the first shot would have most likely kicked Kashim to his back. The sound of the shot had rung in Kashim's ear, but he could still remember how the feeling of power had made his blood rush. Gauron had laughed, ruffled his hair and told him that he would be a great soldier soon.

This wasn't so much different from that. Gauron told him how he wanted things to be done and Kashim complied. He let out another moan as the rod sank once more inside him and arched his back.

“Jesus, you're beautiful”, Gauron said with a moan of his own. “I could watch you forever if only you weren't making me so fucking hard. Switch to the thicker one.”

Kashim let the black rod slip out of him and gave his muscles a second to adjust before sitting up. The cock-shaped rubber... thing was a feet away and Kashim reached it with the lube. With a quick look he noted Gauron sitting on his chair, jerking slowly off. He hadn't taken his pants off, just opened them enough to get his cock out and in his hand. Kashim took a quick look at Gauron's shaft and then the rubber one. There was no doubt about it, Gauron was bigger.

“Go as slow as you want, we have time”, Gauron said and leaned back.

With a tight knot in his guts Kashim coated the plastic cock with lube and laid back down.

“Spread your legs more, I don't want to miss any of this”, Gauron said with a lazy drawl. “Slide it against you few times.”

Kashim let the cold rubber touch his hole. The object felt too big even then and Kashim's jaws locked tightly together. The lube had made his skin slippery from his thighs to his lower back, but he wasn't even considering using any less of it. The more the better.

“Now slowly put more pressure on it and push the tip in, nothing else.”

Kashim turned the tip against him and pushed the rubber against his tight muscles. He could feel his anus stretch from the slow penetration. His muscles opened up to take in the large tip but at the same time it felt like he should push it out. His buttocks were twitching against the intrusion.

“Keep it still”, Gauron grunted. He started to sound more tense. “Move it around without pulling it out or pushing it in and moan with your mouth shut.”

Kashim started to turn the cock slightly inside him and let out a deep sigh. The blunt tip rubbed against his insides, but there was still no pain. The stretch felt uncomfortable but bearable. Kashim kept moving the cock when it suddenly slipped completely out. The cry of surprise was unintentional, but it caused Gauron to chuckle.

“It's okay, just push it back in.”

With blushed face Kashim pressed the slippery tip back against his now clenched up hole. The tip slid in quickly, easier this time and it gave Kashim some new hope of sex becoming painless at some point.

“Fully in now. As slow as you want.” Gauron ordered and stood up. Kashim's heart began to race immediately and with his nervous shifting the item slipped out again. This time Kashim took the opportunity to drop his legs down and back away from Gauron, even if it was just for few inches. Gauron just kept staring at him and pulled his shirt off. “Continue”, he directed and let the shirt drop to the ground. Kashim's hand shook as he gripped the rubber and tried to force himself to lie back down. He didn't have the time before Gauron crouched down and shoved his back against the blankets. “Either you do this or I will.”

“I will”, Kashim said quickly as the panic started to take over. “I will, I just...”

“It's okay”, Gauron said in calm voice. He lifted Kashim's legs back up and spread them, keeping his eyes on Kashim's face. “It hasn't hurt thus far, right?” Kashim nodded in agreement and inhaled deeply to calm himself down. Gauron turned his eyes to Kashim's ass as he pressed the rubber back in. A deep and low rumble sounded from Gauron's throat. “Never seen anything that beautiful.” He moved his hand and Kashim could feel him trace the rim of his rectum with his finger. “Look at that grip. You're so fucking tight”, the man sighed.

Kashim was fighting his every instinct to keep still and breathing. Gauron's touch on his burning skin wasn't making things any easier. “Deeper now”, the man ordered and as Kashim started to slowly push the cock in, he felt Gauron pull his buttocks apart for a better view. The stretched out skin made the insertion burn and Kashim paused the movement. “That's right, take your time. Here.” Gauron took the lube from the ground and squeezed out a small portion to his fingertips. The cold substance was carefully applied to the brim of the anus.

As he became more sure that Gauron wouldn't do anything beside looking, Kashim forced himself to relax and push the rubber deeper in.

“Say that it feels good.”

Kashim glanced at Gauron and frowned. He wanted Kashim to lie? Still, it wasn't like it was the first odd order Kashim had got since they had started. “It feels good”, he stated.

Gauron's whole body slumped as he turned his blank stare to Kashim. “Not like that, you git. You have to sound like it does. Like you mean it. _It feels good._ Breath out as you say it.”

Kashim kept frowning, since he knew without trying that he would sound like a complete idiot, if he tried to mimic Gauron. “It... feels good”, Kashim managed while blushing and turning his eyes away. To his own ears he sounded like he was being strangled.

Gauron chuckled. “Good. Just a little more deeper now and don't let go of the other end. It'll get sucked right in otherwise.”

Kashim grimaced as he nudged the cock still deeper. His insides ached, but the pain wasn't anywhere near as bad as it had been before. Still he hoped that Gauron wouldn't tell him to start moving the thing. He seriously needed a moment to catch his breath.

“Switch hands and jerk yourself.”

Kashim reached to take a hold of the rubber cock with his left hand and moved his right hand to his stomach. It didn't take more than a stroke to bring back the memories of Singapore and the dream Kashim had had of Alex. Twice he had cummed, neither of the actually willingly but still. And just like he had feared, this time he noticed the slightly different feeling he got from touching his own cock. There was clear excitement in the depths of nervousness. He could feel it in his abs, the way they contracted in a new way. He could feel it in his balls which had been to this point an inanimate part of his body. And he most definitely could feel it in his cock. It moved in his hand, like some alien part of him with a mind of it's own. It was getting hard despite of Gauron's presence.

“There you go”, Gauron spoke softly as the hard-on was getting more and more visible. “Knew you could do it.” He moved his hand towards Kashim's ass. “Let me keep this still for you.” Kashim's hand was pushed away from the artificial cock as Gauron took hold of it. “Go faster.”

As Kashim picked up the pace he could feel Gauron move the cock inside him. He pulled it out an inch in a slow movement, just enough to feel it and pushed it back in. Kashim turned his eyes to the ceiling and tried to pretend like Gauron wasn't even there. He wanted to think he was still in Alex's bedroom. He closed his eyes to get a better picture of his memories.

Immediately the movement of his hand felt better and he could feel his cock getting harder. It was already as hard as Gauron usually was and the lubrication from before was making his hand glide on his shaft smoothly and effortlessly. His toes curled without even thinking about it.

His hand quickened the pace on it's own. The movement was getting frantic, based on instincts rather than on coherent thinking. Kashim's eyes shot open as his whole lower body started to tense up, like it was gathering strength for something. He could feel it coming, not like a wave but like a ten ton truck rumbling over him. There was a second when Kashim caught Gauron's eye, that he stared at the grinning man with all the certainty of dying from the intensity of the moment.

He cummed in nothing less than an explosion. At the same time he could feel Gauron pull the cock all the way out of him, ripping it from the tightly clenched muscles. Kashim shouted out, his back arching and his hands clawing the blanket under him. Gauron's mouth covered his lips and frustrated to do at least something Kashim responded to the kiss, taking Gauron's tongue in his mouth and massaging their lips together. Kashim's hands acted on their own as the wound around Gauron's upper body to pull him closer.

Kashim's world was still throbbing and swaying as Gauron pulled away to look at him. There was a swipe on Kashim's abs before Gauron placed two of his fingers on Kashim's mouth. He could taste the cum and it took several seconds to realize it was his own. It was strange how they tasted so same, Gauron and him.

The light and relaxed feeling didn't last very long before Gauron straightened himself up and wrestled his pants off. Kashim's legs were once again lifted up, but this time Gauron was pressing them down and apart.

“No... Don't...” Kashim stammered and tried to push Gauron off with his shaky hand. His efforts were completely ignored as Gauron pulled apart his buttocks and aligned his cock with Kashim's burning hole. The movement of Gauron's hips was determined and steady as he started to press himself forward, sinking his the whole length of his cock inside Kashim.

A raw cry of pain left Kashim's throat. Even with the preparations Gauron was too big to fit in comfortably and his hard erection was stretching Kashim from the inside. His muscles hadn't fully recovered from the cumming and after the few initial resists Kashim just lied there, taking everything in.

Gauron was clearly restraining himself. He switched their positions several times, lifting Kashim's legs on his shoulders, lowering them back down, moving him sideways... The sweat was dripping from his skin as he pounded his hips against Kashim. The pain wasn't as bad as Kashim would have expected. He was almost sure that if Gauron would have added more lube at this point, it wouldn't have hurt at all.

That thought left Kashim as he felt Gauron's fingers prying him open. He gasped for air as his already stretched hole was forced to take in first a finger and then something else. Kashim lifted his head to see Gauron push the black rubber rod in next to his cock. The familiar pain stabbed Kashim's insides and he pressed his head back down, clenching his jaws.

Gauron moved the rod inside him with his thrusts until he was finally ready to finish. Gauron pulled completely out and threw Kashim around to face the ground. He lifted Kashim's ass higher and spread him open before ramming himself back inside. The pace was fast as Gauron pounded all his frustration into Kashim, gripping his hips until Kashim was sure he would get bruises on him.

When Gauron finally finished with the hot cum hitting the insides of Kashim, they were both panting and covered in sweat. Gauron collapsed on top of him like a dying bull, almost knocking the last wind out of Kashim.

“It's so fucking good to be home”, Gauron mumbled as he turned to his side and pulled Kashim next to him.


	13. Promotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nosex

The ceiling started to turn lighter as the first rays of sunlight crept above the horizon. It was still cool outside and Kashim took few more minutes under the warm blankets and Gauron's heavy arm, before finally getting up. He put on his pants and boots as Gauron let out an incoherent mumble and turned to his back.

Few other men were awake around the camp, cooking, chatting, cleaning out their guns. One of the new guys was praying, pressing his forehead to the ground further away. That wouldn't last long if Gauron ever saw it. Kashim walked further away from the camp to take a piss and tried not to think about the last night. At least Kaminski was dead, that was positive. Plus Gauron hadn't been nearly as pissed off as he could have been. He hadn't even beaten Kashim that bad, not even worth a black eye. And the sex... Kashim couldn't say he was very happy about the fact that he seemed to be losing his senses more often now, letting Gauron do things to him willingly, but at least it hurt less.

Kashim shook the last drops off, zipped himself up and walked back to the camp. There was only one fire, this time catering to the new and the old crew alike. The new guys seemed to be a lot more nervous about Kashim's approach than the others.

“Good morning.” It was Weber who decided to say something. He wasn't grinning like the day before and even he had a cautious air around him.

Kashim glanced at him and sat down by the fire. “Morning”, he mumbled. There wasn't anything particularly good about it.

It was clear Weber wanted to talk some more, but decided otherwise. The deep silence lasted until Wahidi asked how many of them wanted coffee. Kashim accepted a mug too even though he hadn't asked for one.

“When do you suppose we're leaving?” one of the new guys, Zardooz, asked. He was in his late twenties and had been hired mostly for his mechanical skills. Still, put a gun in his hand and he did his part just like any other. At least, that's what he had said. Kashim couldn't say anything about the man before he had seen him in combat.

“Difficult to say now”, Wahidi answered, scratching his overgrown beard. “When we're few men short.”

Kashim turned his eyes to Wahidi. “What do you mean 'few'?” They were short of Kaminski, the worst sharpshooter the world had ever known, but that was it. ...Right?

”Gorlovich and Sokoloff are gone. Left during the night”, Wahidi stated calmly, squinting at Kashim in the bright morning light. “I wonder why.”

Kashim kept staring at Wahidi, who seemed to be pleased about the situation. “Gauron doesn't know about this.”

”Well then,” Wahidi smiled calmly and sipped his coffee.” I think you'd better go and tell him.”

Kashim's stomach turned. Deserters weren't something Gauron took lightly. He would take his rage out on the messenger and after that Kashim would surely hear about it too. He could only hope that the others would get their share as well for letting them run.

”It's... You knew about it before me”, Kashim claimed. “It's your job to tell him.”

”Well I'm not going to. What are you going to do about it? Shoot me too?” Wahidi arched his eyebrows.

Weber glanced at both of them. “Gauron's going to flip out?”

”Most likely”, Wahidi said with a shrug and took out a cigarette. “I guess it depends.”

”On what?” Weber asked.

”Whether Kashim tells him before or after a blowjob.”

”Fuck you”, Kashim spat immediately. He knew Gauron hadn't been very quiet last night and by now the new guys probably knew about everything too. Still, it would've been nice to live in a delusion in which they didn't.

”Jesus...” Weber hissed and sounded disgusted. He set down his coffee mug and got up. Kashim thought he was just getting away from them, but the blond soldier walked straight towards Gauron's tent. Both Wahidi and Kashim stared after him.

”Now what the fuck is _he_ doing?”

They watched as Weber stopped at the tent doorway. With his back towards the camp fire Kashim couldn't make out the words, but it seemed Weber was talking. He was waking up Gauron, who most likely had a hangover, with the news of two deserters. It was closest to a suicide Kashim had ever witnessed.

”That's the last we're going to see him”, Wahidi stated calmly and placed the cigarette between his lips.

It took awhile before the tent door was ripped open and half-naked Gauron stepped out with a furious look on his face. Weber took two steps back.

”What the fuck are you talking about?!” Gauron barked and buttoned his pants.

Weber turned slightly and pointed towards Wahidi and Kashim.

”Motherfucker”, Wahidi muttered when Gauron turned his eyes to them. “Say what you want, I'm going to put this one on you.”

Gauron said something to Weber and the blond left towards Vostrikov's tent. Gauron walked towards the camp fire. Both Kashim and Wahidi stayed absolutely still.

”Who noticed it and when?”

”Me and Kasabian, when we woke up.” Wahidi waved his hand towards one of the truck where Kasabian was washing his upper body.

”WHEN?!”

”An hour or two ago”, Wahidi's voice got more and more silent.

”Did they steal something with them?”

”Their weapons, some ammo, food and water. They left on foot, due west.”

”If anyone sees them ever again, I want their heads”, Gauron spat and Wahidi nodded, trying to hide his fear. Gauron turned to Kashim and there was deep silence. “You have something to say for yourself?”

”I can go and get them for you”, Kashim stated calmly. It was the only reasonable thing to say. If it was his fault that the men had gone, Kashim should go and get them back. If they were on foot, he could easily catch them with an AS.

Gauron snorted, but seemed to calm down. “Pass me some coffee.” Wahidi filled up a mug and handed it to the man. “Fucking cowards.”

Vostrikov walked to them before the silence got too bad. Weber joined the crowd too, sitting on the ground on Kashim's right hand side.

“When did they leave?” Vostrikov asked and glanced around the group.

“Impossible to say. Sometime between one and five, I guess”, Wahidi answered.

“Should we go and get them?” This time Vostrikov aimed his question at Gauron.

“Nah”, the man grunted. “We'll stick to the plan.”

The answer didn't please Vostrikov. He shuffled his feet and clearly tried to find the right words. “We... should reconsider.” Gauron lifted his eyes to the man. He wasn't in his best mood to start with and questioning his orders wasn't making things any better. “We're three men short.”

“I can count”, Gauron stated in a low tone. “We'll stick to the plan.”

“We were outnumbered before, this is getting rid--” Vostrikov tried to laugh it out, but was cut off by Gauron's stare. Vostrikov shuffled his feet again. “Could we discuss this in private then?”

“Jesus, you're worse whiner than Kashim”, Gauron mumbled, but moved his hand in a dismissive manner anyway. Kashim and the rest of the people got up to walk away. Kashim was the only one who got pressed back down. “Not you”, Gauron grunted. “It's about time you started to pull your weight around here.”

Kashim had no idea what that meant and by the look on Vostrikov's face neither did him. Neither of them said anything though, only waited until Gauron was ready to talk.

“Three men gone isn't bad, we've worked with less.”

”Not on a gig like this”, Vostrikov insisted calmly. “We're short as we are and we'll lose at least three of the new ones as soon as the fighting starts. That leaves us with ten at most, less if they've got AS' nowadays. It's been too long since we've been to these parts. Anything could have happened while we were elsewhere. They might have gotten hundreds of soldiers more, AS', fucking missiles, anything. You have to call this off, it's a suicide.”

Gauron clicked his tongue and stared into the distance. “We've been taking a piss on the ruskies a little too long now”, he mumbled. “They want something in return. And they pay good.”

”They can't pay enough to make me kill myself”, Vostrikov retorted. “If you decide to go in with these odds, you can count me out.”

Gauron turned his eyes to Vostrikov. There was a genuine surprise in his face. “What? You're bailing out on me? Of all people?”

Vostrikov sighed. “I'm not bailing out. I'm just saying we can't go marching in like this.” The man licked his lower lip in a nervous manner and tilted his head slightly towards Kashim. “We might get hurt. Bad. Any of us.”

Gauron's eyes followed the line of Vostrikov's gaze and stared at Kashim for a second. “So. What's your opinion on this?”

Kashim jerked slightly as he realized the question was pointed at him. Vostrikov glanced at Gauron, but then turned his eyes to Kashim. “What?” Kashim had to ask. He was never, absolutely never consulted when it came to tactics.

“Do you think the risks are too high?” Gauron asked, like he was talking to someone whose reply actually interested him.

“I...” Kashim hesitated. “I... don't think I know enough about the situation to make that call, sir”, he said in uncertainty.

Gauron took a twig from the ground and placed his other hand on Kashim's shoulder as he started to map out their surroundings on the ground. Vostrikov let out a snort, but remained silent while drinking his coffee.

Gauron explained their situation, went through all the information he had about their enemy, what their target was and in what time he had planned to do all of this. As his explanations stopped and the man straightened his back, Kashim was a bit on the paler side.

“So? What do you think?”

Kashim stared at the lines on the ground. His stomach felt like it was turning upside down. “Requesting a permission to speak freely, sir”, Kashim stated.

“Granted”, Gauron mused and seemed to be glancing quickly at Vostrikov with a grin.

“I think...” How the hell should he put this? Kashim lifted his eyes to Gauron and hesitated even though the man looked calm. “It's insane", Kashim said with a slight tremble.

Vostrikov let out a joyful bark of a laughter and spread his arms. “Ha! What did I told you!”

“Fucking brat”, Gauron growled. “What the fuck do you know about tactics...”

“We at least need more information”, Kashim insisted and pointed to a spot on the ground. “They could hide a city here and we wouldn't be able to tell before we are standing right next to it. It's easy to get Chinese AS' from the border. For all we know there could be tens of them.” His speech got faster and his voice louder as he was getting more and more sure about his opinion. “You need to send out scout teams first, if you cross that mountain blind...” Kashim paused and glanced at Gauron. “I think that would be really stupid.”

“You're saying I'm stupid?” Gauron asked, in his horrible, cheery calmness.

“No”, Kashim said quickly and racked his brains to work. “I just think that... your schedule isn't realistic. You want to be as effective as possible, but to take on those places and get out with prisoners we need more men and more time. And we need to know exactly what we're up against.”

“What would you do then? For now?”

Kashim lowered his eyes back to the sand. “I would... send out two scout teams of two men. Here and... here”, he marked the spots to the sand. “Once they come back with information, I would make the plans for an attack or retreat to recruit more men.”

“How do you recruit more men, when we have barely enough money for gas and food?” Gauron asked and sipped his coffee calmly.

Kashim lifted his eyes back to the man and a flash of irritation came over him. “I don't know. Why are you asking me?” he snapped. “I don't know these things. I'm a soldier, not an officer!”

Gauron laughed and placed his hand on Kashim's cheek. “You will be.” He brushed his thumb across Kashim's lower lip. “You'll be one hell of an officer soon. Now,” he slapped Kashim's cheek gently. “Focus. Where do we get enough money, if we need it?”

Kashim sighed and went through few of the things they had done earlier as a team. “Hijack a caravan and sell the contents, rob a village or an opium field, sell hostages, do contract kills...”

“There you go. You know these things”, Gauron said with a smile and patted Kashim's face again. The man stood up and tossed the rest of his coffee to the fire. “Now, I'm going back to sleep. Kashim, send out your scouts as you see fit. You're a Lieutenant now.”

The silence in which Kashim and Vostrikov sat was so deep, they heard the sand move across their hand drawn map as a slight wind blew past them.

Kashim turned his head to Vostrikov and squinted at the sunlight. “What's your rank?”

Vostrikov's head snapped towards Kashim and his lips distorted. “Captain.”

**

“A-ha ha... I'm sorry”, Wahidi dragged on his fake laughter and took the cigarette from between his lips. “You _really_ have to repeat that.” He turned his eyes to Kashim and pointed at him with his cigarette. “ _You_ shoot one of _your own men_ , cause _two more_ to desert the team and _you_ get promoted?” When Kashim didn't have anything to comment, the man let out another laughter. “Hell, if someone had told me that's the way to get promotions around here, I would've just shot you the first day you were dragged here.”

Kashim felt a nasty sting of the words. “You were actually dragged here after me”, he reminded. “I had been in this team for a year, when you joined.”

“Cut it out, no need to measure them up right now!” Vostrikov barked. “Gauron gave this gig to Kashim and we go by those orders, so listen the fuck up!”

Kashim forced himself to stand as tall as possible. It was clear that the old crew wasn't supporting their new officer at all. The newer men seemed unsure too, but not hostile at least. Kashim cleared his throat. “I need two scout teams of two men.”

“For what? Looking for your ass virginity?”

Kashim turned his cold stare to Kasabian. Normally the man was, if not polite, at least quiet. It seemed this was too much even for him.

“Looking for your left arm, if you talk to your officers like that again”, Vostrikov barked from Kashim's side.

Kashim went through the group with his eyes. He had thought about making Kasabian one of the scouts, but now he wasn't so sure anymore. He didn't know how much the new guys knew about their surroundings and how much the old ones wanted to fail just to see Kashim suffer.

“Well?” Wahidi ushered mockingly. “Don't keep us in this suspense.”

“The teams will go investigate the enemy movements in the next valley to the north. There should be a camp there of reasonable size. We want to know how many of them are there, what kind of weapons do the have and what would be the best approach for the attack. Sherazi”, Kashim nodded to one of the older men. “And Pavlovic, you are the first team.”

This had been an easy decision. Sherazi, even if he was over forty, was in great shape, knew the mountains and was often used as a scout by Gauron too. Pavlovic was younger and one of the new recruits, but he was big and strong and could handle himself if something happened. Neither of the men said anything. Sherazi cocked his eyebrows lazily to indicate the decision hadn't come as a surprise to him.

The second team was more difficult. “Kasabian and Osinov, you're the second team”, Kashim said, sticking with his original plan. Kasabian was clever and fast, he had been around long enough to know what to look for when scouting. Osinov... being one of the youngest of them wouldn't probably talk back and that was enough for Kashim at the time.

“Fuck. You”, Kasabian spat both figuratively as well as literally. “I'm not going anywhere.”

For a second Kashim waited for Vostrikov to say something, but when the man remained silent, Kashim lifted his chin slightly. “That's an order.”

“Yeah? So is this.” The man jabbed his thumbs up while glaring at Kashim and then turned to walk away.

Kashim watched the man go and didn't have a clue what to do. He was about to shout something when a shot rang in the air. The bullet hit the sand just few feet away from Kasabian's boots and the man stopped. Kashim glanced at Vostrikov, who was holding his pistol.

“You talk back again and I'll give the gun to Kashim”, Vostrikov stated and watched in silence as Kasabian turned around. With icy cold stare the disobeyed man walked past them, shoved Osinov to his shoulder and continued with him to the trucks. “You don't need a truck!” Vostrikov shouted at them.

“So fucking shoot me! I'm not walking!” Kasabian yelled back and climbed in, waiting only a second or so for Osinov to join him before he took off.

Kashim stood still next to Vostrikov and watched as the truck left. “Thanks”, Kashim said dully.

“Don't”, Vostrikov snapped and shoved his pistol back into the holster. “I didn't do it for you, I did it for him. We're short on men as we are.”


	14. Camping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Almost sex, mostly just hanging out. I'll make it up in the next chapter, I promise.

The camp settled back to it's slow buzz. The day was becoming as hot as usual and even though Kashim had been shirtless the whole morning, he started to yearn for something to cover himself with. He had no clue where he had lost his shirt and jacket in the first place, so he walked to Gauron's tent to get a fresh one.

Gauron had been sleeping and was still pretending to be, even though Kashim knew the man had woken up the second Kashim had walked to the doorway. Kashim ignored the man and went for his back-pack. It seemed that he would have to do some laundry soon. Most of the clothes were so dirty they felt like cardboard against his fingertips.

“Did everything go well?”

“Yes”, Kashim answered rigidly and started to pull out some of the clothes. He had spare time now and they had set the camp near a river, might as well wash them today. “Although Kasabian's an asshole.”

“He's still alive?” Gauron asked with a chuckle.

“Yes.”

Gauron stretched his arms and let out a long yawn. “Good, good... What are you looking for?”

Kashim only shrugged. “A clean shirt. I thought I had one still.”

Gauron chuckled and folded his arms behind his head. “You should be shirtless the whole fucking time. It's hot”, the man said with a grin. “So. How was last night?”

A shiver passed down Kashim's spine. His hands kept feeling the clothes to make out which ones were still passable. “Good”, he said with a shrug and hoped Gauron would just drop the subject.

“Wasn't it?” Gauron replied with excitement and rose to support his weight on his elbows. “Jesus, that was good”, he sighed and turned to stare at the ceiling for a second, before returning his eyes to Kashim. “You liked the spanking, didn't you?”

Kashim had to turn his glare to Gauron. He said nothing.

“Oh, come on! Admit it! Little pain is just the thing to get your motor running.” Gauron watched him with a unsettling grin on his face.

Kashim turned his face back to the clothes and piled them to his arms. “I'm going to do some laundry”, he mumbled, standing up.

Gauron sighed and dropped himself back on the blankets. “Take the toys too. They need to be washed after every use.”

Kashim felt his face blush. “I'm _not _touching them.” His eyes darted to the corners of the tent to see the said objects scattered there. “And I'm not going to walk around the camp with them.”__

__Gauron propped his head against his palm. “They have sand on them. If you don't wash them, there's going to be sand on them the next time we use them. How do you think that will feel, hmm?” The man dropped back down. “It's for your own good.”_ _

__With a sour expression Kashim collected the few items in a back pack and stuffed the dirty clothes in it too. At least he could smuggle them to the river without anyone seeing._ _

__When Kashim got to the river bank and saw the glimmering water, he couldn't help himself. He dropped the back pack to the ground, undressed himself and dived in. The water felt cold at first but when Kashim surfaced, it felt only refreshing. He took his time, swimming around and then scrubbing the sand and grime off his skin. His hair got slightly less tangled, but Kashim knew it had to be cut again soon. Nothing a sharp battle knife couldn't handle._ _

__Kashim had found a nice spot in the water, just sitting there and watching the water flow. There were couple of mouflons coming down a hillside on the other side of the river. If Kashim had had a rifle, the team could've eaten fresh meat tonight. Kashim leaned his head against the river bank and closed his eyes. It was nice and quiet, the voices of the camp being dulled by the sound of the river._ _

__It was maybe twenty minutes later that Kashim heard the steps behind him. It was too late to get up without being seen, so Kashim just stayed still and hoped it wasn't Gauron._ _

__“Mind if I join you? That looks just way too nice.”_ _

__Kashim glanced back at Weber and shrugged. It wasn't like he could deny the man. He turned his face away when Weber showed he had absolutely zero problems with getting naked in front of someone. The blonde soon dived into the water with a loud shout and surfaced with even louder one._ _

__“Oh man! It feels freezing after the sun!” Weber shouted and brushed his longish hair from his face. Kashim pulled his legs up against his chest and sank a little lower into the water. He had to admit that being around naked people bothered him. Weber didn't seem to mind. He started swimming across the river with long strokes, turned around in the middle and swam back. “Is this a rare treat? To go swimming?”_ _

__Kashim shrugged again. “It depends. Usually we keep by the rivers during summers”, he said. “It's just that Gauron doesn't want time wasted if there's something else to do.”_ _

__Weber nodded silently. “It seems to be the most difficult thing around here,” Weber started and glanced at Kashim. “Trying to predict what Gauron wants.”_ _

__Kashim was silent for awhile, trying to come up with an answer. “I'd say piloting an AS is more difficult.”_ _

__Weber stared at him for a second before bursting into laughter. “You're one tough son of a bitch, Kashim, I'll give you that.” Weber swam few rounds more before returning without a smirk. “But seriously. Why _haven't_ you shot him yet?”_ _

__Kashim jerked back and stared at Weber coldly. If it hadn't been for his unclothed state, he would've gotten up and left. “What?” he managed._ _

__“Well do you like him?” Weber asked, like there was nothing special about the question. “I seriously doubt that he's your father.”_ _

__Kashim felt a rush of nausea and he got up, not caring about his body anymore. “I don't want to talk with you”, he mumbled and started to pull on the dirty clothes._ _

__“Kashim, come on!” Weber drawled and spread his arms. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... I'm worried about you, that's all!”_ _

__Kashim didn't turn his eyes to the man, but kept dressing. The laundry would have to wait. He leaned forward to pull on his boots and heard the water splash. When he straightened himself, Weber was right in front of him, naked and dripping water. “I'm just saying that maybe you should--” A hand reached for Kashim's bare shoulder and the reflexes took over. _A memory of Alex on the kitchen floor, dead._ At the first skin contact Kashim threw a punch. It connected with the base of Weber's nose, splashing a generous amount of blood on the blonde._ _

__“Don't.” It was all Kashim could get out of his strained throat._ _

__Weber, now holding his bleeding nose, took a glance of his hand to assess the amount of blood and remained silent. Kashim gathered the rest of his stuff on his arms and left. Walking back to the camp felt worse than ever. Kashim's eyes darted between the trucks, the tents and the camp fire, but there wasn't one place in the whole camp where he would have liked to go. His legs were still carrying him towards Gauron's tent, but he just dropped the back pack in front of it._ _

__Kashim felt horrible. His heart was pounding, he felt like he couldn't breath properly, his legs were shaking and his hand hurt. The river had been his escape from all of this and now it was ruined too. Kashim's head turned towards the two largest trucks. The second one had his AS in it. It would have felt so good to train a bit, to put his whole mind and body to work and not think about anything else. But if he did that, the sounds would be too loud. If there were enemies close by, they would hear them._ _

__He felt like he would start ripping off his skin soon._ _

__With hitched breath and watery eyes, Kashim turned his head back to the tent doorway. Walking in felt like submerging into warm quicksand._ _

__Not caring one bit about the surprised look on Gauron's face Kashim kicked his boots off and laid down next to the man. He pressed his back against Gauron's chest and immediately his heartbeat settled and his shaking eased. Kashim reached for Gauron's arm and pulled it over his midriff. A warm puff of air tickled Kashim's neck as Gauron let out a chuckle. The heavy, calloused hand petted Kashim's side few times, before stopping as the larger man drifted back to sleep._ _

__**_ _

__Kashim had fallen sleep too. It was rare for him to sleep during the day or for more than six hours per night, but when he woke up, Kashim knew the extra few hours had done good to him. The stress and the anguish he had felt earlier now gone._ _

__Gauron had sat up and was pulling on his boots. This was a surprise too, since Gauron never got up without at least a blowjob. They shared a glance and the corner of Gauron's mouth curled into a smile. “Sleep some more”, he said quietly and stopped tying the shoelaces for a moment. A hand reached out to brush Kashim's hair gently. “It's been rough for you lately. It's okay to be tired.”_ _

__Kashim thought about saying that he wasn't that tired, but decided otherwise. If Gauron was about to give him a break, he would take it. So he just nodded slightly and pressed his head back down. Gauron finished with his boots and got out._ _

__For several times over the next two hours Kashim thought about getting up. But always the thought of walking out of Gauron's tent in front of everyone stopped him. He had come here voluntarily, slept next to Gauron and felt more relaxed than with anyone else._ _

___“Do you like him?”_ Weber had asked. Kashim sighed and folded his arms behind his head. He stared at the ceiling and processed the thought. Did he like Gauron?_ _

__What did it mean to like someone? Or to not like? At the moment Kashim didn't like Weber. The thought of being separated from the group and Weber touching his bare skin was ten times worse than anything Gauron had ever done._ _

__Kashim's lazing was cut abruptly, when he heard someone yell “Chow!” from the camp fire. It didn't take more than a few seconds to put on some pants and boots, grab a hold of his canteen cup and run towards the sound. If it had taken any longer, there wouldn't be any food left._ _

__Most of the old crew were jogging if not running. The newer ones walked, poor bastards. Kashim elbowed his way towards the fire and snatched few pieces of beef and potatoes into his cup. With one hand as a lid against thefts he edged away and took his place around the camp fire. Gauron sat there too, sipping coffee and not giving a rat's ass about the food. He had probably eaten well before the others were informed. When the new and extremely slow part of the crew got to the pots and pans there were only two onion halves left, both charred black and smoking._ _

__“So umm... Where's the chow?” one of them asked and glanced around._ _

__No one said anything, Kashim just kept stuffing his face with whatever he had got out. He smelled fresh flat bread, but none were in sight. Lucky bastard, whoever had gotten some._ _

__Vostrikov was picking his teeth with his finger. He glanced at Gauron before talking. “We don't plate your fucking food for you. A certain amount is made and it's your problem if you're not here to get your share.”_ _

__“I'm here!” the man squealed, spreading his arms. “It was just...! For fuck's sake!”_ _

__“There were some mouflouns on the other side of the river”, Kashim said as he stuck his hand in his cup to get the last pieces of mushed potato out._ _

__“Mouflons?” Wahidi snorted. “I ate fucking _dogs_ the first three weeks!”_ _

__Kashim laughed with few others, but his laughter died as Weber walked to the group. He glanced at the pans, took out one of the onions and sat on top of an empty crate. More than a few people were staring at his bruised face and still slightly bloody nose._ _

__Since it was Gauron who spoke, most of them probably knew what had happened._ _

__“What happened to your face?”_ _

__Weber glanced at Gauron like he wasn't even sure whan he meant. Then he pretended to remember and pointed at his nose. “Oh this?” He shook his head and lowered his eyes back to the onion. He was peeling it to find any edible parts. “Nothing. Hit my head.”_ _

__“Into whose fist?”_ _

__There was an awkward silence. Weber kept his eyes either on the onion or on Gauron. “It was nothing, I can guarantee that. No one was fighting.”_ _

__“I think you were”, Wahidi said with a grin. Gauron glanced at the man and Kashim casted a glare towards Wahidi. “Now, I don't know exactly what happened, but--”_ _

__“Shut up”, Kashim growled. No way would he give Wahidi the satisfaction of ratting him out to Gauron. “I hit him. He was pissing me off.”_ _

__Gauron seemed more bored than surprised. “Oh.” He glanced at Weber again. “What did he do?”_ _

__It was Kashim's turn to be at the centre of attention. “He asked if I was going to wash his clothes too. We reached an agreement that everyone does their own laundry like always.”_ _

__That seemed to be one of the correct answers. Gauron just let out a slight snort and let the subject drop._ _

__They spent hours around the fire, the whole team, drinking coffee and talking. Few of the new crew members had stories about other groups they had been with, other gigs they had done and everyone was eager to hear them. Their old stories got boring fast and most of them did everything together, so there wasn't much to talk about anymore._ _

__Kashim didn't want to admit it, but the fact was that Weber had all the best stories. Or maybe it was just the way he told them. The whole camp was howling with laughter or holding their breath in silence as Weber told about his adventures. Kashim wasn't sure if it was all true or not, but he didn't feel like interrupting the story._ _

__When Weber started another tale about some Frenchman who wanted to kill off his wife's six lovers, Kashim glanced at the sky. It was getting dark again and the wife-beater Kashim was wearing didn't feel much against the cool air. The camp fire gave out some warmth, but whenever a wind blew past them, it was like there was no fire at all._ _

__Kashim wrapped his arms around himself as he listened Weber's story. A boot nudged his ankle and Kashim looked up. Gauron jerked his head back, ordering Kashim to come to him. There wasn't any room on the nearby crates or rocks, so Kashim just moved to sit on the ground in front of Gauron. That seemed to please the man as he immediately lowered his hands on Kashim's shoulders and started to massage them lightly._ _

__If they had been alone, Kashim would have hit Gauron's hands off and snarled something about leaving him alone. But now it would just make them the centre of everyone's attention and Kashim didn't want that. It was actually quite nice, everyone just sitting there and enjoying some quiet time, Weber spinning on his tales... Gauron's right thumb found a sore spot next to Kashim's shoulder blade and he just leaned in with a quiet sigh. It wasn't so cold anymore either. He leaned back and closed his eyes for a second._ _

__“Kashim.” The whisper tickled his neck and Kashim startled slightly._ _

__The fire was dying and it was pitch-dark all around. Had he fallen asleep? Again?! Kashim sat up and glanced behind him. He had been leaning against Gauron's lap, the man's jacket was over him like a blanket._ _

__Gauron chuckled behind him and pet his head. “We should go in the tent, you'll catch a death here.” His hands were back on Kashim's shoulders, only this time just moving over them to feel his chest. “Or better yet, we could stay here, get the fire burning... Have a really nice night under the stars...” Gauron leaned down to kiss Kashim's neck._ _

__Kashim's eyes darted around to see who else was still up. But there was only one figure in the dark with them; Vostrikov was sitting on his crate and staring into the red embers of the camp fire._ _

__Gauron's tongue licked Kashim's jawline now and his hands were searching for any skin contact they could find. “Yeah, I think we'll do that...” the man mumbled. “Grigori, get some more firewood.” The sand crunched under Vostrikov's boots as the man stood up and left._ _

__Gauron got up and pushed Kashim to the cold ground. There wasn't time to protest about anything before Gauron was already straddling him, kissing him and then slapping Kashim's face sharply. “Don't lie there like a dead goat!”_ _

__Kashim blinked and tried his best to grasp the situation. Everything was just moving too fast for his recently woken up brains. “Wha?” he asked befuddled._ _

__Gauron leaned closer, just a half an inch away from Kashim's face and nibbled his lower lip. “Kiss me back.” It sounded so strangely like a plea and not an order, that Kashim just stared at the man with a confused look. Still, when Gauron pressed his mouth back on to his, Kashim forced his jaws to move slightly. Better that than getting his face kicked in, anyway._ _

__With an approving sigh Gauron deepened the kiss until his tongue felt like it was halfway down Kashim's throat. He was grinding on top of Kashim when a pile of firewood clashed to the ground next to them. Kashim startled and would have moved if Gauron hadn't grabbed a hold of his hair and forced him to stay is place._ _

__Vostrikov didn't seem to mind about anything. He placed few pieces of wood on top of the embers and the fire caught them quickly. Light spread to their surroundings, but made the night beyond the fire seem even darker. Gauron's hand started to open Kashim's pants._ _

__“I think I'll head to bed too”, Vostrikov said quietly and took few steps._ _

__Gauron interrupted the kissing and lifted his head. “Already? You sure?”_ _

__“Yeah. I can take a guard shift later. When you're... finished”, the man mumbled._ _

__Gauron let out a laughter. “Oh, come on! Are we bothering you?”_ _

__“No, no!” Vostriov rushed. “By all means, do what you want. I just...” his voice drifted as he probably nodded towards his tent. Kashim couldn't tell, since all he saw from his position was Gauron and the starry sky. It _was_ pretty, one had to admit that._ _

__“Sit down, relax. Let Kashim blow you.”_ _

__The stars died out like some kind of a cloud would have wrapped the whole sky in it's hold. The cold and rocky ground felt more uncomfortable under Kashim than ever before._ _

__“It's fine. I could really use a few hours of sleep”, Vostrikov said. The sand rattled again as he took few steps._ _

__“I'll beat the living shit out of him, if you don't.” There was sickening amount of amusement in Gauron's voice._ _

__Vostrikov's feet stopped, but only for a second. “Do what you want.”_ _

__Kashim's heart started to race as Vostrikov just walked away. Gauron sneered at the man and then turned back to continue where he left off with the kissing. For a few seconds Kashim waited for the hits, but Gauron's hands just started to fumble with his belt again._ _

__“Why would you beat me?” he asked the second Gauron pulled away for air._ _

__“What?” It was like he had already forgotten all about it._ _

__Kashim hit his palms against the chest on top of him and glared at the man. “Why the hell would you beat the living shit out of me?” he asked more furious, copying Gauron's words. “What the hell did _I_ do?!”_ _

__Gauron laughed and placed his hand on Kashim's cheek. “I won't. Jeesh, relax. I was just testing him a little.”_ _

__Kashim frowned. “Testing how?”_ _

__“To see if he has the hots for you too”, Gauron said with a faint smile._ _

__Kashim's heart sank. Hots for him. Like he had thought Alex did. To see, if he had to shoot Vostrikov too. “You'd shoot him?” Kashim asked amazed._ _

__Gauron shrugged and yanked Kashim's wife-beater off. “I just want to know about these things.”_ _

__Kashim's thoughts started to wander. His belt opened and the cold and hard ground hit his skin as Gauron pushed him back down and started to rip off his pants. He just couldn't understand how Gauron could even think about shooting someone so close to him. Kashim had always thought that he and Vostrikov had always been on the same side. A hard slap brought him back to the present._ _

__“You're dying on me again, Kashim”, Gauron snarled._ _

__“Sorry...” Kashim mumbled and moved his eyes to Gauron's._ _

__For a few seconds they stared at each other before Gauron sat up. He spread his jacket on the ground, right next to the fire and laid down. “Come sit here”, he said and patted his lap._ _

__Kashim moved to sit on top of Gauron, although they were so close to the flames now that Kashim had to really watch out for his arm and leg. Gauron lifted his hand to Kashim's side. His eyes took in every inch of his body. With nothing better to do, Kashim did the same for Gauron. Of course Kashim had watched Gauron on several occasions, but most of the time they were still just quick glances. To see where the man was or what he was doing. It was seldom that Kashim really studied the man._ _

__The concepts of beauty and attraction had always escaped Kashim, so he really couldn't say if he found Gauron to be good-looking or anything. He seemed healthy, that was sure. He had his weight in muscle, his skin was always tanned from the sun and all of his scars had healed to be nothing but lighter marks here and there._ _

__It was Gauron's face that Kashim had the most trouble with. After all this time Kashim still couldn't tell what Gauron was thinking most of the time. He still had the habit of just staring at people until they cracked and started to ask what the hell it was that Gauron wanted. Kashim knew it, because it had happened to him too. He would carry the burned letter G on him for the rest of his life because of it._ _

__With the lights and shadows from the fire dancing on Gauron's face, it looked like he was constantly changing his expression, varying from amusement to anger._ _

__“What was it that Weber said to you at the river?”_ _

__The question took Kashim by surprise. For a moment he had to think whether he had even told Gauron about the river. “Nothing. I--”_ _

__“Don't bullshit me, Kashim”, Gauron demanded with a soft tone. His hands were still light as a feather on Kashim's skin. “You were panicked when you came back from there. You didn't even _do_ the laundry. Now.” His hands took a firm hold of Kashim's hips. “What did he say to you, really?”_ _

__Kashim's head was empty. He really should start to learn about lying. It would make his life so much easier. “Nothing.”_ _

__“Did he do something?”_ _

__“No!” Kashim exclaimed, already seeing Weber being gunned down in front of him. “He just... We had an argument.”_ _

__“About?”_ _

__“About... the laundry.” It sounded more like a question as the words came out of Kashim's mouth._ _

__A hard slap would've toppled Kashim to the ground if Gauron hadn't been holding on to him. “Final warning, Kashim.”_ _

__“He touched me”, Kashim said with a sigh and closed his eyes for a second, because he knew how wrong it sounded. Gauron's hands were like lead around his wrists. “But it was nothing. I just over-reacted. He was trying to be friendly and I... over-reacted”, he repeated quietly._ _

__“What part of you did he touch?”_ _

__“My shoulder”, Kashim said immediately. Gauron stared at him for a few seconds, judging his honesty and then loosened his grip. Kashim sighed a little. It was rare to get away with something like that. Weber had said and asked a lot of things that would never reach Gauron now. “I didn't want the others to think I'm unstable”, he decided to add._ _

__Gauron smiled and placed his hand on Kashim's sore cheek. “They already think that, you crazy little son-of-a-bitch. And it's fine like that. No one will mess with you, if they're afraid of you.”_ _

__Kashim laughed a little. “I'm not you.”_ _

__Gauron patted Kashim's cheek. “Yes, you are.”_ _


	15. Disband

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nosex? The fuck? I'm sorry, I'll be back with smut as soon as I can. Also
> 
> Surprise!POV

Gauron didn't want to believe it, but the facts were right there, staring at him in the face. His men were growing more untrustworthy each day. There hadn't been any real honour in their group in the first place and now with all the comings and goings, they were just a bunch of strangers, tied together by a promise of money. It wasn't that Kashim was getting unbalanced, he was just acting the best way he knew, eliminating threats as he saw them. And there were a shitload of threats around them nowadays. Gauron didn't want to admit it, but it was the truth. Kashim had been right gunning down Kaminski. The kid never let anything cloud his judgement. Didn't know how to.

Kaminski, Geary... Wahidi was nearing that point too with his comments. And now Kasabian.

Gauron stared at the red dot on his monitor, moving further away with every blink. He was clearly driving towards Turkmenistan, probably with the two younger crew members. Sherazi might still come back, he was part of the old group, but you could count on so few things nowadays.

The red dot kept blinking in front of him and reminded that the deserting cowards weren't the only problem in this picture. The dot should have indicated Kashim's location.

Gauron pushed the tent flap aside and stared at the boy sitting by the fire. He fought the urge to stand up and go beat the truth out of the kid. Of course there wasn't much of a point in that, he already knew everything. Clearly the chip was out, by Geary's hand of course, and now for some reason it was in the truck that Kasabian had taken for his mission. Either Kashim had planted the chip in there on purpose or it had fallen. Either way he had lied to Gauron, something he hadn't known the boy was capable of. Clearly he was learning new tricks on his own.

Untrustworthy. Every fucking one of them. Even Kashim trying his best to betray him. The thought made him sick.

He tossed the small monitor aside and got out of the tent. The boy lifted his eyes as he heard Gauron approach, but didn't say anything. For a while Gauron just stood there, staring at the boy and waiting. It didn't take long for him to grow restless.

“Everything okay?” he asked, turning his eyes back to him.

“I don't know, is it?” Gauron asked curiously and crouched down, keeping his eyes on the boy.

Kashim glanced around himself at the empty camp-site. Everyone else was sleeping in the tents. “Yes”, he said with confidence, thinking Gauron had meant his duties as a night watch.

Gauron stared at the boy, his tanned cheeks and the tender lips. It was amazing how the most beautiful things could be so full of shit.

“Go pack your stuff”, Gauron ordered and ignored the confused look on the boy's face. “Now.”

As Kashim stood up with hesitation, Gauron walked to Grigori's tent. He was the only one among these asshole that deserved a chance. Gauron pushed his tent flap aside and didn't even have the chance to nudge the man's boot as he already lifted his head. “We lost another three”, Gauron said quietly and rested his left knee against the ground. “I'm aborting the mission and disbanding the group.” He let the words sink in, before continuing. “Now.”

Grigori sat up and groaned. “Yeah, yeah, just give me a sec”, the man muttered and started to get dressed. “Who did we lose?”

“Kasabian and the two newbies at least. Don't know about Sherazi.”

“Motherfuckers”, Grigori cursed and stuffed his personal belongings in to a back bag. “I'm getting too old for this shit.”

They got out of the tent with Grigori's gear and walked to one of the trucks. Kashim was packing his and Gauron's gear in.

“Just the three of us?” Grigori asked quietly.

“Yeah”, Gauron nodded and lighted a cigarette. “Screw this lot. We'll take the trucks with the 'Slaves and they can have the rest. Should be enough for payment once they sell everything.”

“They'll wake up once we leave”, Grigori noted.

Gauron shrugged at his words. “So fucking what? You think they'll have the balls to say anything?” Grigori didn't answer so Gauron turned his attention to Kashim. “Are we ready?”

“Do we take the tents?” the boy asked.

“No, leave them. Grigori, take the other truck, Kashim, behind the wheel”, he ordered and the two obeyed without a word. Gauron opened his door and stopped as he saw movement from the corner of his eye. As he turned his head he saw the German standing few meters away with a empty water bottle in his hand. There was a silence. “Yeah?” Gauron grunted.

The German, what the hell his name even was, Weber or something, stared at him for awhile. “You need a sharpshooter?” the man asked, immediately on the same page with them.

Gauron thought about it for a second. More than the actual sharpshooting he thought about Kashim. Weber still had a bruise on his face from Kashim's fist. So they didn't get along.

“We're leaving now”, Gauron said and climbed into the truck. Weber sprinted towards one of the trucks, fetched his rifle crate and was in Grigori's truck within seconds.

Few shouts echoed from the camp-site as they drove off, but nothing more. Gauron leaned his elbow out of the window and stared into the side mirror as Kashim drove on. It was shitty leaving all that gear behind, but it was better than to be sold out by one of those assholes.

“Where are we going?” Kashim asked, once the light from the camp had disappeared into the background.

“Just keep heading south”, Gauron mumbled and took a more relaxed position in his seat. He couldn't deny that he was majorly pissed off and a big part of that was because of Kashim.

Gauron turned his eyes to the boy and watched his profile in the dim light. The determined look and the tight lips. He should've just ditched the boy too, he knew. He just couldn't. Just thinking about leaving him behind felt like someone stabbing a knife between his ribs.

It was his Kashim! His small and vulnerable little killing machine. His deranged little fuck head, to whom Gauron had taught fucking everything. He was more than just a member of a crew. More than a son. More than anything or anyone could ever be.

But at the moment he was also a lying little rat.

“You're not surprised we left?” Gauron asked, staring at the boy.

Kashim glanced at the rear-view mirror and adjusted it to his height. “No.”

They were silent again, Kashim just paying attention to the rocky and bumpy road. “You know why I decided to leave?” Gauron asked with a joyless grin.

“No.”

“It has something to do with the truck Kasabian is using”, Gauron hinted and leaned a little closer to the boy to study his expressions. “Ring any bells?”

Kashim glanced at Gauron, but either he had learned quickly to be one hell of a liar or he really didn't get it. “No.”

“You left something in that truck.”

Kashim frowned at the road in front of us. He was clearly racking his brain over it. After half a minute his face cleared. “My jacket.” The boy's voice was hollow and his hands gripped the steering wheel tighter. Gauron watched as fear crept to Kashim's face and slowly turned into horror as he understood the whole picture. That Gauron _knew_.

“Your jacket”, Gauron replied and leaned back into his seat, still keeping his eyes on the boy. “You kept it with you. Clever.” He had to admit it. The fucker almost got away with it after all. “You're getting smarter. It's good.” Gauron took out a cigarette, lighted it and inhaled deeply as he stared at the dark desert and the mountains around them. He should decide how to go on from here.

If this was the last ride he and Kashim would take together.

**

Kashim had been a fucking angel when Gauron had laid eyes on him the first time, years ago. It still brought a smile on his face every time he thought about it.

Kashim had never had any identification papers or even a real identity so it was impossible to say how old he was exactly, but Gauron would say he had been somewhere around ten. Short for his age, even then, but that was just the eastern genes. They had stopped for few weeks in Kabul to gather supplies and men for their next gig. Gauron had been sitting outside a café, drinking that shitty tea they shoved into your face every time you asked for a decent drink, when they had seen each other the first time.

Kashim had walked past him, in rags, his hair reaching his shoulders and without any shoes. He was starving too, it was obvious to anyone with eyes and brains. He had glanced at Gauron and he had stared back. Love at first sight, definitely, if you asked Gauron.

He had got up and searched the boy with his eyes, soon spotting him across the street, walking away with brisk pace. Without giving his actions more thought, Gauron followed the boy along the busy streets and got to witness quite a talented thief in his work. The boy walked past market stalls, snatching an apple here, a fistful of nuts there and continued on without anyone seeing anything. He would've liked some bread, judging from the longing looks he cast to the bakery stalls, but clearly they were too hard to steal.

Gauron ended up tailing the poor bastard for several hours. Just as he had expected, the boy didn't get enough to eat, just the fruit and some leftovers from the side of the street. When the boy finally managed to get his hands on some roasted chicken in the evening, he was immediately surrounded by a gang of bigger kids and cornered into an alleyway.

It didn't even cross Gauron's mind to step in and intervene as the fighting started, it was just too mesmerizing. The boy didn't fight with finesse and didn't even have a clear idea of what he was doing, but he did alright. He was afraid of his life and it gave him some edge. Like a wild tiger cub in the middle of fighting dogs. He managed to beat three of the others, but the fourth one came with a crowbar and the fight was soon over. The boy was left lying there unconscious and without any food. As the other urchins ran off, Gauron stepped forward.

The boy was pretty even then, lying next to a pool of stray dog's piss and blood covering his face. Gauron crouched down and pushed the hair from the boy's face. "Tough little bastard, aren't you", he mumbled with a smile and let his finger wipe over the bloodied cheek. The boy was out of it, wouldn't necessarily even live through the night. Gauron smiled. "You should come with me. I could teach you to be the meanest son of a bitch that this shithole has ever seen. No one would fuck with you after that." The boy convulsed slightly, gurgled and coughed up blood, but didn't really wake up. Gauron wiped his thumb across the bloody lower lip and brought the finger to his mouth. "Tell you what; you'll hang in there until tomorrow and I'll take you with me. How's that sound?" No answer. Gauron smacked his mouth to the rusty taste of blood. "Of course you would need to toughen up a bit. That was a really pathetic show", Gauron mocked to the unconscious boy. "You need to learn to use your legs, you know? Kicking. It's not cowardly, no matter what anyone says to you. It's smart. You will always have more power in your legs that in your arms." The boy coughed again and Gauron pushed him lazily to his side to a recovery position. "That's just a free hint. Take it or leave it."

Gauron sat a moment in silence before glancing at the boy. A strip of bare skin flashed from the gap between the ragged shirt and the too large pants. Gauron's hand slid to the gap and pushed the shirt up. The skin was radiating heat and it sent a jolt straight to Gauron's groin. The mere thought of touching that skin with both of his hands was enough to cause his lips to part and make him suck in air through his gritted teeth. "I could teach you so many things about this world..." he mumbled. His hand sneaked down into the boys pants and he was rewarded with a handful of ass. For a second he entertained the thought of wanking right here and wiping his cum all over the boy's face, but instead he just sighed and pulled his hand away. "Well at least think about it. We'll talk about it tomorrow, when you're awake and everything", he grunted and stood up. "Don't die off just yet, OK?" he said, stared at the boy for a few seconds and walked away.

It was dreadful to think that Kashim might've just died then. But then again, he had the habit of surprising you when you least expected it.

Gauron had his little play set up hours before Kashim woke up. The truck was parked on the street, just at the alley exit, with the back open and crates all around. Few strategic boxes left open for the whole world to see. Gauron sat in the truck, smoking and passing time. He kept his eyes on the mirror and the crate just next to the truck. It had fresh bread and biscuits in it.

The boy looked like shit when he crawled out to the world of the living. His whole face was purple and bloody and his eyes were so swollen he could barely see. He still managed to see the bread and immediately glanced around himself. As the hand grabbed the first loaf, Gauron opened the truck door and jumped down. The poor bastard tried to run even with all the bruises and wounds. Gauron caught him after two or three steps and slammed him by the throat against the truck.

"They cut off hands around here for shit like that", he growled to the boy. His words set the boy in panic and he tried to fight his way out, small arms and legs flinging in every possible direction. He had a surprising amount of strength left in that condition. Gauron sighed and pulled the kid to the truck door. “Get in”, he growled and pushed the boy until he climbed the few steps and sat down to the truck seat.

Gauron took one of the breads in the ground and passed it to the kid. After two seconds of hesitation the boy sank his teeth in it. Satisfaction surged in Gauron's stomach as he watched the boy, like it was him that had gotten something to eat after years of starvation.

"Where are your parents?"

"Dead." The answer held no emotion in it. It was just a word to the boy, spoken hastily with full mouth.

Gauron watched the bits of bread disappear into the hungry mouth, crumbs falling to the heaving chest. He passed a water bottle to the boy and received a scene of water dripping down the delicate chin and down the dirty neck, leaving light tracks on the skin. "Who beat you up?"

Small shoulders shrugged. "Some guys." He was quiet for awhile. "I would've won, but they weren't fighting fair."

"People are like that sometimes", Gauron hummed. "That's why there's no reason for you to fight fair either. But you should learn how to fight. If you want to survive.” The boy cast a quick look on him and shrugged, continued eating. “Would you like to learn how to fight?”

Another shrug.

“Would you like to get food every day?”

That got his full attention. Gauron smiled. “You come work for me and I'll give you as much food as you want. And, I'll teach you how to fight. How does that sound?”

There was some degree of suspicion in the boy's eyes, he clearly took a better look at Gauron. His jaws slowed down. “What kind of work?”

Gauron shrugged. "Easy stuff. Pack up trucks, unload them, carrying stuff. And when you're old enough, maybe driving too."

“Are you soldiers?” The amount of accusation was clear in the boy's voice.

“Not really. But we do have guns. You would get your own too, once you learned to use it.”

It didn't take long for the boy to make up his mind after that. "OK."

"OK", Gauron replied and held out his hand. "What's your name?"

"Kashim."

"Hi Kashim. I'm Gauron."

**

“You're not a kid anymore”, Gauron said after the long silence. The sun was already rising on their left-hand side, painting the wasteland orange. “I can't keep making your decisions for you.”

Kashim had tensed once Gauron had spoken again, but he didn't say anything. Gauron turned his eyes to the boy. “And I can't keep tying you up and watching your every step. I just...” He let out a quiet laughter at how fucking pathetic he would sound, if he started to talk about them being together or him not being ready to let Kashim go. “You won't survive on your own, don't you understand that?” Kashim clearly didn't agree, by the way he clenched his jaws. “It's not just about finding water and sleeping outside out there. It's about war and politics and choosing sides and all that shit you're not very good at.” Gauron sighed as he watched Kashim. “If you leave me, they will catch you and they will make you a soldier. And after that you will be their slave for the rest of your life. You need me, whether you like it or not.”

Gauron lighted another cigarette. “Is it about the sex? You didn't try to run before that”, he asked and turned his head back to Kashim. The boy was difficult to read, but it got plain impossible once he just shut off completely. Like now. “But you're just learning to like it. Doesn't that mean anything?” No answer. Gauron sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Alright. If we stopped fucking, you would have no problem staying with me, true or false?”

There wasn't a straight answer. Only after several seconds Kashim opened his mouth. “I don't know”, he said quietly.

“OK. So there's something more bothering you. Good. We're getting somewhere, we're communicating”, Gauron nodded and took a puff of his cigarette. “So. What else could be bothering you... I got rid of all the assholes you didn't like”, he said and raised his brows. “So it can't be them. Do you know yourself what's bothering you exactly?”

Kashim opened his mouth, but no sound came.

“Go on”, Gauron urged. “Talk to me.”

Kashim just ended up shaking his head a little, like he just decided not to talk. “I'm just... I don't know about anything anymore.”

Gauron leaned in closer to the boy. “That's why I'm here. That's why I would never leave _you_ behind. Because I know you get confused easily and people always take advantage of that.” Gauron stared at the boy, who gave him no reaction. “Stop the truck”, Gauron said and waited until Kashim pulled over before he placed his hand on the boy's face and turned Kashim to face him. “I will always take care of you. But I can't do that, if I can't trust you. I can't let you leave, because I know you would regret it later, but then it would be too late. The Soviets don't give a rat's ass whether you're their best soldier or not. If you try to desert them, they will shoot you and that's that. If you leave me, Kashim, you will die. It's just that simple.”

Kashim looked absolutely miserable. He tried to fight against the tears by biting his jaws together, tried to pull his head away from Gauron's hand and to look anywhere but his eyes. “I feel like... like I can't breath”, the boy cried out. “Like someone's strangling me all the time.”

“That's just doubt”, Gauron stated calmly and placed his palm in the back of Kashim's neck. “You feel like that when you can't make up your mind about something. Once you do, that feeling goes away. Once you decide it's best to stay with me.”

Kashim let out groan and tried to pull away. When Gauron didn't let him, he hit the hand away and rushed to open the truck door. Just as Kashim's boots hit the ground, the boy bent over and vomited. Gauron straightened himself and got out from his own door. Grigori walked to them from the other truck.

“Problems?” the man asked.

“Kashim just got little motion sick”, Gauron replied calmly. “We'll go on soon. You two up for it, if we head straight to Kandahar?”

“Sure”, Grigori answered with a shrug and walked back to his truck.

When Gauron turned his eyes back to Kashim, he was staring towards the other truck. “Why's he with us?”

Gauron raised his brows. “Grigori?”

“No, Weber”, Kashim answered, clearly pissed off.

“Needed a fourth driver”, Gauron said with a shrug. “I thought you liked him.”

“I don't”, Kashim muttered and turned to get back into the truck. Gauron stopped him.

“I'll drive”, he said and climbed behind the wheel. Kashim walked around the truck and got in next to him. “Feeling better?”

Kashim kept staring at the road, with somehow different look on his face. The kind Gauron didn't think he had ever seen on the boy. A new degree of coldness. “I need to blow up something”, Kashim said dryly.


	16. Substitution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is the chapter that I'm gonna go to hell for. But I really wanted to write it. The scene has been haunting me ever since I started this fic.

The truck had been silent the whole day. The only times they stopped was to get a clearance at roadblocks around Kabul or when Gauron needed to take a piss. During those short few minute breaks he talked with Vostrikov, about what – Kashim didn't give a shit. Then they would continue driving in silence.

Kashim didn't know if Gauron was angry with him. Usually you couldn't get him to shut up if your life depended on it. Now the man just kept staring at the road, smoking cigarette after cigarette and letting out a quiet sigh every now and then.

Kashim sure as hell was angry. Pissed off like never before, actually. Gauron had, once again, taken his plans and dreams, kicked the shit out of them, set them on fire and then blamed Kashim for having them in the first place.

Nowhere to go. The thought had crossed Kashim's mind before, but now it felt more depressing than before. Earlier Kashim had always let himself believe that wasn't the case. That if he really wanted, he could get out. He could survive, because he knew this land better than the backs of his hands. Gauron had told him none of those things mattered, because Kashim wouldn't be left alone. He was too good for that. If he wasn't with Gauron, he would be with the Russian army most likely.

The unknown. That was the main point here, wasn't it. Did he want to take the risk and go with the unknown or stay with the devil he knew.

He turned his eyes to Gauron. It didn't take long for the man to look back at him.

“What the fuck are you pouting about? I'm the one who's been lied at”, Gauron snorted bitterly. “Finally ready to apologize about the chip?”

Kashim frowned. Yes, he had lied and normally that was something that would get your ass whipped and he should have been begging for forgiveness. This time though... He just stared at the man and then turned his gaze back to the wind shield.

“Oo... Giving me the silent treatment, are you?” Gauron teased, although there was certain edge in his words too. “I tell you how the things really are so you won't go and get yourself hurt and I'm the fucking bad guy? Give me a break, Kashim”, he muttered and placed another cigarette between his teeth. “You want to go and explore the world – fine. I can relate to that, but you have to understand--”

“Just... shut up”, Kashim sighed, interrupting the speech. “I don't even care.”

Gauron shut up probably more out of surprise than to comply with Kashim's request. Kashim rarely told Gauron what to do. He kept glancing at Kashim, the rugged road keeping their speed low enough for that anyway. “Oh... Alright then. Right. Balls. That's good.”

It was amazing how he just kept quiet after that. Kashim actually counted minutes, because he was sure the silence wouldn't last. But it did. Gauron didn't say anything more.

At sundown Vostrikov honked his horn and Gauron pulled over. 

“We taking a break sometime soon?” Vostrikov's voice asked outside the truck.

It took few seconds for Gauron to gather his thoughts. “Where are we?”

“I think we passed Behsud a while back”, Vostrikov answered. “You want to camp out here for the night?”

“No, I want a house” Gauron answered immediately. “Do we know anyone in the area?”

“I'm sure we'll find someone, if we go to Panjab. Do we want to pay?”

Gauron waived his hand. “Might as well. I don't want to cause a commotion right now. Take the lead. I'll wait outside the town.”

“Sir.” Vostrikov left and drove ahead of them.

“I don't think we should pay anyone anything”, Kashim muttered. “How much do we even have at the moment?” They must have lost a fortune in gear alone when they had left the rest of the group. They needed fuel and ammo and those couldn't be bought with fear. Free housing was a whole another thing.

“Let me worry about that”, Gauron grunted as he started his engine.

“It's throwing money away!” Kashim snapped. “We can just shoot them and take the house like always.”

“If your mouth has nothing better to do than shout out inanities you can put it to better use and blow me.”

“Fuck you”, Kashim muttered and moved slightly towards his door. “Where are we going anyway?”

“At the moment somewhere quiet where we can come up with a solid plan. We need to find out what's the situation in south before we choose our side. Besides, we need food.”

That made Kashim groan and slump in his seat. “I want baklava.” He hadn't had anything sweet to eat in ages.

Gauron let out a laughter. “Baklava's not food!”

“Of course it is”, Kashim mumbled with a frown. It was the best food he knew. He could eat a whole tray of it and still not have enough.

“It's a _dessert_ ”, Gauron said with a grin. “Do you know that word?” Kashim shook his head. “It means it's a food you eat off someone's skin.”

Kashim's frown deepened. “Bullshit.”

“It is”, Gauron insisted. “That's the way it's supposed to be eaten. You place it on your lover's stomach and you eat it from there using only your mouth. It's not real food.”

Kashim snorted at that. “I've never seen anyone eating baklava like that. Ever.”

Gauron shrugged. “Well it's a fucking muslim country, so they don't do it in public. But in their homes, yeah. Americans eat mostly ice cream like that. In German it's... cunnilingus or something like that. It has apples and cinnamon and what not on it. You'd have to ask Weber about that one.”

Kashim stared at Gauron, but he just couldn't say if he was telling the truth or not. He wasn't grinning that much anymore, just seemed indifferent of the whole subject. Kashim decided to leave the subject for now, although it made him want to eat baklava a little less.

**

They drove to the outskirts of Panjab and parked the trucks in front of a humble one story brick house, a private residence. Someone's home. Kashim walked in and straight into the small kitchen to get some water. They didn't have anything to unload from the trucks anyway, so there wasn't much to be done. The owners of the house had already disappeared, probably paid off by Vostrikov.

“Go get us something to eat from the city”, Gauron ordered and Kashim straightened himself, ready to take the offered money. In stead of finding Gauron staring at him with the cash, he witnessed Weber taking the money and leaving. “And bring something sweet too”, Gauron barked after the man. Kashim kept staring at Gauron and soon enough their eyes met. “What?” Gauron asked.

“Nothing”, Kashim said quickly. “I thought... Nothing”, he repeated and took another mug of water from the bucket. It was nice to know that he wouldn't be the only one doing the shit jobs anymore.

Gauron walked to him, took the mug from his hand and emptied it in his throat. He wiped the few escaping droplets with the back of his hand and turned his eyes to the rest of the house. He was silent for a second. “We could have a place like this.” When Kashim didn't answer anything, the man shrugged. “Well not like this. This is a shithole. But a place.” He turned his eyes to Kashim. “A home.”

“What the fuck would we need a home for?” Kashim asked sincerely. He had never stayed in one place more than a few weeks and the mere thought gave him the bad kind of chills. Holed up in one static location sounded too much like being trapped and waiting for death.

“Some people like to live that way.”

Kashim stared at Gauron's jawline and the scars on his face. “I don't think we're those people.”

Gauron's mouth twitched slightly for a quick grin, before he ruffled Kashim's hair and walked to the living room. Since there wasn't so many options to choose from, Kashim decided to follow the man. They sat down and watched as Vostrikov brought the guns in from the trucks.

Gauron and Vostrikov sat down to do inventory and think up a few possible plans to go from here. Kashim sat down next to Gauron and just listened the men talk. It was the same conversation they had had a hundred times. What was the situations in different towns, who to fight for and why, where was the money, who needed their fire power the most... Gauron sounded eager to get to do some real fighting while Vostrikov wanted to do smaller gigs with lower risk.

“There's going to be a harvest in Herat soon”, Vostrikov said. “Always tons of things to do down there.”

Gauron groaned. “Every fucking little nitwit is going to be there. It's like a fucking carcass in the desert. You have to shoot half the city before getting anything out of it.”

“If we got there earlier, we might strike a contract with someone big”, Vostrikov insisted. “Someone who needs the muscle to protect their interest. Two Arm Slaves makes any group think twice about attacking.”

Gauron was silent. The front door opened and Weber returned with two large bags. He walked to the living room and passed one of the bags to Gauron and the other to Vostrikov.

“Nice”, Vostrikov said and took out one steaming packet and a bottle of beer. “Where the hell did you find these?” he asked and placed the bottle by it's cap on the edge of the living room table. When he slammed his palm on top of the bottle, the cap came off with a fizz.

“It's the hair”, Weber said with a grin. “Anywhere I go, they always know that a blondie pays good money for a few bottles of beer.”

“Soviet crap”, Gauron mumbled after glancing at the label, but opened his bottle all the same. He passed a take away container and a bottle to Kashim too. Usually Kashim didn't drink beer, but this time he just took the bottle and opened it like everyone else.

The electricity went off in the middle of their supper, so they hung a few flash lights here and there. Kashim had to admit that he liked camping outside better. The lights didn't warm you up the same way a fire did and there just wasn't the same relaxed atmosphere in the small living room.

Once finished with his food, Kashim licked his fingers and glanced at the bag. There was still something in there. By the smell of it, it could have been baklava, but after Gauron's little info of the eating habits, Kashim wasn't so sure he wanted to eat it. At least not right now. Maybe when he was be alone. The beer didn't taste very good either. Kashim had drank it, but he still preferred soda. It hadn't of course even crossed Weber's mind that not everyone liked beer.

“You want the living room or the bedroom?”

Vostrikov's question made Kashim lift his eyes from the beer bottle. Gauron made a quiet, pondering sound. “What's the bedroom like?”

“Two separate beds, straw mattresses”, Vostrikov answered.

Gauron grimaced. “We'll take the living room. Kashim doesn't like sleeping in beds anyway.”

“Really?” Weber cut in and glanced at Kashim. “You don't?”

“No.”

“Why not?” Weber grinned. Like Kashim had said something stupid again.

“That's the first place to get shot in the night”, Kashim answered and killed the grin on the man's face. He turned his eyes back to the bottle and shrugged. “Besides I've slept on the ground all my life. Beds make my back hurt.”

Vostrikov and Weber took the bedroom and Gauron and Kashim set up some blankets on the living room floor. Gauron went around the room and turned the lights off while Kashim took off his clothes. They hadn't had sex in two nights and now that Gauron felt like he had been treated badly, there was going to be hell to pay. Kashim had tried to prepare himself for anything, but he still felt nervous as Gauron sat down next to him.

Kashim sat still and waited. Gauron shifted slightly and laid down. As his eyes grew accustomed to the dimness, Kashim saw the man just lying there on his side with his eyes closed. Kashim stared at the man for awhile, just waiting for something to happen.

Gauron turned to his back and Kashim tensed. Now. Now he would do something.

“What?” Gauron asked and opened his eyes. “Not tired?” He reached his hand to touch Kashim's side.

“No, I...” Kashim started, but he didn't have a clue of what he was going to say. The truth? “I thought you would be mad at me”, Kashim said then. Maybe talking about things wasn't the worst possible thing.

Gaurons fingers traced his ribs. “I am”, he said, too softly. “I don't want you to lie to me. But I get it. You were scared.”

Kashim didn't necessarily agree, but he wasn't going to say that. Not now that Gauron was being so nice. “You're not going to beat me?”

Gauron laughed softly. “I don't think that would solve anything right now. You know you did wrong, that's enough for now.”

Kashim tried his best to seem indifferent. “And we're not going to... do anything tonight?”

The corner of Gauron's mouth lifted. “Just go to sleep.”

Kashim lied down with a frown. He spent a good half an hour wondering if Gauron might be getting ill or something.

**

Gauron and Vostrikov made short, few hour trips around the town to find out about the surrounding cities and where the most fighting took place at the moment. That left Kashim with Weber. Kashim didn't talk much and Weber seemed to quickly understand that they probably wouldn't be friends any time soon. Still, they shared their meals and maintained the little gear they had.

Weber was sitting on the front steps of the house, smoking, as Kashim walked out with the yesterday's baklava. He leaned against the warm wall and basked in the sunlight.

“Hey, Weber”, Kashim started and stared at his food.

“Yeah?” Weber lowered his cigarette and tapped some ash off.

“You ever eaten cunnilingus?” Kashim asked.

Weber was hit with a fit of coughing and he turned his face to Kashim. “Wha?!”

Kashim frowned. “Well, have you?”

Weber lifted his brows and laughed. “Well... yeah, I have.” He was grinning like a madman for some reason. “Why are you asking?”

“I just thought...” Kashim muttered and shrugged, keeping his eyes on his food. “Would you say that it was... sexual in any way?”

Weber laughed again and took another drag of his smoke. “Isn't that the whole point?”

Kashim didn't say anything. He couldn't believe Gauron had been telling the truth. It sounded so... stupid. The baklava didn't taste nearly as good anymore so Kashim just dropped it to the waste bucket next to the door. Weber tried to say something, but Kashim went inside instead. This wasn't a topic he wanted to talk about with anyone. Why was everything always about sex?!

**

They had been staying at the house for several days. No one brought any more baklava to the house and Gauron wasn't interested in having any other kind of sex either. Kashim wasn't complaining. It was weird, just to sleep next to the man, but it was nice. For few nights Kashim actually slept really well.

That was until he woke up to the sound of talking the third night. He opened his weary eyes and the first thing he noticed was that Gauron wasn't there. Kashim stayed still, but he had already made sure where the closest gun was and what way to get out the fastest if something was wrong.

"Have you ever held a gun before?"

It was Gauron's voice. Kashim frowned both at the question and at the soft tone of the man. And the fact that Gauron was talking in Dari, when they talked almost only russian in their group. Who the hell was he talking like that to? The sounds were coming from the kitchen. Kashim turned his head towards the sounds, but there was a wall between them. There was a poor, flickering light in the kitchen.

"I bet you would make a fine soldier."

Kashim's skin crawled now and he stared at the kitchen wall with disgust. That was a kid in there, wasn't it? Some local kid from the town. That's why Gauron was talking like that. Kashim gritted his teeth, but stayed still.

"But if you want to revenge your father's death, you need to be strong. You need to be a man", Gauron spoke quietly. "Are you strong?"

"Yes."

The voice answering wasn't just young, it was... fragile. Kashim placed his arm over his eyes, to shield him as much as possible from whatever would happen next. He didn't have to wait long.

"Take off your clothes, show me you muscles."

Kashim's stomach turned and he wrenched his arm away. Not this. Not now. All the memories surged from somewhere deep and forced Kashim to relive those same moments. Of course he hadn't understood them then, just like the kid in the kitchen didn't understand now. It had been logical. Gauron had wanted to see the muscles. So he had taken his clothes off. Jesus...

There was shuffling of clothes and Gauron let out a approving mumble. But that would be it, right? It had stopped at that with Kashim. Gauron had looked, but he hadn't touched. Or had he? It was difficult to try and remember all the details from years ago and then sort out all necessary touching from the unneccessary. Had there been times, when it had been weird that Gauron had touched him?

"It's okay. Turn around", Gauron told from the kitchen.

Kashim felt physically ill, like he wanted to throw up. He sat up quickly and felt cold sweat on his back. His head spinned. The boy let out a quiet yelp and Gauron shushed him. One of the kitchen chairs rattled against the floor. Kashim stared blindly ahead. Gauron wouldn't. That kid sounded so young. Gauron wouldn't do it. He didn't have any reason to. Kashim was right here, if he wanted sex.

"It's okay."

The boy whimpered. The knot in Kashim's stomach grew bigger and bile started to gather in his throat. His first time had been so horrible. The pain and the humiliation. The fear of not knowing what was going on. But Kashim had been in the group for years then. He had still known Gauron and he had been older. An adult, at least in his own mind.

The boy shouted, a clear cry, which made Kashim bolt up from his bed. The chairs clanked and then there was a thud. The shouting was muffled by Gauron's hand. Kashim stared at the wall with his hands shaking. His legs were trembling too as he marched to the doorway. He couldn't let it happen. He just couldn't.

The sight wasn't a surprise. The boy was on his stomach on the kitchen table without his clothes. Gauron was on top of him, still in his clothes but already fully in. It took a moment for Kashim to get his voice out.

"Stop it!" Kashim snapped, trying to hide his own nervousness. Gauron wouldn't be happy about the interruption. "Let him go!"

Gauron faced him with a grin. "Kashim...” he slurred, even though Kashim was sure he wasn't even drunk. He pushed himself deep into the shivering boy. "Join us."

Kashim's eyes darted downwards to the point where Gauron's cock disappeared inside the boy and came back out with fresh blood. Half of the boy's face was covered by Gauron's palm, but you could still see the tightly shut eyes overflowing with tears.

"He's hurting", Kashim growled. "Let him go."

"No, no! It's all good", Gauron rushed and grunted in pleasure. "He likes this. Just like you."

Something red flashed in Kashim's eyes when he heard the words. It felt like he was a shaken up soda bottle and Gauron had just opened the cap.

Kashim had the element of surprise. He managed to kick Gauron to his knee and as the man sagged, he could reach to pummel at his head. The pain in his fists felt better than anything in a long time.

The boy managed to escape over the table and into the corner. Kashim didn't have time to focus on him, because Gauron was quickly pulling himself together. The first blow hit Kashim straight in the jaw and almost blinded him. Gauron rarely hit with all his force, but this time he did. Kashim was no match for him, but the fight went on quite awhile.

Once Gauron seized Kashim's throat and pressed him against the floor, the fight was announced over. Gauron's nose dripped blood on Kashim's face as the man sat on his chest and leaned over. They were both gritting their teeth, but mostly Kashim just tried to pry the hands off his throat so he could breath.

"You want to fight me? Huh? Then let's fight, you piece of shit!" Gauron growled and squeezed at Kashim's throat harder. “Fight me!”

Kashim let go of the hands and reached down. His fingers found Gauron's gun holster, but the pistol wasn't there. His vision was getting blurry and even if Kashim knew Gauron wouldn't probably kill him, he would certainly attack the boy again once Kashim was out.

Kashim wrapped his fingers around Gauron's cock, still bare from earlier and started pumping it. The fingers around Kashim's throat loosened and Gauron let out a moan. Kashim took long breaths and calmed himself down after the fight. There was pain and blood all around, but that could wait. Gauron closed his eyes and his hips jerked.

“Fuck me”, Kashim whispered and tried to sound as genuine as he could.

“Yeah?” Gauron muttered and opened his eyes to watch Kashim. “You want that?”

“Yeah”, Kashim breathed and lifted his hips up to grind against the man. With his other hand he gestured the boy in the corner to get the fuck out of the house. As the boy scampered up, Gauron turned his head towards him. Kashim immediately shoved the man hard on his shoulder to get the attention back to him. “Forget him! I'm right here!” he growled. But the boy had already frozen in his spot in the corner. It was like watching a wolf and a hare, the hare trying to convince itself that if it kept really, really still, it would be okay.

Gauron turned his head lazily to Kashim.“You didn't like that?” he asked with a grin and thrusted more into Kashim's hand. “Did it make you jealous?”

Kashim was silent for a moment, just thinking about all the delusions Gauron had about the world surrounding him. But that didn't matter now. Kashim had started to learn how to play this game and he was pretty sure he could be an excellent player.

“Yeah”, he said dryly, staring at Gauron's eyes. “I don't want you fucking anyone else.” The funny thing was, he wasn't even lying about that one. If it was either Kashim or some orphan kid, bring it on. He had dealt with it already. There was nothing more Gauron could do.

Gauron laughed and straightened enough to pull himself away from Kashim's hand. “It's not the same thing. I love you, Kashim, you know that, but it's not the same thing.”

“It's just fucking”, Kashim said with a frown, his voice faltering with the rising panic. He couldn't let Gauron start again.

“There's a difference.”

Kashim tried to take a hold of Gauron's jacket, but he was met with another hard punch on his cheekbone. As Kashim tried to make the world stop spinning, Gauron got up and the boy started the screaming again.

With shaky legs and blurry vision, Kashim got up and scanned his surroundings until he spotted Gauron's gun. His breathing was short and irregular and the taste of blood was everywhere. The cool metal of the gun felt so good in his hand, giving Kashim all the confidence he needed.

The back of Gauron's head was right there. It was moving in small jerks as the man fucked the kid right there in front of Kashim.

He lifted the gun and pointed at the black mass of hair, imagining the bloody splatter of Gauron's brains on the opposite wall. The thought felt chilly, but good. It felt good in the most basic level of his instincts, like it was _the thing_ to do. The only right thing in the world.

To kill Gauron.

Gauron turned his head and didn't even blink as he saw the gun. He pounded into the screaming boy and craned his head backwards as if to give Kashim a better angle to shoot. They stared at each other for what felt like ages.

Kashim moved his hand and pulled the trigger. The bullet dug easily into the skull and ripped it in half with a loud bang. The boy's body went limp on the table, he died instantly.

“Shit!” Gauron snapped and took a hold of the boy, ignoring Kashim and the gun completely. He pounded himself into the boy few more times and came inside the cadaver with a series of loud grunts and shouts.

Kashim dropped the gun and walked to the door. Gauron was laughing behind him, asking something about the shooting and sloppy seconds, but Kashim couldn't listen to it right now. He just walked out of the house and kept walking. He had nowhere to go, but even that was better than this at the moment.


	17. Shaving

”I would've come and helped you kick his ass, but Grigori had me at gun point. Said I'd get killed, but that you'd be fine in the end.”

It was already full morning, Kashim had been sitting by the river bank the whole night. He kept staring at the shallow river and the mountains on the other side. He didn't care what Weber thought or had wanted to do. That didn't change anything. Kashim kept resting his chin on his knees and stared into the water. Weber walked next to him on the bank and sat down with a sigh.

”You don't _have_ to go back. You know that, right?”

”What do you know...” Kashim muttered. Weber had practically just met them. He didn't know anything about them, their dynamics or possibilities. Or responsibilities. But of course he had an answer to everything.

”I know he's a sick fuck and that you should get as far from him as possible.”

Weber turned his eyes to Kashim, but Kashim did everything not to look back. He would've liked to tell Weber about all the times he had tried to get away and always ended up coming back to something worse. He was so fucking done with all the planning and dreaming about something else. This was his fucking life and there wasn't escaping from it.

”He wasn't always like that”, Kashim mumbled.

”I find that very hard to believe”, Weber answered dryly. ”He probably was, but you just didn't understand it, being a kid and all.”

Kashim opened his mouth to protest, but ended up just shrugging.

”He's a sadist. People like that don't just wake up one morning and decide that's how they want to be.”

Kashim turned his head to Weber. ”What's a sadist?”

Weber looked surprised. ”It's a person that enjoys seeing others in pain.”

”Oh.” Kashim turned his eyes back towards the river. ”Well yeah, he is. I don't think he has any problems admitting that. I mean he has cut off people's fingers just for the hell of it.”

Weber stared at him again for a long time. ”I really think you should get away from him. You're a good guy, Kashim, but I fear what his influence might do to you. I'd hate to see you turn out like him.”

Kashim pondered the words for a while. ”He always says we're alike.”

Weber snorted immediately. ”You're not, trust me. But I'd still like to see you somewhere else than here. Before you stop caring all together.”

Kashim turned his head to Weber. ”I think I care more now than I did few years back.”

Weber shrugged, but kept his eyes on Kashim. ”That's normal. You were a kid and kids think funny. But now you understand more, start to think on your own and it changes the way you react to things. I bet Gauron doesn't like that.” When Kashim didn't answer, Weber continued. ”I know he's been hurting you for a long time already--”

Kashim's head jerked back, like Weber's words had attacked him physically. Weber lifted his hands up. ”It's none of my business and I don't care if you have liked it at some point or occasionally even now. My point is: he will end up either hurting you way more or he'll end up killing you. Guys like him don't take steps back, they only get worse. If you don't find a way to get away now, soon it might be too late.”

Kashim couldn't really argue with that either. He had seen Gauron's behavior escalating from the moment they had had sex the first time. But somehow he doubted if Gauron would actually kill him. There seemed to be some kind of invisible barrier there, that kept him from crossing that line. There had been times where Gauron could've easily killed him and he never did.

”I've...” Kashim quieted down. He was about to start talking about all his escape attempts and why they had failed. ”I'm getting so sick and tired of this shit”, he sighed. ”Every fucking time I come up with a plan, something goes wrong and everything goes to shit.”

”I could help you”, Weber said quietly.

”The last person who helped me ended up getting shot in the head”, Kashim mumbled and shook his head.

”Then he wasn't doing a very good job”, Weber said with a laugh. He punched Kashim gently to his shoulder. ”Come on. What's the worst thing that can happen? I'll get tortured and killed. It wouldn't be fun without a little risk.”

Kashim stared at Weber with a worried look. So Weber was insane too. Maybe that had been an obvious thing. You didn't live this kind of life if you weren't. ”Is there a word to describe a person who enjoys getting hurt himself?”

”Yeah”, Weber said with a grin. ”Masochist.”

”Finally a word to describe you”, Kashim mumbled. He watched the smiling man a while, before standing up. ”I can't leave. Not anymore.” He dusted his pants and straightened himself. ”If I leave, he'll just find someone else to hurt, someone younger.” Kashim had understood it during the night. That had been the whole point of Gauron's actions, his show. If Kashim misbehaved, if he didn't obey, if he left; _someone_ would pay for it.

Weber wasn't happy. He clearly didn't agree with Kashim about the importance of keeping others from getting hurt. But it wasn't like in a war. The kid had been a no one, a civilian without a clue of what was happening to him. He hadn't deserved something like that. ”You'll end up dead”, Weber said solemnly.

”And if you stick your nose in this mess; you will be dead.” Kashim shrugged. ”I don't give a fuck anymore. Dying doesn't scare me half as much as living.”

**

Gauron was shaving. He sat on the couch, a broken mirror propped on the table in front of him and a cutthroat in his hand. On the other side of the room Vostrikov was reading a newspaper. As Kashim stepped in, Gauron's eyes moved to him for a second before returning to the mirror.

”You're still here.” Gauron didn't sound surprised, but not disappointed either. It was just a statement.

Kashim walked inside and slumped on an armchair opposite Gauron. ”Where should I be?”

The hand holding the blade stopped as Gauron moved his eyes to him. ”I just thought you would have wanted some time alone. After killing a kid and all.”

Kashim scoffed out a laughter of sorts. ”I'm the one who did something wrong?” he asked.

Gauron cocked his head. He actually sounded like he was scolding Kashim. ”Now Kashim, you killed a civilian kid. Executed. We don't do things like that?”

Kashim's eyes narrowed. ”No, we just fuck them instead.”

Vostrikov stood up immediately. He didn't even say anything; just stood up and walked out of the house. Judging from the sounds he dragged Weber with him. Kashim and Gauron were staring at each other.

”You have a problem with something?” Gauron growled without a hint of amusement.

”Yes. The next time you do something like that, I will shoot you”, Kashim said with the same tone.

Gauron was clearly taken aback by the words, but he quickly pulled himself together and laughed. ”Like you had the balls.”

Kashim didn't waver. ”Try me.” He stared Gauron straight in the eye. ”Fuck one more and try me.”

After a few moments of silence Gauron took a towel and wiped the shaving cream off his face. There were uneven spots on his cheeks and jaw, where the shaving had been interrupted. The man took the mirror and turned it around. ”Look at yourself.”

Kashim lowered his eyes. He rarely looked at himself from a mirror. Today his face was a mix of black and purple bruises. One of his eyes was swollen and there was dried up blood on his lips, chin and temple. Gauron had given him a good beating yesterday.

”You think for a second you could take me on?” Gauron asked, serious still. He tossed the mirror to the floor and it shattered to pieces. Kashim stared at the man. ”You want to fight me, that's fine. Just say the word and I'll kick your sweet little ass once again. You want to even out the odds a little and fight with the AS'; we'll do that. But don't think you can start giving me orders, you fucking shrimp-dicked brat.”

Kashim kept his eyes on the man. There was certain kind of calmness in him. It came with the knowledge that this wouldn't last forever. One day this all would end. One of them would grow tired or die. Either was fine by him.

”I'm not talking about a fist fight. Or AS'”, Kashim said calmly and caused a frown on Gauron's face. ”I'm talking about me taking a gun and pressing it to your head when you don't expect it and shooting your brains out, just like I did with the kid.” There was a surge of enjoyment when he saw Gauron's eyes widen. The almighty Gauron, afraid of him. ”I don't need any skills or power for that. You taught me that. Just a gun and a bullet.”

Gauron tried to hide his troubled expression with a laughter. Kashim didn't laugh and it killed Gauron's amusement quickly too. ”You snotty brat. I should kill you just for talking shit like that.”

”But you won't”, Kashim said with a lazy sigh and leaned back in his armchair. ”You can beat me, you can tie me up, you can even fuck me, but you can never kill me. I know that now. If you could kill me, you could also let me go.”

Gauron scoffed and stared at Kashim for awhile, before pulling out his pistol. He pointed the barrel towards Kashim's head. ”You sure?”

”Pretty sure”, Kashim replied honestly, although the thought of dying didn't feel as bad as it once had. His heart started beating a little faster anyway, maybe out of a reflex. ”You only kill people who want to live, anyway. I don't give a shit either way so there's nothing fun about killing me.”

”When the hell did you start thinking so much!” Gauron spat and let the gun drop to the table too. ”That's not good for you, you know that?”

”I think I'll say what's good for me from now on”, Kashim said and lifted his feet on the edge of the table. ”Did you bury the boy?”

”What?” Gauron growled. ”Did I bury some kid you killed? No, I didn't fucking bury him! Grigori tossed him somewhere.”

Kashim kept staring at Gauron and felt like he was watching a completely different person from before. Gauron had always been confident, cold and calculating in his eyes, but the man sitting in front of Kashim now was just as lost as everyone else. He had no goals or plans, he just went with with the flow and watched what happened. And now Gauron seemed to be scared too. It felt good to think Kashim had caused all that, he had made some kind of a mark in the man.

There were still spots of stubble here and there on Gauron's face. Kashim stood up and even that made the man jump slightly. Gauron watched his every move as Kashim took the shaving cream from the table and walked between Gauron and the table. He sat down on the edge, which forced Gauron to spread his legs further apart. Neither of them said anything as Kashim started applying the foamy cream on the man's face.

Only when Kashim took a hold of the cutthroat, Gauron's hand seized his wrist. They stared at each other and Gauron was clearly calculating again. This wasn't the first time Kashim was about to shave him. It had been a regular thing between them when he had been younger. After he had started the escape attempts, Gauron hadn't wanted him holding razors anymore.

”I told you, when you fuck one more”, Kashim said and waited. He was serious with his words and he believed Gauron understood it too. ” _If_ ”, he corrected with a shrug. ”Hopefully you won't.”

Gauron snorted. ”It makes me sick seeing you pity someone. That's not how I taught you. Pity is for civilians and faggots.”

”Aren't we faggots then?” Kashim asked with raised eyebrows. He had been called a faggot his whole life and worse things too. Normal men fucked women and faggots fucked with men, so maybe it all made sense in the end. ”I've never seen you fuck a woman.”

”You've never seen me taking a shit either, but I do all the same”, Gauron growled, clearly irritated by the name calling. He let go of Kashim's hand. ”If you nick me, I'll--”

”Yeah yeah, you'll fucking kill me or killing fuck me. Hold still”, Kashim mumbled and took a firm hold of Gauron jaw.

The blade scraped against the bristly stubble and left behind clear and clean skin. Kashim took care not to miss a spot and make his every stroke count. He was rather good with the blade considering he didn't have to shave himself. But he had understood the technique quickly, just like any other thing that could be lethal if necessary. Of course it had helped learning when Gauron had counted all the nicks and cuts when Kashim had been a kid and given him as many strikes with his belt. Seven in the first time, two on the second and from then on, none.

”Have you decided what we're going to do next?” Kashim asked as he moved the blade across Gauron's left cheek.

”Herat”, Gauron said tersely and Kashim nodded.

It wasn't a surprise. They usually went to Herat every other year or so. The area had large poppy fields and during a harvest there were several mercenary groups and armies trying to get their share of the drug money. You could make a lot of money fast in Herat, but you could also get killed or busted just as quickly.

”We'll probably have to work for someone, now that we don't have a team”, Gauron spoke, maybe more to himself than to Kashim.

”Of course”, Kashim mumbled and wiped the cream from the blade to the towel Gauron had used. Going to Herat and protecting some smugglers had never been Kashim's favourite past times, but now it sounded as good as any other option. And it had been too long since he had had the chance to use his AS.

The shaving was finished and Kashim patted the rest of the cream to the towel. Gauron wiped his hand across his jaw and didn't seem to find anything to complain about. ”Your turn.”

There was a twitch in the corner of Kashim's mouth as he placed the cutthroat on the table. ”Yeah, right”, he said as it was obvious to anyone that his face didn't require shaving any time soon.

As he stood up, Gauron's hand grabbed the front of his waistline and stopped him. ”I wasn't talking about your face.”

For a good moment Kashim had to think what the hell Gauron was talking about, before he realised what was the only place he actually had any body hair. ”Fuck off”, Kashim muttered and hit Gauron's hand off, just to have it return to the same place tighter.

”You want me to keep my hands off other boys, you'd better make it worth it”, Gauron growled. ”You will do anything and everything I say and I won't fuck anyone else but you.” He circled his hands to Kashim's clothed buttocks and fondled them in his hands. ”Those are my terms. Do we have a deal?”

Kashim didn't need to think it through. ”Yes.” He really doubted that Gauron had anything new to do to him. Anyway, it had been clear from the start that Kashim couldn't straight out ban Gauron from having sex with anyone. That would be like telling him not to breath, like telling fish not to swim all the fucking time. But it would be fine, as long as it was only Kashim that had to go through it.

Gauron squeezed his buttocks once more before moving his hands to the front and opening Kashim's pants. He pulled the pants down and reached behind Kashim to swipe the table clean of all the junk that was on it.

”Sit down”, Gauron ordered and pushed Kashim back by his hips. Kashim sat on the edge of the wooden table and tried to keep calm as Gauron reached down to open his boot laces. Once he was done, he pulled off both the boots and the pants. ”Lie down.” Gauron's voice was creepy soft again, like he was somewhere else in his mind.

With his heart pounding, Kashim lied down to rest on his elbows. Gauron took a hold of his ankles and lifted them apart on the edge.

”You're going to cut me”, Kashim said tensely. ”Aren't you?” An image played in his mind where Gauron would just take his junk and slice everything clean off.

Gauron took some of the shaving cream to his hand. ”You didn't cut me, I won't cut you. It's called mutual trust and you should really start showing some after all there years”, he said with a widening smile and started spreading the cream on the pubic hair above Kashim's cock.

”Why the hell would you want to shave something like that?” Kashim asked with a frown.

”One of these days we'll find a thing that you like to do in bed, but until then we'll do it my way”, Gauron said and leaned further down. It was somewhat disturbing to watch him so concentrated, like it had nothing to do with sex. ”Lie down, I need a better view”, he grunted and pushed Kashim's legs up and apart. Kashim's head hit the table and he was left staring at the ceiling.

”If Vostrikov and Weber come back now--” Kashim started, trying to picture Weber's reaction.

”So what”, Gauron muttered and kept massasing the cream on Kashim's balls, before moving his fingers even lower. Kashim tensed his muscles as Gauron's fingers rubbed against his hole. ”You think shaved balls is the worst thing they've ever seen? Now hold _very_ still”, Gauron said quietly and pulled his hand away before starting the shaving.

Kashim took shallow breaths and kept staring at the ceiling as he felt the cold blade against his skin. Gauron finished the upper part quite quickly, patted it clean and leaned back.

”Yes. Perfect”, he mused and slid his fingers against the smooth skin. Kashim tried to take a look, but Gauron pushed him back down. ”I'm not finished yet”, he grunted and pushed Kashim's legs further apart. ”This is the tricky part”, he mumbled and Kashim felt the man take his balls into his hand. Without looking it was difficult to tell how exactly Gauron was doing the shaving. Kashim just felt the man fondling him and a scrape across his skin.

It felt like it took forever and Kashim's legs started to tingle and shake from the awkward position. After awhile Gauron straightened up and again patted Kashim's groin. The man kept staring at his work and seemed to be satisfied enough. ”I'll guess that'll do. It will probably itch like hell afterwards. Tell me when that happens before you start scratching yourself raw. Now, the last bit.” Gauron moved suddenly. He stood up and pushed Kashim further back on the table so that he nearly ended up doing a backward roll. As Gauron knelt on the table, Kashim's ass was on the same level with his hand and his knees were almost touching his face. The position was uncomfortable to say at least. ”Here, lean against me, it's easier”, Gauron said and placed his thigh against Kashim's back to give at least some support.

Gauron spread the shaving cream across Kashim's buttocks, probably using way more of the stuff than was necessary. He carefully slid his fingers across the cleft and ended up circling the hole with the tip of his fingers again. It was embarrassing having the man's face so close to him, studying every twitch of every muscle.

”Our first time was such a disappointment”, Gauron said quietly. ”I should have been more careful, go slower. Let you enjoy it too.” He took the razor again and started shaving the area around Kashim's hole and along the cleft. ”I just couldn't help myself any longer. You had been driving me crazy for months.” Gauron wiped the blade clean and then returned to the shaving, calm and slow. ”You're probably still angry at me for that. For the way I hurt you. That's why you did what you did to that boy.”

”I--” Kashim tried to reply something, but didn't have the time.

”Doesn't matter, really. We can't change the past. Sometimes I just wish we could. Start again.” The cutthroat clanked against the table as Gauron tossed it away. The soft towel was patted against Kashim's skin, but Gauron still wouldn't let him lower his backside. It was nerve-racking to just lie there and wait, not being able to even see properly what was happening.

Gauron leaned closer and Kashim thought he was going to check the quality of his shaving, but no. If Gauron hadn't had both of his arms on Kashim's sides, he would've probably fell off from the table from the pure shock.

Gauron licked him.

And not just his buttocks, but his hole. Kashim's jaw dropped open as he felt the man's tongue against his skin. His cheeks blushed worse than ever and he tried to wriggle away.

”What are you doing!” he hissed quietly, like the action had been so absurd, you couldn't even talk about it out loud. ”Stop it!”

Gauron wasn't either listening or giving a crap. His hands spread Kashim open and his tongue glided against the cleft, like he was actually enjoying the taste. All Kashim could think of was how incredibly unclean this had to be. If there ever was a sure way to get sick around here, it was to be unclean when it came to food. And... well, this was practically the same thing. This was probably worse than him licking Gauron's boots the other day.

Kashim tried to shift away, but just ended up banging his own face with his knee. Gauron straightened up all the same and raised his eye brows. ”Does it feel bad?”

Kashim opened his mouth, but no, he really couldn't say that had felt bad comparing to a lot of things Gauron had done. But his shoulder blades did start to ache from the awkward position he had been forced in. ”Maybe... on the couch?” Kashim suggested, trying to keep the embarrassment out of his voice.

Gauron flashed a grin and quickly scooped Kashim from the table and moved him to the same couch he had been sitting in. All the valid arguments now gone, Kashim quickly found himself from the almost identical position, although the soft couch made it much more comfortable.

He was halfway on Gauron's lap as the man returned to his earlier task. Kashim watched as the tanned and large hands spread him open, before Gauron's tongue was on him again. It didn't feel much like anything, just wet and warm, but more than that the thought of Gauron doing something like this was mind-blowing. Blowjobs had always been one of the most embarrassing things for Kashim. Mostly because they were often done in front of people. Using his mouth had been a punishment, a way for Gauron to put him in his place.

And now the man was licking him.

It made Kashim's cock twitch along with his hole. Gauron met his gaze, but Kashim couldn't look away. The man's tongue delved into his hole, just an inch or so, but it felt good enough to make Kashim gasp for air. Gauron jabbed his tongue in and out for a few times, before pulling away and licking the cleft and the underside of Kashim's balls.

While continuing the licking Gauron reached a hand towards Kashim's face. Without even thinking about it Kashim opened his mouth and Gauron pushed two of his fingers in and along Kashim's tongue. Keeping their eye-contact Kashim closed his mouth around the fingers and sucked on them. Gauron let out a chuckle against Kashim's skin and even that send shivers down his spine.

The wet fingers were dragged from Kashim's mouth and they left a trail of saliva on his chin. Gauron let him drop to a slightly more comfortable position, lying on his back and legs spread on either side of the man, before he took Kashim's cock in his hand. Kashim couldn't say which one of them was more surprised at how hard he already was.

”You liked that?” Gauron asked quietly, starting to slowly pump Kashim's length.

Kashim just swallowed hard and nodded. There was no point in denying it at this point anyway.

”Then let's make this our new first time”, Gauron mumbled and moved his other hand to Kashim's buttocks. Kashim had time only to realise that he should brace himself for the entry until Gauron's finger was already gliding in.

It felt so different and so much better than usual, that Kashim just craned his neck back and groaned in pleasure. His hole was wet from the licking and Gauron's fingers were wet and everything had just the right amount of tension.

”You're so fucking beautiful”, Gauron murmured as he lifted Kashim's leg on his shoulder and then returned to pump his hand in the same rhythm with his other. ”Stretch your arms up. Take a hold of the arm rest”, Gauron ordered and Kashim did that. At first it made him confused, but as he moved his arms from his sides and above his head, he understood the meaning of even this little change. It made Kashim definitely feel more vulnerable, like he was exposing all of himself to the man.

Gauron kept staring at his body until he leaned over and licked Kashim's abs and chest with few long licks. Kashim breathed out and tried to get more friction from the man's hands, but only ended up moving until Gauron's finger slipped out of him.

”More”, Kashim demanded immediately. The finger had felt so good that he wanted to feel it again.

”You want more?” Gauron asked with a grin as his fingertips ghosted over Kashim's buttocks.

The question woke up the alarms in Kashim's head and he swallowed to calm himself down. ”Just the fingers.”

Gauron chuckled and circled Kashim's hole with his fingertips. ”Well aren't you getting bossy...” Still the man took his hand, dipped his fingers in his mouth for more wetness and pushed two finger inside. Another loud groan escaped Kashim's mouth. ”Feels good?”

”Yeah”, Kashim breathed and clawed the arm rest above his head.

”You want me to fuck you with my fingers?” Gauron asked and quickened his hand pumping on Kashim's cock.

”Yeah.”

”Say it to me”, Gauron commanded.

”Fuck me”, Kashim pleaded with strained voice and even that made his cock pulse.

Gauron sneered widely. ”Dirty little boy.” His hands moved faster and Kashim felt a third finger enter him.

It didn't feel as good as with the lubricant, but it didn't hurt enough to make him want to stop. The pressure gathered into his lower abdomen, tightened around his balls and made all of his muscles tense. Kashim lifted his head from the couch and watched Gauron's fingers enter him few more times, before he erupted with a loud shout.

Kashim lied still and tried to catch his breath the best he could. His brains didn't function like they used to and there was a strange tremble in most of his muscles. Gauron's hand smoothed the skin on his thigh and spread the semen under his palm.

For a few moments Kashim waited that Gauron would get up and maybe started to strip his clothes off. There was no ending in this where Gauron would just get up and not want something in return. Kashim was even going to let him do it. He was too tired to start fighting when both of them knew the outcome anyway.

Gauron did stand up. But he walked to the kitchen to fix himself a mug of coffee.

”You want some?” the man asked.

Kashim watched the man's back and frowned. ”Sure.”


	18. Herat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been crazy busy lately, but I will continue whenever I have time. Have faith. And some semi-rape in the mean time.

When Vostrikov and Weber came back to the house it was like nothing had happened. Gauron was on his second mugful of coffee and Kashim had picked up the newspaper left by Vostrikov. It was two weeks old, but that had very little meaning.

”Are we leaving today?” Vostrikov asked as he walked in and to the kitchen as soon as he smelled the coffee.

Gauron let out an incoherent mumble as he kept staring in front of him. ”I'd like to go with the AS's fully operational. There might be anything waiting for us.”

Kashim glanced at the man and noticed Vostrikov's blank face as the man returned to the living room. ”Yes, that would be great”, the man spat out with clear sarcasm. ”If only we had the manpower to do that. Unfortunately they were left few hundred kilometers up north.”

Gauron moved his eyes to the man and there was the type of silence that was usually caused by Kashim. It was refreshing to be the one looking at the situation from outside. Kashim leaned back in his armchair and just enjoyed the show. It was true that the AS' were useless in their current condition, in pieces and packed up tightly in the trucks. But to assemble them required either half a day and a crane or twelve strong men and two days.

”We could hire some of the villagers”, Gauron said with a shrug.

”You want to trust eight million dollars worth of military equipment to the hands of fucking goat herders?!” Vostrikov snapped angrily. The shouting caused even Gauron to flinch.

”The fuck's wrong with you?” the man asked with a frown.

Vostrikov sighed and turned towards Kashim and the arm chair. ”Get the fuck off”, he said with a tired voice and jerked his hand towards Kashim.

Kashim stared at the man for a moment, but got up none the less. He changed glances with Weber who was standing near the doorway on the opposite wall. Vostrikov sat down with another sigh and propped his feet on the table. ”We need to start making serious plans. We're out of money, out of gas, few more fights and we'll be out of ammo too.”

Gauron spread his arms with a swift and angry motion and swallowed down the coffee in his mouth. ”We're going to Herat!” he spat with strained voice. ”What the fuck are you bitching about?”

”And you're sure there will be work there? Someone who isn't tired of your turn-coating them every other week?” Vostrikov challenged.

Gauron tilted his head slowly. ”Well either there is or there isn't. Only one way to find out. Are you in or not? That's the only thing I'm interested hearing at this point.”

Vostrikov sighed and waived his hand. ”In, in. Of course I am. I just wish--”

”I wish that you would shut the fuck up”, Gauron interrupted. ”Which one of the wishes do you think will come true?” Vostrikov sat quietly still and stared in front of him. ”That's what I thought”, Gauron scoffed.

**

The sleepless night took it's toll on the road. Twice Gauron had to smack Kashim awake when he almost fell asleep behind the wheel. The boring wastelands and dirt road giving from zero to none visual stimulation to him, Kashim started to chew on his tongue and cheeks, hoping that the pain would keep him sharp. After two hours and a bleeding and numb mouth it was getting ridiculous.

”Can we switch?” Kashim asked and glanced at Gauron. The man was studying some map spread across his lap. ”I didn't sleep at all last night.”

”And whose fault is that?” Gauron asked, keeping his eyes on the frayed piece of paper.

Kashim turned his eyes to the road and arched his eyebrows. ”Yours, actually.”

Gauron turned his face to him and smiled. ”Kept you up all night, dreaming about me?”

Kashim snorted. ”Yeah, that's why. Can you drive or not?”

”Nope. We're almost there, anyway.”

Kashim sighed and ran his hand through his hair. When he had the chance, he would sleep for ages.

They drove on for another half an hour before the green poppy fields started to appear on the horizon on the left hand side. Kashim leaned back and was about to ask Gauron where they would head in the city, when he saw something on the road ahead.

”Gauron”, Kashim said in steady voice and slowed the truck down. Gauron lifted his eyes from his map and squinted.

”What is it?”

Kashim made out some sort of buildings on both side of the road, men walking around... red and white pole across the road. ”A roadblock, check point or something”, Kashim mumbled and glanced at Gauron. ”What now?”

”Go on”, Gauron said slowly, assessing the situation. ”Let's see who's in charge here.”

Kashim kept driving slow and steady and saw the people ahead rushing back and forth. Just then a breeze of air swept across the road and moved a flag near the checkpoint. The blood red cloth made Kashim hit the breaks immediately.

”Shit”, Gauron grunted and glanced at the rear view mirror. “Warn Vostrikov.”

Kashim pumped the break pedal for three short, three long and three short times and repeated it few times. In the mirror the other truck stopped and quickly changed to reverse. It only took seconds for them to disappear behind the horizon.

“Let's go”, Gauron said and took a deep sigh. “Drive nice and slow, don't do any sudden movements and keep your mouth shut.”

They didn't even reach the roadblocks, before few soldiers already approached them with guns and signaled them to stop. Kashim did, and kept his eyes forward as few of the soldiers surrounded their truck. The doors were opened and Kashim turned his eyes to meet the barrels of assault rifles. They were old models, cheap but reliable AK's, the same ones Gauron and Kashim themselves used the most.

“Get out!” the soldier barked in Russian.

Kashim followed Gauron's example and got out, keeping his hands as visible as possible. He dropped down the steps and turned around to face the much taller men. There was a moment of quiet staring, before Gauron walked around the truck to them.

”Who's in charge here?” Gauron barked and sounded, to Kashim at least, like a pissed off officer or something. It was like he hadn't even seen the rifles pointed at him.

The soldiers didn't seem to be impressed however. They kept their guns at Kashim and Gauron as one of them, higher ranking officer judging by the shoulder straps, approached them.

”The city is under Soviet occupation”, the officer barked back at Gauron. ”State your name and business.”

”My business is the two fucking AS' that were asked to be delivered here. Do you want them or not?” Gauron growled and gestured toward the truck.

The officer didn't have time to reply as his HT let out a crackling sound and someone asked, what was going on. The officer lifted the device to his mouth, keeping his eyes on Gauron. ”There's a man here saying someone has ordered two Armslaves. Over.”

”Standby”, the voice in the HT said. Everyone stared at each other and no one said anything.

Kashim moved his eyes to one of the soldiers, a lower ranking one, who was walking towards them rapidly. He stopped next to his officer.

”Sir? That's _Gauron_ ”, the soldier said, clearly nervous and sweating.

The officer glanced at Gauron yet again and kept his eyes at him. Gauron seemed relaxed, stretching his legs and arms like the pause was just what he had ordered. The officer pressed his HT closer to his mouth. ”The person bringing the Armslaves is Gauron. I repeat, the person at the gate seven seven is Gauron. Over.”

Kashim remained still only because that was what Gauron was doing. The man didn't seem to be alarmed at being recognised although it made Kashim feel extremely nervous. He had no idea where they were standing with the Russians at the moment. They had been working for them in the North and had aborted the mission, so that couldn't be too good.

HT cracked again, this time the voice was a different one. ”Seven-seven, how big is the group? Over.”

Gauron smiled, squinted in the bright sunlight and held up two of his fingers to the officer.

The officer stared at Kashim for a second. ”One plus one minor. No civilians. Over.”

”Are the armslaves operational?” the voice asked.

The officer swung his hand at the soldiers and two of them ran to the back of the truck. It only took a moment for them to see the situation. ”Negative.”

”Seven-seven, wait ten for escort. Over and out.”

The officer didn't have to translate that. Gauron nodded to the words and the officer walked back to the shack by the roadside. The soldiers were left standing there, guns now pointed at the ground, but still ready to use if necessary. Kashim let out the breath he had been holding and let his shoulders relax. For some reason Gauron was welcomed even after all the shit he had done. Or at least they weren't shot at the gates.

Gauron took out a cigarette and lit it while resting himself against the front tire. ”How long you've been here?” he asked one of the soldiers.

”Four or five months.” The soldier sounded like it had been a lifetime.

Gauron nodded and the grinned. ”A shithole, isn't it? The whole fucking country.” He offered the soldier a cigarette.

The soldier grinned back and took the smoke. ”Yeah, I guess so.”

”It's the god damn heat”, Gauron continued and glanced at the blue sky. ”Drives everyone insane. I met this guy awhile back, had lost his gear and shit in the middle of the desert, drank his own piss for a week.”

”No shit?” the soldier laughed.

”Yeah”, Gauron mumbled and took a drag of his cigarette while staring at the road in front of him. ”All kinds of crazy shit around here... You know who's in charge here?”

The soldier shrugged slightly. ”I can't give you any info on that. You'll have to wait for the escort. They'll take you into the city and--”

”Yeah, yeah. Sure. Absolutely”, Gauron rushed and took even more relaxed posture against the truck. ”Mind if my pilot waits in the truck?”

The soldier and Kashim shared a glance and then the man shook his head. ”Nah, go ahead.”

Gauron nodded towards the truck and reached to open the door for Kashim. He climbed into the truck and sat behind the wheel. The soldier kept staring at them.

”That's your pilot?” he asked with a chuckle.

”The best there is”, Gauron said immediately and tapped ash off from his cigarette. ”Put him in an AS and you can take down the whole country in a week.”

That was a lie, of course, but the soldier seemed to ignore that. Kashim watched as three jeeps drove towards them and stopped at the other side of the check-point. From the first car emerged an older officer. He was quite short, but had that air around him which caused everyone to stand in attention even if they didn't notice it. Even Gauron kicked himself off the tire and straightened his back.

”Should've known it was you!” Gauron yelled at the officer and his angry voice made Kashim startle. He reached towards the glove box, which held one of the pistols. ”No one else would be stupid enough to come here.”

The officer walked closer, spread his arms in a welcoming gesture and smiled. Kashim sighed and let his hand drop away from the gun.

”How the fuck are you still alive, you bastard?” the officer asked with a laughter and walked to Gauron. Kashim didn't know what to think when the men _hugged_. No one ever hugged Gauron, not even Vostrikov. And Gauron only hugged Kashim. There was a sting of some sort inside Kashim, which he didn't like at all.

”Luck and money, my friend, luck and money”, Gauron answered and patted the man's back.

”Well, let's get inside and you can tell me which one brought you here this time”, the officer said and slapped Gauron to his shoulder. ”Just follow the jeeps.”

Gauron walked back to the truck and climbed in.

”Who's he?” Kashim asked even before Gauron got to slam the door shut. Kashim didn't like the accusatory tone his voice had just taken without even asking his brain if he wanted to sound so offended.

”The best thing that could have happened to us”, Gauron said with a short laughter. ”Jesus. A lucky break, finally.”

Kashim started the truck engine and drove after the jeep. For a second he felt like he wanted to run the officer off the road. ”What's his name?”

”Alexander Borin”, Gauron answered and lit another cigarette. ”Saved his life ages ago.”

”I don't like him”, Kashim said as they drove towards the city.

”You don't like anyone”, Gauron grunted. ”We'll be fine here. You just keep your mouth shut if I don't tell you otherwise.”

They drove in front of an hotel and Kashim was instructed to drive the truck to the side of the building. He left the truck with hesitation and followed Gauron.

Granted, Kashim didn't have high expectations about the Russian army, but he had thought it was something like an army; clean, strict and organised. Those were the values that Kashim had been brought up to honour, even when they were hard to maintain in the rough environment. But when they arrived to the hotel and Kashim saw the group of soldiers, he wasn't sure what he was seeing. Even Gauron looked cleaner than most of them! ...Actually Gauron looked extremely clean with the shaved face.

The Russians were... random at best. None of them had identical uniforms; most of them were missing jackets and shirts, some had green camouflage, others plain black or green clothes. They were spread around the hotel grounds, with their gear, old vehicles and what seemed like the insides of the hotel they weren't happy with. The soldiers stared at them as they got out of the truck and one of them spat in Kashim's feet from the gap between his front teeth. Gauron didn't seem to even notice the soldiers as he walked in after the officer, so Kashim kept his mouth shut too.

The first thing that hit Kashim's face as he stepped inside was the overwhelming stench of opium smoke. He had learned to recognise the sweet smell and knew that it never meant anything good. Instinctively he took few faster steps to get closer to Gauron. There were several, sleepy eyed and skinny Russian soldiers around the hotel lobby.

Kashim followed the officer and Gauron to the second floor and into one of the hotel suites. The once expensive tabletops were now covered in weapons, ammunition and maps.

”You seem to be doing well”, Gauron said finally and took one of the clips into his hand. He glanced at the officer. ”I mean, being able to take it easy like this.”

”We had few nasty fights last week, lost some men”, the officer said as he sat down to one of the armchairs. ”I was hoping that no one else would be coming here, but it seems I was being too optimistic.”

Gauron chuckled and tossed the clip back on the table. ”If you think you can keep this town all to yourself with a crew like that, you're delusional. In few weeks the streets will be swimming with soldiers and mercenaries, local and other. I've seen whole armies being wiped from the face of the Earth over this city.”

The officer took a cigarette, lit it lazily and spread his arms. “What am I supposed to do? I was stationed here and if I don't get any reinforcements...” he snorted. “Like I gave a shit. When they come rolling in, I'm not here to see it.”

Gauron kept eyeing the officer with a faint smile on his lips. He walked around the room, looking and touching the gear around him. “I have two AS'”, he reminded. “They won't be enough alone, but it would give you a head start. Might solve the whole issue, if used correctly.”

The officer laughed and propped his feet on the table. “Oh please, like we could afford your bills. Look around you! We barely have enough food to keep us going.”

Gauron turned towards the officer like a snake and his grin flashed more visibly this time. “Oh, don't worry about the cost, I'm sure we can work something out.”

The officer was silent for a moment. He tapped his cigarette and watched the ash fall to the floor. “You only had one truck. Where's the other AS?”

“In a safe place”, Gauron answered.

“We don't have any extra pilots for it.”

“Doesn't matter, Kashim's my pilot anyway.”

The officer turned his eyes to Kashim the second time, with even more doubt and questions than the first time. His mouth had dropped open, the cigarette hanging from his lower lip. “That _runt_?”

Gauron glanced at Kashim with a satisfied smile. “He's better than anyone you've ever seen.”

The officer snorted and continues smoking. “And when he doesn't have the 50 tons of steel to protect him? Jesus, I could snap him in two.”

Gauron let out a laughter. “Put him against your best man, I dare you.”

“It seems he already did something along that line”, the officer said and stared at Kashim's bruised face.

“He's good to go”, Gauron assured. “With me and him you can start packing the fields up tomorrow, before anyone else gets here. That's a certain promotion for you. Gets you the fuck out of this country forever.”

The officer fell silent again. Clearly he didn't believe everything Gauron was saying, but enough to make him think about it. “Let's talk about it more tomorrow. I have few phone calls to make and other shit to do. There's free rooms on the upper floors and food in the kitchen, help yourself.”

“Always do”, Gauron said with a grin.

**

“I don't like this place”, Kashim admitted, as they walked up the stairs with their back packs.

“Why not?” Gauron asked.

“It smells.”

“It's just the hop they're smoking.”

Kashim frowned at the man. “I know. That's what I don't like.”

Gauron snorted and kept climbing up. “You've seen it being smoked before. There's nothing to worry about. It just makes them slow and mellow, better that than vodka.”

Kashim grunted. “I still don't like it.”

“Come on”, Gauron laughed and pulled Kashim next to him, throwing his arm over Kashim's shoulders. “I'll keep you safe from the bad men.”

Kashim glanced at the man and shrugged the arm off. “It's you I'm worried about. You'll start to smoke it too.”

Gauron turned his eyes to Kashim. “So? You don't like it?”

“You'll get all weird.”

“It's called _relaxed_. You should try it sometime.”

Kashim didn't bother answering, he had said over and over again that he didn't want to be anything like Gauron.

They took a room from the fourth floor and tossed the back packs to the double bed. Kashim walked to the window and stared at the mostly ruined city. “Where do you think Vostrikov and Weber are?”

“Outside the city. Or back in some village. They'll be fine”, Gauron grunted and sat down to take off his boots.

“Vostrikov can't come here”, Kashim said and watched as another pillar of smoke started to creep up from the other side of the city.

“Believe me, he's more than fine with that.” Gauron tossed his boots to the floor and rolled his cracking shoulders. “You up for some fighting soon?”

Kashim felt his heart jump out of excitement and he turned swiftly around. “Yes”, he said, sounding almost desperate.

Gauron laughed and continued taking off his gear. “We'll be at it for a while once we start. They know shit about fighting with AS', so the whole weight will be on us. “

“I'm ready”, Kashim insisted and felt like he was about to explode from the waiting. It had been ages since he had had the chance to go to a combat.

“We'll get your AS here tomorrow, so you will have some time to train and get ready.”

Kashim frowned and tensed. “Tomorrow? We can get it right now!” he barked and walked to Gauron. “It's right there, just outside the city!” He pointed his arm towards the window.

Gauron reached his hand forward, grabbed Kashim by his belt and pulled him closer. “Yeah, it is. But I'd much rather be with you and take it easy.”

“For fuck's sake! We've taken it easy for months! Ever since the fucking Singapore!” Kashim shouted, but didn't try to get away from the man. It would have been futile anyway. “I want to _fight_!”

Gauron kept laughing and fell backwards to the bed, pulling Kashim on top of him. “And you will, my little angel of death, you will”, he mumbled and lifted his head to kiss Kashim deeply.

Kashim opened his mouth and closed his eyes with a sigh. Fucking had become a bother lately, but not much else. It had started to feel good and Kashim wasn't sure what to think about it. Maybe it was all for the best. If Gauron liked to fuck him, there wouldn't be any need to go and find any more civilian kids.

Gauron moved his hands to Kashim's ass and pulled him tighter against himself with a satisfied grunt. “You like that?”

“Yeah”, Kashim answered, even when he didn't know what Gauron actually meant, his mouth still against Gauron's. But it seemed to please the man. He grabbed Kashim's ass tighter and let out another mumble.

“It's been awhile since I really fucked you.” Gauron's hands pushed themselves down Kashim's pants and underneath the layers of clothes.

“It's not my fault”, Kashim huffed and was met with a hearty laugh.

“Oh God, how much I love your jealousy”, Gauron chuckled as his hands started stripping Kashim of his clothes. “It took one look at me with someone else to make you realise how much you love me?”

There it was again; love. The most meaningless word Kashim had ever learned. It meant absolutely nothing and still it seemed to be all that there was. Love; keeping someone safe and wanting to be with them. Not wanting anything bad to happen to them. No, Kashim didn't love Gauron. But he knew better than to say it out loud.

“I don't want you to be with anyone else”, Kashim decided to say and let Geuron pull his shirt off.

“Now you know how I feel”, Gauron said and settled back down, his hand wandering on Kashim's bare chest. “Why it made me so fucking angry to see you with Geary.”

“We didn't—”

“I don't give a fuck”, Gauron interrupted and moved his hands to Kashim's thighs and started to open his pants. “You're here with me now and that's all that matters.” Gauron sat up, yanking Kashim's pants down. After a moment of tumbling and wrestling Kashim was sitting on top of the man, naked. Gauron kept staring at him and smoothing his back. “Did you bring the lube with you?”

For some reason, talking about that still made Kashim blush. Even more so, when he had actually thought about it when they had left the others. Kashim had intentionally left all the “toys” behind, but had spent some time searching for the lube. He nodded to the man.

“Good. Go get it”, Gauron said and slapped Kashim's ass.

Once Kashim got up, Gauron started to take his clothes off too. For a second Kashim stood there and wondered how it was possible for Gauron to look even bigger without his clothes. He looked like he took the whole double bed for himself. With a slight hesitation Kashim walked back to the bed with the lube and passed it to the man.

“I'm not up for anything slow this time. Can you handle that?”

Kashim froze to his spot. What did that mean? Not anything slow? It meant 'not anything good'. Gauron raised his eyebrows and smeared some of the lube on his already hard cock. Kashim was about to say, that he didn't want this. Not like this. But Gauron hadn't asked anything about wanting or liking, he had asked if Kashim could _handle_ it.

Instead of answering, Kashim just got on the bed as unenthusiastic as he could and sat next to the man.

Gauron chuckled and pressed Kashim down on his back by his throat. “I love it when you pout”, he said and pressed his mouth hard against Kashim's, the hand still gripping Kashim's throat. When Kashim opened his mouth to kiss the man back, Gauron suddenly pulled back. “No”, he said and grinned to Kashim's confused look. “Don't do that.” Gauron's hand petted Kashim's hair and moved from there to grip his jaw. “I want you to struggle. Like you wanted to get away.” As the frown between Kashim's brows got deeper, Gauron's smile widened. “I don't want you to fight like you mean it, just... make it difficult for me.”

Kashim was so confused about the instructions, which were the exact opposite he had ever heard, that he had to ask. “Why?”

Gauron chuckled some more. “Because I like it.”

“But...” Kashim started and tried to see the reason behind it all. “You will hit me!” Kashim insisted with even more disturbed look on his face.

Gauron pressed his face against Kashim's neck and his hand gripped the dark hair with a painful force. “If I do, I won't do it hard. Now do as you're told.”

The man kissed Kashim's neck and swirled his tongue on the skin. Kashim laid there too confused to move and tried to recollect the instructions. Not to fight, but to struggle, to make this difficult for Gauron.

Kashim's hands trembled as he slowly lifted them up and pressed them against Gauron's shoulders. With a tentative move he forced the strength up from his biceps and pushed against Gauron.

“Good”, Gauron immediately sighed and grazed Kashim's neck with his teeth. “Harder. Tell me to stop. In Dari.”

Kashim stared at the ceiling, like it could share his bafflement and pushed Gauron's shoulders harder. “Stop it”, he said quietly in Dari language. It felt weird, since it had been years since they had talked either in Pashto or Dari to each other.

“That's my boy”, Gauron praised and moved his hands to Kashim's side. “Make this difficult for me”, he reminded.

Kashim snorted quietly and moved his hand away from Gauron's shoulder and on to his hand, to stop it from touching him. Gauron chuckled and wrestled his hand free, before gripping Kashim by his wrist and pressing it against the mattress.

“Keep going. Harder”, Gauron said with a nasty glint in his eyes.

Kashim still didn't know why they were doing this and he knew this wouldn't end with anything good. If he kept fighting, Gauron would eventually get mad and Kashim didn't want that. He was still sore from the earlier beating. But it felt like Gauron would get mad too, if Kashim kept questioning him. There was no way for him to win.

With his free hand Kashim hit against Gauron's, to let go of his wrist, but that just ended with Kashim's both hands against the mattress. Tensing his muscles made Kashim feel almost nauseous. It was like all those times when Gauron had first started to have sex with him. And kind of like when he had brought in the civilian boy...

Kashim felt something inside him sink and turn black. That's what this was about. To make this feel like it had with Kashim earlier, like it had felt with the boy. Gauron _wanted_ it to hurt.

It shouldn't have been a surprise, but it somehow was. The last times with Gauron had been so good and Kashim had thought it was because he had learned to be the way Gauron wanted. He had wanted Kashim to like it, beg to be fucked. And now that wasn't good enough either? Now Kashim had to act like he didn't want it, beg to be let go. Jesus... Sometimes Kashim wondered if Gauron himself knew what he wanted. Probably not.

Still, if this was what the man wanted...

Kashim brought his legs up, to give him more leverage. He tried to pull his hands away from Gauron's grip and twist his whole body to break free. Gauron kept murmuring his quiet praises against Kashim's neck, telling him in Dari he was a good boy. The rock hard cock kept pressing against Kashim's thigh, reminding him of what was still to come.

They were both already covered in sweat when Gauron suddenly got off. Kashim tried to get up too, but only got halfway before Gauron took a hold of his shoulder and hib bone and turned him to his stomach. The rough hands pulled Kashim's legs apart and the man settled behind him.

There wasn't much for Kashim to do at that point without fighting for real. He still tried to struggle away, close his legs and get Gauron to loosen his grip on Kashim's body. Once he almost succeeded in getting away to lie on his side, but then came a hard and painful slap across his buttocks. It made Kashim yelp involuntarily and stop every movement. Gauron didn't say anything so it was impossible to say if Kashim had done something wrong.

Gauron took both of Kashim's wrists and pressed them against his back with one hand only. The other lifted Kashim up from his hip. “Stay still, so I don't have to hit you again”, Gauron growled. He sounded genuinely pissed, so Kashim stopped with his struggling and just froze in his spot.

Gauron's knee pressed against Kashim's and forced him to spread his legs even further. A hand smoothed the spot where the slap had landed and Kashim felt the cold trail of lube the fingers left behind.

“So smooth...” Gauron mumbled and let his finger trace along Kashim's cleft and over his anus. Clearly the man was enjoying the shaving he did earlier.

Kashim tensed and bit back another yelp as Gauron's finger entered him. It was slick and smooth and didn't hurt at all. Kashim sighed slightly and tried his best to relax. Gauron pulled the finger almost out, twirled it around few times and pushed it back in, harder and deeper. He repeated the move few more times and Kashim felt his own erection starting to build up everytime the finger slid out. After a moment Gauron let the finger pop out completely. He traced the edges of Kashim's hole with his fingertip and let out a satisfied hum.

The hand left Kashim's skin and he heard the opening of the lube. Soon the colder and wetter fingertips returned and Kashim felt the tips of two fingers enter him, stretching his hole slightly more.

“I bet the village men have fucked your ass over and over again”, Gauron muttered in Dari. Kashim didn't know if he was even supposed to answer anything, so he just kept quiet. “Let's see how tight you are”, Gauron continued and started to slowly push the fingers deeper.

Kashim's mouth opened and he breathed out at the intense feeling. It felt just as good as before and Kashim could feel the sheet under him getting wet as his own cock dribbled and smeared the bed.

“So tight little boy”, Gauron hummed as he stretched his fingers apart and made Kashim shudder. “It's almost a shame to rip you apart.”

The meaning of the words hit Kashim a second too late as he felt the tip of Gauron's cock against him. From experience Kashim knew that so little preparation wasn't nearly enough. He tensed and tried to turn around.

“Don't..!” he said in panicked voice and tried to get his hands free. “No!”

“Good boy”, Gauron said softly and pulled Kashim's buttock apart before pushing in.

Immediately the pain almost blinded Kashim. Even with the lube it was too much too fast. Kashim pressed his face against the mattress and let out a muffled cry. Gauron's hand was gripping his wrists and forcing him to stay still if he didn't want to get his shoulder dislocated.

“That's a good boy. Keep going”, Gauron sighed and pulled himself out excruciatingly slow.

“It hurts, Gauron”, Kashim barked in Russian, not sure if Gauron understood that he wasn't pretending anymore.

Gauron didn't answer, but he did let go of Kashim's hands. It wasn't of much use, since the man just dug his fingers in Kashim's hips and fucked him with even more force. The whole bed creaked and banged like it would fall apart any minute and Kashim saw it best just to stay still and muffle his shouts of pain into the pillows. Gauron pulled his cock completely out few times, only to ram the full length back inside. The familiar warm feeling trickled down Kashim's thighs as the blood got past Gauron. The rough hands pulled Kashim's buttocks apart and Gauron slammed himself in few more times, before starting to shake and pant.

Kashim let out a relieved sigh as the man finally relaxed and pulled away. With trembling muscles Kashim tried to get off the bed and into the bathroom, but Gauron's hand was there again, on his shoulder.

“Lie down for a second”, the man said wearily. “You did good.”

Kashim sat still for a second, thinking about what to say. Or if it even was worth the while to try and make the man understand. With his whole lower body screaming from pain, Kashim laid down and swallowed hard as he forced his muscles to relax. Gauron's hand smoothed his chest lazily.

“I didn't like it”, Kashim said quietly, staring at the ceiling.

“That's why it was so good”, Gauron chuckled and pulled Kashim against him.


	19. Hopping around

It was hard to tell if the boy was really asleep or not. He was faking all sorts of things lately. Maybe Gauron should've guessed this was going to happen. You couldn't have kept an angel in an environment like this long enough and expect it to remain untainted. Kashim lived and breathed war and everything nasty that came with it. He had learned to kill and now he was learning to lie and cheat.

Gauron sighed, got up from the bed and placed a blanket over Kashim's naked body. Judging from the satisfied sigh he was truly sleeping. Gauron stood still for awhile, just looking at him.

Old.

That's what Kashim was becoming. Old and very inconvenient. Hell, the kid had scared the shit out of him with all the talk about killing him in cold blood. Mainly because Gauron knew all too well that Kashim was capable and motivated enough to do what the hell he wanted. Gauron hadn't taught him to respect laws or morals, so it really wasn't any use to try and talk to him about the _right things to do_. The boy lived in the moment and made his decisions based on that. He was a fucking time-bomb and now he had started to tick.

Gauron let the boy sleep and took a quick shower before heading downstairs. His mood didn't improve with the sight of the doped up soldiers. Gauron had never had anything against a night out or a casual little holiday, but Jesus... This had clearly been going on for months, no matter what they said themselves. Some of the “soldiers” were so skinny and hollow-cheeked that it was hard to believe they were still alive.

Alexander Borin, the commanding officer, was a total fuck-up himself. No wonder he had been dumped into this hell hole. Gauron had met him when they both had been young and new to this war. Gauron had been tracing a group of local guerrillas and finished them off to get his hands on their gear. It had been nothing but luck that Borin had been their hostage and survived it all. When the man had assumed Gauron was there only to save him, Gauron hadn't corrected a word of it. It was always good to have people owing you. They had met few times after that and Gauron had been nothing but a trustworthy friend to the man.

Getting promoted to an officer didn't have anything to do with talent in Borin's case. He had some distant relation to some high-up asshole in Kremlin and with that kind of baggage it was only a matter of time, before they planted a title on you and blamed you for their own mistakes... Poor Borin didn't have a clue what the fuck it was he was supposed to be doing. And it showed.

Gauron walked around the first floor of the hotel, taking mental notes about the soldiers, their habits, weapons and gear as well as the smaller groups they had formed. There wasn't anything surprising. The weapons were ok; nothing more, nothing less. The rest of the gear was mostly shit. The older soldiers were interacting only with each other and had snatched all the best equipment too. The younger ones had scraped together everything else. No matter the age or rank, almost all of them were high on opium or something made from it. Some were sleeping it off.

From experience Gauron knew the Ruskies weren't as interested in the actual rules and regulations of the army as they were in their own privileges and putting everyone else to their place. They were quick to discipline and usually you didn't have to beat anyone twice. There didn't seem to be any of that around this hotel. Everyone was in their own group, but they were nevertheless getting along. Maybe it was just the hop, it was difficult to tell.

Gauron planted his ass in the middle of a card game a few petty officers were playing. They stopped slamming the cards and took a moment to stare at him. Gauron took one of the smokes the men were using as chips and lit it.

“Deal me in”, he said in Russian and was handed some cards. After an hour and a half, Gauron knew everything there was to know about them and the situation in the city. It wasn't half as bad as he had feared.

Borin's orders were to keep the city central from falling into the hands of the Mujahideen. Gauron didn't know why the hell anyone would want the city when all the money was on the fields around it. Shit... Keeping the city... What a load of bullshit. Gauron would set things straight here tomorrow.

“The boy you came with...”

Gauron turned his eyes from the cards to one of the soldiers sitting opposite him. “Yeah?”

“Is he Chinese or something?”

Gauron shrugged and picked out one of his cards to place to the table. “Don't know. He might be Japanese”, he said and leaned back in his chair, tapping some of the ash from his cigarette to the floor. “Picked him from the streets years ago. Good fighter. Hell of a killer in an AS.”

The soldier nodded silently. “Yeah, I believe you. He looks... fit.”

Gauron immediately moved his eyes back to the soldier, but he seemed to be really interested in his cards all of a sudden. Gauron kept staring at him for a good while. He knew how these things went. They probably had two or three cum dumpsters in a group of this size. It was a long tradition with the Russian army and with all the time off and all the hop you could smoke... Hell, it was a wonder they weren't having some kind of orgy right here and now.

“He is”, Gauron ended up saying. “Extremely.” There was a faint smile on the officer's lips, but still he didn't meet Gauron's stare. “He's on the fourth floor if you want to see for yourself.” Gauron had to admit he wasn't entirely sure why he had said it. Maybe the thought of Kashim ripping his throat out was amusing, maybe it was more amusing to think Kashim underneath a dozen of Ruskie soldiers. The little shit would have deserved that anyway, after all the death threats and shit... Kashim should have been nothing but grateful for every fucking day Gauron let him hang around and stay alive.

The officer finally looked up at him. Gauron just cocked his eyebrows silently and kept playing.

“You don't mind?” the officer asked.

Gauron shrugged again. “Why would I? I sure have fucked him so many times it's getting boring.”

The officer glanced at the others and then stood up, setting his cards down. “Well, then... Don't mind if I do.”

Gauron kept staring at his cards and concentrating in the game. He didn't seem to have any luck today. What the fuck was he supposed to do with a pair of threes?

It took maybe five minutes or less, before Gauron spotted movement in the stairs. The officer walked back down, holding his hand on his face. There was blood gushing from underneath his hand and the man didn't seem at all pleased. He didn't come back to the card table, but instead sneaked somewhere more private to lick his wounds. Gauron chuckled under his breath. Oh, that Kashim...

Gauron waited a good half an hour before standing up from the table and taking few of the joints with him.

Kashim wasn't sleeping anymore. He had his pants on and he was on the floor, doing push-ups. Gauron stared at the muscles flexing on his arms, back and shoulder blades. Jesus, a kid could really be fit.

“You're up”, Gauron observed.

Kashim let out an incoherent mutter and kept exercising.

Gauron walked around him and sat on the creaky table in front of the window. “You should come downstairs and meet the others.”

“Already met one”, Kashim said through gritted teeth.

“Really?” Gauron asked, trying to sound genuinely surprised.

“Uh-huh”, the boy grunted.

Gauron kept his eyes on a small droplet of sweat, rolling down Kashim's back. “I thought you might be sore, so I brought you a smoke.”

Kashim let out a snort and didn't even look at Gauron. “Not interested.”

“You're not sore?” Gauron asked surprised. When the boy didn't answer, Gauron stood up and walked next to Kashim. He dropped his boot heavily straight on Kashim's ass and was rewarded with a beautifully restrained yelp of pain. “Doesn't sound like it.”

Kashim stayed face down on the floor, gritting his teeth. “I'm fine”, he said tensely. 

Gauron groaned and lifted his boot. Kashim sat up winching. “It's a fucking painkiller, it won't turn you into some fucking monster. Stop being such a miserable wuss.”

Kashim stood up and looked at him. He was little out of breath and just reeking of sweat and sex. “I think we should go and get the other AS now that there's time.”

Gauron cast a bored look on the boy. “Now? You want to go and get it _now_? It's like... ten pm or something.”

“We could start practising first thing in the morning.”

Gauron sighed and weighted the boy's suggestion. Of course he needed to get the AS at some point, but tonight hadn't really been on his mind. Gauron had already decided to take it easy and concentrate on work tomorrow. Or maybe day after that, depending on how good a high this stuff could get you. He had all sorts of plans for tonight and none of them included any fucking AS'. “Smoke it”, he said finally, in calm and quiet tone. Kashim's hand was reaching for his shirt. “That's an order.”

Kashim's face dropped and his hand stopped in mid-air. Soon the confusion was replaced by annoyance. “What does it matter to you if I smoke it or not? It's not you who's hurting.”

“Jesus”, Gauron hissed. He walked to Kashim, placed his palm on the boy's cheek and peered down into his eyes. “You think I don't care how you feel? If you're hurting or not? Of course I do.” He frowned at Kashim's blank expression. “I've never wanted anything but the best for you.”

Kashim slapped his hand lazily away and took his shirt from the bed. The ignoring movement hurt more than Gauron would have liked to admit.

“Ungrateful piece of shit”, Gauron mumbled. “I've devoted my whole fucking life to you and you don't even give a shit. Should've just left you to rot on the street.”

Once he got his T-shirt on, Kashim turned his eyes to Gauron. “Why didn't you?” the boy asked, sounding more curious than accusatory.

“What?” Gauron grunted.

“Why did you take me with you? I've never seen you take anyone else after me. Why me?” Kashim asked with a frown.

Gauron felt his face relax as soon as the memories came back to him. “I don't know. I just... liked you.”

“Did you want to fuck me?”

It never ceased to amaze Gauron how toneless Kashim could be when he talked about different things. The same fucking tone of voice, no matter if they were discussing about cooking the breakfast, burning corpses or fucking. The same emotionless, cold grey eyes. It was simply impossible to tell what the boy was actually thinking.

Gauron thought about denying everything, but then just decided to shrug. “Not really. If I had, I would have fucked you, believe me.” He kept staring at the boy. “You were tough. I liked it. I thought you deserved a chance.”

They stared at each other in silence.

“Should I thank you?” Kashim asked, again without a blink or any suggestion whether he was just making a joke or if he was pissed or whatever.

“I guess we're past that”, Gauron said and held out the cigarette towards Kashim. “Now, not to be an asshole or anything, but we did make a deal, remember?” Kashim's face held an expression for a second or two. It had been grim. “You do as I tell you and I won't do bad things to small boys. Right? Right. Smoke the fucking thing.”

Kashim stayed still another moment, but reached his hand out finally and took the smoke. “I thought it was only about the sex things...” he muttered and turned the cigarette in his hand like it was a venomous animal ready to attack.

“No, it was about everything”, Gauron corrected and placed the cigarette on Kashim's lips and lighting it. “Take a deep breath, slowly.”

**

Gauron doubted he himself would have even gotten a high from one cigarette, but Kashim was of course new to this stuff. He sat on the edge of the bed, smoked two cigarettes with less and less annoyance, the muscles in his shoulders slowly relaxing after every slow breath.

The change was intoxicating to witness. How his stone cold greyness melted away against something much softer and warmer. How a emotionless mercenary turned into a nonchalant civilian boy. The soft and flowery opium smoke swirled in Kashim's eyes and even thought there was a fight going on inside him, the killer was quickly losing. The boy sat on the bed, staring into somewhere Gauron couldn't see.

As Gauron leaned over Kashim and kissed him, he was rewarded with passive lips, but a skin so hot it almost burned his hands. Normally so rigid and edgy, Kashim now seemed to lose every muscle in his body, practically melting backwards until he was between the mattress and Gauron.

Gauron pushed the dark hair out of the boy's eyes and grinned at the lethargic expression. “How does it feel?”

“What?” Kashim tried to frown, but even that failed, only causing him to blink rather slowly.

“Are you hurting still?” Gauron decided to specify.

Kashim tossed his head from one side to other. “Nah... Feels... okay.”

“Good”, Gauron mused and got up from the bed. “Let's go downstairs and meet the others.” He took Kashim by the arm and hoisted him up on his feet. The boy swayed like a straw on the wind and Gauron decided it best to support him on the way out.

“We should really get the.. arm slave”, Kashim mumbled as he tried to decide which one of the steps in the stairs were there and which weren't.

“Soon. Let's just go and sit with the others first”, Gauron said and escorted Kashim to the lobby.

The party had just started, and now most of the soldiers were awake. The ceiling had a thick coat of smoke and there simply wasn't a table that didn't held at least one bottle of vodka on it. That all would have been fine, but on top of that someone had found a cassette player and now the lobby was nothing but a cacophony of shouting, singing and something that the soldiers clearly were thinking as music. No one was dancing yet, so they were probably just starting. Gauron dragged Kashim to one of the tables and shoved him to a chair. The officers looked at the boy and then Gauron.

“Kashim, everyone. Everyone, Kashim”, Gauron introduced. “He would like to have few smokes more.”

Kashim leaned back in his chair with a frown and pushed Gauron's hand off his shoulder. “'m fine.”

“You two playing?” asked the soldier holding a pack of cards. Another one was offering Kashim a rolled up cigarette.

“Sure”, Gauron said and took the smoke Kashim refused. He lit the tip and took the first smoke, before passing the joint to Kashim. “Smoke it”, he ordered and glanced around. “Borin here?”

The soldiers shook their heads. “Never is. That prick doesn't give a shit about his men. Hides in his room all day and all night”, one of them muttered.

“He's a fucking joke”, other one said with a laugh. “A puppet.” The man lifted his hand to his temple. “Sawdust in the head and everything.”

Gauron laughed with them. “He's in his room right now?”

“For sure”, the man spat.

“I'll go have a word with him”, Gauron decided and stood up. He planted his hand heavily on Kashim's shoulder as the boy tried to get up and follow him. “No. You stay here and have some fun for a change.” He slapped Kashim's shoulder once more. “Keep him smoking, makes him easier to handle”, he said to the other soldiers before leaving.

Borin was in his suite. He was staring at his maps with a half-empty vodka bottle and what seemed like a loaded pistol next to him.

“Too early to shoot yourself just yet”, Gauron said as he walked in and closed the door after him.

Borin let out a desperate laugh. “I don't know. It starts to look like a good option at this point.”

Gauron snorted and sat in a chair in front of the table. He stared at Borin for a moment, the man stared back. “I'll get you out of this mess, don't worry about it.”

There was a wave of relief on Borin's face, like he had just taken his first proper breath in months. He leaned heavily forward and took a trembling breath, his face hid in his palms. “I'm scared shitless. Everyone knows we're here to die.” The man looked back up and there were fucking tears in his eyes. Gauron remained impassive, even when he was somewhat disgusted by what he saw. “If I don't die on the field, one of them is going to slit my throat in my sleep.” Borin's face took a grim shade. “I haven't slept properly in weeks”, he said in somewhat manic voice.

Gauron stood up to fill the man's glass. He picked up the glass and held it towards Borin, the man emptied the shot in one gulp. “I'll fix it”, Gauron repeated calmly and walked around the room to find himself a glass. “I'll get my other AS tomorrow, we gather up some work force and start the harvest. This all will be over in a week's time. You have nothing to worry about.”

“I just...” Borin shook his head. “My orders are to keep the centre and--”

“That's only because someone else is planning on coming here and taking all the credit. There's no need to wait for that. You have the men and the fire power.” Gauron walked back to table and set his glass on it. Borin poured him a shot and grinned sheepishly.

“And now I have the strategic too.”

Gauron cocked his head and raised his glass towards Borin with a smile. What a pathetic limp-dick.

He drank the shot and dragged his chair next to the table. “So, let me show you what I had in mind.” Gauron turned the map around while Borin filled both of their glasses.

**

Gauron brought the cigarette to his lips and stared at the map in front of him. It had different coloured lines and circles everywhere, along with intricate plans on how to secure the sides and how to defend against different types of attacks. Borin swayed next to him, blinking slowly and then slamming his hand on Gauron's back.

“You're a fucking genius”, the man slurred.

Gauron shrugged. “We could use two more arm slaves, here and here, but I guess we'll manage.”

“We'll be fine. Now”, Borin said and kept patting Gauron's back. “Without you I'd be fucked.”

“You'll learn”, Gauron said, mainly to shut the man up before he decided to start confessing his fears again. He sat down on Borin's chair and took out his last smoke. “You just need to earn the respect of your men. It all starts there.”

“Easy for you to say”, Borin groaned, spreading his arms. He picked up the ridiculously large uniform cap from the table and twirled it in his hands. “I've been trying to get out for years, but I always end up in deeper shit.” He lifted his eyes to Gauron. “You're fucking made for this. Look at you!” the man laughed and walked to place the cap on Gauron's head. “You'd make it to Major General in a fucking week and there wouldn't be anyone who wouldn't follow you.”

Gauron took the cigarette from his mouth and sneered up to Borin. “I'd rather shoot myself in the liver”, he grinned and sprawled further in the chair.

The silence was dragged into awkward and Gauron was about to ask what the fuck the man was staring at. But before he could do that Borin was kneeling in front of him, his hands on Gauron's belt.

The first reaction was to kick Borin in the face. But instead Gauron took a long drag from the joint and leaned back. Hell, if the guy wanted to blow him that bad, who was he to deny him.

It wasn't easy to decide if Borin sucked more at being an officer or sucking cock. Clearly he didn't have experience from either. Gauron lowered his hand on Borin's head and enjoyed the moment the best he could. He had brought many officers to their knees, but not usually like this.

Of course he didn't come. Borin kept going for awhile until Gauron took a hold of his shoulder and gave it a gentle push. The man leaned back and looked at Gauron. “Fuck me.”

Gauron couldn't help himself, he let out a short laughter. He patted Borin's cheek affectionately. “I think you should go to sleep.” Gauron took the hat from his head and placed it on Borin's. “You have a big day tomorrow.”

The man was embarrassed as he stood up and then started to pretend nothing had happened. Gauron stood up too, zipped himself up and smiled to the man. “I bet there's someone who'd take up the offer downstairs, if you feel like it. But I doubt it would make them respect you any more.”

“Yeah, well...” Borin grunted and waived his hand, not even looking at Gauron.

“Once you'll get your promotion, you can leave this place for good. That's something good to think about”, Gauron said as he left the room.

The downstairs was a fucking mess. There was dancing, fighting and fucking going on and in some places it was difficult to tell which one was in question. One table still kept playing cards, ignoring the mess around them. Gauron didn't have to search for long before he spotted Kashim.

At the moment he was propped up on a table and being fucked by some sergeant about as big as Gauron himself. Judging from the crowd and their expressions and shouts it had been going on for awhile and a few of them had already had their turns. A younger corporal pushed himself past the others and to the other side of the table. He gripped Kashim by the hair and shoved his cock deep into the boy's throat.

Kashim was pretty out of it. He didn't fight back and no one was even holding him down or restraining his hands. There was cum in his hair, on his face and all along his ass and back.

It was strange how indifferent Gauron felt about it. He acknowledged that there had been times when he would've taken Kashim and burned everyone else alive for doing something like that. Now...? Gauron took himself a chair, a cigarette and sat down, watching the show.

The brute of a sergeant cummed inside Kashim, gripping the boy's hips with such a force it would leave bruises. The one getting his dick sucked wasn't as pleased. Kashim started to gag too much and the corporal pulled out, slapping Kashim's face and telling him to get a grip. Kashim's hand tried to push the man away, but he was ignored and his hand shoved away.

“Move!” A lieutenant shoved the sergeant aside and started opening his pants. “I want to fuck him before he's too loose”, he grunted and pushed himself in with a satisfied sigh. Kashim jerked slightly, but clearly he wasn't in any real pain.

Gauron leaned back and smoked the hop infused cigarette. He didn't know what he was trying to prove and to whom. Maybe it had gone too far this time...

“Like what you see?”

Gauron turned his gaze to the private standing next to him. Skinny, young bastard with big, blue eyes and light blonde hair; the type that was considered pretty around here. Aka the cum dumpster. Clearly feeling a little left out at the moment.

“Not really, but let them have their fun”, Gauron said and tapped his cigarette.

“If you liked, we could have some fun of our own”, the boy said and slipped his hand on Gauron's shoulder. “I'm sure your little friend will be fine.”

Gauron sighed and turned his eyes back to the boy. He wasn't ugly in any way, but still... Gauron's eyes moved back to Kashim, who was getting another load pumped inside of him. He wasn't Kashim. But Gauron wasn't so sure even Kashim was Kashim any more, so much had changed.

“Come on”, the boy whined, took Gauron by his hand and started pulling him up. “It'll be the best you've ever had, I promise.”

Gauron let himself be pulled up and followed the private to some corner of the same lobby. Although the boy was better at the job than Borin had been, Gauron still couldn't even get hard. The image of Kashim kept playing in his head over and over and not in a good way.

It was _his_ Kashim. His little Kashim, who had been a starving little mongrel on the streets of Kabul. He had taught Kashim everything. Fucking _everything_!

**

“Have you ever seen someone being killed?”

The dark eyes moved to Gauron and the small shoulders shrugged. The boy swallowed a mouthful of dried dates with difficulties. “I saw a bomb go off once. I think some people died then.”

Gauron nodded and kept staring at the road ahead. “But not by shooting?”

The kid shook his head and stuffed another handful of dates in his mouth. Gauron could swear Kashim had been eating non-stop ever since he climbed into their truck few weeks ago. “What do you think that's going to feel like?”

The boy shrugged again. “I don't know.”

“Maybe you will get scared?” Gauron asked with a grin and glanced at the boy.

Immediately the passive expression changed into defiance and annoyance. “I will not!”

“It's going to be loud and there will be blood. That scares some people, small children especially”, Gauron teased.

“I'm not a child!” Kashim barked. “You said I was a soldier!”

“You won't be a real soldier before you've killed someone”, Gauron said and slowed the truck down when they arrived to their camp. “Do you think you will be up for it?”

“Sure”, Kashim said, his mouth full again.

“Good.” Gauron got out of the truck and turned to Kashim. It took some time for him to climb down the steps and Gauron decided to speed things up by picking the kid up from his arm pits and setting him down to the ground. “Come on.”

Vostrikov had the prisoners set up already. Four men were kneeling at the far end of the camp, freshly dug graves open behind them. Vostrikov was guarding them with three other soldiers, Kalashnikov's in their hands.

“Give me your pistol”, Gauron told Vostrikov and was handed the man's SIG-Sauer. He passed the gun to Kashim. “Careful. Remember what you've been taught about guns.”

“Don't point around”, Kashim mumbled, dead serious and took a hold of the large gun with both of his hands.

“That's right. Now,” Gauron took his own pistol. “When you have time, like now, you can aim carefully and make sure they will die from the first shot. Right?” Kashim nodded and kept watching Gauron's every movement. “When you're in a battle or in a hurry, you aim for this part, the torso”, Gauron said and made a circle with the barrel of his pistol in front of the first prisoner. The man was sobbing and begging even through the mouth gag. “But now we have time and want to save bullets, so we aim to the head.” He pressed the pistol to the forehead in front of him. “When you're about to kill someone, you never hesitate. Never stop to think. You just do it.” Gauron pulled the trigger and saw Kashim jump from the loud bang. The body dropped into the grave. “Your turn.”

Kashim's mouth was pressed into a tight line as he stepped forward and lifted the pistol against the man's head.

“Careful with the recoil”, Gauron reminded and the boy took even tighter grip of the gun. He pulled the trigger and that was it. “There you go. Wasn't hard, huh?”

Kashim shook his head and stared at the body in the grave. “Are they dead now?”

“Yeah”, Gauron said and held out his hand. “Let me have the gun.” He returned the pistol to Vostrikov and kept crouching next to Kashim. “How are you feeling?”

Kashim shrugged. “Ok.”

“Good. Let's move on then”, he said and took out his knife. It was almost as long as Kashim's arm and was definitely wider. “Sometimes it's better to use a knife to kill someone. Why do you think that is?”

Kashim stared at the knife and then the bodies. He shrugged. “Is it easier?”

“No”, Gauron said after a second of pondering. “I don't think it gets any easier than shooting. What about the sound?”

Kashim's face cleared. “Oh yeah! It doesn't make any sound.”

“Not if you know what you're doing. If you do it wrong, the guy might start screaming and blow your cover.” Gauron stood up with his knife. “Come here, so you can see this better”, he said and gestured Kashim to come next to him. He grabbed the next prisoner and turned him around to face the grave. He then took a hold of the man and pressed the knife to his throat. “You won't be big enough to do this in a while,” Gauron grunted as the man started fighting back. “But it's good for you to see it already.” He pressed the knife deeper and slashed the throat open. This time it was the gush of blood that made Kashim startle. Gauron let go of the man, who toppled into his hole and kept twitching there.

“He's not dead”, Kashim observed.

“It takes a moment”, Gauron said, little out of breath. “I'll help you with the next one. Here”, he passed the knife to Kashim and took out his pistol. Holding the fourth man by his collar, he turned the man around and shot three bullets in his back. “Come on”, he said to Kashim and held out his hand towards the boy. “You have to get real close now.”

Kashim walked to them and tried to awkwardly put his hands around the head of the writhing man. Gauron took his hands on his own and pressed the knife to the man's throat.

“You'll have to use force now, it's tougher than you think. Go on”, Gauron ushered. When Kashim started to put pressure on the knife, Gauron pressed the knife further and made sure the cut was made long and deep enough. Kashim let out a disgusted grunt as some of the blood splattered to his hands. “And let go.” The fourth one was in. Kashim started wiping his hands to his pants. “Yeah, it's a bit messy. But sometimes life is. It'll wash off.” He placed his hand on the kid's shoulder. “Are you ok?”

“I liked the gun more”, the boy said, still wiping his hands slowly.

Gauron hemmed and guided the boy towards the camp. “Sometimes you have no choice. Best to get comfortable with both ways. Now, let's see what they have to eat around here.”

**

“Hey!”

Gauron moved his eyes back to the blue eyed twink as he slapped Gauron to the chest. “What?” he growled.

“Forget it”, the boy spat and got up from where he had been kneeling in front of Gauron. “You could've just said you don't want it.”

The boy left and Gauron didn't argue. He stayed in his seat, in the corner of the lobby and watched as one by one every one of them fucked Kashim. At the end even the twink was there, the older soldiers giving him instructions and laughing their asses off. Gauron stood up somewhere around three and went upstairs to sleep. Alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Should I continue with Gauron's POV in the next chapter? Yes/No?


	20. Maxim

Kashim woke up feeling worse than in a long time. He was covered in cold sweat, freezing and nauseated. On top of that he had been sleeping on his right arm, which was now totally numb. He sat up and another limp arm dropped down from his waist. The strangest thing was how skinny and light the arm was. Kashim stared at it for a long time, trying to figure out how on earth his own arm could fall off like that. And then it hit him; it wasn't his arm. And it wasn't Gauron's arm either. Kashim turned his head to see a naked, blonde boy sleeping next to him.

The hell...

He looked around himself.

Morning rituals. Hungover, lazy, slow morning rituals. People were getting up, eating, setting up their gear, talking about what kind of morning shits they had taken... Pretty normal. Except... the...

Kashim looked at the boy again. The blondie woke up and stretched his arms. “'Morning”, he said with a yawn and a wide smile. “Slept well?”

There was vomit forming somewhere just below Kashim's throat. He tried to tell himself that he didn't remember anything from last night.

That was a blatant lie. And even if he hadn't remembered, the dull ache all over his body was a sure reminder. Without a word Kashim pushed himself to his feet and used a good minute to try and locate his clothes. When he couldn't find any, he just snapped someone else's pants from the floor next to him and pulled them on. They were huge and made walking difficult as hell, but Kashim made it outside fast enough so he didn't throw up inside the hotel.

Staring at the pile of whatever had been in his stomach Kashim recollected every moment of the night. The hop, Gauron giving one of his bullshit lectures about life... There were some blank spaces in there, thank the gods... But at some point someone had started to touch his shoulders, kiss his neck, talking about sex and Kashim clearly remembered thinking; “oh what the hell”.

What the hell?!

What the hell had been wrong with him? The opium? Kashim wiped his sweaty forehead with a shaky hand and then leaned it heavily against the outer wall of the hotel. How could he have done something like that out of his own will?

“Heyyy! Kashim!”

Kashim opened his eyes to stare at the wall but didn't turn around. He didn't recognize the Russian voices.

“Great show last night!”

That made Kashim crane his neck just enough to see two men walking towards the front door. The one talking was also grinning. That wasn't the thing that made Kashim freeze. It was the other man, slightly behind the first one. The second man was tall, dark and burly, much like Gauron, but his eyes were mellow and his movements calm and relaxed. He stared into Kashim's eyes and Kashim remembered kissing the man last night. He had wrapped his arms around that man and begged him never to let go. They had stared into each others eyes and Kashim had thought that this could be the man to get him away from everything. He had clawed the man's muscular back and pulled him closer.

The men kept walking and soon disappeared inside. Kashim stood still and kept staring at the empty yard in front of him. It took forever to gather enough courage to walk in and while avoiding eye contact with anyone climb the stairs to the fourth floor.

Gauron was standing in front of a mirror, his back towards the door. He was fresh out of the shower, not an inkling of hangover anywhere. He was wearing a Russian officer's uniform and was finishing tying the tie around his neck. Their eyes met through the mirror, but even after several seconds neither of them said anything.

Kashim walked into the shower and just stood under the cold water, not really trying to get cleaner. What the hell had happened?

Everything he remembered was inconsistent and hazy. He remembered not giving a shit, but at the same time he remembered telling someone to stop and pushing them away. He remembered the man from the yard and how he had enjoyed being close to him. And still he remembered walking away from him and hitting him when he tried to stop Kashim. He remembered the blonde boy, hugging him while Kashim cried. He remembered that life had never felt shittier and that mostly people had just laughed at him.

“You need to go and get Weber and the other AS.”

Kashim opened his eyes under the waterfall and stared at the cracked, grey tiles in front of him. Gauron was clearly standing in the doorway and staring at him. Kashim didn't reply, just kept leaning his hands to the wall.

“We'll have a three day practice while the Ruskies gather enough people to harvest the crop and then it's show time.”

“Right”, he said and turned the faucet off. There was a damp towel hanging on the wall which Kashim took to dry his hair. He wrapped the towel around his waste and walked to the doorway and Gauron, but the man didn't budge. Kashim kept his eyes on the man's chest, just waiting.

Nothing.

“ _What_?” Kashim asked, as chilly as he could, not bothering to raise his eyes.

“Had fun last night?” Gauron asked. His tone was a strange mix of anger and mock.

Kashim took a moment to think of his answer and then just decided to go with a shrug. “Sure.”

Gauron let out a snort and shifted his weight. “You're fucking disgusting. You know that, right?”

“Right”, Kashim replied and sighed. “Is that all?”

“It's time for you to act like the soldier you are”, Gauron growled.

Kashim couldn't help himself. He laughed. A short, desperate and dry hackle. “ _Me?_ ” He shoved Gauron's chest with his hand. “Get the fuck off my face”, he growled.

The hand had barely touched Gauron's chest when it was already gripped tight and another large hand seized Kashim's upper arm. The boy landed on the floor on his stomach and a knee pressed between his shoulder blades to keep him right there.

“You want to break our deal?” Gauron asked sharply. “You want to fuck around, that's fine by me. But don't think I won't do the same then.”

Kashim let out another laughter against the dirty floor. “For fuck's sake. Don't try and put this on me. You forced me to smoke the hop.”

The grip tightened and Kashim winced, hoping his shoulder wouldn't pop out of it's socket. “I smoke it all the time, but you don't see me being fucked by the whole Soviet army!”

“Maybe you're too ugly for them?” Kashim had said before he could stop himself.

There was deep silence and then Gauron loosened his grip and chuckled. “Get the fuck up”, he said with lighter tone and stood up himself. “Go get the AS and get back here.”

Kashim got up from the floor and caught the clothes Gauron tossed at him. “I think I hurt more than yesterday”, he groaned, while thinking about sitting in the AS for several days.

“And I should be feeling sorry for you? After that whoring?” Gauron asked with a snort. “Get the fuck out of my sight.”

Kashim put on the Soviet uniform and went downstairs. Again avoiding every possible eye contact he made it outside and to their truck. His hand reached the handle of the truck door. The metal had heated in the morning sun.

“You're leaving?”

Kashim turned his head and saw again the dark man from last night. He didn't even know his name and didn't bother answering. He opened the door, got in and attempted to shut the door after him, but the man stepped forward and slammed his hand against the truck door, forcing it to remain open. Kashim straightened himself and stared at the man.

“Where are you going?”

“I'm getting my AS”, Kashim said more quietly than he had meant. For some reason the man made him feel nervous.

“Did Gauron order you to do that?”

Kashim frowned at the question, but still nodded.

The man lowered his eyes to the ground for a moment and then lifted them back up to Kashim. “I got the impression last night that you were done following his orders.”

Kashim felt his face blush. He gritted his teeth and managed to keep the eye contact. “I don't remember much about yesterday”, he lied.

“Do you remember me?” the man asked and Kashim wasn't sure if he was about to grin or not. He was so expressionless that it was hard to say what he was thinking. When Kashim didn't answer, the man turned his head slightly. “You hit me, you remember that?” he asked and pointed at the light bruise on his cheek.

“No”, Kashim lied again and glanced at the hotel. “I need to get going.”

The man glanced at the hotel too, but didn't remove his hand from the door. “Are you afraid of him?”

“No”, Kashim said impatiently. “I really need to--”

“Last night you told us Gauron will kill all of us after the hop is sold.”

“Last night I did a lot of things I don't normally do. That doesn't mean I meant any of it”, Kashim snapped, when cold sweat started gathering on his skin once more. Had he said something like that? To another group none the less? Had he betrayed his own commanding officer in such a ground breaking way? It seemed very possible and the man probably had very little reason to lie about something like that.

“You cried”, the man said quietly. “And you were begging us to shoot him, because you couldn't do it.”

Kashim's eyes grew wider and he decided to end the discussion then and there. He took a hold of the steering wheel and kicked the man's arm away from the door. He slammed the door close and started the engine. The man kept staring at him as Kashim drove off.

Thrice Kashim had to stop on the way to hurl. When he finally reached the village they had left, he felt sore and half-dead. The bouncing drive along the crappy dirt road didn't make sitting any easier.

Weber was sitting on the front porch of the same house they had occupied, smoking a cigarette. He grinned and waved at Kashim as he drove to the house.

“Whaddap Kashiminski!” the man greeted and got up. Once Kashim got out of the truck, Weber's expression darkened. “Jesus. What happened?”

Kashim ignored the words and glanced at the truck next to the house. “Gauron needs the AS, and you. Now.” No way was he going to tell Weber about anything that had happened in the hotel. It was painful to think that he would probably find everything out once there, but then Kashim could just pretend not to hear their talks and see their expressions. Like he had done every day since Gauron had attacked him the first time.

Vostrikov walked to the open doorway and nodded a greeting to Kashim. “They're Russians?”

“Yeah”, Kashim answered and shrugged then. “Gauron didn't say anything about you.”

Vostrikov returned the shrug and didn't seem the least offended. “It's fine. Tell him I'll be in Kabul if he needs me. The usual place.”

Kashim nodded and waited as Weber went inside to get his gear. Vostrikov kept smoking and then walked closer to Kashim. “You ok?” the man asked.

“Yeah”, Kashim said with a painfully dry and raspy sigh. He felt a knot in his throat and had to keep his eyes on the front door of the house. Vostrikov's eyes were too focused on him that Kashim could hide anything from him. He frowned deeper and tried to remain calm.

“Try to get out with the Russians, if it's possible”, Vostrikov said and kept smoking. “They're a bunch of assholes, but you're better off with them than with Gauron.”

Kashim had to smile joylessly and snort at that. “You sure?”

Vostrikov picked up Kashim's tone and tensed slightly. “Did something happen with them?”

This time Kashim turned his eyes to the older man. He felt tired to his bones and didn't feel like breaking into a cry anymore. Vostrikov's capability to pretend he didn't know what happened around him, or the talent to ignore it all, was getting amazing. “What the fuck do you care?” Kashim said.

The man grimaced. “Jesus, Kashim...”

Kashim waved his hand to brush the man and his comments off. “Jesus this and jesus that”, he snorted. “Don't bother acting like you care when you don't. It's annoying.”

Their discussion ended as Weber came out with his gear. Kashim told the blond man to follow him and got in his truck. Vostrikov stayed by the truck and stared at him with the same dark expression as the Russian man had done at the hotel. Kashim glanced at him once and drove off.

When Kashim stopped the truck for the first time and doubled over to gag by the road side, Weber was there in a second, hovering and bombarding him with questions.

“What the hell happened? Are you sick? Did Gauron do something?”

Kashim croutced down and wiped his mouth. Nothing had come out since he hadn't eaten anything, but he still felt like shit. Kashim sighed and closed his eyes. “I just smoked a little last night. It's not a big deal.”

Kashim could _hear_ Weber's frown. “O? I didn't know you smoke.”

“I don't, that's why I'm throwing up”, Kashim answered tiredly. “Now can you cut with the questions and get back to your truck?”

“I'm just--”

“Get back to the truck!” Kashim barked at the man and watched him back away in silence. Again the same look; the deep frown and tightly pressed lips, eyes focused somewhere deeper than just Kashim's eyes. On the second stop Weber didn't come out at all.

**

The AS' were assembled the same afternoon.

Getting into the pilot suit and into the cockpit felt better than anything in a long time. Even when sitting hurt like hell, there wasn't any place in the world Kashim would have rather been in. From the inside of the armslave, the world came into focus and Kashim knew all the things that mattered and all the things that didn't. He didn't have to think about anything. He made few adjustments and begun a routine check of all the movements, of all the gear, of communications and maneuvers.

“Testing communications, one two three, over”, Kashim said, the words flowing from his mouth without a second thought.

“Hear you loud and clear, Kashim. Over”, Gauron's static voice replied. “There's some shit on my left knee joint, movement stops at 19 degrees.”

“Probably sand from the transport”, Kashim said while making another set of adjustments around the cockpit. A red notion flashed to his screen. “There's some on my left elbow too.”

“Pieces of shit. Can't wait until the next generation gets to the market”, Gauron growled and started shouting to the ground crew to start the cleaning operations.

Kashim made his armslave kneel to help cleaning the left elbow joint.

“How much ammo do you have?” Gauron asked.

Kashim lifted his eyes to the upper right corner of his screen. “180”, Kashim answered with a gringe. It would have been enough for a fight or two, for a short period of time. But they didn't have a clue how long this would take and how many enemies they would be fighting. 

“Make them count”, Gauron said. “Don't waste any on the infantry if you don't have to. Our target is anything bigger than a car that tries to cross over to the fields. Take down anything you can with a knife.”

“Affirmative”, Kashim replied and felt a surge of relief at the familiar feeling of everything around him. Gauron talked only about the mission, gave his pointers to the strategy and left out everything unnecessary. No one was saying anything about him being young or incompetent. Kashim was in his element, enjoying himself and knowing that he would know what to do when the time came.

The sun was already setting when all the cleaning and adjustments were ready. They moved around on the empty lot next to the hotel, just getting the feel of their machines. The Soviet soldiers had came out of the hotel and were watching them.

“Want to give them a little show?” Gauron's grinning voice asked.

The choice of words made Kashim's mouth twist in disgust. But he also knew Gauron hadn't meant anything about last night. He just wanted to have a fight, like most of the time they were using the AS' at the same time.

“No guns, no knives, no damage to the armour”, Kashim recollected their usual terms and flipped few switches on. There was another red error message on the display. “And you have to switch off that false protection”, Kashim reminded. It seemed like ages since Gauron had made adjustments which made it impossible for Kashim to attack Gauron's AS.

“Discard the weapons first”, Gauron said as he walked in the middle of the empty space.

Kashim took out his rifle and made the AS set it to the ground. The knife dropped next to it. As Kashim stepped away from the weapons, the words on the display changed from red to green. It felt like everything else in the world faded. There was only the AS in front of him and the mission of taking it down.

It showed that neither of them had been actively training for the past few months. Their movements weren't as precise as they could be, their hits not as accurate. Both of them slipped on their feet and almost lost their balance like a pair of beginners. Couple of times Kashim heard a nervous chuckle after Gauron made some rookie mistake that he clearly was ashamed of.

Kashim won the first round, managing to topple Gauron's AS and pin him down while. Kashim pulled his hand back and thrusted it forward in a gesture of hitting the AS' head off, but stopping the movement just before the hit. Gauron wasn't pleased of course and so they fought another two short rounds which Gauron won easily mostly just attacking before Kashim was even recovered from the last round.

The sun had set and as Gauron announced himself a winner they stopped. Most of the audience was getting back inside. Kashim walked the AS next to the hotel, crouched down and turned off the engines. He climbed nimbly down and was left staring at the machine. If only he could just take it and leave. Nothing or no one could stop him then.

“That was pretty good.”

Kashim didn't turn his head this time. He had learned to recognize the voice of the dark Russian. He was standing somewhere behind him.

“How long have you been a pilot?”

“Long enough”, Kashim said, still not looking at the man. If he thought that had been good fighting, he obviously knew nothing about AS'.

“Do you like it?”

Kashim thought about answering, but when he was about to say 'yes', it suddenly felt too personal. This man had no right to know anything about him. Annoyed by the whole situation, Kashim turned around to face the man. As he did so, he saw Weber standing there too, behind the larger man, watching them. Kashim turned his eyes back to the man in front of him.

“I don't even know your name”, Kashim said angrily, like it was the whole reason for his bad mood.

One side of the man's mouth curled into a soft smile. Kashim didn't like that either, smiling people were never really happy or relaxed. They were always just planning on some horrible shit and covering it all up with a smile.

“Maxim.”

As soon as the man said it, Kashim regretted asking. Now he had a name, he was a person, not just another Soviet soldier. He was Maxim and Kashim had felt good wrapping his arms around his broad shoulders.

“Fucking piece of shit!”

Gauron's shout snapped Kashim out of his thoughts and made him turn around, this time facing the more familiar man.

“It's not working right! There's sand fucking everywhere and the adjustments are all wrong!” the man shouted. “I would have taken you out in a second if that fucking piece of crap--”

“There wasn't any sand”, Kashim said tiredly. “We haven't practiced in ages.”

“Brats like you might need practice”, Gauron snorted.

Kashim frowned. “I would have won, but you didn't let me get ready!”

Gauron's mouth twisted. “ _I would've won but wah wah wah..._ ” he mocked. “Grow the fuck up!” When Kashim didn't answer, Gauron's anger was focused on the only other possible target nearby; Maxim. “What the fuck are you looking at?!”

Maxim didn't even flinch at the yelling, he just shrugged. “Just wondered if you're ready when the time comes.”

“That's hardly your fucking problem!” Gauron snapped.

“It's my life you're here to protect, so yeah, it is.”

Kashim suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable between the two large men, who obviously had different views on things. It was like standing between two fully armed AS'.

“Your life?” Gauron let out a dry chuckle. “A dog shit on the street is more interesting to me than your life”, Gauron snorted and dropped his eyes back to Kashim. “I need to talk with Borin. Get that fucking sand off.”

Kashim didn't argue about the subject, even when he knew for a fact it hadn't been the sand. Gauron too needed to practise, whether he liked to admit it or not.

The yard was empty except for Kashim and Maxim. The man stood still and Kashim did his best to ignore him as he walked back to the AS' and started the maintenance procedures once more. He climbed in and out of both machines, went through the adjustments first inside and came back to check and oil the joints again from the outside. All that time Maxim was standing around somewhere near, smoking or just staring at him.

“You're not like the other boys”, the man said as Kashim was stuck outside a bit longer, checking Gauron's AS' knee joints. “You know your shit. You're... you're a real soldier, not just something for the officers to play with.”

Kashim didn't know how to react to that. He wasn't even sure if it really was a compliment or not, so he just remained silent and ignored the man. He had a job to do and if there were any sand in the joints tomorrow, Kashim would never hear the end of it.

“Did he train you or did you fight in some local army? You're so young.” When Kashim didn't answer, the man walked closer. It forced Kashim to glance at him, to let him know he knew exactly where he was and didn't want him any closer. “I really liked last night.”

Kashim turned back to the AS.

“Not the time when everyone was just using you, but... you know, when we talked.”

Kashim tried to remember any time like that, but he really couldn't. He remembered the fucking but nothing about talking. “I don't remember that”, he said coldly and hoped that would be enough to make the man go away.

“You said you liked me.”

Kashim gritted his teeth and made a promise to himself never to smoke that shit again. “Did I?” he asked as bored as he could.

“Do you like Gauron then?” the man asked with a laugh. “Doesn't he do just the same things with you? You're used to that.”

Kashim frowned at the way the man told him things about himself. He stopped working and turned his eyes to Maxim. “What do you want?” he asked with a frown. “Why are you here? Outside right now?” he specified.

The man shrugged. “I thought it would be nice to talk some more. And that I could get a kiss from you.” Maxim grinned at the end of his words, but Kashim frowned even deeper. “But I see you're mad at me for some reason. I want to know what I did wrong.”

Kashim kept staring at the man and couldn't understand how little Maxim seemed to understand about anything. He didn't know anything about Gauron or Kashim and if he kept acting like that and talking like that Gauron would kill him without a blink. Kashim had to admit, that he didn't want Maxim to die. So maybe someone should tell the man what had been and what was still going on.

“Gauron made me smoke the hop. I never smoke it and I hate it. And I don't know what happened last night and I'm glad I don't remember much about it, but...” Kashim quieted down as he didn't know what to say next. Maxim stared at him with a deep frown. Kashim felt his throat tighen again andhe bit the side of his tongue to get a grip of himself.

“I get it”, the man said quietly. “I'm sorry.”

Kashim blinked furiously and turned back to his work to hide his face from the man. The sand moved under his boots as Maxim moved. “I'll make sure the others won't bother you.” The man left. Kashim kept staring at the AS and after a while he managed to focus back on his task.

When he was ready, it was already pitch black outside. Inside the hotel the men were eating and Kashim's stomach let out a loud growl. He hadn't eaten anything since yesterday. He searched Gauron or Weber with his eyes and found the second. The blond man was sitting in a table with Russian soldiers and Kashim could see Maxim being one of them. They were talking about something serious as Maxim kept swinging his hands around as he talked and Weber kept shaking his head grimly. Kashim didn't feel like joining them, so he just climbed the stairs up to his room.

Gauron wasn't there either, but the room had been cleaned. There were few guns on the side table with boxes of ammo, neatly folded uniforms with clean underwear on the bed and someone had brought a small fridge to the room. It was filled with beer and water. With his stomach still growling, Kashim laid down on the bed and closed his eyes for a moment. For some reason he couldn't think about anything else but Maxim. And about how long it would take before Gauron killed him too.


	21. The Harvest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look! It's another chapter! Where the hell did that come from?
> 
> And in case someone is wondering; no, I don't know the first thing about poppy cultivation or Soviet-Afghan war. I know I probably should. But I don't. Yey for ignorance and porn! \o/

The harvest begun after three days, just as Gauron had said. He went around the hotel, the city and the fields with the Russian officer, but it was clear to anyone which one of them was truly in charge. No one seemed to mind it though, everyone was just happy that something was getting done and that they were closer to leaving the place.

Gauron had been distant the few days, talking to Kashim only about the AS' and his plans for the fighting. Every night Kashim could sleep alone and no one ever stepped into his room when he was in there. The wounds from the opium night healed and Kashim spent more and more time in his AS.

Maxim was still staring at him from time to time, but he didn't approach Kashim either. He saw the man talking with Weber, but that was all.

Now that Gauron had a set goal and a limited time to reach it, he didn't take smoking so lightly. He beat few of the soldiers up for getting wasted, but the group was large and it hadn't had real rules or discipline in months. Gauron saw that fixed immediately.

Kashim stood on the hotel yard and stared at the pole he had set up half an hour earlier with his AS. The Soviets had gathered around too as had been ordered. They spoke quietly to each other, a low murmur hovering in the air like a swarm of bees. Kashim kept his eyes forward, as there would be nothing new for him to witness. He knew what that pole meant and he was glad to be just a part of the audience.

The man was dragged to the yard by Gauron himself. He didn't mind getting his hands dirty, even if these weren't strictly speaking his soldiers. The officer, Borin, stood next to Kashim, sweating and trying to hide his shaking. Kashim couldn't find an inch of respect in him for the man. This must have been the first time any of his soldiers were disciplined in any way.

Gauron tied the screaming and kicking soldier to the pole and told him to shut the fuck up and be a man.

“The rules are very fucking clear!” Gauron shouted. “No one smokes that shit until everything is packed up and ready to ship out! If you can't handle being sober for a few fucking days, I suggest you shoot yourself! Major Borin!”

Borin startled next to Kashim and Kashim felt like rolling his eyes. But of course you didn't do something like that when someone was being disciplined. You kept your mouth absolutely shut and watched and made sure you wouldn't do the same mistake as that poor bastard.

“Y-yes?” Borin asked and someone behind Kashim snickered.

“What is your punishment for disobeying your orders?” Gauron asked, even though the rules were his and the punishment had been decided earlier without asking Borin's opinion.

“A.. A hundred?” the man said with a questioning tone. The crowd started to mutter louder.

“Kashim.”

Kashim turned his eyes to Gauron. For a moment he was afraid Gauron would make him do the work. Kashim wasn't sure he could even do a hundred without taking few breaks.

“Do the counting”, the man ordered as he ripped the soldier's shirt open from the back and took the knout from the ground. Kashim's stomach twisted at the sight of the item. He himself had been whipped only once and only with three strikes for disobeying and Kashim was pretty sure Gauron hadn't used even close to his full force. A hundred lashes with a knout was a death sentence.

The leather hit skin, blood splattered from the start and the man shouted. Kashim called out the first strike and went on with Gauron's hits. It would have been a lie to say that Kashim felt bad for the man, but still, it wasn't something Kashim would have wished for his worst enemy. But he understood Gauron's point of view too. They didn't have time for warnings and going through the rules twice with every single one of them. Things needed to be made clear here and now, even if it meant sacrificing one of their own.

At twenty-three the man stopped making sounds. Gauron's hands were bloody and there was a puddle around the pole.

At thirty-five there was some shouting from the back, but Kashim focused on the counting and couldn't make out what was happening.

At fifty Gauron stopped to take a break. Kashim glanced behind him and saw that some of the soldiers had left. The ones still standing there were pale and stern. Maxim glanced at Kashim from the back row and Kashim turned back to Gauron.

“Check him”, Gauron said, slightly out of breath. Kashim stepped forward and pressed his fingers below the man's jaw line. It took few tries to find the weak pulse, but it was still there. Kashim turned his eyes to Gauron and nodded. The show went on.

Kashim was pretty sure the man had died long before Gauron reached the hundred. Maybe somewhere between sixty and seventy. There was just too much blood on the ground, not to mention the possibility of the knout breaking the man's spine. Gauron finished the hundredth strike and dropped the knout to the ground. Everyone stood still in silence waiting for Gauron to speak.

“We'll practise around the fields until the nightfall”, Gauron said, his voice raspy. Borin startled out of some haze he had been in and made his best ordering the men to the fields. Kashim moved to go to his AS. “Not you”, Gauron growled immediately. “Come here.”

Kashim walked to the pole, thinking that Gauron wanted him to take the corpse down. He glanced at the ropes and then at Gauron. “I need a knife to cut him down”, he said.

“Leave him”, Gauron said roughly, still catching his breath. “He's a good reminder to the others.”

Kashim frowned and looked at the body again. There were flies already flying around them. He turned back to Gauron and was about to ask what he wanted Kashim to do, but the answer came soon enough.

“Lie down.”

After all the oddities Gauron had shown over the years, there were still moments that left Kashim puzzled. He glanced at the ground. He could ask “why”, but he really doubted he would get an answer. The most he would get was a punch in a stomach. So Kashim sat down next to the pole and was about to settle down to the dry ground.

Gauron's boot hit him on the shoulder and Kashim fell back first into the blood soaked sand. He grunted and kept his head off the ground as he felt the wetness soak the back of his jacket and shirt. Gauron watched him expressionless. 

“Put your head down”, he ordered and Kashim obeyed. The pole and the body hovered above him, blood still dripping to the ground next to Kashim's head. The sand had absorbed some of the blood, but there was still a distinct puddle under him. Kashim could feel the sticky substance clinging to his hair. Gauron was still staring at him. “Turn around, your face down.”

Slowly the situation began to unfold in Kashim's eyes. His hands were shaking as he sat up and then got back down, trying to avoid as much of the blood as he could. Gauron wanted him lying on the ground, soaked in blood. Never before had Kashim so truly feared death as he did now. Gauron always did everything he wanted. If he now wanted to see Kashim dead...

The boot hit Kashim to the back of his head and his face was in the blood. Gauron let out a pleased mumble and walked around him. “Relax”, he said. He was standing at Kashim's feet. “It's very important that you stay absolutely still now, do you understand? No talking, no moving”, Gauron said and sounded almost too calm.

Kashim didn't say anything to even affirm the orders. He was still and stared at the blood. He heard Gauron cock his gun and Kashim pressed his eyes close. More than fear Kashim felt disappointed and betrayed. This was how it all ended? This was the point where Gauron decided to shoot him? On a whim? Kashim took in a trembling breath and stared at the ground next to him. For a moment he felt also relief.

The shot rang in his ears and Kashim flinched as the sand next to his head rattled. Gauron let out a similar grunt he did when he cummed. The gun dropped to the ground and Kashim opened his eyes as Gauron reached under him to tug on his belt.

He didn't know if he should lift his hips to help Gauron or... probably not. The man was breathing heavily and ripping Kashim's pants off like they were on fire. Kashim felt the warm air hit the bare skin of his ass and tried to see without lifting his head if there was anyone around to see them. He couldn't make out anything else besides the sand and the blood. Gauron's hands were covered in the sticky blood as he gripped Kashim's head and pressed it firmer against the ground.

“Not a sound”, he growled with a clear threat and Kashim had no intention to disobey him now. One wrong move and Gauron could pick up the gun and turn this fantasy into reality.

Gauron's rough hands grabbed Kashim's buttocks, squeezed and spread them. A sticky thumb moved across his hole and pushed in. Kashim closed his eyes and gritted his teeth as he felt his hole twitch around Gauron's finger. But luckily that didn't appear to spoil the mood for the man. Gauron pulled his hand away and soon returned both of them to Kashim's back and ass, smearing the blood on his skin.

His breathing got faster again and Kashim tensed his abs as he felt two fingers being pushed in quick and rough. The blood was a poor substitute for lubrication as the man slipped the fingers all the way out before pushing them back in.

“Too tense”, Gauron growled and pressed his bloody hand to Kashim's face. He gripped Kashim's jaw and leaned closer. “Play along now, Kashim”, he whispered and soaked his hand in the blood before wiping it to Kashim's face. The man's weight remained on Kashim's back, but his hand went back between the buttocks. The fingers went back in, this time more slippery from the fresh blood. Kashim forced himself to relax as much as he could, but he knew that sooner or later that would become impossible.

The blood dried in the sun and there were more and more flies around them. The friction got worse and just as the mere fingers started to hurt, Gauron shifted and pressed his rock hard cock against Kashim's flesh.

It was impossible to hold back then and Kashim cried out as quietly as he could. Immediately Gauron's hand slapped him on the ass and pushed deeper. “I'll shoot you from the next”, the man growled and forced himself deeper.

Kashim clenched his jaw shut and tried his best to stay quiet and still. Gauron pulled his cock out and Kashim had a second to brace himself before the next insert. The man moved slowly, chuckled and smoothed the bloody skin on Kashim's back. If only he moved faster, it would all be over sooner.

Faster. He needed to make Gauron go faster. Do something that would make Gauron lose control. So that he wouldn't be able to hold back.

Kashim opened his eyes and moved his arms away from where they rested next to his head.. Gauron immediately told him to stay still, but Kashim ignored it and threw his arms limply back so they were on both sides of his body at a slightly unnatural angle.

“Fuck yeah, you sick little fuck”, Gauron groaned and lifted Kashim further up from his hip. Kashim let his arms dangle and kept his body as relaxed as possible. Gauron fastened his movements, jabbing his cock in and out and sending flashes of pain all the way to Kashim's spine.

But Gauron did cum, sooner than he would have liked, but still. He grunted and sighed, kept pumping his semen inside Kashim and finally let him drop to the ground.

Kashim didn't know when he was allowed to move again, so he just laid still as Gauron started to pull his pants up.

“You're happy with just watching or do you want the sloppy seconds?” Gauron asked loudly.

At first Kashim frowned at the odd question, until it's meaning truly hit him. He sat up quickly, pulling his own pants back up. Next to them was the pole and the dead body tied to it. Kashim had already forgotten it was there. Further away, near the hotel door stood Maxim, staring at them calmly. Otherwise the yard was empty.

“I'm good”, the man said.

Gauron turned his head towards Maxim the first time. “You sure? He's up for another round any time.”

“Thanks, I'm good. Need to get back to the others”, Maxim said and turned to leave. 

Gauron stared at Maxim's back until the man disappeared behind the hotel before lighting a cigarette and turning back to Kashim, laughing. “Jesus, Kashim. What was that? You're one sick fucking puppy, you know that?”

Kashim just frowned and finished buckling his belt.

“Go wash up. You're light years ahead of those idiots when it comes to fighting. We'll go eat something instead.”

**

The harvest was as tedious as Kashim had remembered. They went with the soldiers and the farmers to the fields at sunrise and came back at sunset and absolutely nothing happened in between. Kashim usually patrolled the northern and western sides of their area while Gauron had south and east; the directions where the threat would most likely come. The soldiers were scattered around, some of them keeping an eye on the horizon, some of them watching the farmers. They had managed to gather quite a big group of people to do the manual labour. Kashim was sure some of them weren't there voluntarily, but it didn't bother him. The faster they would get the fields harvested, the faster they could move on.

“Is everything on the schedule?”

Kashim kept his eyes on the food in front of him and dipped another piece of bread to it. They were eating in Borin's room after a full day's work. Gauron cleared his throat before answering. “Well, there's no set schedule, really”, he said and rested his elbows on the table, eating quite slowly. “We're clearing the fields one at a time and see how much we can get before the others come.”

Borin was silent for a moment, maybe trying to come up with another way to sound like he had anything to do with what was going on. Gauron waited patiently and kept eating with a slow pace.

“I heard some of the men say, that you're harvesting them the wrong way. Something about cutting them first.”

Kashim glanced at Gauron, but the man remained impassive. Kashim didn't know about any details concerning the harvest, but he had heard many debates about the different ways and the main thing seemed to be that the slower you went, the more opium you would get.

“I am”, Gauron admitted. “Cutting the whole pod off is faster.” The man sighed the way he always did when he had to explain something very simple to someone very stupid. Kashim had heard that sigh many times when he had been a kid, but not anymore. “It will get us less latex per pod, but it adds up in the end. If we start to score every pod, it will take more than thrice the time. This way we can have the pods packed up and ready when the fighting starts. It's much easier to protect few trucks than hundreds of acres of fields.”

Borin was silent again and then nodded approvingly. “I don't know much about the harvesting anyway...” he mumbled.

“It's all going according to the plans”, Gauron assured with a relaxed smile. Kashim knew immediately that Gauron was going to fuck Borin over in some way. He couldn't say that he really cared, but it would be better to know what Gauron was planning.

He waited until they were alone in their room. Kashim sat on the bed, not bothering to wear any clothes. After the whipping they had fucked like it was on some schedule too; once in the morning, once before sleeping, a quick blowjob during a break at noon.

“Are you going to steal the pods?” Kashim asked. It seemed like the most obvious thing to do.

Water splashed in the bathroom as Gauron took a piss. “Not all of it”, the man grunted. “We'll be fine with a ton or so; a truck-full. No one will even notice it's gone and it's easy enough to get across the border to Iran. With that we'll get back on our feet and can take it easy for the winter.” The toilet flushed and Gauron walked to the bed.

“When did you plan to take it?”

“During the fight”, Gauron said and grunted as he sat down to the bed. He rolled his shoulders few times before settling down. “We'll finish off any big targets and while the Ruskies are still busy with the small fry, Weber will get the truck and we're off with the AS'.”

“Does Weber know that?” Kashim asked.

“Yeah. Don't worry your pretty little head with these things. When the time comes, I'll tell you what to do”, Gauron mused and pulled Kashim closer.

**

The first group to appear was a smaller mercenary pack of about twenty men. They would have been happy with just a few fields of their own, but Gauron ordered them to be cut down and shot every survivor personally at the nearby road side. The bodies were left there to rot as an example to any other advancing groups.

The next day came the word about the Mujahideen army and the real preparations began. Borin wanted to send a word to the Soviets at the border, to get reinforcements, but Gauron had a different opinion. He told Borin that with the reinforcements there would come some higher ranking officer, taking all the credit of the harvest and keeping the city. He told Borin it would be the best to let the Soviets know as little as possible about what was going on. Later Borin could just claim it had all been a walk on the beach with his skills, earning him his long awaited promotion.

Of course Gauron was mainly concerned about the opium he wanted for himself, but it seemed that if Borin could succeed in some way on the side, Gauron would allow it.

Kashim didn't bother himself with the plots and schemes. He just walked along the field banks, keeping his eye out for the enemies and going through the battle strategies in his mind.

The enemy decided to attack during the night. They had about 150 men, three tanks and some artillery. Kashim knew after half an hour of fighting that if it hadn't been for the AS', Borin's group would have been dead before the morning. Now, they at least had a decent chance.

Kashim took out one of the tanks, Gauron finished the second. It would have been logical to take out the third one too, but as the sun began to rose, Gauron's voice stopped Kashim from attacking.

“Let it be for now”, Gauron said over the radio.

“We can take it”, Kashim stated confused.

“Let it go. We need it later”, Gauron ordered calmly. “Pretend there's something wrong with your AS and keep taking out the nearby infantry.”

As Kashim switched from his night vision back to normal, he saw the tank's turret turning towards himself. Gauron shouted in his ears and Kashim dropped his AS down on the ground just a moment before the shot flew above him, taking out a building far behind.

Gauron yelled something in a fit of rage. He didn't seem to remember his own orders about leaving the tank alone. Kashim got up and watched as Gauron's AS pummelled the tank, struck it with it's blade and even kicked it. Kashim was about to tell the man that he was all-right, when a small puff of smoke at the corner of his eye drew his attention.

Kashim turned towards a building he knew was occupied by the Soviets. He managed to catch a glimpse of Maxim with a RPG standing on the roof top and then there was a flash on his right hand side. His head snapped back towards Gauron and the tank and saw nothing but smoke.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Kashim shouted, even though Maxim couldn't hear him. Kashim started to run towards the scene, his heart racing faster than the feet of his AS ever could. “He had it under control, you fucking moron!”

The smoke cleared as Kashim rushed to Gauron's AS. It was lying on the ground, next to the immobile and destroyed tank. There was a huge tear along the left side of the AS and its head was in pieces. In the middle of the wreck Kashim could make out Gauron's still body and enough blood to drown in.

As quickly as he could, Kashim opened his hatch and climbed down. He yelled Gauron's name, but there was no answer and nothing moved among the wreckage.

Kashim stopped above Gauron and just stared at him, gasping for air and trying to understand what had happened. Soon his brain kick-started again and Kashim knelt down. Gauron body was hunched forward in his seat, so the first thing Kashim did, was to take a hold of the man's head and tilt his body and head backwards to clear his airway. As soon as he did that, there came a sound of sigh from Gauron's throat. The man was still unconscious, but at least he was still breathing.

“I need a medic!” Kashim shouted out at the top of his lungs. “Gauron's down! Medic!”

He was about to start going through Gauron's wounds to see which ones needed first aid before the medic arrived. But before his hands touched the man, he was jerked forcefully backwards and he landed on his back to the sand.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Weber's furious face demanded from above.

Kashim felt a rush of relief at the sight of someone familiar. “Weber! Gauron's hit!” Kashim exclaimed and got on his feet.

“Of course he fucking is! Maxim got him straight in the head! What the fuck are you waiting for? Come on!”

Weber sounded like he was in a hurry too, but instead of stepping towards Gauron, he took a step away from him. Kashim stared at him and frowned. “Gauron's hit!” he repeated. Weber didn't seem to understood it. Or maybe he didn't believe it. Kashim had difficulties believing it. It was very hard to believe after all. Gauron never got hit. Gauron never got hurt. Gauron never bled like that.

“Jesus Christ, Kashim!” Weber hissed and grabbed him by the collar of his pilot suit and started dragging him away.

For few steps Kashim let his feet follow the man, but when they had gotten ten meters from Gauron, Kashim hit himself free. “What are you doing? Gauron needs a medic! He's bleeding badly!”

Weber gritted his teeth and looked pissed off. “Kashim, for the love of God, we don't have time for this now. We have to go, before the Soviets realise what's going on.”

Kashim stared at the man and frowned again. He opened his mouth, but shut it quickly again. “What _is_ going on?” he had to ask. His brains were still screaming about helping Gauron.

“We're getting you the fuck away from that son of a bitch. For good.” Weber turned his head to look at a Jeep approaching them. “I'll explain everything later.” He reached to take Kashim by his arm, but Kashim pulled himself away and took a step back.

“I'm not going!” Kashim shouted in shock. Didn't Weber have an inch of decency in him? Not a drop of loyalty? “I need to help him! He's my commanding officer!” he finally shouted when nothing else seemed to matter to the man.

The Jeep stopped next to them and Maxim poked his head out the window. “What the fuck are we waiting for? We need to go!”

Weber turned to the Jeep and said something in low tone of voice. Kashim frowned and watched as Maxim wrenched to door open and marched to Kashim.

“Call in a medic. He's still breathing, so I think--” Kashim started, but was hoisted on the man's shoulder before he could end his sentence. Even with the kicks and screams Kashim ended up being thrown to the back of the Jeep, Maxim's huge frame soon coming on top of him and holding him in place. Weber got behind the wheel and hit the gas.

Kashim shouted, screamed even. The men were bastards, didn't know the first thing about loyalty and that Kashim would fucking kill them the first chance he got. Gauron was his commanding officer and he was still breathing. Tears were smudging his vision as Kashim shouted that he couldn't just leave Gauron behind. Maxim pinned his wrists against the Jeep floor and kept staring at him with that blank look of his.


	22. Leaving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a bit too late, but happy Yule. Here's your present for being so patient.
> 
> With that also apologies for both this chapter, which was written way too fast and not read through before publishing, and for being so quiet for so long. I have to admit the news of the world hasn't really made me want to write about Afghanistan. I should just keep in mind this is absolutely nothing but porn and be happy about it. ... But yeah. Sorry.

“Have you calmed down?”

Kashim kept his eyes on the darkening horizon, ignoring the eye contact Maxim tried to make. They hadn't talked anything during the long drive, not after Kashim had calmed down from his initial shock. Maxim had stared at Kashim for ages, but hadn't said anything until now. The whole time, for hours now, Kashim had been cuffed to the seat in front of him.

“We should talk about this”, Maxim continued.

But there was only one thing Kashim had to say. “He was alive.” His throat ached and his voice was raspy from all the yelling.

“Well he isn't anymore”, Weber said in a cold tone and kept on driving.

“You don't know that”, Kashim muttered and glared at the blond man. “How could you know?”

“I just do”, Weber insisted.

Kashim snorted at that. “You know shit. He's alive and he will make you suffer.” Kashim drew in a shaky breath as he remembered few occasions where someone had done something similar to this. “Hell, you don't even know the things he does to traitors...”

“He's dead and you're free”, Weber barked and cast a glare at Kashim through the rear-view mirror. “I'm still waiting for the 'thank you'.”

“Fuck you”, Kashim spat. “I'm in this because of you!”

Weber turned his eyes back to the road.

“Why are you being like this? You hated him”, Maxim said, sounding like a complete idiot. 

But of course they had no idea what they had done. No idea what Gauron had survived and how he treated people who had betrayed him. And Kashim would be questioned and Gauron would ask what he had done and what his part had been and even if he could manage to escape with just a beating, he would still have to watch Weber and Maxim being tortured to death.

“I didn't _hate_ him”, Kashim corrected. “I _don't_ hate him”, he corrected once more. “He's my commanding officer.”

“He was a mercenary, not an officer”, Weber said, clearly trying his best to remain calm. He probably started to understand what kind of shit he had gotten himself into. “He fucked you in every possible way for years. You were nothing but a fucking slave to him!” Weber bursted and again forced himself to calm down. “But it's over now. For good. You'll thank us later.”

Kashim snorted once more, but didn't say anything. He turned his eyes back to the side window. They were still heading south and it had kept Kashim wondering for the last two or three hours. There was no obvious reasons why they should have gone to south. The shortest way out of the country would have been to cross the border to Iran. There was nothing much in south. Except...

“Why are we going to Kandahar?” Kashim decided to ask after a moment of silence.

“Wha?” Weber voice shook a little and he even made a slight steering error on a perfectly straight road.

“You heard me”, Kashim answered calmly and kept his eyes on the man. “What's in Kandahar?”

Weber looked at Maxim through the mirror, but the larger man stayed still and quiet. No one said anything. So there was something in Kandahar Kashim wasn't supposed to know about. Of course there was still plenty of time before they would reach the city, five or six hours at least. Plenty of time to plan how to get away and get back to Herat.

**

They stopped the first time at about noon. Maxim opened the cuffs and let Kashim get out, since there wasn't anywhere he could go without a vehicle or gear. Kashim walked few paces away and took a piss on the road side, while Weber and Maxim did the same. Afterwards none of them returned straight to the car. Kashim watched as the men talked to each other on the other side of the Jeep and rubbed his sore wrists. He couldn't make out what was being talked about, but it wasn't difficult to guess. Every now and then one of them would glance at Kashim and make sure he was still there.

Kashim walked to the car and placed one of his hands to the front seat. It took a moment, before he found a loose staple to pull out and hide in the spot his hands would reach when cuffed.

Weber and Maxim finished their talk and returned to the car. Maxim took out the cuffs again and Kashim frowned.

“Really?” he asked. “You talk shit about Gauron keeping me as a prisoner and then you do this?”

Maxim cocked his head and sighed. “I can't trust you just yet. You're not thinking straight.”

Weber glanced at them. “We'll cut you loose once we've had a proper talk. After that you can go where ever you want.”

Maxim turned his eyes to Weber, but didn't say anything. That probably meant that he didn't agree with the blond or that they weren't going to let Kashim go no matter what. That didn't matter much. Kashim already had his own plans. He got in the jeep and lifted his hands to the same place where he had hidden the staple.

It had been morning when they had left Herat so they reached the edges of Kandahar in the early evening. Kashim's wrists were reddish and aching even when Maxim hadn't tighten the cuffs too much after the first break.

Kashim felt relieved to see the city and he felt more confident and relaxed than in ages. Kandahar wasn't Kabul; Kashim didn't know it's every back alley and roof top by heart, but it was close enough. They had spent enough time in the city, Gauron and him, so that Kashim felt like he was on a friendly territory.

Now he just had to get free from the cuffs.

Kashim pulled the staple out and making sure Maxim didn't see anything straightened it and hid it in his hand. And then he waited.

Weber didn't know the city half as well as Kashim and it didn't take long for him to get stuck on one of the busiest streets. Kashim waited until they were well wedged between a full loaded pickup and two horse carts. After a while Weber started to lose his mind, honk the horn and yell all kind of bullshit to the people in front of him. Maxim leaned in to tell him to calm down. It took maybe two or three seconds for Kashim to pick the cuffs. When Weber hit the horn once again, Kashim was out of the jeep and on the street.

He could hear Maxim and Weber yell after him as he made his way through the crowd. With lighter build Kashim could wade in the mass much easier than either of them and he made it the the mouth of the alley without a trouble. With the crowd behind him Kashim took off running, made a few turns and then climbed on top of a building. He waited a while before crawling to the other side and peeking over the edge at the street.

Maxim and Weber were yelling at each other next to the jeep. Maxim was pointing at the direction Kashim had gone to. For awhile they just stood there, looking rather miserable and then Weber made a gesture with his hand, like he was ready to give up. They got in to the jeep and started to crawl away. Kashim followed them with his eyes as long as he could and got down from the roof. He kept following them until they got away from the traffic jam and keeping up with them would have busted his cover. Kashim still had a pretty good idea of the area they were headed.

The first thing Kashim did was nick some local clothes for himself. Only after that he started to look for the jeep again. It didn't take very long, maybe four or five hours. Kashim kept walking through the streets and occasionally asked if anyone had seen a blond westerner and a jeep. Kashim didn't know what time it was, but it was in the middle of the night when he saw the jeep parked on one side alley, between two three-story buildings.

Kashim knew better than to poke his head inside either of the buildings to see who was inside. Instead he stole some food, got two bottles of water and set himself on the rooftop on the other side of the street, high enough not to be seen. And then he waited.

He did fall asleep for a while, but when he woke up, the jeep was still there. Kashim ate some of the food, drank a little and got comfortable looking at the people going on with their daily business. People got to the market place and the tea houses, talked to each other... Like there wasn't war anywhere near.

The door to the leftern building opened and Weber stepped out. He didn't take the jeep and Kashim followed him with his eyes until he turned a corner and disappeared. After half an hour the man returned with a plastic bag. Breakfast, most likely.

When nothing else happened for hours, Kashim got a little restless. He got up and was about to leave the rooftop when the door opened again. Kashim froze still when he saw the figure come out and go the side alley for a piss.

Vostrikov.

Kashim was down in a second. He was standing in the middle of the street when Vostrikov turned around and saw him. He didn't look like surprised at all.

“Kashim.”

“What are you doing with them?” Kashim asked frowning. “Do you know what they did?”

Vostrikov was as calm as always. It made Kashim nervous.

“Yes.”

“They tried to kill Gauron”, Kashim clarified. Vostrikov should have been more shocked. He had been with Gauron longer than Kashim.

“He's dead, Kashim. You're... _We're_ finally free. Come inside, we'll talk more in there”, Vostrikov said calmly and walked to the door.

“They had me cuffed.”

“And you escaped”, Vostrikov said with a grin. When Kashim didn't grin back, the man sighed. “They were bringing you here, to talk. So I could explain everything.”

“Gauron is alive.”

Vostrikov shook his head. “I'm not talking in public. You can come inside and we'll clear this out or you can leave. The choice is yours.” With that Vostrikov walked back inside, leaving the door open after him.

Kashim stood still for a long time, just staring at the door and trying to make up his mind. He had always trusted Vostrikov. Even when he hadn't been sure he could trust Gauron, he had always been able to trust Vostrikov. But walking in through the black doorway felt like walking into a trap. And Kashim always trusted his instincts. So he turned around and left.

**

Spending time in Kandahar was easy, but Kashim couldn't shake out the thought of Vostrikov. And then there was Gauron. He was probably in some hospital by now and Kashim should have been there. But he couldn't leave without talking to Vostrikov.

The next night he was outside the building again. He stood there for fifteen minutes and it wasn't Vostrikov who walked out first. It was Maxim. Kashim took a step back immediately.

“We can go, if you want. Weber and me. So you can talk to Grigori alone.”

Kashim stayed silent. The plan sounded good, maybe too good. “Tell him to meet me at the tea house where Gauron cut off that one guy's thumb.”

Maxim lifted his brows. “You have so nice memories of the guy, no wonder you want to hold on to him.”

“Tell him to come alone or I won't be there”, Kashim said and backed away from the man.

Vostrikov held on to his side of the deal. He came to the tea house, alone and everything. Kashim waited for awhile, went around the block twice to make sure Maxim or Weber weren't anywhere near and only after that went inside the tea house. There were a dozen men inside, some of them greeted Kashim like they would to anyone walking inside and Kashim politely answered the greeting. Vostrikov had bought himself a tea and Kashim did the same.

“We can't talk here”, Vostrikov said in Pashto. Using Russian would have gathered even more unwanted attention. “It's not safe.”

“Did you know what they did? Were you in on it?” Kashim asked, not caring about Vostrikov's words, but speaking in Pashto too.

“Yes”, Vostrikov answered.

“Did you plan the whole thing?”

“Yes.”

Kashim had kind of known it already, but still he felt surprised. “But you were by his side for so long”, Kashim said quietly.

“I knew him better than anyone”, Vostrikov said, not sounding one bit arrogant or proud. But not apologetic either. “I knew what he had been and what he was going to be.” They were in silence for a moment. “It would have been months maybe a year and he would have killed you. We both know it. You don't know how he talked about you when you weren't there to hear.”

“I know it”, Kashim answered. “A while back he...” Kashim grimaced as he thought about the way Gauron had fucked him in the blood and ordered him to act dead. “I know. But still...” He lifted his eyes to Vostrikov. “He's alive.”

Vostrikov sipped his tea. “How do you know?”

“I went to him. As soon as he was down. He was badly hurt, but he was still breathing. I held his head and heard him breathing.”

Vostrikov shook his head. “That doesn't mean anything. It could have been just air venting from his lungs or he might have died as soon as you left.”

“We should at least make sure”, Kashim insisted. “If he is alive... You know what he will do to us.”

Vostrikov was dead serious as he stared at Kashim. “I'll make sure. Whatever happened, everyone will be talking about it soon enough.”

“I can't wait”, Kashim grunted. “I need to go there and find out myself.”

“Kashim, no.” Vostrikov shook his head. “I have everything ready for you, you can start fresh without him and he will never find you.”

Kashim let out a laughter, a dry one. “He will always find everyone. And if he thinks I had something to do with this...”

“Kashim”, Vostrikov spoke in firmer tone. “I will find out where he is. If he's alive, I will tell you. I will get the info in 24 hours, that's faster than if you go there asking questions. In the mean time I want you to come to the house and prepare for the trip. There are a lot of things we should go through and not much time.”

“What's your plan?” Kashim asked with a frown.

“There's a group I want you to join. They're good people and I trust them. Weber will come with you and if they will have us, me and Maxim too. But they are certainly interested in your skills with AS'.”

“Soviets?”

Vostrikov shook his head. “No. But I can' talk about it here.”

“That's if Gauron's truly dead. What about if he's not?”

“I'd say you need to get out of the country either way. That group can keep you safe. Even from him.”

Kashim was silent for a long time. His tea had gone cold long before he talked. “Feels weird to leave him.”

“I know”, Vostrikov said with a soft laugh. “Feels like I've been by his side for my whole life.”

“Me too”, Kashim said. “I feel like... I can't make decisions for myself, good ones at least.”

“You can. You are far smarter than he ever gave you credit for. You're smarter than he has ever been.”

“He taught me everything I know.”

“It's time to let go, Kashim. Go live your life the way you want to live it.” Vostrikov placed his hand on Kashim's. “If you want to find out about my plans, you come to the house. If you don't want it, at least wait around until I hear from Gauron. And if you want to go your own way after that, you'll do that. I just feel I owe you. That I should at least make sure you'll end up with decent people this time.”

“I'll come for the news tomorrow, after 24 hours”, Kashim said and stood up. Vostrikov didn't make a move to stop him from leaving.

**

It was 24 hours straight from hell. Kashim slept in empty building that had been partially bombed in some air raid. He didn't had the energy to eat anything, but forced himself to drink some water.

Walking around in Kandahar brought back lot of memories, but very few of them were actually happy ones. Mostly they were just about Gauron doing some crazy shit to people, hurting or killing someone.

Kashim stopped to look at one particular tea house. It was empty now, but some years ago it had been full of people.

Kashim had been left there while Gauron had gone to do something he hadn't wanted Kashim to see. Probably to torture and murder someone. Kashim had seen people get killed, so it must have been something extra awful. So he had been left in the tea house with nothing but some locals.

He remembered he had had some basic idea of what the dancing boys were, he had lived on the street too. But he hadn't known about the details and it had always confused him when Gauron had been asked if Kashim danced for him. Kashim had never danced or been asked to dance before that night.

It hadn't take long for the local men to approach him. Some of them knew who Gauron was, but no one really thought Kashim mattered anything to him. They offered him tea and sweets and asked if he would like to dance to them.

Kashim grimaced at the memory, how he hadn't understood any of it. What it had meant, when they had offered to pay for his education, offered to buy him nice clothes. There hadn't been enough time for it to go too far. Some of them had fondled Kashim through his pants, but there had been nothing Gauron hadn't already done. Gauron had walked in just when someone was about to stick his hand inside Kashim's pants.

The discussion had been so quiet and civilized Kashim never realized something had been wrong. Gauron had sipped tea and asked some questions about the man's intentions. They had talked about something Gauron could have sold to them. Everyone had been laughing and relaxed. And then, out of nowhere, Gauron had pulled out his gun and shot the man in his cock.

He had asked if anyone else had touched Kashim. Everyone had been quiet.

That was Gauron, alright. Always making sure no one messed with Kashim. No one except Gauron himself. In his own, sick way Gauron had always got Kashim's back. More or less.

Kashim scoffed and stole himself another bottle of water.

**

After exactly 24 hours Kashim was back at the house Vostrikov was occupying. He walked inside carefully, like the whole building was booby-trapped. Vostrikov, Weber and Maxim were sitting in the living room, relaxed and drinking beer.

“Hi”, Weber said cautiously, like he was talking to a scared animal.

“You can sit or stand, whatever...”

“Is he alive?” Kashim asked, interrupting any bullshit.

It felt like the silence lasted for years.

“No”, Vostrikov said. He waited a while to let the information sink in. “They tried to get him into a hospital, he was alive just like you said. But he died on the way there. He lost too much blood.”

Kashim didn't realise he had sat down. He felt the armchair around him, but it felt like stone. For a moment he was sure the world had lost all colours. Then his brain kick-started.

“I need to go”, Kashim said in cold voice. “I need to see the body.”

“Woah woah...” Vostrikov said and stood up, stepping in front of Kashim.

“You said I could leave, if I wanted”, Kashim growled.

“Just sit for a moment, eat something, hear what I have to say”, Vostrikov pleaded and pointed his hand towards a chair. “Just for a moment.”

Kashim pulled back from the man, but remained standing. He folded his arms and waited.

“The group I told you about, if you want to join them, you have to leave tomorrow. That's the only option”, Vostrikov said.

Kashim frowned and shrugged. “I don't want to join any groups.”

“Just listen to me”, Vostrikov insisted. “They are good people, they will give you a proper job, not some bullshit like in here.”

“Where are they situated?” Kashim asked.

“Nowhere permanently. They're kind of traveling from place to place, but it's not like in here. You'd be out of Afghanistan for good.”

“I don't know...” Kashim muttered. “It's all so soon.”

“Yeah, I know. But they will never hurt you and you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. They have an AS ready for you, your own room, three meals a day and regular paycheck and holidays. A real job. Your chance to live like a normal soldier. But they're at our meeting point for just one day. Tomorrow. So it has to be decided now.”

“So I can't go and see for myself if Gauron is dead”, Kashim snorted. “That's convenient.”

“I would never lie to you about him!” Vostrikov snapped angrily. “I know, just as well as you do, what a crazy asshole he was and to what lengths he would go to find us. That is why I want you to trust me now. You need to take this chance or you will regret it your whole life.”

Kashim didn't answer. He kept staring at the living room rug.

“Please, Kashim. Leave that asshole to be buried in this shit of a country and leave this all behind you. You deserve at least that.”

“But... the body...” Kashim lifted his head to Vostrikov.

The man let out a sad laughter and placed his hand on Kashim's shoulder. “I will fucking see that the body will be shipped to you. I will make sure you will see it. Okay?”

Kashim thought about it awhile and then nodded. “Okay. But I want to know more about them.”

“Weber, get Kashim something to eat”, Vostrikov ordered and patted Kashim on the shoulder, seating him back down in to the armchair. He himself sat on the sofa across Kashim. “The group is called Mithril...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And sorry for bringing in Mithril. We'll see if they're here to stay or not. If they are, I'll probably just leave Tessa out or at least drop her rank significantly. We'll see...


	23. Spiders

_The group is called Mithril._ Turned out that was about all Vostrikov knew about them. He knew that they didn't work for any country and that their base was on a ship and that they used AS' as a part of their military force. And that they called themselves “The Mithril”. No knowledge about their true purpose, their leaders, allies, enemies or funding. As more and more questions went unanswered, the whole thing started to sound like just some fantasy Vostrikov had cooked up in his mind. Nothing that could even exist. But Vostrikov was sure that this was the right thing to do and the right people to go to. In less than 24 hours they would meet on some Japanese Island, the name of which Kashim had already forgotten.

Kashim spent a sleepless night on the living room floor, stared at the ceiling and listened the snoring of the others. The thought of Gauron being dead still didn't feel believable. If the man had crashed through the door that night, alive and well, barking orders and giving all of them a good beating, Kashim wouldn't have even blinked. He almost expected that to happen. But it didn't. The sun rose and Vostrikov herded them into the jeep. He handed Kashim his passport, the one Alex had made for him. For Sousuke Sagara.

The airplane was much smaller and less fancy than the one in which Kashim and Gauron had flown to Singapore. There were other passengers too, so they couldn't talk freely. Maxim was sitting next to Kashim, blocking his way to the aisle and making him feel claustrophobic. Kashim was well aware that the man had been staring at him for a long time, but he tried his best to ignore it.

“You didn't sleep much last night”, Maxim said suddenly.

Kashim turned his face to the man. “So?” What a weird thing to say to someone. _You didn't sleep much_. That meant the other person hadn't slept either, but instead of thinking about something like Kashim had, the other must have been staring at the sleepless person the whole time. And that's not supposed to be even more weird?

Maxim shrugged his wide shoulders and scratched the stubble on his chin. “Just wondering if there was something you were worried about. Something you might want to talk about.”

Kashim's lips twitched into a slight sneer. “With you?” he scoffed and turned his gaze slowly back to the window. “I don't think so.”

“We could talk about something else than Gauron, too”, Maxim suggested, sounding a bit pissed off. When Kashim didn't say anything, the man continued. “Is this your first time flying?”

“No”, Kashim replied, keeping his eyes on the scenery.

“Really?” the man asked surprised. “Where have you flown before?”

“To Singapore.”

“What did you do there?”

“Help Gauron assassinate some people.”

Kashim stared at the sea of clouds below them and the occasional mountain tops peaking through. He knew Maxim was staring at him again. It was actually quite fun to piss the man off. Maxim clearly hated Gauron and talking about him, and Kashim should have pretended like Gauron hadn't affected him in any way. But that wasn't true. Everything Kashim was, was because of Gauron. Maxim couldn't erase all that just by pretending. Although he seemed to try very hard...

“I thought Gauron was dead then too. But he wasn't”, Kashim decided to say.

“Was he blown up in an AS?”

“No.”

“Did you see his body then like you did this time?”

“No.”

“There you are then.”

They were silent for awhile, Maxim kept looking at Kashim every now and then, sighing deeply and fidgeting in his seat. Kashim was expecting him to speak again soon and the man did just that.

“Aren't you Japanese by birth?”

Kashim shrugged. “So they keep telling me. I wouldn't know.”

“Are you excited to go to Japan?”

“Not really”, Kashim admitted, but didn't say anything else. The decision had already been made and they were in the plane. No use worrying about it now.

“You don't want to know, if someone might know who you are? There might be records about a child gone missing in Afghanistan.”

Kashim frowned slightly before turning again towards the man. “They probably do. So what? I might find out a name I used to have. What does that change?”

“You might find out who your parents are. Or were.”

Kashim snorted and turned his gaze back out. “Doesn't matter.”

They changed planes at some point and got into an even smaller plane. It had only seats for the four of them and the pilot and the flight took less than an hour. The island was so small, you could see it as a whole from the plane window. There seemed to be two small towns and few roads between them.

They landed on a short strip of road and got out. Vostrikov took the lead and placed himself in front of the rest as they walked towards three cars parked further away. There were a group of six armed infantry soldiers standing in a formation and two officers in front of them, one of them a woman. Kashim immediately felt even more suspicious about the group. This was some kind of a test, right?

“Captain Grigori Vostrikov”, the man introduced. “I believe we spoke on the phone”, he said and offered his hand towards the woman.

“Nice to meet you”, the woman said, not introducing herself, but shaking hands with him none the less. “These are the soldiers you mentioned?” Her eyes fixed straight to Kashim and didn't move from there.

“Seargents Weber and Alexandrev”, Vostrikov introduced and then glanced at Kashim. “And Kashim.”

The woman kept staring at Kashim. It was weird seeing a female officer with the exactly same coldness and lack of emotions as all the other officers Kashim had seen. For a moment Kashim wondered if she was a he after all. It was just so weird seeing all those men obeying a woman.

“He's younger than you claimed”, she said finally. Vostrikov was about to say something, but the woman lifted her hand. “We'll talk about this later. We have prepared accommodation for you. We'll be interviewing all of you and make the decisions after that. Please.” She held her arm towards one of the cars and Kashim sat in with the others.

No one spoke during the short drive. Kashim sat in the back seat with Vostrikov, Maxim and Weber were in the other car. They stopped in front of a small, one story house that looked more like a shed. There were others just like it, maybe a dozen or so, lined up along the dirt road.

“Please don't try to make contact with other people on the compound. Food will be served at six am, noon and six pm. You will find water and washing equipment inside your house”, the woman listed and left after making sure none of them had any questions.

“Chilly welcome”, Weber noted, but walked inside the house none the less. Vostrikov and Maxim followed him and soon Kashim too, after making few mental notes about his surroundings.

The insides of the house were barren. Two sets of bunk beds, a table, some chairs and lockers. A small bathroom in the corner. The windows were small and dirty and only gave little light into the dusty house.

“How long do you think this will take?” Weber asked Vostrikov. The man shrugged and laid down on one of the beds.

“Days at least”, Vostrikov sighed. “Maybe weeks. Does it really matter? Finally got away from that hell hole...” he mumbled and fell asleep right away.

**

They came for Vostrikov that evening. The same guards that had escorted them from the airport. They informed the group that Vostrikov wouldn't return to the others until all of them had been interviewed. With this they wanted to exclude any sharing of information and make sure all of them spoke “as truthfully as possible”. Kashim couldn't get his head around the idea that they were so aware of the fact that someone could lie to them. They knew it and had countermeasures against it. Kashim hadn't even thought about lying.

Kashim slept poorly on the bunk bed, switched to sleep under the bed at some point, but couldn't sleep more than ten or fifteen minutes at a time. There was a spider climbing along the foot of the bed. Kashim didn't recognize the species. He stared at it for what felt like hours. The eight slender legs wriggling as the spider went this way and that, making a web underneath the bed.

Kashim got out from under the bed, took the spider into his bandanna and walked out of the hut. The spider was gone as soon as he lowered it down. It was completely dark outside, there wasn't even a slightest blink of light anywhere, but it wasn't silent. There were crickets or cicadas or something like that all around. Every once in a while some bird would flap it's wings behind the huts or dry leaves rustled in front of Kashim under some larger creature. Kashim looked at the direction he knew the other huts were, but he couldn't make them out. With a sigh he sat on the front steps and listened to the weird insects make buzzing sounds in the dark. He waited for a red dot to appear in the dark, giving away the position of some sharpshooter.

Kashim couldn't say how long he had been sitting there, staring at the darkness. His eyes had adjusted to the dark and he could now make out the path and the forest around them. The other huts remained still in the dark, as did the gate which they had driven through. His brains had formed all kinds of beasts lurking in the dark, all kinds of opponents. For a short moment he was absolutely sure Gauron would walk out of the dark forest with a flashing grin and a machete. The door behind him opened and hit his back.

“Oh, shit. Sorry”, Maxim mumbled and slid out of the hut once Kashim moved out of the way. “You ok?”

“Yeah”, Kashim said, even though he wasn't so sure anymore. He felt cold and nauseous. He couldn't feel his palms properly and there was a metallic taste in his mouth.

“Did you get any sleep?”

“There was a spider”, Kashim said. That should explain everything.

“Right”, Maxim said quietly after a moment. He was silent quiet a while. “Did it bite you?”

“No. I just didn't recognize it”, Kashim said.

“Maybe you should come back inside. Try and get some more sleep.”

“Nah,” Kashim grunted and kept staring at the darkness ahead. “There's probably more of them out there. Or other things like that. Best to stay awake for awhile.”

Maxim moved in the dark, switched his weight to his other leg probably. “Ok, that's fine”, he said slowly. He stood there a long while. “Mind if I... join you?”

“None of my business what you decide to do”, Kashim muttered. There was something in his mouth. He spat it out and tasted blood. With a frown he went through his mouth with his tongue and found a tear inside his cheek. It was bleeding heavily. That explained the taste. He didn't remember biting it. “We're not safe here.”

“What makes you say that?” Maxim asked.

Kashim shrugged at first, forming the sentences in his mind so he wouldn't sound crazy. “I think they might work for Gauron.”

“I'm pretty sure they don't”, Maxim said, clearly amused by the thought. “I think Grigori has done his background checks well enough.”

“Vostrikov's a blind fool”, Kashim spat. “He couldn't recognize Gauron's plot if it bit him in the arse.”

“And why would he plot something like this?”

Kashim didn't have the answer. Gauron did crazy, useless things all the time. No one ever questioned him about them. “He likes to fuck with people. With their hopes and plans.”

Maxim fell silent again. He sat down behind Kashim and placed his hand on Kashim's shoulder. “He's not here. You're safe with us.”

“I don't feel safe”, Kashim admitted.

Maxim wrapped his arm around Kashim and even when it felt weird, it felt kind of good too. When the man didn't say anything, Kashim could pretend it was Gauron sitting behind him. He felt his muscles relax a bit. Kashim kept staring at the forest and after a while leaned back. The man behind him smelled different from Gauron.

“You're nothing like him.”

“You say it like it's a bad thing”, Maxim said with a chuckle.

Kashim didn't say anything. After a few more minutes he stood up and went back inside. The bunk bed felt uncomfortable still and the sun was well above the horizon before he drifted to sleep.

When he woke up, it was already bright, hot and dusty. Kashim looked around and noted that the hut was empty. He could hear Maxim's rumbling voice from the outside, even though he couldn't make out the words.

Kashim got up, staggered for a moment and then went to the toilet to take a piss. His head felt muddy and he felt like he had slept for ages. He was about to step outside, when he heard the conversation.

“No. You didn't see him last night. He was fucking out of it. Talking about the forest being full of spiders and Gauron trying to kill us all and shit”, Maxim said angrily. Kashim stopped his hand and listened.

“It's just a shock or something, he has been through a lot”, Weber said, not sounding too sure or carefree either.

“It's the first time I've seen him sleep since he came back. He didn't eat anything before we left or during the flight.”

“He won't die of a fucking hunger, I will promise you that”, Weber snapped. “He'll eat once he wakes up. It's just... he's been through a lot”, Weber repeated. “Give him a goddamn break.”

Kashim backed away from the door and managed to sit down on his bed before the door opened. Weber smiled widely. “See? He's up. You hungry? They brought food earlier, fruits and bread and stuff.”

Kashim followed Weber's gesture towards the table. There were some yellow fruits that looked almost like apples, but weren't. The bread looked even more suspicious, because someone had taken a bite out of one and there was something black and gooey inside. Kashim shook his head a little. “Not really hungry”, he mumbled.

Weber and Maxim both stared at him. Kashim moved his eyes to the floor in front of him. “Eat something later today, okay?” Weber said. “You'll need your strength, if they want to test you.”

“Yeah”, Kashim said quietly and laid back down on his bed.

Weber was picked up at noon. They brought the next batch of food and left with the German. Kashim pretended to be sleeping so Maxim wouldn't bother him with the food again.

No such luck.

He felt the mattress sink as Maxim sat at the foot of the bed. “Kashim.” When there wasn't an answer, the man took a hold of Kashim's ankle. “Kashim.”

He had to open his eyes. “What?” he asked, not pretending to sound tired.

“You have to eat something.”

“What did they bring?” Kashim asked, not even bothering to get up and see.

“Rice and meat in some sauce. It's good. Come on”, Maxim nudged Kashim's leg and stood up to wait.

Kashim sat up slowly and glanced at the table. The food smelled delicious and Kashim felt hungry as hell. He just... He didn't feel like he should [i]trust[/i] the food. He didn't trust this place or these people. He got to the table none the less and sat down.

Maxim ladled some rice and meat on a plate and placed it in front of Kashim. There were tiny, black spots in the sauce. The rice looked different, the grains were shorter it was clumpy and completely white. “What meat is that?” Kashim asked.

Maxim shrugged. “I don't know. Pork maybe?”

“Have you ever eaten human?”

Maxim's eating stopped rigidly, he glanced at his food and then Kashim. “What?” he asked with a full mouth and a frown.

“They say it tastes like pork”, Kashim said quietly.

“Who's _they_?” Maxim asked and continued eating, although he kept poking at the meat every now and then.

Kashim shrugged.

“You think this is human flesh?” Maxim asked with a small grin.

Kashim shrugged again. “Just something I remembered.”

Maxim ate few more mouthfuls before setting his fork down. “They're not going to hurt us. I know it's difficult for you to trust people--”

“People I don't know”, Kashim corrected.

Maxim stared at him. “People”, he said again. “But you can trust us; me, Grigori and Kurtz. If we all agree that this place is good for us and that we can trust these people, you can rely on that. We'll take care of you. Nothing bad is going to happen.”

They waited the whole day and evening for the guards to come for either of them. They didn't. Kashim had sat most of the day on the front step, watching Maxim do some light exercise shirtless. Kashim himself didn't feel like training, he knew he would throw up if he tried. As the sun went down, they went back inside. Maxim tried washing himself, but the toilet sink wasn't really big enough. The smell of sweat was pungent as he pulled his khaki green T-shirt back on.

“They will probably ask you about Gauron. About your relations to him. What are you going to tell them?” Maxim asked as he sat down at the table to eat the leftovers.

“I don't know”, Kashim answered truthfully and laid on his bed.

Maxim kept eating and watching him. “Maybe you should think about it. And why they should hire you. What use you can be to them. Those sort of things.”

Kashim turned his head towards the man. “What are you going to say? What use are you going to be to them?”

“I know about the Soviets, about their plans and tactics”, Maxim said with a shrug.

Kashim sat up and snorted. “Nothing Vostrikov doesn't know already and probably better. You're a traitor. Why would they risk their battles for someone like you?”

Maxim's jaws kept chewing, his face blank. After awhile the man snorted and lowered his eyes to his food. “Killing Gauron is nothing but an act of heroism. They won't see it as a betrayal.”

“Still. You're plain infantry. Weber at least is a sharpshooter, even though that won't get him far either. I can't think of any reasons they would want _you_ ”, Kashim said. Maxim tossed his bread to the table and stared at Kashim. It took awhile for Kashim to understand that he had hurt the man's feelings. Or rather, saying the truth had.

“I had hoped all of you would put in a good word for me. You know, for doing what had to be done to get us all where we are now.”

“Oh”, Kashim said and went Maxim's words over once more in his head. “Really? That's your plan?”

“The plan is, that we all get accepted and recruited”, Maxim grunted. “Just like I wouldn't leave you behind, I hope you would do the same for me.”

“That's not very tactical thinking”, Kashim noted. “You would have at least 50% better chance at being recruited, if they don't accept Vostrikov.”

“That's not how friendship works. You don't sell out your friends.”

Maxim's words were the last ones to be spoken that evening. Kashim laid awake and thought about friendships, selling people, pork meat and recruitment tests. The sleep escaped him once again and once Maxim started snoring lightly, the surrounding world became dark, empty and unknown. Kashim kept staring at the hut door, waiting for someone or something to come in. Some unknown animal or a group of soldiers. His heart pounded and he was covered in cold sweat.

Kashim sat up on the bed, walked around the small room, checked the underside of his bed for spiders and ended up standing next to Maxim's bed. The man was hard to see in the dark, but his sleeping form was there, radiating warmth and safety. Kashim bent over and climbed to the narrow bed. Maxim stirred awake and moved his back against the wall. He didn't say anything as Kashim laid down next to him and pulled Maxim's arm around himself. With the familiar warmth against his back, Kashim fell asleep almost immediately.

**

Maxim was still there in the morning. They were both awake, but didn't say a word. Kashim had his back against Maxim's chest, his arm still around his body. For the first time in ages everything felt quiet and safe. Kashim wished that the night would still continue, that he wouldn't have to get up.

“Don't feel like getting up?” Maxim asked, like he could read Kashim's thoughts.

Kashim went through several answers in his head. He explained to himself that there was no hurry, that he felt good right there, that he was still a bit sleepy. But to Maxim he just said: “No.”

Maxim took a deep breath and tried to roll on to his back on the narrow bed. He stretched one of his arms, the other one being under Kashim's head. “I wonder what's taking them so long.”

Kashim had no idea. They had fetched Weber and Vostrikov a long time ago. “Maybe something went wrong with Weber”, he said.

“Yeah, they probably ended up drinking the whole day”, Maxim scoffed and started to sit up.

Kashim grabbed the man's wrist quickly. “Don't go”, he said and immediately felt a blush creep on his face. He was thankful for not facing the man, so there wasn't the possibility for an eye contact.

“I have to take a piss”, Maxim said calmly. “I'll be back right away.”

Kashim forced himself to let go of the wrist. Maxim climbed out of the bed and walked to the small bathroom. Kashim rolled to his back, facing the underside of the top bunk and listened the sounds. For some reason he kept picturing Maxim standing there, holding his cock and leaning to the wall with his other hand. Kashim imagined Maxim standing like that behind him and he felt his own cock twitch. The toilet flushed and Kashim opened his eyes. He heard Maxim walk back to the bed and rolled to his other side, facing the wall this time. Maxim laid down behind him and soon his hand brushed along Kashim's side.

“This what you want?” Maxim asked.

Kashim had hoped that he wouldn't say or ask anything. Kashim didn't have any answers. It was crazy to be wanting something like this. It was wrong. It was disgusting.

“We don't have to do anything you don't want. We can just... lie down for a little longer.” Maxim let his hand move along Kashim's side until it reached the waistband of his briefs. “But you need to say something”, he chuckled.

“It's fine”, Kashim said with a dull voice.

Maxim chuckled again. “What is? It's fine if I touch you or it's fine to just lie here doing nothing?”

Kashim swallowed hard. “The touching”, he said quietly. He could almost hear Gauron calling him a whore.

“Good”, Maxim said and pressed his warm lips briefly against Kashim's shoulder. “Tell me when you want me to stop and I will.” Maxim's large hand moved from the side to Kashim's stomach and smoothed the skin just above Kashim's navel.

It was a strange combination of nausea, satisfaction, shame and arousal. Kashim thrust his hips upwards to meet Maxim's touch, but still it felt too soon when the man slid his hand into Kashim's briefs and took a hold of his cock. After a few tentative strokes Maxim let out a warm sigh against Kashim's nape. He moved closer against Kashim's back and the man's rock hard cock started to rub against Kashim's ass.

Kashim opened his mouth to tell the man to stop.

“You've been making me wait for this”, Maxim muttered, kissing Kashim's neck and shoulder.

Kashim stared at the wall for a moment and then closed his mouth. He felt like he should say he was sorry and it made him feel annoyed. As Maxim's hand kept moving, Kashim chose to ignore the man's words and close his eyes. The heavy breathing and the pressure against his body was reassuring. This was how things were meant to be. This was how it had been. At the thought of Gauron Kashim felt his stomach tighten and his body starting to gather up tension. As Kashim felt he was about to cum, he opened his eyes and mouth and reached back with his hand. But where there should have been Gauron's shoulder, tensed and hot with sweat near Kashim's head, Kashim's hand found nothing but air. Maxim was a tall guy, but he was so much slimmer than Gauron.

Kashim let out a dissatisfied grunt and felt himself cum in Maxim's hand. The first thing to come to his mind was disappointment.

Maxim chuckled and tried to press his lips on Kashim's neck again, but Kashim was already climbing out of the bed.

“Oh, come on!” Maxim groaned and tried to take a hold of Kashim's hand. “Don't leave me like this!”

Kashim jerked his hand away and didn't bother to look at Maxim. He knew the man was hard and that it was Kashim's obligation to do something about it, but... No. Maxim wasn't Gauron and Kashim didn't have to do shit like that anymore. He took his clothes and once dressed, went for the door. The 6 am food had been laid on the front step and Kashim accidentally kicked the bowls to the ground as he rushed out.


	24. Interview

Maxim was taken at noon. He reassured Kashim that they would see each other soon and that he should remember what they talked about. Kashim wasn't sure what the man had meant, but it was probably about the selling out friends discussion.

Kashim was prepared to wait for a long time, at least a day or two, before they would come for him. Instead a group of two soldiers and a civilian entered the hut not an hour later. Kashim sat up from his bed and then decided it best to stand up. The soldiers had assault rifles ready in their hands. The civilian was a woman and was wearing a white shirt and a black skirt, which ended rudely high, just above her knees. She looked out of place between the soldiers and in the dusty hut. In fact Kashim couldn't think of a place the woman would have fit in.

“Hello Kashim, my name is Catharine Zevas”, the woman introduced and sat down at the table. “I work in Mithril's human resource management. I'm here to conduct your basic interview. Please.” The woman gestured towards a chair with a smile.

Kashim eyed the soldiers again. They were pretending not to see or hear anything. That kind of shit fooled civilians surprisingly often, but Kashim knew better. They were there to minimize the risks. They were there to protect this woman from Kashim. So there probably was a reason she needed protection. There was a reason for him to attack.

“The others were taken away to be questioned”, Kashim decided to say. He didn't sit down, but instead remained standing near the bed. There wasn't anything he could do, if the soldiers decided to open fire, but as long as he didn't do anything, there shouldn't be any reason for that.

“Interviewed”, the woman, Zevas, corrected with a smile. “You are not questioned or suspected of anything. We just wish to know more about you, before deciding about hiring you.” The woman watched Kashim for a moment. “Ok?”

Kashim shrugged. He hadn't expected the woman to explain him anything and he wasn't sure he could trust anything she said. So her words made no difference to him.

“Would you like to take a seat?” she offered again. “This will take awhile.”

The soldiers were still standing and staring at the wall. They looked a bit bored. At least the one standing on the left didn't intend to use his weapon, since his grip was loose and his hands positioned in a way that would make him loose half a second before he could fire the rifle. “I'm fine”, Kashim said and folded his arms. He could stand twice as long as these foreign clowns. He had been better soldier at eleven than these guys would ever be.

“Ok.” Zevas smiled again and turned the first paper over in front of her. “We only know you by the name Kashim. Do you have a last name?”

“No”, Kashim answered straight away. He was pretty sure no one would have asked about Gauron's last name. ...or first name.

“Is Kashim your birth name?”

“I don't know.” He shrugged. “It's the only name I've ever had.” What difference did a name make?

“I understood you have lived most of your life in Afghanistan. Is that right?”

“Yes.” Kashim said with a frown. He had no idea what these questions were for and what they got out of them.

“And how old are you at the moment?” The woman kept her eyes on the papers and jotted down Kashim's answers.

“I don't know for sure. Something between sixteen and twenty, that's what others have estimated.” This kept the woman quiet for a while longer, as she wrote a whole sentence to the paper. Kashim didn't see exactly what she wrote, but it ended with a question mark.

“Tell me about your life in Afghanistan.”

Kashim shrugged again. He didn't know what things they thought were important. And there was quite a bit to tell about a whole country. “What do you want to know?”

“For example, what did you do there?”

Kashim frowned again. “You know what I did there”, he said, letting the frustration to be heard in his voice. There was no way these people wouldn't know these things. At least Vostrikov would have told them everything he thought would get their group here. They knew his name and age range, they knew he was AS pilot and that he was a soldier. They probably knew a lot more than he even realised. If they were as good as Vostrikov claimed them to be.

Zevas smiled again. Kashim started to dislike that smile. There was nothing happy or genuine in it. It was a mask, trying to hide the woman's feelings and thoughts. It was supposed to make Kashim feel better, safe, when it only made him more anxious. “Ok”, Zevas said and kept smiling. “You were part of a mercenary group.”

Kashim cocked his brows. “Are you asking me or telling me?”

Zevas was silent for a moment, eyed the papers in front of her and then started turning them over one by one. She stopped at the fourth or fifth, before lifting her eyes back to Kashim. “How many people have you killed?”

Another shrug from Kashim. “Haven't counted.”

“An estimated guess? A few, a few dozens, a few hundred?”

“Something around fifty, I'd guess”, Kashim said with a shrug. “Depends on what counts.”

It was Zevas' turn to frown. “What do you mean?”

“Well, do you only count the ones you are sure about, do you count people who got hurt and died afterwards, do you count the bombings, the mines, the air strikes... Do you count the lives you could have saved if you had chosen to... It all depends”, Kashim said with a shrug. “If you counted all of them, it would probably be hundreds.”

Zevas wrote something down. “Do you ever think about those people afterwards?”

“Some of them”, Kashim said. The memory of Alex came back to him. Then the local kid he had shot in the head. Then Gauron. The lives you could have saved, if you had chosen to.

“Does it make you sad?”

Sad? The question caught Kashim off-guard. Should it? Kashim started to wonder if there were right and wrong answers to these questions. That he could be left out, if he was too honest. “It's war”, Kashim decided to reply. “Killing people who want to kill me doesn't make me sad.”

Zevas interrupted the writing and leaned forward. “What does?”

Kashim was silent. What made him sad? He was angry a lot, and frustrated, he often felt hopeless and could recollect being confused a thousand times. But sad? He shrugged. Zevas let out an interested hum and went back to writing.

“What makes you happy then?”

Kashim's frown deepened. Was this why he had flown here from around the world? Why he had left Gauron and his whole life behind? To be asked what made him feel _happy_. He knew there were some real questions there somewhere. The ones that actually mattered. “Are you avoiding questions about Gauron on purpose?”

Zevas looked surprised, but then the annoying smile returned. “We'll get to him soon enough. What was the last thing that has made you happy?”

Kashim tried to recollect a moment he had felt happy. Fucking with Maxim in the morning? No, that wasn't happy. Horny maybe, like the guys would say, for a moment and then disappointed, but not happy. When had been the last time?

After Gauron's death he hadn't been happy even for a second. Before that there had been the opium accident and the flogging, neither really happy times. Before that there had been that civilian kid, Alex's death, Kaminski, Singapore... No, Kashim couldn't remember when he had laughed or even smiled the last time. He did like seeing other people smile, Weber was smiling or laughing all the time. Would they recruit Weber instead of him because of that? The look on Zevas' face made Kashim annoyed. Like the woman was pitying him. “These are stupid questions. I thought you wanted to know how well I can fight, what's my experience with AS', how high can I score on shooting range, that sort of stuff.”

“I'm not an expert on those things. Different people are going to ask you about those”, Zevas answered and started shuffling the papers once more. “I'm here to get to know you as a person. To find out what kind of a boy you are, when you're not in a war.”

“I'm not a boy”, Kashim snorted. “I'm a man. And I've never been anywhere where there's no war. So your questions are stupid”, he concluded.

Zevas looked lost for a moment as she stared at her papers. The she looked up and the smile was gone. “Would you like to talk about Gauron then?”

“I'm sure at some point I have to”, Kashim said, because he really didn't want to talk about him, but at the same time he knew there was no way around it. Gauron mattered and these people knew it.

Zevas nodded to the soldiers who left the hut without a word. They didn't go far, Kashim could hear their boots hit the ground at the bottom of the front steps and there they stayed. One of them lit a cigarette, the other one shuffled his feet against the gravel. They probably wouldn't hear him, if he talked quietly, but they would hear if something got knocked over or if Zevas would shout. For a second Kashim entertained himself by thinking of four different ways to kill the woman without alerting the soldiers. It made him feel more comfortable.

“I think it would be best, if you talked about him freely. Without my questions.”

Kashim rolled his eyes. “I've been by his side for a decade. Do you want to hear all of it?”

Zevas shrugged her delicate shoulder. Kashim could see the collar bones move under her skin. They would snap in two even with a slight punch. “Just tell me something. The first thing that comes to your mind, when you think about him.”

“He's alive”, Kashim said then. Because that was the first thing in his mind. “You should know at least that.”

“Your friends told us you might think that way. They are convinced that you are wrong.”

“I don't give a shit about their opinions”, Kashim answered truthfully. “He's alive until I see his dead body in front of me.”

“Do you wish he was dead?”

“My wishes have nothing to do with anything.” Kashim sighed impatiently and shrugged then. “A lot of things would be easier, a lot would get more complicated, I guess.”

“How would you describe your feelings toward him?”

Kashim went through a list of words that came to his mind and chose one. “I fear him.” It sounded pathetic out loud. “Like any sane person would. He's not very predictable.”

“So I have learned”, Zevas said. “Was there any time when you thought you liked him?”

Kashim sighed again and turned his eyes away from the woman. “There were things about him that I liked. When he wants, he can be an excellent leader and tactician. People fear him, but they also listen and respect him. I liked it, when he was reasonable. When I could understand him. It wasn't very often”, he added.

“What do you think he thought about you?”

“He told me he loved me. Over and over. But I wouldn't know what that's supposed to mean, so I don't know.” Kashim shifted his feet and jerked his shoulders. “I don't think he thinks about those things the same way others do.”

“That is likely”, Zevas agreed. “Were there any others, that he treated the same way he treated you?”

Kashim lifted his eyes to the woman. “Do you mean the fucking?”

For a moment the woman seemed to be taken aback by Kashim's choice of words. “I just heard he treated you differently”, Zevas said, pretending she didn't know everything already.

“No, there was no one else”, Kashim replied.

“Just you.”

Kashim pressed his lips together. “Just me.”

“If you think he's alive, are you worried about him finding you?”

Kashim had to let out a dry laugh. “Of course I am. He's going to kill many people I like and beat the shit out of me, if I'm lucky. That's what he always does.”

“Still you came here with your friends. What made you do that?”

Kashim didn't have a straight answer to that either. He had been confused. There had been a hurry. Once in a lifetime opportunity to escape. And Vostrikov had insisted that Gauron was dead and that Kashim could see the body later.

Kashim thought about going back to Gauron only to find out the man really was dead and something nasty twisted in his gut. He didn't want that. He didn't want to find out.

“Did you want to get away from him?”

“I've gotten away, several times”, Kashim said coldly. He wasn't some helpless child who was now rescued by his friends. He was a soldier. “But he always finds me. I don't have any reasons to think this time would be any different.”

“Mithril is a very powerful organisation”, the woman said, like she was still talking to a child.

“He will wipe his arse with Mithril”, Kashim said calmly.

“You sound like you would like that?”

“I don't know you”, Kashim stated. “Pretending like I cared about you would be a lie.”

The woman moved her shoulder slightly, but Kashim couldn't tell if it was meant as a shrug or tilt of the head. If she agreed or not. If Kashim had answered right or wrong. Clearly there were right and wrong answers here. And if everyone else had gotten the right answers, Kashim would be left out alone.

“Are you going to recruit the others?” Kashim asked.

“Nothing has been decided yet”, Zevas said, eyes on the papers again.

“When will I get to see them?”

“Soon enough”, the woman said vaguely. “You said you have killed people. Was it always on Gauron's orders?”

“No.”

“Have you killed civilians without a straight order from anyone?”

It would be a wrong answer, but Kashim was sure they had the answers already. This was only a test to see, if he would lie about it. “Yes.”

“Why?”

Kashim was silent for a moment. “Sometimes it benefits the situation.”

“Give me an example.”

Kashim inhaled and tried to recall one such time. “We needed to infiltrate a house and find someone. There were civilians in there that we took care of. There wasn't an actual order to kill them, but there wasn't really any other way to get in quietly. Leaving them alive could have put us in danger.”

“How did you feel afterwards?”

Kashim shrugged and the woman wrote another line. “I know I should feel bad, but I don't”, Kashim said, when she didn't reply in any way.

The woman lifted her head and smiled again. “It's not something you can control. I appreciate your honesty.” She fell silent for a moment longer and kept tapping the papers with the tip of her pen. When she again lifted her face, there was the same annoying smile. “We'll continue with some other questions now”, She said and turned over another thick stack of paper. “Just answer honestly in the way that first comes to your mind. There are no right or wrong answers here.” The woman waited a moment for Kashim to say something. He just shrugged. “Okay. These first questions can be answered either by saying 'often', 'sometimes', 'rarely' or 'almost never'. Ok? Just use one of those options. How often do you have trouble getting sleep?”

**

Grigori poured himself another glass of water. Kashim's interview took a long time and there was nothing much to see. The camera placed in the hut didn't convey any sounds to them, so he and Weber just watched the interviewer and Kashim talk. From the boy's body language it was easy to tell that he was uncomfortable. He had his arms folded, his back pressed against the bed post and his feet were shuffling constantly to keep him on edge. But at least he hadn't lashed out or attacked the woman. He probably hadn't even raised his voice much. It was going well as far as Grigori could tell.

“What do you think they did with Maxim?” Weber asked, leaning so back in his chair, he was about to fall back with it.

“I really don't give a fuck”, Grigori answered honestly. What they had witnessed from the screen this morning had made him sick. Even when Kashim hadn't expressed fear or disgust, Alexandrev should have known the limits. He should've known Kashim wasn't ready for any of that shit. That he didn't deserve to be put in that sort of situation. Apparently the Mithril had agreed with him, since the man had just disappeared after being taken from the hut. Grigori and Weber had been interviewed separately for few hours and then brought here. It was impossible to say where Alexandrev had ended up or if he was to be reunited with them later.

“I mean, if he's not underage, they don't have much to say about that. Do they?” Weber continued.

Grigori only glanced at the other man, not saying anything. Kashim's interview seemed to end as the woman piled up her papers and got up. Kashim was left standing in the hut alone.

“Yeah, Maxim's an asshole for going for it, but who the fuck am I to judge if Kashim's into it. Or him. Or that.. kind of things”, Weber still continued.

On the screen Kashim kept pacing back and forth. He didn't touch the food on the table or go for a nap. Grigori felt like he was watching a caged animal, waiting for it's moment.

After an hour the door of the conference room opened and a soldier stepped to the doorway. “The captain wants to talk about the results”, he said and Grigori got up. He followed the soldier through the narrow corridors and to the captain's office. He knocked and entered after getting an affirmative answer.

“Take a seat”, captain Carl Testarossa, the officer overseeing their interviews and the recruitment process, said with a general wave of his hand. He was reading Kashim's interview papers with a displeased look on his face. “He's difficult to read.”

Grigori let out a dry chuckle. He could've told them that much. He could've told them anything they needed to know about Kashim and probably more truthfully than the boy himself could tell. But of course they needed to do their own assessments and evaluations. All the psychological bullshit that someone paid them for.

“Yes”, Grigori replied. “He doesn't trust people easily. I can't blame him. This is a weird situation for anyone.”

Captain gave out a soft sigh and kept reading. Grigori wanted to ask what the questions had been about and how the boy had answered, but he remained quiet. Unnecessary questions would have just revealed that he was nervous about the situation and that there might be a reason they didn't want to recruit Kashim.

“If you would just let him show you what he can do with an AS”, Grigori said as the other man kept silent. “I'm not saying he's the most stable person I've ever met or that you should send him on operations alone straight away. I'm just saying, he's one hell of a fighter when given the right orders and instruments. And he's still young. He will learn absolutely anything.”

Testarossa glanced at Grigori from behind his desk and over his glasses. “I'm not questioning whether he can kill or not. Believe me, I've seen child soldiers during my career. I know what they are capable of.” The man dropped his eyes back to the papers. “I'm questioning, if there is enough mental health in that boy to work with. What I've seen thus far has not convinced me.”

“Gauron has fucked him up, we all know that. But given the right education, the right environment, I really believe he can be turned around”, Grigori insisted. 

Testarossa frowned at something in the papers. He turned the paper over and kept reading. “That might be a job for a hospital or some sort of... closed institute, not an armed force. We make soldiers. We recruit soldiers. And we deploy soldiers.” The man glanced at Grigori again. “But we do not repair soldiers. At least not ones that weren't broken by us.”

Grigori pushed himself upright in his chair. “No”, he said immediately. “I'm not letting him get buried in some fucking nuthouse. He's better than that. He can be controlled, I've seen it. In the right hands he's one of the best I've seen. That's why Gauron kept him.”

The captain stopped his reading for a moment to look up at Grigori.

“One of the main reasons”, Grigori added. “Jesus! Just put him in an AS and see!”

Testarossa flipped another page. “If I would recruit you and not him, are you going to decline?”

Grigori scoffed at the question. Yes, he was a selfish asshole, when it came to his own future, but you didn't really have to rub his face into it. “No. I just owe him enough to make sure you understand what you're about to toss away. You need to give him a fair chance to prove himself.” Grigori sighed. “Give him an AS and you'll see what we are talking about here.”

“He has scored extremely high for depression, PTSD and anxiety disorders. He's introverted – which is not a problem in itself – but it will make his treatment difficult. The ongoing physical, mental and sexual abuse has messed up the way he perceives other people and I'm finding it very hard to believe I could ever trust him to be located behind me with a working weapon.” Testarossa closed the folder in front of him. “And the situations I'm not feeling comfortable enough to be in, I don't ask my men to be either. Given the right treatment, this boy might grow up to be a decent soldier. But the fact is that we are not running a charity mental institution here and we do not have the time or the interest to conduct that sort of treatment.” The man crossed his fingers on the table. “We are interested in hiring yourself and Mr. Weber. But Kashim would be more trouble than he's worth and Mr. Alexandrev has shown some... characteristics that make him basically unrecruitable for us.”

“Fuck Alexandrev”, Grigori spat immediately. He had never much liked the guy nor did he have any debts to pay the man. “But give Kashim a chance”, he pleaded. “Let him prove himself. This is the only chance he has to get away from all that shit.”

Testarossa lowered his eyes to the folder and tapped it with his fingers. He was silent for a long time, before looking at Grigori again. “One chance. If he fucks it up,he's done.”

“Thank you”, Grigori said relieved. “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit boring, yeah. I try to move it towards something more interesting in the next bit.


End file.
